I look that bad?! Huh?

It isn't even 10 am and it is shaping up to a bit of a bizarre day.

Although I did have a good laugh at the Dilbert Weasel List :] Talk about a unique way to measure popularity, or not.

So, with my "tired" comments of late, apparently some people really take it to heart. I think this falls under the same category as when you are going to get your hair cut, it seems like this is the day that everyone tells you that you hair looks fabulous. Where were these people yesterday??? Well, I just found out that a coworker was concerned about me because I look quite run down and tired, and they hope that I am not pushing myself too hard. This feels like the opposite of the hair dilemma - I felt pretty damn good last week when we were at the conference! I had some funky new skirts to wear, my hair went well, I wasn't rushed, I had a great view from my hotel room, I missed sleeping next to my man, but I really didn't think that I looked like a Mac Truck had hit me??!!!

Whatever. This is the same person that doubted I could pull of a fabulous wedding and be pregnant all at the same time (not to mention the program I finished or other responsibilities). I think we are our own worst enemies, especially when it comes down to self-fulfilling prophecies. I see having kids as another step in life, something that will enrich and challenge I am sure, but will be nothing but rewarding when the chips are down. I don't see it as the end of our lives as we know it, but a departure in to new adventures and seeing life through different eyes again. I don't see roadblocks, I just see curves. For me, this is all about perspective. My cup remains more than half full.

Milestones

Today marks our successful first month of marriage. I can't say that anything is drastically different, except that we have some great memories and some amazing gifts and pictures.

Today also marks the beginning of the third trimester and being 28 weeks pregnant. I am definitely starting to feel more preggers, and am starting to show. I feel pretty good overall, but I do get tired a lot quicker than I used to which is something to get used too. I think my biggest battle is with body image, getting used to a different me, and a me in which people are looking and touching on occaison your belly for a whole new set of reasons. I feel like spring - blooming in to something different and new too.

I'm reading more, mindless thrillers and suspenseful crime novels. A few more academic ones thrown in for good measure. I keep being told to do as much reading as I can now, since apparently it won't be happening much in the next year. Everyone has some kind of advice to give, some makes sense, some floats through one ear and straight out the next. Still just going through stuff, now it is my desk at work and clearing out all the old papers that have accumulated over time. Amazing that when you get some stuff it is so important to hold on to and then you look at it three years later and the biggest decision is between recycling it or shredding it.

A very quick rant

Dealing with people can be the highlight of your day or a reason why you have cats and dogs, or a reason to drink, but that was a few months ago - not now during my "dry period" (although there is something to be said about the extra dry apple soft cider out there).

I despise it when you clearly articulate a piece of information to someone, and then they repeat a question to you, or ask another question which clearly indicates they didn't listen to you in the first place. Then you parrot the information back, to which the person responds by asking the same question in a slightly different way. Could be because the person doesn't like the answer you gave them

Why spend the effort in asking if you aren't willing to listen? Or even glossing over responses on paper/email and then asking a question that was already covered? Bizarre stuff. So, can you tell I was just presented with a very grating example of this that prompted this quiet response... makes me want to hand the person a stupid sign or something.

Back from the Island..

A short but sweet trip, and always nice to come back home again to the comforts that you always miss when you are away.

Wednesday night my mom and I had a fabulous dinner at the local irish pub - I had the halibut n'chips and it was like candy. Granted, I can't eat like I used to so I was stuffed to the gills and very happy to get back to our hotel and put on my pj's for the night. Our room was amazing - it was right on the point in Victoria where if you looked to the right you had a view of the Inner Harbour and the Parliament Buildings and if you looked left you could see the outer harbour and all the comings and goings. The one thing I forgot about this hotel is how noisy it can be - there are float planes arriving/departing every 5 minutes!!!

Conference was a typical conference, some good presenters and some really dull presenters. I think I made figeting a fine art, and pretty much excused myself on the hour for the loo. Thursday night we had dinner with Sarah and Wy and it was phenomenal. We did take out from the Noodle Box in Chinatown and although I was a little dubious to start, who can resist takeout in the little boxes with chopsticks? My green curry was amazing, and we all chilled, swapped baby stories, and just enjoyed each other's company. Time always goes too fast, but hey, that means you really look forward to next time, right? I can't believe how much Wy has grown, he is 5 months, a strapping young lad and laughing and gurgling and really strong. A real eye opener of what I might be able to expect about Christmastime...

We had a half day friday, and then it was off to trade in some books so I could come home with some new ones to read. I figured that I was really going to town by bringing in two bulging bags worth, but was disuaded of this fact when I was told the guy before me brought in 6 boxes!! The best place I have found to take back books, get your store credit, and then go and explore their huge selection of used and new books. I highly recommend these folks to all book lovers!!!

Another meal at the Irish Pub (where I was once again DRY. Ah, the temptation of strongbows and guinness, but I resisted. Where is this strength coming from? Ah yes, it is an easy no-brainer as far as I am concerned!) and a drive through Beacon Hill park. The flowers are all starting to bloom and then parking along Dallas Road to watched the 'surfers and dog walkers, and the Olympic Mountains across the way, and the sparkling blue waters clutching my single coffee for the day.

Then home!! Then time for the Crush game... It was Regan's last game :< style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Original Crush Forming Members (even I came along in the third year of Crush Existence) left. It was a quiet night, and the team finished the game off with more a sputter rather than a roar. It will be strange not having Kev and Regan around - times like this you realize how much you value friendships in your life, and your routines, and when you connect with certain people. Once again, I thank the gods for the net!!! They depart to the far east, and it is a helluva opportunity for them both, but they will be missed!!!

Phew. I think I am almost caught up with everything?!! I am sure I will think of a few other things as the day wears on...

Holy Bunnies Batman!!!!

Herman, the biggest bunny of all.

I wish this bunny laid those cadbury eggs in my backyard!!!!

The sound of music

I am finally getting a chance to finish a project that has been haunting me for the last week at work. My door is closed, and launchcast is cranked. I forget just how motivating having some kick ass music in the background can be! Just listened to Song 2 and now there is a little Muddy Waters groovin in the background. I love that you can rate music and end up with a station that caters to your music tastes!

Well, it happened. I was so bagged at the end of the day yesterday I parked my ass on the couch and had a nap. I woke up two hours later, thinking it might be time to make some dinner, and laughing at my cat, who looked quite perturbed that I decided that now would be a good time to wake up, seeing as they were quite comfy on my left hip. Then I was asleep at a decent time. What is the world coming to??

So much for the days of staying up until 2 or 3 am and sleeping until 10!! My whole circadian rhythm had to change once I got a real job and starting to work monday to friday.. really, that was tough. Going to school and working shift work, I don't think I ever got up at normal times, or went to bed at anything close to a decent time... that is where I feel my age - being responsible and awake for work every day... LOL I am still a night person when the opportunity presents itself...

Damn Funny

Check out this truck that we passed on the way to Ocean Shores on our honeymoon....

Processes

I thinking that organizing and reorganizing will be a recurrent theme this year.

Each time I attack our seemingly endless supply of "things" it gets easier to let go of some stuff. I can't believe some of the clothes and books and nicknacks that I have held on to. And then the items that I relegate to our back shed, to sit there, half forgotten about until I move more stuff to the shed only to realize that it is getting full of all the stuff I said that we maybe didn't need anymore about three months ago, last time I seemed to get this urge to purge.

I don't know if it is really about letting go or just being more afraid of clutter and feeling like my own walls are closing in because I can't bear to part with things (which obviously I am getting over with leaps and bounds). I have 2 bags of clothes going out, and a few bags of books that I am going to trade in at unsuspecting bookstore on the island that will take trades for equal dollar value in more books (just what I need eh?).

It helps when you don't have a lot of space - you tend to start getting rid of the things you don't need anymore, or things you have put in the back of the closet because you have moved on. In a larger space, it is ok to accumulate because you don't have to deal with it. I like not having so many inconsequential things around - makes it easier to clean :]

I am glad that we have today as a stat holiday - I am bagged. My energy has gone down the tubes today. I am glad that I didn't have a huge list of to do things, otherwise I think it may have gone out with the trash. I know that tomorrow looms as one of our busiest days at work (fee payment deadline) and then I get to go to Victoria for a few days, for our yearly AGM. I love getting over to the island - being on island time, doing the meandering coastal drive... walking through Beacon Hill Park which is one of my favourite parks in the whole wide world. I love how rugged it is, especially when the spring flowers crop up in the most unsuspecting spots. I love walking with through the trees, towards the ocean, stealing a few moments, enjoying the squirrels and birds, and taking it all in. Stanley Park in Vancouver is nice, but there is something else about Beacon Hill Park that I find endlessly appealing. Probably equally as popular, but I think the wildness of Beacon appeals to me just a little more. I like visiting the girlfriends I have there, friends I have been fortunate enough to meet through work and have developed friendships that have nothing to do with what we do rather the recognition of kindred spirits. I will miss my sweetie, but will only be gone between Wednesday - Friday which is a short/long period of time when I am going between meetings and he works all day... then again, the best part of going away is coming back. Doesn't matter for how long, there is nothing like coming home.

Wow, talk about waxing poetic and starting on one thing and ending on a completely different topic.

Hoppy Easter!

Amazing what a little bit of a lie in bed, the sunday paper, and then having a fabulous breakfast made for you can do to/for your overall constitution!!

That and finding something from the Easter Bunny!! (will forever be a kid)

Took a long while to work out that funk on thursday - it didn't get better until dinner time, and it was a 2 hour (should have been no more than 45 mins) journey home on the local transit system, and then a slight mix up in where I was going to be picked up and then a few other delays until I was so grateful just to be home it was all I could do not to cry. But, that is already 4 days in the past!

Hockey, hockey, hockey. Ken's playoffs started on Thursday and his team kicked some ass. Then it was time to be a superfan for a Co-Ed tourney that the Crush were playing in. I miss playing like crazy, but it is still great to be a part of it all. Our Friday Night Hockey games are a part of the fabric of our lives :] Team played well but against teams that were stacked to play in the tournament, and we experienced some bad refereeing. One team was stacked with all under 20 year olds who play rep and/or junior hockey and/or upper level ringette. Yup, you guys look like superstars playing against people twice your age that just want to have fun. Fun we did have, nothing like making daquiri's in the dressing room. The Righteous Regan brought their blender and made me an awesome Powerade Slurpee! Now that is tourney hockey!!!

Our record wasn't nearly as good as the company, and then we went to friends in Deep Cove to eat, drink, and be merry. Their view is amazing and there are times that living here on the West Coast that the natural beauty takes my breath away. Drive home was interesting - went through one of the worst hailstorms we have ever been through - highway was white immediately, and the cacophony of sound was deafening. I stuck my hand out the window and those little hailstones hurt. Five minutes later, it was all in the past, and we were back in 2 wheel drive and making the turn to home?!

Halfway through the day

I think I have had to deal with all of my high maintenance students that refuse to deal with anyone else in my office this week. Normally they seem to have an unwritten code and they don't all come in at the same time, but this week they have conspired against me. Then again, I was off for a few weeks and I guess the word is getting out that I am back. At times I almost take perverse pleasure in not making a comment about being preggers, and only having 2 more months of work... (evil laugh inserted here)

Seriously though - I think that with our advising schedule posted... people wait to see me. So on my advising days I get slammed. I see more people in one of my 3.5 hour slots than the rest normally see in a week!!!!

I have my fingers crossed that this afternoon everyone else is writing exams and I can fly low under the radar and get some stuff done and not have so many people trickling through my door.

I would also like to know why sandwiches always taste better when someone else makes them. It seems to be the way with my lattes too - when Ken makes it for me, it just tastes better.

Milestone

I believe this is post 200.. either that or 201. If I am a little off - whatever. We did our 10 year high school reunion as an 11 year reunion so apparently there is proof out there that I am a little off.

I think short weeks are really longer than the normal length weeks. For a three day work week, this has been a shit week. I am counting the time when I get the chance to leave for the week, I have been smoking busy all week, like a dog chasing it's tail and never quite catching up (although from a general consensus of friends, we have all been abnormally busy this week), and it seems like all my high maintenance students have been coming out of the woodwork and making their appearance this week.

To add to it all, the student that just left the office wore some kind of truly awful perfume. It stinks in here. There is a cloud of cloying, artificial perfume smell that is hanging in the air worse than dog farts (at least that is a natural smell). Time to open the window - heating is all wonked, it feels like I should be somewhere farther south it is so warm in here that I can feel my face flushing - not that I need any help with that at this stage of the game either...

And I have students that need to come back to see me because I have been so busy all week I haven't been able to get to some of the stuff that I should be able to do. Yup, I do need some good cheese to go with my wine today. I am surrounded by little stacks of papers, all the to do stuff that I have had too many interruptions to even wrap my mind around about.. (short staffed). Which of course, does it help that I am doing this right now instead of that?

Zoomers

This has been a strange week so far. Got run off my feet at work yesterday, and today is all about cleaning up the work I created yesterday, and eventually moving on to the other stuff I should be directing my attention towards. I am not sure if it is a good thing to have started my countdown of remaining days at work. It almost makes it harder to come in to work. I only have about 45 days left. And I already feel like this!!!!! How the hell am I going to feel when I have to come back???? They kind of got you too, when they pay benefits, and top up your wage for when you are on mat leave.. hard to set the money aside and maybe jump ship part way through when you need all the dollars to go to expenses.. *SIGH*

I feel scattered though. Little jobs that need to be done, things that I feel like I am forgetting to do, and then the final payments for the wedding, and then getting on to the thank you cards.

I think I have hit that point of no return too. When your pants (shirts are still ok) just don't fit like they used too, are getting snug around the waist, and you know it is really time to start looking at those maternity pants differently. I don't want to be stuck in pants the whole time, so I have picked up some great long skirts (which are in this year, who knew?) which will help through the warmer months. It is just a bit of a mind screw when you have always been conscious of your weight/size and now I am at a stage in my life where it doesn't matter any more, and I am getting bigger!! Big and beautiful I say!! But it is still mental gymnastics to reprogram the old brain when the pants don't fit and to say to yourself, it is now, it is for an amazing reason, you are healthy, you will have a beautiful baby, and it isn't forever....

:]

Babies will come when they want too...

I have a flex day from work today, and it feels strange it being on a monday. I feel like I am getting away with something...

Had my usual maternity appt this morning - everything is progressing well. It is just so amazing to hear the heartbeat, and see how things are coming along. Due date got moved up until the middle of July (18th), and my overall weight gain has been very modest. I am glad the weight hasn't been coming on fast and furious, I was half afraid of that because I was not a little woman to begin with, so this bodes well for the after birth body experiences! In the next few weeks, between more dental appts, I will do the gestational diabetes test, and then next mat appt I get to have the rogam shot for the RH factor. Amazing all these things that you learn as you go through your pregnancy.

Yesterday was a totally lazy Sunday and it was wonderful. I had no get up and go (it went) and I guess glad that neither did Ken. We just did our thing, watched bad Sunday afternoon TV, and I finished up a Ken Follet book (only average.. not the fun and speedy read that D. Brown's Deception Point was) and vamoosh! There goes Sunday.

Ken and my dad moved 1000 pounds of logs from our backyard on Saturday (great dry land training for hockey playoffs) and then brought back 2000 pounds of landscaping bricks. Folks we got the house from decided to frame the backyard patio with these logs, which are ideal breeding grounds for flying ants and woodbugs. Especially when said logs are slowly rotting and disintegrating all the way around your yard. So nice to have them gone!!! The new bricks look amazing - I can't wait until this job is done!! (also amazing how time consuming said projects can be). Unreal that once the house is yours that you can have opinions about these kind of matters - like fridges, and landscaping, and flooring, and wall colours...

Although it seems we are accumulating projects right now that should be done before the baby is born. That lists seems to hit a balance point, some stuff is getting done, while more stuff is being added. Am glad I didn't start the sorting process now, that I have a head start on just getting rid of some of the things that I accumulate...

Dirt under my nails...

I love spring. There are birds that start to chirp before the sun comes up, and it is a much better sound to wake up to rather than a screeching alarm clock.

I can't believe it has been two weeks since I got married. Nope, nothing feels different, except for the fact that we are going to have a baby and are well over halfway there!!! Amazing how goal orientated we are, no matter how big of an event one thing is in your life, as soon as it is done, you can reflect on it but you are already moving forward to the next thing again. So far, we have only seen a few of the wedding shots, so nothing really to post yet. Our honeymoon pics were good, something else I will get around to posting.

Haven't had a lot of time to just sit and reflect on the wedding, and the whole day yet. It feels like a series of snapshots in my head, moments that seem to stick out more than other moments... like not having the jitters, like worrying about if there was enough of everything, how the decorating would come together since I did have everything ready and my superstar friend C took over the rest! They did such an amazing job - it was a beautiful environment to get married in. Looking back, I am glad everything happened in one place. A church wedding was not in my cards. That would have been wrong. Especially given my somewhat eclectic and scattered beliefs. I am so grateful for the hour we took doing our pictures, and goofing off, and being a diva for the camera, and just laughing and enjoying the dress, and feeling beautiful, and looking at my man all dressed up. It was surreal at the wedding when people would clink glasses, and it was for us!

I feel like there are so many people that I should have been talking to in the last few weeks, thanking, and just touching base with. I have been so bagged, overwhelmed, and just plain old fashioned busy and/or talked out, sometimes there just haven't been the words to dredge up.

The Crush game was decent last night, I "coached" from the behind the bench (read opening and closing the doors for everyone). I love my team. I really miss playing hockey and being a part of it all. Even the smell of the ice, and the feeling as you first step foot on the ice to go for your warm up skate and know you are a warrior in all your get up, and you are hitting the ice for your next battle. It feels weird to watch everyone else play, and have fun, and get frustrated, and go for the highlight reel goals! It helped to stick with the girls before and after the game, rather than just hanging upstairs, feeling like an interloper that was just an armchair quarterback. This is the hardest part about being pregnant - how your rules change (for the time being). How you have to adjust to this new life inside of you, and take care of both of you since you are not alone anymore. This is not a negative thing, just the way it is. This is part of the reason that pregnancy is 40 weeks long, the changes are gradual but happening all the time, getting you ready for the big day. The changes are frankly phenomenal but I was just out in the garden, and I was really aware of how far and hard I would push myself today... how much time I would give to being hot and sweaty and panting and moving dirt and ridding the backyard of nasty weeds. As I am here, and not out there tells you that my morning of backyard labour is done. But is sure as hell felt good. I can't believe I have osteo-daisies that have come back from last year!! And they are blooming already.. see, give nature a chance and she does the most amazing things for you.

ZzzzZZzzzZZZzz

Normally I have a lot more energy than the average person. I am not really just saying that, it kind of has always been that way. I push time, trying to squeak out as much as I can in on any given day. I have gotten a bit better about this - trying to not take life at such a crazy pace, to not schedule so many things to happen on one day, to not compress time or seeing people in to unreasonable time slots, and to making an honest effort to showing up "on time". When I hook up with friends and people I care about, I really want to be there "in the moment" not looking forward to the next set of plans, freeing myself to enjoy the present moment as much as I can. Now. Not later. I remember being so tired at times when I was younger, when I was trying to do too many things, almost afraid I wouldn't get everything done or tried before my time was up for the day...

So, to end that part of the ramble somewhat quickly, I can't get over how tired I have been in the last few days. Last night, I flaked out on the couch. Apparently I was *gasp* even snoring. After a few nudges to hit the sack, I finally made my way to my nightly ablutions and then to bed. That little adrenaline burst didn't last long.

Decent night's sleep, figured I was good to go today. By about 3pm today, got that gritty eye feeling and I am sure that if I would have allowed myself to get too comfy on the couch, or have sat down for long enough, I would have been out cold again. So here I am, getting a few words in and plotting to have a shower momentarily and hitting the sack before 10 pm (again).

This is really new for me. Bed at a decent hour? Willingly? Funny the things that seem to change when you are expecting. Between the leaks and the creaks, I didn't think I would be tired now... isn't second semester the energy time? I should give myself a bit of a break - between the wedding, and the course I took, and trying to keep our place in a reasonable state of affairs, and then back at work, I feel pretty tapped out.

Did you catch that one?? I said semester and not trimester. Guess who has spent too much time in post secondary education??? Now that is funny as hell.

We get to sleep in our own bed tonight!!

Home. At last.

Although I still have the urge to unplug the phone, and well, not really check my emails or our bank statements either. The last two weeks have gone by at a breakneck speed and going to work is going to be a rude awakening tomorrow... I don't think my head is out of the clouds yet, or my feet back on the ground, or my attention span returning to normal yet. I almost feel silent, and somewhat centred in myself. I know I will do lots of talking at work tomorrow, and reliving the moments, and I guess I just want to hold it in a little longer, process it more, enjoy it more..

Our honeymoon was everything it should be. Ocean Shores, WA is beautiful. Especially in the off season when you don't have to compete with everyone and the prices are not so bad. Lots of driving on the beach, eating, sleeping, having jacuzzi bathtubs, and you know, being newlyweds. It was awesome. I could sit or walk on the beach for hours, just watching, and listening, being together, and taking it all in. We both so needed to get away, to take a breather, to take time for us, to hold hands and be a couple, to be only distracted by each other and decisions like what should we eat tonight...

Most anti-climatic event was our hotel stay last night in Mt. Vernon - the tulips are not even close to being up and ready, and all but one daff field has packed it in. Our hotel was just "average" and that is pushing it. I am going to be writing two letters... one to our hotel in Ocean Shores where the service was fantastic, and then to the one last night - where it was the complete other end of the spectrum. If the worst thing that happened was a not nearly as nice night in a hotel for a night on our 'moon, well, life could be way worse.

Got our rental car back at a decent time so saved a day rental and a day or parking for the beast... successful mission to get new tires and some new duds at the mall before we headed back for the border. We have some nice pics from our trip, haven't seen the ones from the wedding yet. I can't believe it was only a week ago - it feels like a lifetime ago.

Ya hoo!! Get to sleep in our own bed tonight - amazing how once you are on the last day of your holidays, you think about the good sleep you will have once you are back in your own environment. Cats aren't making strange with us anymore, and well, the fish are well fed and none disappeared to the voracious Rambo - king of the cichlids so all is good in our universe tonight.

A momentary lull in the action

I am officially a wife, and it feels great.

Currently the joke is that I ended up with an absolutely beautiful spring day on Saturday for our wedding, and that Ken has received my silence as his gift. It is quite funny, I am not really sick per say, but my voice has officially evacuated the building. So anyone expecting to hear from me right now, I am really sorry, but you really can't make out what I am saying on the phone, or in person for that matter, so I am doing you a favour by not calling.

In the last three days since the wedding, I have alternated between sounding like a dolphin, the Godfather, spoken in a barely heard whisper, a thirteen year old boy just hitting puberty, and the current state of affairs, some kind of bark whose tones reach all sorts of unintelligible pitches. The current theory is that with all the stress, burning up the phone lines, planning, and then the wedding (receiving lines go on FOREVER) my voice figured it would pack itself in and attempt to give me some kind of break.

Well, between gift openings, best friends being in town and then leaving town, family in from out of town, and the infinite details of getting hitched... the voice can rest now. Sort of. Which helps typing things out here, rather than trying to mutter, mumble, and stumble my way through words I can barely force out.

I wholeheartedly endorse compromising with family on certain things when planning your wedding, but our wedding reflected Ken and I from start to finish. There are so many moments that stand out, and one of the best things was the noise in the hall. At most times, the noise was amazing - a total din of people having fun and talking and getting to know each other in our intimate setting. It was not a glitzy or ornate wedding, people felt comfortable, hell, I giggled in the ceremony because I was just so damn happy. I wasn't nervous at all as I stood, waiting for the Hockey Night in Canada, er Wedding March a'la BeatMarket Mix Master Chaz to start up and I realized that I was quite settled in myself, and just hoped that everything went well and everyone had fun, and that we more or less evacuated the building about when we were supposed too.

... to be continued

White Wedding

My gals are still asleep, and I am enjoying probably the only quiet moments I will have today.

Ken and I husseled through the last minute stuff yesterday right up until 5pm and then called it quits for the day. D and C are out from down South, and Refinnej came from up North. I am surrounded by some of the best friends a person can ask for.

Rehearsal dinner went off well - although I was fading quick and made it an early night.. us gals pampered ourselves a bit last night, and just talked. It was great. I talked until that babbling stage, at which point I got laughed at and perked up long enough to retort and fall asleep, and all of us crowded in to Ken and I's king sized bed. I am surprised the cats didn't join us, but there wasn't a lot of room left over.

I have already had tears in my eyes - there are blue skies today. I am shocked. I didn't want to hope, and considering it was still saying 100% rain thursday, this is amazing. Someone is smiling on us again, nothing like the power of love, right ba-by!!!! My cold has also let off some.. plied myself with some vit C again last night and it seems to have helped. I guess if I had not put down some money to have pictures done at the BW, the weather I am sure would have been terrible! I am so pleased! I want the outdoor shots!! I don't want everything to happen in doors, it is spring, it is the wet coast, and there is nothing as spectacular as when the sun comes out!!

I love the fact that you can't predict our weather. As soon as you start to count on it, it changes it's mind. Absolutely fabulous.

The mountains have a touch of snow, daffs are smiling, and the cherry trees are in full bloom. I love spring and I am glad that it is the season we marry, and I continue to bloom with child.

I AM GOING TO GET MARRIED IN A FEW HOURS.

Funny, I am not worried or nervous at all about that part. All the worry up to today has been whether or not everything would come together, and it has.

MARRIED?

ME??

One of the most single people I ever met in my 20's has hooked up, found love, and is getting HITCHED???

Yup, totally off the market!!!

I am going to figure out my speech in the next bit, and I am thinking for a few moments of the friends and family who are here in spirit but couldn't make it - I do understand and can't wait to tell the stories at a later date, and about those who truly couldn't make it, I know that some where out there they are smiling down on us today, especially since they aren't perched on clouds having a waterballoon fight!!

Yes, MARRIED!!

I will post some pictures after the fact...

The home stretch...

I sense an aimless ramble.

It is amazing how much time organizing and burning up the phone lines can take. All the little things that have to be done for the wedding to come together.

The quiet moments, that are rare, when I can just sit, hold my belly, and be glad that one of my cats is normally quite close.

I can't wait to have some time alone with Ken, where we aren't coming and going, and all things in between. That and when it isn't 11pm and we are both stretched a little thin from work and planning!!

I can't wait to see some of our friends again that just aren't in town and it isn't possible for them to come out to the wedding. Sounds like a reason to have another few celebrations at a later date.. wait.. that will happen regardless in a few months!

Refinnnej is in town and today we get to be girls, run errands, and shop. There are bits and pieces that I need to pick up for the wedding! I still have a bunch of piles of clean but unfolded laundry kicking around, and yesterday I completed the wedding powerpoint we are planning to show. I can't get over how long it took to tweak and get to it's final version. That sucked up most of my day!! Between that and making the wedding favors??!! Still have some music considerations to make, and work our back up plan for our pictures.. see, the weather last weekend was PERFECT.

This weekend forecast isfor perfectly wet coast weather. So we have found an alternate venue to do most of our pictures in, and then at the wedding, in between service and reception, it will just be Ken and I running around and doing our pictures and enjoying a few moments in between the big stuff. One day it is 100% rain straight through until Monday, the next day it is 80% chance of rain, and now, I am sure it is back at 100% looking at the weather forecast. Ah well. What can you do?

Brought our little fish tank in the other day to help save one of our fish.. guess the tank was too cold and then we filled it with warm water since we had to do an emergency evacuation last night - thankfully we didn't end up with 10 gallons of water all over the place!

Engaged!

It is funny, when so many huge things are going on in your life, sometimes you have to focus on the little details to help keep everything straight in your own head.

Our detailed ultrasound was a roaring success on Saturday morning and baby is developing as it should - we may also be a little further along than we anticipated and our doc may shift our date.. TBA...

The shower held by my side of the family was also a wonderful success - an amazing group of diverse friends and family and it was a seemless event with good and I felt very spoiled, cherished, and just wonderful. It was a grand day! I am glad that everyone seemed to get along, and that it was such a day to remember. We had a smaller hen's party where we went to a pub (woo woo for Near Beer!) and then to an early comedy show.. I was done right in at 10:30. WHO KNEW!?!?? More than enough excitement for this pregnant chickie!

The best part is that that I am now officially a Fiancee. On bent knee my wonderful man asked me to marry him and be his bride and it was beautiful. This all happened in the moments before the shower, and I think I floated about a foot off of the ground when I went to make my entrance. It was perfect, he said the right things, and my heart went pitter patter. This is the guy I am going to marry.

IN 4 DAYS!!!!

Funny quote...

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

Not that I miss drinking ... that much!! I did have a wee bit of guinness on St. Paddy's day (read two mouthfuls). It wouldn't have felt right to not have quaffed a bit of guinness on the day o'the green!! Apparently docs in Ireland still prescribe a guinness a day for the ladies when they are expecting - something about lots of iron, B vitamins, and it is low alcohol content (4.5% and low cal too!).

TB = tiny bladder

Well, I have an hour to wait for my detailed ultrasound test and I am already starting to squirm and think about going to the can. I get the feeling I am not going to be able to see a lot of what is going on, so Ken gets to be my eyes today. The other scans we have had are not detailed, and the TV screen is in front of me, not beside me so I have had a great view of junior! BUT, we do get a printout, and pics of junior today since it is the "detailed scan" that they do for pg women about week 20. What a trippy thing.

I am sure I won't think it is so trippy when junior is a little bigger and really starts to move, kick, and jab. Funny though - as soon as someone says that you can't do something (like a basic bodily function) you immediately start to dwell on it. Ah, a lovely part of human nature.

My gran isn't going to come to our wedding. She lives a BC Ferry ride away, and is in her early 90s. One of the rellies would have to pick her up, but she is a bit too worried about her "general health" (and has been for the last 15 years) to come on over, my argument of "if something happens at least you are surrounded by people you love and love you" fell on deaf ears.. She hadn't really told me that she wasn't planning to come, in fact, her enthusiastic phone calls about the two events dropped sharply about a month ago, so I dropped her a line yesterday and then she casually let that one slip. I have mixed feelings on this one.

I would give my eye teeth and then some for all of my grandparents to still be around, and to be able to see how I happy I am, and to be there for my wedding that for my one surviving grandparent to not come, kinda hurts. Heck, Ken didn't even really get a chance to know any of his, and it is a big deal to still have one surviving. But, I also have to respect her decision, and her age, and how she feels and just be happy that I still have a gran and know that I can verbally share the experience and pictures with her at a later date. Just sad that she has missed most of the major events in all of her grandkids lives.. strange choices, but no one else can determine the choices that other people make. All you can do is do the best you can and have a clear conscience at the end of the day...

I tried something funny...

Well, this was to be a funny post, but I couldn't seem to make the html link work..

*SIGH*

Whatever dude. Operator error or something like that. I guess I could delete this foray, but I am feeling way too lazy.

Lists.

Just over a week to go. Tomorrow my holidays start, and I am starting to feel antsy. I am starting to roll numbers through my head at weird hours of the day, budgets, and flowers, and booze, and food, and times when things are going to happen, and hoping that everyone will feel like they had a good time, and hoping i don't forget or overlook anything that is really important...

I will sleep in tomorrow, make myself a chocolate soy latte (if you have never had one, don't knock it. If you have an espresso machine at home, I recommend you try this. A regular latte doesn't cut it anymore. Vanilla soy lattes, well they are ok. Now the chocolate ones.. you can justify em because they are healthy!!! right??!!) and then start making lists and cleaning up whatever little chores and messes I figure should happen knowing that there will visitors, and people who are going to check out our digs, and just to continue getting rid of clutter.

First the books were culled.. now I culled some clothes. I can't believe I have held on to some clothes from when I was 15. Like, give me a break. Even if I was that size again, do I ever want to wear those clothes again??? What was I thinking??? I now have some space in my closet and it feels good to let go of more things. Just release them in to the wild, after Refinnnnnnej has had her looksee next week... LOL See she thinks she needs to shop, all she needs to do is go through my stuff before it goes off to the donation box.. HAHHAHA

So today I try to reign in my mind, it is running all over the place like a hyped up kitten flitting about. And get through the day, I can't wait for the 2 week break, although it won't be a traditional break, but it will be great, amazing, life changing, who knows what else? Some times I think I fool myself about what is left to do, like the favor bags, and then other times it is like O M G ... this is where I wish I could just kick back with a guinness and then start in on what needs to be done!

11 days and counting

Not so many days left before I get hitched!!!!!

This weekend went by way too quickly. Lots of errand running, and some house cleaning, some sorting, some just farting around... we crossed a bunch of stuff off of our list, but it seems like I have been making lots of phone calls already today... the usual worries - will there be enough food, or booze, or decorated enough, will everyone have fun, will our pictures turn out well...

On the other front, the altest mat appt went really well - it is so humbling for lack of a better term to hear your baby's heartbeat, and see them in an ultrasound, and when you can feel the movement, it is awe inspiring that this is going on inside of your body!! I think the length of a pregnancy is good, you get used to the idea over time, the changes don't happen overnight, the changes are gradual, but they certainly do happen! I don't think I look that much different yet, and I haven't had that many moments.. ok, maybe a few totally forgetful moments (that is where the lists really help) .... a few looming emotional moments... but I guess that is where being distracted by wedding plans, or that online course I took takes some of the heat off of the pregnancy stuff...

The boys....

Zee boys have been nothing but cute lately...feels like spring today - we can hear the birds again so we put out some seed, and there is something in the air because as soon as I opened the door the cats were right at the screen, meowing and lazing in the sun.

A little dated but...

I couldn't get over just how many blooms were on our cactus this year!!!! (so, for once it has been a while since we have downloaded some pics from our camera... )

Stuffed.

Friday night, time to order in.

I think I ate too much. Since I was starvin like marvin I grabbed an order of veggie samosas on the side and they didn't even make it halfway home!! Grabbed some indian food for dinner and threw it in the oven until Ken got home.. he grabbed the vids and we have the makings for a great friday night!

Between the garlic naan and the mango butter chicken, well, I am right and truly stuffed. Finished watching D0mino, which was a different but interesting flick and now, who knows how much longer I really want to be up. Our bed is calling...

The myth of tooth loss while pregnant

Teeth - 3 Kazza - 0

Just in case you are keeping score.

Apparently, it is a myth that when you are pregnant, you will lose a tooth.

Well, I own a page in that book, and can confirm, that it is a myth.

This pregnancy, I have lost not one or two teeth, but now three. Sheered one off with trail mix, lost one to the root canal on monday, and tonight, while watching our thursday show and spending time with my honey, I broke a tip off one of my molars. Hell, I still have that piece of tooth and it went in to the "weird stuff bag with a few odds and ends and special rocks".

Well lost is a strong word, I still have parts of all three teeth, they just aren't what they used to be.

W T F ??? ! ! ! ! !

So, I will work a half day tomorrow and hopefully see my dentist... again. At least this one doesn't hurt!!!!!!!

***DISCLAIMER*** I know that I have been harping about my teeth in the last month, for the record, I DO have a great dental regimine, floss, brush, and the whole flouride rinse thing daily. I am not sure if my teeth have ever looked this good. Obviously I see my dentist regularly so what has been going on has been really bizarre to say the least!!! It kinda blows my mind that my gums are great, and everything else seems to be fine, that is, until the next tooth gives way.

Waxing poetic

I am trying to take more "risks" in what I read - not always going for the authors that are tried and true for me, but rather, trying out some new authors to see if they are a good fit, and have different stories to tell.

I have had J0y Luck Club on my shelf as a "to read sometime" for as long as I can remember, and I was temped by the Opposite of Fate, Tan's autobiographical book, which also sat on the shelf "to read at a later date."

Well, I finally sat down and read the Opposite of Fate and I am a total convert!!!! I was enchanted cover to cover, and found myself earmarking pages so I can return to them later on to ponder Tan's words. Her other books have moved up my priority list to read, perhaps not right now, but not in a long time either. Her work is poignant, and is quite autobiographical, and she speaks quite openly and frankly about her relationship with her mother (always a big one for us girls, whether or not we are moms or daughters or both!!). I was sad to turn the last page for I think Tan is a fiesty woman who has much to say, and I like that she examines American culture and it's need for stereotyping and takes it very neatly apart and that she rejects any other label than that of "American Writer".

"The best stories do change us. They help us live interesting lives"

I can't help but agree with this statement, wholeheartedly. I also like Tan's claims that "I have the freedom to write whatever I want. I claim that freedom." For so many people who lose their voices away, this book is a reminder of reclaiming that voice, and using it, even if it always isn't perfect, or is in draft form...

Is it only tuesday?

I am eternally grateful that I have a great specialist who the task of doing a root canal down to a fine art. After waiting nearly half an hour to be seen yesterday, during which time I had to excuse myself THREE TIMES!! (can you say nervous and pregnant??) the deed was done in about 45 minutes. The freezing hurt some, but after that it was pretty clear sailing.

Apparently Ken will lose his thumb nail in about two weeks, and now does a mean Fonzie impression since smashing his thumb the other day at work! Hockey has been out for him, since it is an open wound going in to a hot and sweaty glove environment that breeds little beasties that aren't good for healing!!

Between these two things, and then working on homework all weekend for that online course (IT IS DONE AND I AM SO GLAD, I had no idea how much work this online course would be ... with a huge sigh of relief, all I need to do is the practicum and I have another certificate to add to my ever growing collection), and just being run down, I was done like dinner before I even went to bed last night. So, I am home today, resting, doing my thing, regathering myself.

And, it not being nearly exciting enough around here, the rad in our truck decided that today was the day to give up the ghost in a big burst of steam and water. After much babying, Ken got the truck to our trusty mechanic, no used parts to be found, so the rad becomes the newest item to add to zee beast.

So, add another thing to the list. We definitely keep life interesting between the two of us!! Need to find out how a wee friend is doing, and sort out some details for the wedding, but it is starting to look like a little bit of clearer sailing... maybe?

Up after 6am on a Sunday?

I think by the end of my night last night I was an overtired, emotional mess. Everything felt personal and I felt like I could easily manufacture stuff to create more reasons to fall apart. Must have been hormonal, or just not enough sleep, or just everything coming together too. So I did what any sensible woman would do - carted my ass off to bed.

I only have 2 journal entries, 1 assignment, a quiz, and a few more bits and pieces for my course left to do. I want it done. On one hand, it has been rewarding and I enjoy the semantics of learning how to teach, but in some ways, it widens the gulf between where I am at and where I will be given time and effort. I guess I am such a fan of continuing education because once it is done, you have it, and who knows when the knowledge is going to do you right. But getting through these last bits has been tough. Not because the material is beyond me, but just staying on task. It is like I have to chain myself to the desk!

And holy hot tamales is the big day coming up quick!!! Still a few outstanding invites, but perhaps in hindsight we should have told people to RSVP with the "nays" as well as the "yays" rather than to sit here and wonder...keeping the wedding list to a limit is hard, you realize as time goes on more people you wish you could invite, and you realize that can continue on and on into total silliness. Met with out Marriage Commissioner yesterday, She is FABULOUS. The neatest part about this wedding is how things have fallen in to place. Just another element that fits the way it should!!!!

Warm Fuzzies

This just totally one of the off the cuff moments where you just put it out there.

Having a blog has been a really great experience for me. The friends that I already had that this experience (for lack of a better word) has brought closer, whether through my blog or through their blogs as they have popped up. And also to the new friends I have made through the intimate world of reading about each other's day, and to also looking forward to seeing what is up, and what is a shaking in their worlds. It is amazing when we all intersect, and no matter the distance, how can we share the same wavelength, or give advice (or take it), or be sad for each other, or celebrate together.

I don't rely on the phone so much anymore, I find that after a day at work where I have to be "on" for people, and am constantly interrupted, expected to be a chief miracle worker, here is a place where I can communicate on my terms and when I want to, whether it being in the middle of the night, the morning, or squeezed in somewhere else.

So, out goes a big warm fuzzy. Just cause.

The Ride

This week has been amazing.

My coworkers threw me a wedding shower, and dinner with our immediate group last night. The generosity of the people I work with, and the amount of lives I have touched over the years, and the outpouring of positive vibes was amazing. By the end of the night, I am sure that I was about a foot off of the ground. I feel very humbled.

The evil tooth continues to be FIESTY. Have fingers crossed for a cancellation to get in sooner rather than later, but really, who wants to rush a root canal? (yes, a trick question is embedded there). Woke up in the wee hours with a throbbing face again. Ah well. I am towards the end of the process and not the beginning, so this is good.

Have consciously avoided that online course all week. I somewhat feel guilty, but that will sort out tomorrow. I hope.

Wedding plans are blitzing along - we have a schedule, and a floor layout, and things are coming along. I can't believe the big day is in 3 weeks!! O M G ! ! ! !

And, speaking of weddings.. KELZ AND BEN are engaged!!!! I cannot express how happy I am for them both.

Reading about what is happening in Reffinej's back lot makes me sad. Seeing the swath of destruction in places like Manning Park and Northern BC from this pest and what hasn't been done to stop this blows my mind. It seems like such a waste. When you see the brown, dry sticks in what was once a beautiful, lush forest is tragic.

Some of my shows are back on, yes, I like watching the A-Race to see where they send the lucky folks. The host has one great job!!!!

And... And... And...

I think tomorrow, it being a friday off, I will sleep.

The ugly (but, attitude adjustment in the works)

Yup. This is a day that will go down in the books. Am currently pulling up boots just so and looking for the silver lining because the alternative, well, face it, it is ok to wallow for a bit, and then you have to dust yourself off and move on.

If things happen in threes, I completed that cycle today, damn fast.

Destroyed new lipstick by running through the wash. Minor, chaulk it up to experience.

Diagnosis: root canal next monday. Conversation with doctor over safety of taking an antibiotic when pregnant and having an infection, ok to take short term. Should help with the pain, and make the procedure not so nasty. Needless to say, I will be seeing my dentist a lot in the next 2 months and am glad that it is being taken care of. I didn't wait this time, so I probably caught things in time (which is a change since I used to wait for some stupid reason before.. so this is a good thing).

Student loans - if I had not called today, I would not have discovered their latest mistake. Of course, the bank does not err in your favor, it works for itself. This goes back to the September fiasco, and now it is in my hands to get them to investigate their mistake. ARGH!!!!

The not so good

The last few days my gums have been a bit dodgy up in the upper left hand quadrant, and I have been feeling a wee bit nervous about what has been going on up there (even though I have been practising some of the best personal dental care of my life)..

Well, by last night, I was getting a cold feeling in my gut that all was not right, and things were heading south. Ken could tell something was up, and it all had to do with old fears of dental work, and knowing I was heading for more. If I tap on the tooth, it hurts like hell. If I push on the area around it, yup, that hurts too. When I smile.. my cheek hurts.

BLOODY HELL.

After not sleeping much last night, and waking up in pain, and chewing on ice cubes to numb the area, I knew I was making a call to the dentist in the morning because this does not bode well. My appt is at 2:30 and I hope this isn't leading to a root canal... *SIGH* And nope, this isn't the tooth that I managed to sheer off three weeks ago, that was the right side. I guess I am aiming for balance this go around.

The good..

Yesterday I went to a shower hosted by Ken's side of the family. It was strange, I was a little nervous in the morning before I went.. I started to do house cleaning, and just putzing around before I actually started to get ready. It was a wonderful afternoon, and I felt very spoiled and very grateful. Everything also became a lot more real in those moments, especially when I realized that I was being truly welcomed in to a new family, and that hat full of bows was for me!!!
It felt like a rite of passage when it was tied under my chin, and it was a great day.

By the time I got home though, I was done like dinner. I felt all chatted out, and just a bit tired around the edges. Lots to take in, and I think I needed some processing time.

I think the wedding plans are going well, I have a big list of which I am slowly crossing things off, and in the next week, I will try to nail down as many deets as possible.

Also had a little shopping excusion the other day to MAC. Avoided the ladies there, and went for the young man with full lipstick and concealer on to help us out. He was great - showed me some great tips on what to do, and I learned that some of my facial redness comes from the fact that I have DRY skin??? WHO KNEW. Talk about denial... once he applied a liberal amount of moisturizer on my face, he went to say I will let that soak in before I try to show you how to hide your redness and the gallon of cream was already soaked in and he proceeded to use a different kind of face powder that didn't give me a pale matte look!!! Well, that was a learning experience. I haven't been open to help with makeup for years, so it was a great experience and I have some great notes (and a few new items) for the big day!! (Gilly you would be so proud!!)

Need I say any more?

A naked cat

So, I had to wander in to my friendly local vet's office and pick up some of the preventative cat food for the boys, and decided to ask a few questions about things that they had heard regarding cats and the introduction of a new family member.

Well, I realize that I am talking about a baby, and well, they start talking about the new naked cat that comes home with us.

Naked cat?

It took me a minute, but essentially the cats probably will look at our wee bairn as a hairless cat that gets coddled an awful lot, without even spending time grooming itself!! They had some great suggestions - spacing out the changes in our life so it isn't a dramatic event that happens over the course of a weekend. (well, I am sure it will still be dramatic, and hopefully quick..)

What they were getting at is stuff like moving the litter box about a month before baby is due, and changing the room around early, and even playing a tape of a baby crying, just so that noise isn't quite so foreign to them. Apparently babies can hit some really strange pitches, which can resemble some caterwawls, so early conditioning may not be a bad thing...

Was quite the image though - two four legged hairy cats meeting the two legged hairless one.

Crazy stuff.

Thought of the moment

"Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground"

See. Nothing wrong in life with being a total nutter. See, proof that I am indeed grounded.

Besides learning how to let go of some stuff, I am also learning how to start to say "no"in a more effective manner. I have tended to overcommit myself at times, and well, given the NWO, it is time to be a little more focused on the homefront and trim off the not so necessary parts. Ok, talk about dancing around an issue and not coming out and saying it eh? I have been involved in a few committees at work, and the time has come to look at them under the microscope and make decisions on what I am, and not able to do at this time. It does refocus things when it starts to become a reality that I will be going on a mat leave in a few months, and there will an automatic dissociation that comes with it. It is actually quite "free-ing". A time to break some old patterns, maybe start a few new ones, slowly over the next 1-2 years.

Work in Progress

There are a few times in my life where I really figured that I had a handle on things, and then it seems that the rug shifted beneath my feet, and nothing was as I thought it was, and somewhere along the line, lo and behold, there I went changing again.

In this particular moment, I feel like a work in progress. So aware of some things - I definitely can feel that nesting need coming on (nicely identified Candy) and then that is coupled with the "urge to purge" and the ability to actually let go of things that I have held on to for so many years I have forgotten why it was so important to hold on to those things. Or ideas. Or so unsure of others, where does that momentary insecurity come from? Need to feel like you are on the right track? That rush of emotions that just makes you wonder, and go, WTF??!! Then I distract myself with the cleaning tactic. I feel like I am back in university and avoiding studying or writing an exam - must clean instead!! My room used to never be as clean as the day before a big essay was due. Such a funny thing procrastination.

Clarity in communication seems to be coming up these days. More so with my online class, and then a few issues cropping up around the place of employment. I find that I am sifting through my repsonses, and taking my time more than usual before I respond to things. I feel more protective of myself, my position, and not willing to jeopardize my integrity or position.

And now I also realize it isn't about just me about more. I really have the makings of a family happening here. It is really cool. I have to watch my stress, not over-extending myself, not saying yes to too many things and finding myself fried and crispy at the end of the day, or the week. I thought I was mature before, but now it is a different kind of maturity. It helps refocus some of the other stuff, and be glad for the simpler things too - being loved, being healthy, moving in to the future instead of languishing in the past.

Finished

I finally finished reading Hawaii.

Although I have been reading this book for what seems to be forever, I was still sad to turn the last page and realize that the book ends in 1956. I wanted more. It is amazing epic novel that sweeps generations of people. I like learning about the west - the people that came, why they came, concepts of wilderness, wild places, the last frontiers, what people left behind, how ex-pats can be more loyal than the people left behind...

But, now I get to move on to fluffier reads for a bit, and a few books on being preggers. The books do help, you pick and choose, and some stuff resonates, and some stuff just sails clear past your head. My mat appts have been to my mind strange, I half expect my doc to sit down, run through a checklist, and it is more like, check bloodpressure, etc, check fundal height, check weight, hear heartbeat, see what can be spotted on an ultrasound, room for a few questions, and then I am back out booking my next appointment. I guess because everything is so new, and there is built in trust trust that you are doing reading and research on your own, and that you are making informed choices as a healthy adult that has a desire to give your baby the best chance that you can...

Neat quote

Working through my section on motivation, I stumbled upon this neat quote:

"In education, as in other meetings between human beings, the wind of the spirit blows where it will. In the end all education is self-education. Somehow or other the learners must come to care sufficiently about what is intrinsic to these worthwhile activities so that they no longer have any need of extrinsic motivation."

Signs of the time

Moved all the bags of books to my mom's (check)
Donated a bag of books (check)
Shifted grandparent's night table to my brother's house and out of our place (check)
Dispersed other odds and sods that have been kicking around, gathering dust (check)
Have oddly more room in second bedroom, and in bookshelve (check)

Slowly just puttering away so far today. I have been definitely going through a period where it is "ok" to let some of the clutter go. IT FEELS GREAT! It also feels strange. I have held on to some things for so long, to let it go and not worry about that clutter anymore, like wow. Feels like a new concept, although I am sure it is old hat to the converted.

Also been experiencing a sign'o'th'times in which every now and then, it is like the baby does indeed shift inside, even at this early stage, and plunks itself on your bladder. I do my biz, and then 10 minutes later, there I am there again, thinking "didn't I just do this?!?!?!" This goes on for about an hour until jr shifts and releases the pressure.

Books, books, and more books.

I have stuff coming out of my ying yang. The byproduct of 32 years of being a pack rat.

I thought that I went through and got rid of a lot of stuff back when I turned 30, just in time for our last move. At the time, I believe that I did. Hell, I finally got rid of papers that I had been holding to since I was a teenager.

Well, it is time to get rid of more of the pocketbooks that I have been holding on to for about the same amount of years. There are so many books out there that I haven't read, why I am holding on to the trade books? (mental note, I do differentiate between what I consider intellectual forays and those that are 1-4 night dashes that are purely for escapist reasons)

There are a wack by Nora Robert$ that my mom figures she will reread when she retires, so the three additional stuff bags I have of the, she is more than welcome too and I am no longer going to store them. It feels quite free'ing actually. To not have a few hundred books sitting on a shelf, getting dusty, quietly whispering - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME??? You have no intention to read us?!

So I have a few piles, the ones I will take and sell to a bookstore in Victoria (eventually), a pile that I will use at the local bookstore as trades, the ones I will just donate, ones my interested friends have already read and fall in to one of the other categories, the ones for my mom, and ones I will just pay forward and release in to the wild.

Card Shark

BAH.

So, I attempted to set something of a bridal registry up today. BAH. What an experience!!! I was definitely not thrilled with the selection at my local Bay store, and not with most of the prices either!! I ended up looking at the registry as more of a guideline, not this is where I want this item from, or this name brand from!!! I also created a pretty slim registry as well...

For example, I want a white fabric shower curtain - but not for the tune of $89.99 !! LIKE O M G

Some stuff was just outrageous, and I know I can do so much better for both selection and price... really makes you stop and go HMMMM. Like a wedding photo album.. all they had were memory albums, and well, I have a guest book so much of the information in the "memory" album is redundant and I want somewhere to put my pictures! I think that has been one of the hardest things, figuring out what we want and need, and then figuring out how to get that out to people, if they want ideas. I don't make a good shopper. By the time I walked out there, I was ready to go home and just have a moment. Plus those people want to chat, and I got an eye roller. And then when you really needed someone on the sales floor, they would start to run the other way as soon as you made eye contact!!

WEIRD... WEIRD... WEIRD. Just having a general list sure sounds like a better idea right now. Why does Ken have to be more right about these kind of things?

Creative idleness

We had a PD day at work - ethics and education. Heady stuff. First speaker was an interesting enough chap, but I couldn't help but squirm in my seat a whole lot. He seemed a bit off topic, mostly discussing Nunvut as a new territory and how unique it is - not sure how that fits in to a day that is focused on the two E's!... attended a workshop by Vancouver Sun reporter D. Todd who writes on "religion, spirituality, and ethics". Now this was a great session of ideas, just talking about the topics that normally make people want to squirm in their seats. These hours flew by - Todd mentioned something called "creative idleness" to describe how to deal with boredom that the young and aging seem to experience, and that objectivity doesn't exist, but one could strive for "objective pragmatism" in their lives. I agree, individuals don't get enough time to talk about the big things - Beauty, Art, Truth.. what it means to live as a "good" person. Some great ideas were floating about the room if you could hold on to one long enough to make it your own.

Nothing like getting fed, and then going in to another workshop. I definitely had some carb let downs in the afternoon, and it was so stuffy, and then by contrast so nice outside, it was hard not to look out the window and yearn to be out there, with the wind in my hair. Nothing like talking about climate at work, and knowing that the people who really needed to be at this workshop weren't. We had some improve to finish the day, and by then I was done with small talk. News is spreading, so it means that lots of little chats, which are nice, but as extroverted as I am... I still want to be able to retreat somewhere and recharge my batteries!

Fading quick

Wow. I sat down here feeling somewhat inspired to type out something.. and not it feels like my brain has gone to a pulp and I don't think I have much that is interesting to say!

This year is shaping up pretty cool, between our big events, dear friends are also expecting, got an invite in the mail for another friend's wedding in August (crossing all fingers that it works out to attend since they are coming in from the UK), and the pieces of our own plans slowly coming together.

It's funny, I can have all these big plans of what I want to get done when I get home from work, and then I get home, and they appear to vanish. I am still pretty tired at nights, and ironically enough I am doing the section in my online course about MOTIVATION. Of which I have none right now. I know I could be logging in and doing some reading, or responding to the online stuff I need to contribute, but the desire just ain't a'happening right now. Will be bailing soon to dash between the covers and continue my way through Hawaii. Which is turning out to be a great read. A long read, and I guess Wilbur Smith at times can be somewhat like James Michener, perhaps just not quite as detailed.

Alex, can I buy 2 more hours a day?

Monday? Again?

And what is thou burning ball of light in the sky? The previous post became oddly prophetic as the rains started, pushed on by ferocious winds, including a power outage! (first in many years) Until things started looking up yesterday. There are branches scattered about the backyard, but everything looks freshly washed, because it was by the driving rain.

The big game yesterday was frustrating as hell. It reminded me of the Vancouver Canucks in the 1994 playoff run, losing to NY Rangers in game 7. In that game, the Canucks could not buy a break, and I am sure that Hasselback and the 'Hawks felt the same yesterday. Not that their kicker did them much good... *SIGH* it was a frustrating game, a moment of elation quickly followed by an interception or a bad ref'ing call.

I have recently learned that I have a "converger" learning style, and apparently there are other people out there like me who like to make lists, be somewhat organized and practical, but then like to through it all away to ponder the big concepts. Interesting stuff.

Feels like I am doing a helluva dance some days - completing an online course, wedding plans, thinking baby and changes, work issues, talking to friends and making plans, sqeauking in some quality time with my honey, and trying to cram in some selfish stuff in there. Sounds like the lists are going to be a lifesaver, and that this will give me good practise for later. I am also learning that I need to be pretty clear about what I want, and how I want things to happen on the big day. It isn't enough to have the big details sorted out, you have to know the minor stuff too, floor plans, and general organization, and how the hell you are going to pay for it all!!!!

Vancouver's Weather Forecast, next 3 days

A banner week!

This is really cool, not only has one of my dear friends decided to hook in to extended blog familythis week, but another one of my favourite people has decided to join our fold too!!

THIS IS REALLY COOL!!!

A very heart welcome to Sarah's exploits out in the Back 40 wilds of our beautiful province of BC! Welcome to the blogging familia.

What next?

Been a wacked out week.

One of us, I am sure it was the cat, stepped on our cell and broke the crystal screen display. Time to replace the phone and weasel out of old contract just in time to sign up for a new one!! Positive part was the great "sales consultant" I had that helped broker a sweet deal.

Then yesterday, trying to eat healthy and munching on my trail mix, I broke a tooth, and well, swallowed it. I think this is the most queasy I have felt since I got preggers!!! You just know something is wrong as your tongue moves over that tooth, and you think to yourself "That isn't a peanut stuck there.. no wait... " and you check it out, and voila! More than half your tooth has been sheered off just above the gum line. Crown number four here I come!! Silver lining here is that we do have dental coverage, and that I am in the second tri, so dental work is safe and they will be able to freeze as needs be. *SIGH*

Needless to say, baby will learn excellent tooth care, and how to swim and skate at a young age.

I am glad that this is a short week. I grabbed a few vacation hours so I didn't have to go back to work after the dentist. That was enough for me today!! Ok, so I just wanted the break, truth be told.

Life on the range..

This is a great commercial.. I think that it aired last year for Superbowl!!

Check out the Cat Herders!

Room for more!

Today has been a crazy day. I feel up one minute, and the next I am tumbling back to earth and wondering WTF??!!!

BUT! Something cool just happened!!! I feel like a proud friend announcing something cool! A very cool friend has joined the blogging family!!!!

YAY!!!!!

Hat's off to ya Cher - I am so looking forward to keeping in contact like this. I have found it to be rewarding in keeping the folks I care about in the loop!

/insert cheesy grin here

Hooked on something?!

The David, strikes again. Or still?

What can you say after you see something like this?

Why did all the good shows come to an end?

So, being solo for the night, I made the kind of pasta that I like and haven't had forever (giving myself heartburn in the process), got chocolate soy milk instead of vanilla, and rented the last 4 episodes ever of Sex In the C!ty.

The penultimate chick sitcom as far as I am concerned. I think most women could have (can) related to Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha, or Miranda at some point, and their friendship above all is something to strive for in our own female friendships. I don't believe that women have enough positive role models or "buddy" movies where chicks are supportive of each other in stead of competing with each other for the better man.

There are legions of movies like that for men (buddy movies that celebrate male friendships) - the Lethal Weapons, Beverly Hills Cops, Bad Boys, Legends of the Fall, Braveheart, Top Gun to name but a few. Not saying that chicks can't dig these movies, but women have gotten movies that didn't necessary centre around female friendships, it was more about competition, or linking up against a man in something like Thelma and Louise or a real tear jerker of a movie. I have noticed this trend starting to shift with movies like Calendar Girls and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, and I am glad for it.

But, back to my original point. Did I have one? I miss Sex in the C!ty. The Carrie-ism, the crazy outfits, who can forget the shoes? I am glad that things somewhat neatly came together together in the end, a fitting finale but then again I am a sucker for a happy ending. I think I have avoided watching those last few episodes because I have been in denial that the show is actually done.

Funny how even just those opening bars are enough to chase a man away. Total time to just kick back and be a girl and immerse yourself in someone else's dramas for a few moments. It was fun for a quiet evening by myself!

It fits!

My dress was delivered today!!! It fits, and to quote my brother "You look like angel".

What a relief. There is always an element of risk when you buy something sight unseen, but it sure does take a weight off of your chest when things fit the way they should and the dress is beautiful - the detail work is just fab.

*big sigh*

House is strangely quiet. Apparently out in the Northern wilds of Red Deer, Ken's brothers are driving the rental car out on the lake. What a crazy Canada that exists beyond Hope. The lake is totally frozen, and there are areas where people skate, cars, trucks, and snowmobiles are all over the place, and people ice fishing. WOAH DUDE. One day I will have to check out a real Canadian winter. Ours is such a teaser compared to the rest of the Northern world. Us and Seattle compete for yearly rain totals, while everyone else gets to deal with truly inclement weather.

It still feels strange announcing to people that I am pregnant. It is weird when you aren't really showing yet, perhaps except for the nice breakout I have happening, and there are some tidbits of good advice I think I am picking up. Some of the stories are pretty daunting, and I think at that point you just need to plug yer ears and take what you need and move on from there.

Two days of total meetings at work. I so want to hide out in my office tomorrow!!!!

not so funny feeling

The rain stopped and it is a beautiful day out there! Sun blazed across the eastern sky with a blaze of glory and there were whisps of fog ribboned across the Fraser this morning.

I think these images will have to sustain me throughout the day because I have the feeling that today is going to be "one of those days" I wished I was able to stay in bed, or at least do something different. Vibe around here just isn't great, morale, what morale?

Mundanes

Week 13 has arrived!! Still continuing to feel better, clothes still fit, still need to work on making sure I get some exercise daily.

The weekend had its shares of ups and downs. I think we are still reeling from it around here... sleep has been somewhat optional at times, and nothing like waking up and wondering how the heck the duvet is on the ground, Ken was cocooned in all the sheets and blankets, and I had the sleeping bag. Bizarre. Looks like my honey will be heading out to Red Deer, AB at the end of the week for a Celebration of Life. Funny, you think you have a grip on life and then it throws you a curve ball. Followed by a fast ball, then a change up for good measure.

This is shaping up to be a long week at work, I think there are 5 different meetings scheduled, and I am taking over some advising slots too. Makes the time fly!! I am currently slogging my way through Michener's Hawaii and the story is pulling me along, but not quite like the page turners I have been reaching for as of late. I must say, I am enjoying having a blog, and connecting through blogs, and through email. It is amazing how it helps keep people in the loop of things, and to just stay in touch for the little things you don't always think to mention.

Friday?

It seems that every friday I ever have off, at 10 am I can't believe how much time I have to myself, and then about 3pm, how damn fast my day has gone!

By the time today rolled around, I was gleeful to be on my own for a day and just to deal with me. I think I hit that point where I just needed some time to be and putter around the house, no TV, no music blaring.. just me and the cats.

I finished off Tuesdays with Morrie and I think I cried through the last 50 pages. It struck pretty close to home, having myself watched a dear friend whither away from a fatal disease. One of many one liners really struck home, " death ends a life, not a relationship." I have never looked at it like that, but it resonates. Just because someone is gone doesn't mean you stop caring, or valuing the memories that you have, and people do live on in the love we have for them. So my eyes have had that gritty feeling to them all day.

I think I have turned a corner, and it seems that my energy is coming back. I cleaned like a fiend today, and almost filled up a container of garbage, and have some stuff ready to donate to the Sally Anne. I swept, and I made a few new cushion covers (in the process turning 4 little pillows in to 2 bigger pillows), I puttered, and now it is past 6!!! Tonight I get to be a super fan at hockey, cheering on the Crushers!

it's out there

The last phase of my "shock and awe" campaign has drawn to a close.

Work now knows, and it went off better than I thought it would, especially when I revealed a due date smack in the middle of summer. It felt good to finally tell them, especially since I am at work a fair bit. It's also good to know how long I have to work before I get a huge break - although it will be a new type of work that is waiting for me.

I guess my coworkers were expecting me to announce that I had a new job - they figured I was at a job interview yesterday, and not at the docs!! It was just such a crazy moment, I was just glad that I had already drafted out my plans for when I would take vacation time, and then mat leave, and then vacation when I expect to go back to work yesterday.. I could feel my face flush, and my heart start to pound.. and then it was all over. Definitely made it hard to concentrate today!!!

It feels like a whole new stage though - definite confirmation, I am sure that I am just glowing, and the wedding plans are coming together. Some moments it is like "WOAH, dude." Other moments it is just so amazing I just have a silly grin on my face. Amazing to think that last year when we were busy saving our cat, we were busy doing something else too!!!!

Moment of truth

Today was a milestone day, and to borrow a word from a dear friend, at times, I felt quite verklempt.

I think, no, I know, that we had our socks blown off in our first mat appt today. We could totally hear the heartbeat, and the ultrasound was amazing - we could make out a really distinct profile of our baby, and you could even see the heart beating!!

How humbling to know that something so amazing is happening inside of you.

I am doing well, and things are progressing the way they should be. We breathed a collective sigh of relief, and well, we have both been on cloud 9 since. JUST WOWZERS!!!!

Internal heating gage

I have heard rumors that your internal thermostat kicks in and keeps you extra warm when you are expecting.

So far, hasn't happened. I have been cold more often than not. Either that or this is my excuse for why I am having more baths :]

Got a few things ticked off today, but overall I am feeling pretty lethargic. Definitely experiencing the first trimester decline in overall energy. Bedtime has changed from like midnight to just after 10, it is strange, for the first time in my life I am going to bed at a decent time!

Tonight, going out to celebrate a good friend's birthday and go for MEXICAN. Which seems to be what I have been craving. It is strange now to go to downtown Van - used to be such a part of my life, nearly daily, and now it is rarely. Things change in between my visits now. It is strange how perspectives change with time. Don't need the city so much at this stage.

devil in the details

Lists.

I have many new lists now.

I am also learning all about flowers. More than just roses and tulips and gerbera, but also about exotic sound flowers like stephanotis and lisianthus.

What baby items my amazingly generous friends are willing to part with for us, which is graciously appreciated.

The class is done and my assignments are in the mail, that albatross has been kicked to the curb. I have one final class for that program, and it will be online, so it should be easy-peasy.

Work has been bizarre. It has alternated between moments where I question my existence to moments where it is so obvious I was able to give someone a hand, it is humbling. It is strange to go between those two poles.

But it comes down to my lists. Lists that keep having little additions sneaking in, some lists that are on the back burner, waiting for attention, and then lists that are screaming for attention.

Things are coming along, pretty well I think! Very easy to see how budgets can go totally out of control. Like talking about how much you are willing to spend on photography, and what style you want...eloping sounds appealing, but then again, wouldn't be the same without the people we care about to be there, or to be able to at least share it with those that can't. Times like this also make me appreciate having a blog - the ties that bind people together when physical distance exists and how that distance can be shrunk with words, and effort.

When the iron is hot

I am trying to finish the assignments from the course I took back in December. It feels like a lifetime ago, and I am really struggling to recapture the essence of what I was trying to learn in those moments.

It would perhaps have been nice to have had the option of dropping it at the time, but I didn't have the luxury. I did have the luxury of taking a two week extension, which I did gratefully, but I am quickly reminding myself why in all the other courses that I have taken in this program, I always stayed on top of the assignments and got them in as soon as possible.

When you take a course on two back to back weekends (fri-sun), it is intense, and everything is packed in to a short period of time. Now, almost a month later with the landscape of my life altered, it is a real struggle to get back in to that headspace. I only have the last 1/3rd to do, but I feel like I am balking every step of the way. I guess it doesn't help that I am not feeling up to snuff today, or that I am in the middle of a decent book which is always a distraction. I am fighting myself to stay on track, and I know I will feel better when it is done, it is still a slog.

Quack, quack

Today marks 22 days in a row of downpour.

It does seem to stop for a few hours a day, before the skies open up and the deluge begins again.

It is also very mild - and damp. So at times, even though the ol' mercury isn't dropping, the damp seeps in and you find yourself damn cold!

My parents think we are half nuts for some of our plans, snagged a great deal for Ken on a black suit, and my dress, both on the marketplace. The price we paid appeals to them, but definitely cautious about what to expect when the items arrive (both a little cynical). I agree, there is an element of risk, but these are people's businesses, and their rep is everything on-line... so once you scan through the comments I figure you can get a pretty good feel for it all. Granted, I say that with my fingers crossed... (and enough time to get alterations if needs be)

Things are coming together quickly, decisions happening, and the elements falling in to place. I think a lot of the major decisions that need to be made will be done by the end of the week. Then part of it is hurry up and wait... although when you only have just over two months, there isn't much waiting to do!!!!!

Super Fan!

The last 24 hours has been a time of many firsts.

Last night I was officially a super fan for the Orange Crushers. *SIGH* I already miss being a part of the action, but fingers crossed, I will play again - a year from now. Of course, it seems that all mothers give me a 'knowing look' when I say that, but I can have high hopes.

We are also officially booked. In the deluge of rain and mist clinging to hills, we made it out to our location, sized it up, and laid down some dosh. Now the ball really starts to roll!!! We have a starting list, which I think will be fleshed out in the days to come, seeing as to the fact that we don't have a lot of time to linger on this stuff!

Cute Fluff

Star Wars recreated by Bunnies!!! When you need a 30 second laugh...

T G I F ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Random bits

So, I ran in to an old friend from a past life the other day. When she asked for my number, I hesitated, and really thought about it, do I need this person in my life now? Do I have anything to say? She had two kids clinging to her, and was saying that her marriage was on the rocks and then quickly followed up about the date she had been on just before NYE. She was like a strange blast from the past, a circle of friends I haven't spoken to in at least 7, maybe 8 years for many a good reason. I was like the white sheep in a bunch of black sheeps and knew it had been my time to move on. It felt weird, but I gave her my work number. Where I have call display. Cowards way out perhaps? But it felt right because I knew I didn't want to dodge her calls at home, and it would be easy enough to at work.

Once again, sometimes those past moments remind you of just how happy you are to be in your current pair of shoes.

I am definitely getting more hormonal. My moods are crazy at times, or just edgier. I have definitely had a few sniffles so far. You know, like when they play the national anthem when Canada wins at hockey again... Will have to attempt to keep a handle on that and make sure I don't scare off the people I love the most!!!

Canadian, eh?

So... You think you're Canadian? eh! This is amusing stuff, some not so known facts about this great land and it's peoples!

http://www.cbc.ca/chillybeach/trivia/trivia26.swf

Do I really have to go back to work tomorrow?

I have the feeling that this year will fly. I am mentally prepping myself to head back to work, and I know the next three days will pass by in a crazy blur of people and things to do.

The season wrapped up a little differently than the past few - our truck decided to give us a few issues on the First, so we didn't make it to a Polar Bear Dip. First time since the 98/99 year I haven't gone in!! It was strange, but I guess that was how it was meant to be. So, we had a quiet first, got the truck going again (loose evasive hose), and saw an early show... YES. That means I finally saw the latest HP. It was great. Definitely not a kiddie movie though - and all the trailers were geared at the under 10 set.. have these folks seen the movie???

Ventured in to the mall today, ran some errands, did a small exchange and was grateful that the mall was not mobbed (low tolerance for chilling in the mall, missing that gene). After all the rich food, it was time for a big greek salad for dinner. YUMMY!!!!

Just finished reading The Kite Runner. It was a great read, sad at times, but a good book and well worth spending a few hours. Amazing for a first novel, quite evokative. You don't always like the protagonist, but he does come around by the end of the tale.

Have completed avoided doing laundry. May have to break soon and get some loads going, everything else has held a lot more appeal than cleaning clothes this week. I have also emailed myself a list for tomorrow, to remind myself that I need to kick it back in to gear and get the ball rolling again - lots to do and plan in a short amount of time. Still been feeling pretty good overall, with the exception of needing to chew down on some tums, here and there!

And so went the Christmas season for 2005...

An odd tradition, befitting of ourselves was born last NYs when we took down the tree. A ceremonial burning, a few words to send off the season, and welcome the lengthening days. So, it is that time of the year again, and the tree has come down, which much needle shedding. I always feel a little sad when the tree comes down, and the decorations go away for another year, then I am amazed at how much more space we seem to have, and then the yearly cycle starts up again.



Ah, it is a sight to behold. It is also a lesson to folks out there, just how dry a real tree can get being indoors for two weeks!!! It also goes up really quickly so it is important to remember to water your tree in between the visiting, food and pressies.



Last year the tree was even dryer - even less was left behind. Yes, we totally did this safely, it was raining, and we had a garden hose, and the tree was in a heavy, cast iron holder. Yah, right we are just a little wacky and it suits us just fine.

Happy New Years!

Happy New Years!

Cheers to 2006! This is going to be one helluva year!!! Well, I would say we nicely rang in the new year, and I was surprised by how many fireworks were going off, everywhere! Lots of noise, sirens, booms...nothing like bringing in a new year with a bang. Funny that the NY channel was about 5 minutes ahead of everyone else.. LOL

A year from now, it will be interesting to note the changes - between tying the knot and babies, should be a banner year. Last year was a year of extremes, trying times, and amazing times, with all stops in between.

Speaking of which - Spirit of the West and Great Big Sea did the NYE concert in Niagra Falls, and the last song they did together was the Crawl. Ah, the song brings back many memories or singing and carousing and hanging with yer mates. They don't tour so much anymore, so I am glad Ken and i made it to a St. Paddy's day concert of theirs a few years back...