Monday, June 29, 2009

My boys...

A few more pics from the hospital... I must admit, I am a pretty proud momma!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Connor William

Our second son, Connor William made his arrival on Saturday morning, June 27th, at 2:17am. He was 22 inches long, and weighed in at an impressive 10 pounds, 8 ounces. This was a really quick birth, so by the time we made it to the hospital around midnight, discovered we were already at 7 cm, it was obvious we were only a few hours away from welcoming Connor.

Everything went really well - (I am backdating this post to stay somewhat current and to get caught up). Although I must say on Friday, I didn't really expect to not be induced on Saturday morning. In fact, when I called my doctor to give him a head's up at 11:15pm on Friday night... he seemed a little skeptical that we would be heading to the birthing room right away! Things went fast. This time I opted for the room with the shower instead of the bath, and it seemed like experience played a major factor in making this an easier birth. I was able to control my breathing through many of the contractions, Ken was great at applying pressure as needed on my back, and things just progressed so much quicker. I was almost afraid to get in the delivery bed - I kept remembering that with Brandon, at that point, it felt like I was there for hours and hours in pain, before things really started to move.

Things happened so fast this time, they didn't do any blood work (no time for any pharmaceutical help, although I didn't really need it this go around) and for me, I just seemed really aware of what was happening. A good team of nurses, and Ken, and then with the same doctor that delivered Brandon. I felt well taken care of, the hospital wasn't all that busy, and truly, it was a really good birth experience.

Our first picture after birth all together... now we need some pics with the 4 of us!!

This picture was taken when Connor was about an hour or two old..

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Before and After...


and After ...

Friday, June 26, 2009

Totally frittering away time

So, I figure baby is close. Some random contractions, and well, Saturday is getting closer and closer. What a crazy day yesterday was - between MJ and Farrah... glad baby decided to stay in for another day or two...

I was up most of the night finishing off my book - World Without End. It was a good read - I am glad I saved it to truly enjoy the 1000 pages, but it was a shade off the original Pillars of the Earth... either that or because this was somewhat a follow up, I had an inkling of what kind of saga to expect... and it did deliver, and it was a good book.

Today feels like hurry up and wait, and my motivation to putter and do stuff has completely evaporated. Time is flitting by, and I can't say that I have done anything profound. Except perhaps some fleeting thoughts I would have loved to have written down at 4am after I finished my book, but the thought of actually getting up at that point was just not happening.

I have had a few irritable moments today - in some regards, I feel a bit under a microscope... is it now? soon? what is happening? what does that look mean? that slight hitch in your voice, is it significant? do we pack up and run for the hospital? what about dinner? how regular are these random contractions? was this how it felt last time? how to make Brandon feel like a rock star tonight? how to get some snuggles with Ken in before chaos erupts? where is my crystal ball?

Nothing prolific or profound. Just waiting. A little impatient. A little nervous.

Must be time to make some rice crispy squares!

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Now that it is looking like Saturday is going to be the big day (things can change between now and then, but I am not holding my breath), I am pondering at actually having some time on my hands at home, before the chaos hits.

Time alone during the day is so easily frittered away - a Wii Fit workout, reading my book, puttering around the house, reorganizing shelves, chatting, surfing the net, I am not sure where the rest of the time has been going, but it is going. It's weird having some quiet time, knowing that in a few days, everything will have changed and there will be 4 of us, not 3. Someone made an interesting comment to my DH - they said that when they went from one kid to two, they felt like more of a family because it wasn't just two folks with a kid. Interesting thought, it struck a bit of a resonance for me because I am really happy we are having two. Of course, people ask about three, and for some reason, seem surprised that I answer PDQ - "I don't really have a program for three."

About forgiveness.

I have realized in the last few weeks, in a few conversations, that I have some issues to work through about breast feeding. I think a big part of it is forgiving myself for something that was truly beyond myself - and that was what happened during Brandon's first few weeks (how long it took me to truly realize he wasn't getting enough from me). I did a damn good job of what I did - but Brandon didn't gain a lot in his first month, I was incredibly stressed, in the first week we worried about dehydration, it seemed to take forever for my milk to come in, although the health nurses came every week and assured me that he was gaining, albeit slowly, I look at pictures and the change between month 1 and month 2 is staggering.

The difference was when I finally felt it was okay to start formula feeding on top of the breast feeding. He gained 4 pounds in a month. Hello, even I am not too proud to say that I obviously never had enough milk on my own. He had never been full, and I had never been engorged and after he had that first full bottle, everything changed in an instant as his eyes rolled back in his head and he was truly full. I am glad we have never looked back. It was a big day for us.

Even now, typing this out, I feel close to tears. It's stupid, because I know I tried it all - nipple shields, breast feeding 12 hours or more a day, every single latch possible, domperidone to help me lactate more, pumping... you name it, I tried it. I really wanted to feed Brandon exclusively by breast. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be, or that really and truly, I couldn't make it work like other women seemed to be able to. Now looking back, how unhelpful some health care professionals were about the issues, and how helpful some were. It's interesting the role of experience and how it changes your perception.

You weed through so many emotions about your "ability" to breastfeed - guilt, frustration, hopelessness, you wonder if this is linked to having being diagnosed with PCOS (hormone thing) when you were young, if you aren't quite doing it right, and then comfort, satisfaction, and bonding when things are going somewhat right... in the end, with Brandon, it evolved in to more comfort nursing, with most of what he got coming from the bottle until we started introducing solid foods.

Now, number two is within a few days of their arrival, and the girls haven't really changed much. It may or may not mean a damn thing. Who knows, this time I may win the milk lottery. However, I have bought new bottles, we have a store of formula, and I am in the process of making my peace with "this is not the hill I am going to die on" this time. But I still get worked up and passionate about it all, which brought me to the conclusion that I need to let it go (really and truly) and make my peace with Brandon's first few weeks, and know that yes, he could have gained quicker, but he was alright. He is a big and healthy, strapping lad. I couldn't have done a better job than I did. This time, I will do the same, although I will start formula a lot earlier (read in the hospital), and not have the guilt, or just be as frankly honest as I can be with the nurses, etc. And myself.

And with this, comes forgiveness. For myself, for some of the opinionated folks around me (like my mom) who were trying to express opinions I wasn't ready to hear and couldn't seem to attempt a different approach that wasn't nearly as offensive as the one they were taking, and I guess even to the public health nurses (all of what 7 or 8) that I saw over the first 5 weeks until I started topping up with formula who really were somewhat pushy about the whole breastfeeding thing and not really putting out other options (until the final pair I had) that I was too tired to even consider. So, part of this post is about that - laying it out there, working it through, and just letting it go.

I have done some research - and experts say that some women truly don't produce enough milk, while for most women it is an issue of demand and latching - and this time around, I will just say we are doing both and not get as worked up about it (or will do my best not too). It actually gives us more freedom than anything else. I will be more "bamboo", and be flexible to what comes my way, rather than digging my heels in. I have a few friends that have been on both sides of this - friends whose milk came in easily and profoundly, and those of us that truly labored over producing more because what we naturally produced, never seemed to be enough. For those it isn't easy for, it is a strange thing how it affects you - and how passionately you can try to change it, and things can be okay - but never truly great. And that, at the end of the day has to be okay.

So, in a nutshell, this is about letting go, and letting it be what it will be over the next few days, weeks, and months. I aim to successfully do both - a combination of the breast and formula and give baby the best of both. It is easier the second time around, you are stronger as a mother, and I am confident in my family unit - we can make it through anything.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I didn't really think I'd see 40 weeks again!

So much for second babies coming early - definitely not the case with us!

I think the part I look forward to the most in my maternity appts is hearing the baby's heart rate through the Doppler. I find it oddly comforting. That and feeling baby move and shift. Some days I am really aware of the movements, and other days, not as much. Some nights I am really conscious that it could happen any time, some nights I am sleeping like a baby.

If things don't start happening before the weekend we are going to be induced again. It's actually a relief - I have a date in mind if things don't happen before Saturday... well, then we may be helping things along with another induction. Time will tell. Although, at this point, I see baby waiting until the weekend.

Ken and I went and saw Angels and Dem0ns today... I enjoyed it - it was good - definitely like Mr. TH with shorter hair and not the long mop he wore for the last movie.. There is something to be said for having the time to research and spend your time delving in to the great mysteries of life and secret knowledge but that just doesn't seem to be my fate. I love reading, and I would be lost without my books - but I don't have it in me at this stage for that kind of sustained research and writing. I learned that when I reconnected with an old friend that is aiming to be a university prof - damn, there is a lot of publishing and conferences, and reading, and writing, and asking for grants, and trying to get postings... makes me appreciate my niche in the post secondary world a little more.

So, more hurry up and wait... I am well, baby is well, and days are flying by.

Friday, June 19, 2009

All packed, no where to go ... yet!

I had strange dreams last night - many of which involved me being aware on some level that my water was breaking and maybe now it was time to have this baby, and then waking up to ... nothing. Just a sore hip and time to make my next flip over to my other hip. Or a bio-break, seeing as those happen every few hours as well!

With Brandon, I fully expected to go late - this time, I think I was a lot more skeptical about whether or not I would hit 40 weeks... Seeing as that is Monday, it is looking more and more like a reality. We are all getting a little impatient... we are ready to meet our new baby!! Boy or girl, what do you look like??? Who are you??? Or as ready as you ever are... I know I kept saying that the Solstice would be nice, but it seemed liked such a long shot, and frankly, that's SUNDAY!

Yesterday I kept Brandon home and Ken got off work early so it felt like a day where we played hookey - I got a new vacuum (and it rocks, it is amazing how having a good vacuum that truly cleans your carpets can be a big deal, but it is. Kazzicus Domesticus strikes again) and we brought Ken's mom lunch (she is back at home). She looks and feels awesome,albeit a little tired - hard to believe she ended up going through not one but two angiograms/angioplasty procedures. She feels better too, which is a big relief. Of course, now we tease each other that she made it to the hospital first, and well, we are still waiting. Make for interesting times.

Today - I have finally cracked open World With0ut End by Ken F0llett... It has been a few years since I read Pillars of the Earth, but the two novels are only loosely linked... Although I may be interrupted reading this book... (800 plus pages) I figure it will keep me going for a while... I am half at a lull of what to read... my book club is meeting early next week but I didn't know what they were reading until a few days ago and my copy of the book is en route, and well, the chances of me being not available early next week are high, so I will just read the book club book and hold my opinions for later (we are going to read The Book of Negroes)

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The June Ritual

Since today isn't going to be the day, it is time to make some strawberry jam!

We headed to the valley to buy some fresh berries, direct from the farm, and although it would have been cool to have done the u-pick option, this was not the year. Even though the farm hadn't had it's official season opening, the line up was 10 deep the whole time we were there - it was surprising how many people were out to get their berries... Bought a 15 pound flat (mostly for us, some for my folks) and home we were bound. Ken and I made 4 batches of jam, I prefer the 500 ml size jars to each batch only made about 4 jars...

Just lovely. Amazing how much better the local berries taste - even if they are not as big and perfect and somewhat harder like the Californians are. Up to our elbows in strawberries and then made some angel food cake for fresh berries and ice cream tonight.. YUMMY!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Counting Days

It helps that this blog has been around for a few days.. I can look back at what I packed for the hospital last time, and the advice I got from some lovely ladies, and make sure that I am on track this time... I guess I am about where I was last time, it was about a week before my due date that I actually put together my hospital bag... after yesterday's appointment I figured that it was probably time to get a few things together - I think all I need to add is my nursing tank top and my slippers and I have it nailed. Simple stuff, not too much.

I think it will happen sometime over the weekend.

I have a harder time this time around seeing that bubs will stick around until 41 weeks..

I feel more ready that I did last week - I have done my puttering, there is food in the house, there are a few last minute bits and pieces I want to get done... I have had some solo time, I am glad that we paid for the month of June so Brandon could continue going to daycare (that has been a godsend, it has been nice to have had some time to just do stuff, and not just fritter away time playing jigzone either) weeks waiting. You don't get that luxury when you already have one child..

I feel the urge to make a list to make sure I use this time wisely - like maybe printing out some wedding pictures (aside from a handful, still haven't put together a wedding album) or organizing the pictures we do have on our hard drive... sounds like work!

Was a quick weekend - was really nice because I got to spend time all weekend at different times hanging with friends, and then Sunday got the news that Ken's mom was experiencing chest pains - hospital got her in quick, and she has already had an angiogram/angioplasty and a stent! Here are my fingers crossed for a speedy recovery and her just feeling better - scary is that an artery was 80% blocked!!! So far so good. Today will more than likely include a visit to her (depending on how long she will be in the hospital).

Life never happens in a vaccum - it keeps on rolling and things are always a'happening.

It's strange this time around, I don't think I will need to be induced (fingers crossed), but the hurry up and wait for a really significant life event to happen is pretty trippy.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

39 weeks...

It is always a strange process getting used to your pregnant self - but here I am! In all my glory at 39 weeks pregnant...

Thursday, June 11, 2009


I feel a bit more settled now that our shed has been cleaned out, found a few more baby items (and here I thought I was being so good about how I stored stuff in the last few years, not nearly as effective as I thought), and getting close to the final stretch of the "puttering" type preparations for a new soul to join the household.

Of course, the other parts are squeezing in some selfish time - which also sounds like resting up, reading, doing laundry, doing not much of anything, and trying to do the bits and pieces that will just help me feel more organized. I know that once the baby is born that my focus will be all about babe, all about Brandon, and trying to figure out our new reality and trying to get some time in there with Ken...

Speaking of selfish time - got out with Ken last night and we saw the latest Trek. It was awesome. I was thoroughly entertained, and they did a damn good job of the movie, the characters, the whole sha-bang. I loved it. Now I want to go out and rent all the Trek movies, just to relive the storyline...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Is today the day?

Slowly creeping towards 39 weeks (next monday) and enjoying officially being off work... I was so done Friday night when I wheeled my things out of work that the feeling lasted through the weekend. Definitely tired.

I am a few days in to my "vacation" and it has been nice to begin puttering, and nesting, and getting stuff organized. With a second, you definitely aren't as organized as early as you are with the first! Procrastination anyone?

I wake up in the morning, and I can't help but wonder, will it be today?? I think I have about a week, but I can't be sure. I don't think I have really dropped yet, but again, I can't be totally sure either. What I know is that every day I don't have the baby, I am one day closer to having the baby. LOL. It is still incredibly nice at the mat appts to hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler. Loud and strong. It is very assuring. I feel bigger and smaller than with Brandon, or at least more aware and content with my pregnant self.

I was asked yesterday if I will miss being pregnant - some of it. Feeling your baby move, feeling like you have this incredible secret, this life moving inside of you. The sore back and stretched out belly, well, that is a little harder to miss, and the heartburn, not so much. Once again, I feel pretty fortunate to have had a good pregnancy. Aside from being really tired at times, I have done well overall. I can't say that there have been huge differences between my pregnancies - I think the biggest difference is having walked down this path before. It is easier when you have an idea of what to expect, what changes are going to be coming.. but now, in the final stages, it is almost crazier having an idea of what to expect from labour. Knowing about the pain, and then the joy, and then how quickly time continues to march forward from such an amazing life event.

So, enough nattering, time to go and putter. I need to find my b'feeding pillow, and receiving blankets, and some more baby stuff. I am closer to where I feel I should be for preparations, but really, can you ever be prepared?

Friday, June 5, 2009

The midnight hour

Well, today is my last day at work.

Crazy. I am off until July 2010. It seems even more surreal this time than it did on my last day before I left work to have Brandon. Is it because I (half) know what expect??

It has felt like a sprint getting to this point - like I am in no big rush to be done, although reality may hit sometime next week when I don't have to get up and get ready for work... I am really hoping I get a week (fingers crossed) before baby decides to make their appearance so I can just putter, and do some stuff, and then do nothing at all - except maybe read a book.

Leaving work is different this time - when I left the last job before my mat leave, I was done. I didn't expect to come back for long, and this time, I know I am in for the long haul - maybe switch positions in some unknown future, but I like my job, I fit in there, and the neatest thing that happened, is that I have peers that I like and call my friends. Who knew? Not saying I didn't have friends at my previous (recent) jobs, this time around it has felt different, like I am a better fit at this place and in this time. So today, I will hit the Canadian institution for some donuts and muffins, and hopefully go out for lunch, and once I get my last tasks done... clean out my last bits and pieces, and then head home for a rest.

A whole year. It stretches out before me and yet I am having a hard time conceptualizing past the next few weeks.. I guess it is because everything depends on the personality of numero two. I wonder what they will be like - easy going, high maintenance, somewhere in the middle? Time will tell.

Shock of all shocks, today may be a day where I manage multiple posts.

Ah yes, must love the waking up at 2:30 in the morning for a bio break and then not being able to fall asleep again. This is getting old.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Final days at work

Two days left. Where does the time go?

And we are in the middle of a heat wave. Last year at this time I was joking about Junuary, and this year, it is still 20 C at 2 in the morning. Of course I know this because that is one of the times in the night I am normally up for a biological break.

After this week's maternity appointment it hit me more than in a matter or days or weeks, we are going to have two kids. There are still a few things I feel the need to do before bubs is born too. I haven't cleaned and organized to my expectation, I am starting to feel that urge to nest and clean and put things in their place. I also want a few days next week to be me. Putter, figure stuff out, or just plain rest. I am getting tired.

So far so good, fundal height is steadily going up, blood pressure is good, I haven't really had a lot of swelling yet, and time is marching on.. that was monday, so I am now closer to 38 weeks than anything else. Time seemed to go so much slower with Brandon... now it feels like the days are just slipping by. I am not packed to go yet, and it feels like I am not as stressed about getting ready - in other words, truly, how are you ever ready?? You just do.

I think tonight I am going to pull out that "let's go get dinner at the dock" card because I am just done. Between the heat, and work, and life... I don't want to cook tonight. Someone else can.