Monday, May 31, 2010

Holding on to May...

If today was a really long day, it would mean that June would be a bit farther off than tomorrow. June means Connor turns 1 and my official return to work date is rapidly approaching.

Like my recurring theme of cleaning stuff out and letting go of stuff, it feels like I am half dwelling on my RTW. It isn't a bad thing, I am looking forward to regular paycheques, just not the daycare expenses. Speaking of which, after being on the list for over two years, B's daycare still cannot confirm if he has a space for July.


This month is going by too quickly. I know June will go by even faster. I have done some incredibly cool stuff in the last few weeks - went to Whistler, have caught up with a lot of girl friends, and been out and about as much as possible.

I feel almost paralyzed, not knowing where to start with the things I want to get done before I have time dedicated to work to factor in to the mix . I did clean the carpets - and within hours one of the cats had an accident and Brandon puked. I still need to paint the hallway going upstairs to the laundry room (who knows if it will get done when I want it to)... and just stuff. I am making lists again, which helps... but there are moments I stall out, and just feel tired, and wonder how the first few months back are going to feel since Connor isn't sleeping through the night and the housework still will need to get done.

I am sure I, and we, will adjust. It will be a transition period of chaos, and then the chaos will normalize. Such is how it is. Now I am off to make my first carrot cake.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I will see it through..

Ah yes, today reminds me why I won't do another garage sale. They are just hard on the soul if you aren't a real salesman. I am not a salesman. I may rave (and rant) about some stuff, but I would never cut it on commission.

Didn't end up selling the crib and mattress, I should have washed the cover and the fellow looking at it couldn't get over the cat hair on it, and that the zipper was missing a piece (the pull piece so I am attaching a safety pin to it) to show how the cover comes off. Whatever. My bad. He then wanted to buy the crib without the mattress, and no thank you, I am not making my life harder than it needs to be. Am now washing the cover and will put it back together and hopefully with the next person interested in it, we can make a deal.

Person buying my sling is going to come tomorrow instead of today. Joy.

We also have a cell that I want to sell, but I think I will be heading over to the auction site for that one. Taking in old books is one thing... but I am glad I paid a bunch of my maternity/old clothes forward, and am paying forward our other baby stuff. It is a lot of work, and dealing with people who want a great deal on a good deal. I do it myself, but there is also a way to do it where you aren't stealing from the person either... hence, it is just easier to pay stuff forward where you can. For the crib.. really.. it isn't used. I would like to get something for it... I could just do with out the roller coaster to get it out the door.

it's an odd one..

It looks like I am selling our crib today, and my baby sling.

My official return to work day, is looming closer and closer and I am so glad I have holidays tacked on to that date so I don't go back to work until July.

This morning, getting the big guy ready for swimming, I felt a bit melancholic. No matter how nice it is to declutter, it also means I am moving away from our baby stage and oh boy is it ever a short period of time that your kids are wee. It feels strange to know we won't have more babies (and this is good) and that this time is shifting quietly in to the next stage with our boys.

Brandon is so tall! He talks so well... and 4 is getting closer and closer and soon there will be kindergarten. Wow. My baby will be one... The time has truly flown. I want to hold on to every last day, and cram as many cool and interesting things that I can in to this time that I can... then real life interferes and I still need to do laundry, and clean the kitchen, and chase the dust bunnies away. It is so important to take those moments you can, and just enjoy them, even if it means leaving a kitchen disaster in your wake for another day.

Did I really say melancholic in the past tense?? I think that is the feeling of today. The weather is truly late spring - really heavy downpours, then bursts of sun through the clouds. Then the wind, and then a few rumbles. I think my mood matches the weather today - just all over the place. We also got rid of the bunk beds Brandon briefly used (nice alliteration there) yesterday, and although it still seems we are packed to the rafters in our small space, there is slowly being created a little more breathing room. Oddly enough I am learning more about quality rather than quantity. Either that or I am finally getting better about clutter.

On a completely different note, Brandon seems to have become a slow, drawn out eater. It drives me a bit bonkers at times, and at other times, it is like water off of my back. Today, lunch has taken 45 minutes so far... I have told him no favorite show at 2:30 unless he eats his lunch. I am not sure if he is just testing me... but he still has grilled cheese left to eat. He has eaten grapes and some watermelon, so if he doesn't finish it all, I won't be too concerned. He is not going to waste away any time soon! (just no show when he wants it) HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Another year older

37, you are looking pretty good so far.

Birthdays are a funny thing as you get older, you tend to stop paying attention to the increasing numbers ad you start to just embrace the days more since they seem to start going so damn fast.

I had a good weekend - Ken made some amazing meals. Got halibut on my birthday, and then steak yesterday. Ah, it was a fine weekend. Got spoiled by all of my boys and my mom took me to see Buddy yesterday. What a great play - one of the best musicals I have ever seen, awesome music and a good story, true to how things unfolded. Spent time with all of my immediate family, Brandon went riding, went for a drive, had an ice cream cake... pretty damn cool I must say.

But another year older already??? My boys are almost a year old and 4 years old?? Wow.

Almost at the countdown stage... 7 weeks before I am sitting back at work on a Monday morning. I have been trying to catch up with folks I care about and places I love to see and so far I have been pretty successful. Having some great times with my boys.

All in all, a great birthday weekend, I felt pretty special.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


Well, I am still on the extended 30 day challenge.. the nice thing is that the game automatically shifts your end date for you... I have completed 9/20 workouts so far and I do think my ability to do squats and lunges has definitely improved... LOL I also have extended my 30 day challenge in to a ... err... umm... challenge??!

We are also on a small health kick, concentrating on whole foods for a few weeks. Ken is doing a cleanse, and I am doing a pseudo-cleanse (still b'feeding) to give our systems a kick-start. I am really trying to stay away from most bread products and to eat a lot healthier. Whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies, no red meats, no packaged foods or prepared foods. I did this cleanse 7 years ago and it seemed like such a bigger deal in terms of what I could and couldn't do. Amazing what a few years and a few kids will do towards your attitudes towards food, especially having chosen to make all of my own baby food for both kids.

It is easier this go around. Alcohol hasn't been a factor (rarely drink), and I have switched out my lattes for espressos in the morning. It seems we are halfway through and we have eaten a mountain of fruits and veggies.

Eating like this is better, but it also requires a lot of effort in terms of planning and preparation. So far I have "re"learned a few things... spaghetti squash tastes pretty darn good and is easy peasy to make... making your own salad dressings is easy and they taste pretty good too... I think I will try to incorporate more salads in to our routine rather than just taco salad... I like lentils and I don't like quinoa. Coconut tastes great on oatmeal, as does adding a handful of raisins... eating nuts can be addictive... flax doesn't taste so bad and is a nice, healthy way to assist your body in moving stuff along and lowering blood pressure and/or cholesterol. This experience is good to reconnect me more with food, and to think about what we are eating in a different way - a little more aware. I don't think you can eat like you do on a cleanse forever, but I think you can carry some habits over after the fact.

Monday, May 3, 2010


After a few days of reading and learning more about tennis than I have in my entire life, I have finished Agassi's autobiography, Open.

I found the beginning more refreshing - in a sense, learning about the early self of Agassi, and I found the whole book an interesting read. Although an autobiography, what you do learn a lot about it is AKA's relationship to and with tennis. I found myself cheering for him at times, and cringing at others. I really appreciated his voice, and laying parts of his life bare - his failed relationships and his brief flirtation with drugs. It feels like an honest read, and one in which you can see his character mature and grow up within the sport of tennis. This is a good book to read even if you aren't a tennis fan. It's funny, being about the same age I was aware of AKA, and some of the tennis rivalry's, and that he had been with BS... but it is different reading about it from his perspective, and his voice. In another decade, it would be be similarly interesting to read an autobiography of Crosby, as he has matured and grown up in the limelight of hockey.

Towards the end, a passage really struck a chord with me - AKA is speaking of who he has become, as he leaves tennis and embarks on his life with his family - "What people see now, for better or worse, is my first formation, my first incarnation. I didn't alter my image, I discovered it. I didn't change my mind. I opened it." Agassi, p372.

He doesn't envision himself as someone who has transformed, but formed. I like this idea - I joke about the many selves I seem to have been over the years, but you know, I like this idea of me "forming" over the years rather than transforming from one self in to another self. I like the idea that what has been happening is me opening my mind, and seeing the world with eyes that are gradually being opened and learning new things. What I have been through are experiments of self, figuring out myself, and it's funny to have read such insight in this book.

Books are always full of surprises, like people, when you least expect it you find a rich plum that you will bring in to the future with yourself.