Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Body Image

It is easier in many ways being preggers the second time around. Some of the mystery is gone (not the awe) but some of the worries aren't.

Over the last year, I have slowly watched my weight creep down. When I got preggers this time around, I was actually 15 pounds less than the first time. Not huge numbers, but rewarding nonetheless. Now it is strange watching the number on the scale slowly start to creep back up again.

I don't think I will gain huge weight this go around, I didn't the first time. I figure it was somewhere between 32- 35 pounds. This time around, I would be happier around 25 pounds, but I am not stressing that much about it, since I am about 6-7 pounds at 19 weeks. So far, so good. But is still strange watching the weight go up, and it isn't really that noticeable because all my work clothes are big on me now. And everything does indeed shift before, during, after, and then again during baby. Things are different now too - I walk more, I actually go to the gym, even if that for me means just using a machine for a 1/2 hour. I think I eat a little different, although I still have my vices and it seems at work there are always snacks kicking around.

But how do I feel knowing I am gaining weight again? Mixed feelings. As long as it is reasonable and I am not gorging myself - great. Everything in moderation I say, and it means that after it should come off pretty well too. It is part of the motherhood journey, your changing physical self and coming to terms with it.

Showing is a funny thing when you aren't a bone rack - I know I won't get that "basketball belly" that some women get, I will just fill out a little more, and probably look pregnant in month 7. First time around I looking like I was "gaining weight" for the longest time before it became truly obvious. The joys of a taller, big-boned body type eh?

This go around - it is a different kind of bodily awareness. I think because I am caring more about my physicality, and perhaps because I know deep down that two would be the ideal amount for us. I feel little titters inside, it is like a great secret, knowing that it will probably be another month before someone else will be able to feel the baby - or maybe even just a matter of weeks.

Then again, first time around I was what weeks, if not days away from a wedding? Different time, different place. Self-hood is an interesting journey.

Friday, January 23, 2009

The beautiful side of the fog cover from above

This is a picture making the email rounds taken from Cypress Bowl the other day... the view from my office is similar at sunset.. only add a few more trees interrupting my view to the left...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Above the clouds

Well, we didn't win the lotto last night, as far as I can tell so I am back at work for another day.

The weather has been mighty strange around these parts. Aside from having a real winter, off the hill (AKA where I work) the world is enveloped by freezing fog.

My view from my office is much like what you see flying - except that I can see the snow outside of my offices and the treeline, and the rest is just fluffy clouds. No lower mainland, no island mountains, just a beautiful, endless stream of white that slowly dissolves in to blue sky.

Today just hasn't been a great day. A few things completely out of my control, and I am left behind to mop up the messes. Blech. Of course there are good moments sandwiched in between the frustrating ones, but it just seems like an uphill battle today.

On a total aside, the Canucks are totally sliding. It is almost amusing that with the Great Swede, the goaltender return, and the return of Finn, all hopes are pinned on these guys' shoulders. It is just bizarre, bandwagon jumpers, how the media plays up some elements - one guy isn't a team. What the team is missing is charisma - we went to the Flyers game at the end of December and there as no excitement at GM place. Why is that? People are dropping a lot of money to see a game and they just sit there and drink beer. Cheer, yell, enjoy... Bring back the organ player!!!

We saw almost as many Flyer's jerseys as we did Canuck's jerseys. This makes me way more excited to get out and watch something like the Giants (junior hockey)- where there is energy in the stands, and the game feels a bit more dynamic and the kids are hungry and trying to make it to the show, and you can go to a game and not spend $200 bucks for a good night out.

I am glad that the week is almost done... it's been a long week.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It is that good.

A friend from work said that she found the book was a bit long, and in some ways, not up to the hype since she read it when everyone else was apparently reading it, so for her, it was hard to live up to her expectations.

I just finished reading The Time Traveller's Wife and it was all that for me. I guess I read it with no expectations, and no hype, it was just a book that I heard was good.

It was great. I am almost sorry that the story is now done. It is a truly marvelous book and I hope that the movie they are making out of it does it some kind of justice. It is a hard book to describe to someone who hasn't read it, it is about time traveling without the science fiction element to it, about love and romance, and life, and all the bits that collect to it. It is about sadness, and waiting, and great joys, and the fantastical. If you have a few moments to spare and are looking for a great read, definitely worth your while.

Damn, what the hell do I read on the skytrain ride home? Just relax, and stare out? What a novel concept.. LOL

Monday, January 19, 2009

Just a random monday

I can't believe I am already 18 weeks along. Where the hell has the time gone? I am well entrenched in to the second trimester, and I must admit, the second time around is mostly easier, because you have an idea of what to expect. The harder part is that you know more, and the wait after all your blood work gets done and that first dating ultrasound moving to the past is a big deal because then you can (hopefully) breath a huge sigh of relief.

I am cooking in my office. The sun is glaring off the snow, and the heat is full on. Having a slightly open window is not making a difference at all. I have the blinds down, am sweating, and it feels like I should be on a beach somewhere south. I am only complaining a little - it is nice to finally be on the right side of the temperature inversion and not be wondering how the hell I am going to get down from this hill in a blizzard.

So yes, I will try to return to semi-regular postings again. It was hard in December with being so busy, and well, having some fairly big news that I wasn't quite ready to break yet.

Our computer also rolled over last month- more than likely not a virus but some lovely bit ended up corrupted. It is amazing the amount of time you can spend reinstalling programs to get your computer back to where it was before any of the chaos started. I think we have things running better, and well, we had a big backlog of shows to watch on the ol' PVR so losing them probably isn't a bad thing. Starting fresh. It is kind of nice.

I felt like a bit of a shit this weekend because I ended up adjusting some plans with friends. Aiming to get together and eat after 8 just wasn't working for me. So, I made a comment about it and wasn't popular because then a few other folks were baulking at eating later on. Everything ended up working out in the end, and I was really glad.. but when I am starting to consider making more dinner for my sitters (thanks folks) and Brandon and then some for myself and I am heading to eat at a buffet.. something is wrong... we still ended up eating at 8, but we weren't starting in the line at that point (which made a huge difference).

At this point I figure it is fair to say this is what works for us making the plans, and then you can say what works for you, if you need to make changes, and then see if it works to meet in the middle - if it doesn't, maybe next time! It isn't all or nothing, and I think if someone says... well, that doesn't quite work, how about this, that is ok, you have to honor yourself and yours, and hopefully make things work.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I like to drop big news in a meme.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Played hockey with my son… went to the Harrison Hot Springs Sand Castle competition.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I haven’t really been making resolutions for a few years – I always can lose weight, be nicer to myself, etc.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my friends Cheryl and Kelz.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not this year.
5. What countries did you visit?
United States (the shopping is good) and Calgary. Does Alberta count???
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Greater financial stability.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
The day we found out we were having a second baby.
The day Brandon took his first steps.
The day Ken, Brandon and I stood under the waterfall outside of Hope.
The day I found out Brandon was doing a-ok, and see you next year.
The day I got hired at my new job, after finding out the old job wasn’t so good for becoming a parent again.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Starting to go to the gym and working out – even if working out is ½ hour on the elliptical trainer.
9. What was your biggest failure?
It’s funny, I don’t really think of anything as being a failure, when things don’t happen the best way, it is a learning experience.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing really stands out.
11. What was the best thing you bought?.
Our new campstove, even if we haven’t used it yet.
The new aerobed.
The XOBX 360 to connect to our computer and Media Center.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Depends on what day, what time, the cycle of the moon, yadda yadda yadda. Everyone could be on this list at some time.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Behaviour of the media? I don’t really give anyone that power to make me appalled and depressed in the way it will have an impact on my life. Sad, perhaps, wishful perhaps that things could have been different, but I try not to live with any regrets.
14. Where did most of your money go?
If I knew that, I would be really happy. Bills. Bills. More damn bills. Daycare.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Brandon is walking and doing really well!! That we have another surprise coming June 22nd.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Move it Like This – Baha Men, because Brandon likes to hear it again and again in my car.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier. Things are much more even keeled.
b) thinner or fatter? A little thinner but that will change in the next few months.
c) richer or poorer? A little of both. More assets, more debts.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent time outside – at the beach, at the park, in the woods, camping.
More little getaways with Ken and Brandon.
Spent more time with a few girlfriends who don't live nearly close enough.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With family, wondering when the snow would stop.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell a long time ago.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
CSI:Miami when I have a chance to watch it.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate takes a lot of energy, and I just don’t have any to spare. That’d be a no.
24. What was the best book you read?
Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Some older Flogging Molly? Didn’t really get a lot of chances to enjoy a lot of new music. That if you just give up and sing, your kids adore you for it.
26. What did you want and get?
New PJs and some more books.
27. What did you want and not get?
To be debt free, LOL.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
WallE, and the movies Ken and I got to see on date nights… and then Toy Story and the short films from Monsters Inc for the joys they brought Brandon.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 35 and I believe that we had a really nice dinner with the family. We didn’t do anything too exciting.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Job stability and actually liking my job.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Classical and comfortable, while learning to get more flattering shoe types...
32. What kept you sane?
My husband, my kid, my animals, my books, and my friends.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Fancy? Can’t say any are at the top of my list right now.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The US election and the excitement it caused worldwide.
35. Who did you miss?
My mom’s mom (grandma).
36. Who was the best new person you met?
Not sure.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Which one?
Learning how to let go more, be more authentic, be true to yourself, all that self-actualizing stuff, be true to those you love, say what you mean... etc.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I always make up my own lyrics since I can never remember the words so I am not going to waste much time trying to think of something prolific to put here.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

catching up on some good reads

After not being able to read much for early December, I was finally able to get through a few books over the holidays. Funny how a few feet of snow will help enable a person for that!

I read a few of my favorite escapist novelists, and also managed to pick up a few not so light reading materials.

Although it took me nearly three months to read, I finally finished Madame Proust and the Kosher Kitchen by Katy Taylor. It felt like a book I would have read back in the day of doing my English degree. It was good - one of those novels that gets better upon reflection but it wasn't an easy read or a page burner. It was one I struggled through, not because I wasn't interested, I just didn't find it easy to read. Comparing it to some of the Canadian Lit I have read, this was a great read! LOL Well worth a perusal, three stories about three women in different times with interwoven historical threads. It was a very subtle and good read.

I just finished Walking After Midnight by Katy Hutchinson. Wow. What a compelling novel. One of the ladies in my book club mentioned it, and it was nothing like what I expected. It is a story about being true to oneself, moving through an unbelievable tragedy (the murder of your husband), and the power of restorative justice. It is a true story, and a local one at that, Squamish. Well worth a read, not always easy, but very powerful stuff.

I am now working my way through the Time Traveler's Wife and it is enchanting in its differences. I have heard nothing but good things about this book - and so far it is living up to the hype, we shall see as the pages unfold and the love story develops over "time".

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I have no sparkling and valid excuses for why I have dropped off of the face of the blogisphere.

I have just been damn busy.

Snowed in like the rest of everyone else - and fighting winter colds, almost flus, midnight runs to the hospital to make sure the little dude was alright, getting ready for Christmas, procrastinating about our Christmas cards... they will be belated cards, I have them somewhat prepared, but I have been saying that for a few days now.

Christmas was good - a quiet affair this year.

New Years was good, another quiet affair. A little time with the core family group with a great dinner, some family time, some friend time, some banging on pots at midnight time.

The great snow falls, and then the great melt has had a huge impact on just everything.

It's been strange experiencing a true Canadian winter - snow. More snow. More snow. A little clearing, then more snow. Now rain, and there is what looks like to be some breaks in the clouds and I went outside at lunch and I didn't freeze! Who knew?

So, it's a new year, and I won't make any promises, but it shouldn't be another month before I decide to appear again. There are a few things on the horizon that I suspect will take up a few inches of space on here. Plus I have read a few interesting books in the interim too.

So, hello. I am back.

Happy New Years and all the rest!