Friday, August 26, 2011

Since I know what to expect.

After taking a break from reading, it seems the pages have not been turning fast enough for the past week. I just knocked off another book in the Inspector Banks series, Innocent Graves. Another fine installment in a series that continues to deliver great reads without falling in to formula writing.

Since I discovered about 10 of them in my closest library, and not really being all that keen on reading some of my intellectual stuff waiting on my shelf, I figured that it being a scorcher of a weekend that I should just take out another book in the series. Next up, Cold is the Grave.

Weekend is supposed to be amazing weather wise. I am tempted to head back to the beach again tomorrow since it was just so awesome last week. Is that overkill? Risking disappointment? I am just not sure, I will see how things shake out in the morning and how motivated I am feeling. Another week down, and B's first stomach flu since his surgery. We all survived. I had no idea I would be so thrilled to see signs of a bacterial/viral infection, but they are welcome to see since it means that it isn't something else.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Words to live by.

“My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.” Jack Layton

Monday, August 22, 2011

Reading through a series

There is something to be said about the familiar when it seems that everything else in your life is in a state of flux. I finished another book this weekend (Wednesday's Child by Peter Robinson) and now I am moving on to another one in the series, Innocent Graves. These are highly satisfying mysteries to read, not predictable, well thought out, easy characters to be drawn to. I am also leafing through Weird Washington. I wish they wrote more books like this about BC, I would be more inclined to travel more in our province.

If Saturday felt like a bona fide vacation day, yesterday was muggy and irritable. Neither kid slept in, and neither one had enough sleep. Went grocery shopping early, then to a birthday party, and then home, and then to the park because the boys were climbing the walls, and pieced together dinner, and then the day was over. I could not imagine living out east where you get humidity like that all the time. You could feel the rain coming, and it is a welcome break today, as long as it doesn't stall too long here on the coast. It feels strange after so many beautiful days to be looking out in to gray again.

Elementary school is looming closer. We need to buy a backpack, and figure out lunches. Next week I will have to call in and see how things are going and if there is any more paperwork I need to complete. We need to try out the walk to school, since our kid can truly say that he had to walk, both ways, uphill. I guess we will also need to start working on learning how to tie his shoelaces! It feels strange going in to this fall - I am not planning activities up the woo-hoo since I figure too many things are about to change.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Knocking them off

The joys of waking up early and having the house to yourself. I am holding off making my coffee just in case it wakes up one of the boys.

Last week felt like a turning point at work. I am feeling somewhat on top of things right now (novel experience since I returned from my mat leave) and that my confidence is making a comeback. Got a big project wrapped up (for now) and what I need to get done for semester start up is well under way. A far cry from last fall, or even last spring. It is crazy that in my job it truly takes a year to get back in to it.

Last night was a different matter - B was up a few times, I think it was the heat. His waking up crying reminded me of what it was like when he used to wake up every night and I would worry about him. It used to be pretty unsettling when he would wake up when he was a bit younger, that unknown factor. I will admit, it got to me a bit last night when he was waking up crying for reasons unknown (like me, the kid gets nightmares), but he settled about 1 am and then was out for the count. Once again, I am grateful life moves forward because it was tough when he was younger, and would wake up nearly every night - and him being a first child, you don't know what is normal and perhaps what is just him, or what you should be truly worried about because B does have some challenges. I used to worry when he woke up all the time that something was wrong (even if I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong). Now that he generally sleeps through the night, I had forgotten what an impact that worry energy was. Amazing how going through a shunt revision can put it all in perspective, and then you get a night like last night, and you recognize some of that fear you felt was just that, fear something was going on with his shunt that you couldn't control that would lead you down that path. Seen it, and fingers crossed, we don't ever go there again.

I also finally finished a BOOK again! Half-Broke Horses was a good book. It was a quick and easy read, and you couldn't help but wonder what really happened to Walls' mom along the way. Moment over, my youngest is up.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Half-Finished Books

I can't remember the last time I had not read a book in a month, or even one in six weeks.

Currently I have three on the go:

Half-Broke Horses, Jeannette Walls
Wednesday's Child, Peter Robinson
An Echo in the Bone, Diana Gabaldon.

All of them are good books, but I have not had the energy or the time to read more than a handful of pages at any given time. It feels strange. I suspect I will shelve the last book until Fall when I am more in need of a long and detailed book... I just started HBH and it is a great book, and I suspect a really fast read which should get me out of my reading slump, then I can go back to the Robinson book.

This summer is blitzing past. It is hard to believe we just passed the midpoint of August and that September is looming closer. My baby starts kindergarten! O M G !!! I also just found out that the first week is pretty lame, all parent-teacher interviews. Lovely. Busiest week of the year for work and I need to figure out a way to get out to the school for an hour or two. I am sure it will work out, but I sort of figured that would happen a little later in the term. Since first week is all interviews, the daycare will not be taking the kids to and from school, so outside of our interview in the first week, B will not be going to class in that first week. It feels just a little anticlimatic (although I get it, still not really what I had expected).

I also got out for a girl's night last night and saw The Help. I was pretty impressed. It was faithful to the book, and the performances were great. I couldn't imagine living in the deep south where the colour of your skin was so important back then. Amazing all the different forms of racism and fear there are out in the world. On a lesser note, the period style staging was really nostalgic - I could easily recognize the furniture, glasses, bedspreads (etc) from my grandparents homes, it felt like from another time altogether although I could recognize some of the bits and pieces of the time (if that makes any sense).

Thursday, August 11, 2011


Ah yes, my blog. Long forgotten place to quickly jot down some thoughts before I continue running. It seems like I have had less and less time to breath as this year has progressed. My vacation time was fast, and I hope to eventually make some updates and post some pictures of our adventures. I have already been back to work for almost two weeks, and the ball of knots in my stomach is proof of it. I can say with feeling that it is not easy balancing a career type job with two kids, especially with a few added challenges thrown in. I can't get over how 95% of my job seems to be going great, and 5% just sucks, and it is what I am being continually called out about. Small errors or misteps that are becoming larger issues, and trying to figure out how best to communicate with some.

It has been a struggle, especially when you are trying to claw your way in to good graces, and yet the communication piece just doesn't seem to be two ways. I am not sure how to articulate this, or what has changed in the two years since I left - and in the year since I have come back, but it has been different. I don't mind taking stuff on the chin - taking a while to learn new tasks, lapses in judgement, perhaps unrealistic expectations at times, but I have also worked my ass off, and tried to work through any thing I have had going on with my kids and tried to limit the impact on work. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am surprised by what a shift the last year has been - learning how to balance work and family, and to keep my head above water. It feels like a real cornerstone piece to all of this is a good night's sleep. Running on next to empty just makes everything harder.

All of this whinging aside... a day after I started this post, everything seemed to shift at work. It felt like the sun coming out after a long period of rain. Things have eased off a bit, and I am not feeling quite so anxious or so lacking in confidence. I don't feel so close to a knife-edge of falling off and going splat at work, but it does feel like I have to be aware and fully present in a different way. I so feel like a work in progress, figuring out balance, and how to fit in to my role at work.

Time and time again I return to the theme of "balance". My latest goal has been to get out of the house earlier and try to keep up with the dishes and day to day chaos as much as possible to just help things run a little smoother. I think this too is helping shift my frustration and not feeling like I am on top of my game to feeling like I am in control a bit more. Although not huge, I am getting out for a walk at work at least twice a week now, so it is a start.