Friday, June 30, 2006

Schools Out

Today feels like the last day of Grade 12. After today I am a free bird!! Well, it is all relative, but since I don't have any other kids, and there is that unknown factor, like wow!!! Next week is my week, and the one after that, and... until bubs makes their arrival! Not unlike leaving high school, there is this vast unknown that other people have a clue about, and well, we are just on the cusp of knowing!

Only a few more hours of work. This week has felt like a swan's song. If last week was a complete and utter slog, this week I have found some kind of place where water is rolling off of my back and I am just enjoying the longer lunches, and wrapping things up, and just getting ready to head out! It feels weird because I haven't quit, but I will be totally removed for a year, a year in which everything is going to shift within me. It is weird saying good bye to some people, and knowing that although you are coming back, things will change.

So a time to wax philosophical. I don't really have a must do list for the next few weeks, I would like to do some gardening, and some cleaning (nesting instinct is starting to kick in), some knitting, and reading, and perhaps just fritter away the time! Getting ready for baby, maybe get some wedding photos printed (which we still haven't done), oh yeah.. maybe get the thank yous out too... maybe I shouldn't think about this right now because now I am adding to my list!!!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

3 more days!

The end is nigh!

It was strange coming in to work today. I stripped all my posters and jokes from the walls, and cleaned off all my stuff from my work computer. I went through computer disks that dated well back in to the 90's and I think that I burned 30 disks worth of stuff on to 2 CDs. Put things in to perspective about storage space eh?

Training has been a bizarre experience, but my lunch dates with a few friends from work have been great! It has been a good reminder of some of the wonderful women that I work with in different areas of the workplace. 3 more days of work, and I can't wait for the air con to kick in.

It is damn hot. And humid. And I sweat. I see the investment of a kiddie pool in my future to spend time in over the next few weeks. Although it is beautiful, it is definitely warm enough to be uncomfortable.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

A glut of words

Looking at the past week, I have had no shortage of things to say. Funny how some weeks the blog is pretty lean, and other days it is just chock full o'just about everything!

Yesterday was a strange day to put it mildly. Woke up, got ready for prenatal, got in the car, looked my rings and discovered that the diamond and setting were missing from my engagement ring. I am sure I turned the whole range of colours in those 2 minutes, welled up with unshed tears, and was absolutely floored. I had had it the night before, and had really only been in the shower and the kitchen since waking to that point.

We didn't have a window of time to look for it, so off we went to the class. We did the prenatal "in a day" version, which suited us fine. Apparently only 30% of BC couples do it. That surprised both of us, and made me a little more grateful that Ken was willing to come, underscoring the fact that we are partners in this whole thing we call our lives. It was a good day, not so much the fear mongering that I was afraid of, but rather built our confidence up a bit, gave us some tools for the actual labour part, and it was neat to see other people at the same stage as us, and to see the variety of belly shapes and decisions about what one wants to know about their baby. It was amazing how many people had their names picked out! In my head I have a flexible birth plan, it will be interesting to see what my birth story will become.

Got home, searched the house, searched all logical places, searched the drain. Da nada. No diamond in its setting. What do you say? An engagement ring is a symbol of your love, and the turning point when you make that decision to get married. I guess for us, it was more of a symbol of our love, it wasn't the be all or the end all, there were no standards of what it had to be or had to look like, it had to be reasonable and simple but elegant lines. It also being custom made by a friend, we didn't think we would need to get it appraised w/in the first few months of ownership for insurance purposes, but here we are. When the setting only lasts that long, and I am not even playing hockey right now... I am at a loss to truly describe the range of emotions I felt about this, feel about this. Although looking at our matching wedding bands on our fingers, that is the part the really brings the smile on my face, the symbol of the day that we made a commitment to each other in front of our family and friends and spoke simple and meaningful words to each other. Not that I am saying I didn't love the engagement ring (I did) but at some point yesterday that part of the equation was removed. I have a naked ring that one day will be refurbished. I think that will take some time. I can't see replacing something like that when I had it in my possession for 3 months. There are so many other priorities in our lives, and when it comes right down to it, I don't need it to tell me or show me how much I love my guy or what we mean to each other. The life we have built around us is positive affirmation enough.

Needless to say, after all that emotional highs and lows I promptly went and had a nap.

Friday, June 23, 2006


One more week to go for work. Today was my flex day, and grateful barely begins to decribe how I feel that I got to stay home today. All of my grandious plans of cleaning house, doing laundry, and puttering went promptly out the window when I cracked a book in bed shortly after Ken left for work.

It was a good read, nothing earth shattering, but good escapism. Well, between naps, love from my kitties, a few short trips to get sustenance, all of a sudden it was 3pm and not only had I finished a book, but had also managed to fritter most of the day away. Part of me says that I am lazy. The other, louder part right now says, damn, that felt good. You really must have needed it. For once, I am not going to argue with myself since I think at times my mood has done the funky chicken this week and taken me for a ride. What blows me away is that my eyes still have that grainy feel to them, like I could actually crawl back in to bed and sleep for a while longer. I am resisting its pull.

As I look down at my toes, I think, wow, so this is what 36 weeks pregnant looks like. Less than a month. Well, I figure I will go past my DD, but this is it. This is the home stretch. We have our prenatal class tomorrow, and well, things are motoring along. Most days the baby moves a lot, days where I am stressing at work, not so much. I don't feel huge and swollen (yet) but today, I am tired. I think you focus a lot on the pregnancy, and then the birth, and don't pay so much attention to the what happens after birth, although you know that will make the birth seem like just a blip on the radar (as earth shifting as it is for the individuals involved). We are pulling it together, but I think you deal with it step by step as you are ready (sortof)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Borrowed words from a good read.

"You should think about your character. Know where you are changing, how you will be changed, what cannot be changed back again"

"Think about your intentions...what is in your heart, what you want to put in others."

"They write about what happened, why it happened, how they can make other things happen. They write stories of things that are but should not have been. They write about what could have been, what still might be. They write of a past that can be changed. After all, what is the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along."

I can't believe it took me as long as it did to discover Tan's writing. It took me a while to really get in to this book, but once I was in, I was thoroughly hooked. Another tale that weaves mothers and daughters, cultures in transition, and distinct historical moments, this is a lyrical book that evokes a response. Whether it is to consider a different culture or way of being, or to compare your own mother/daughter relationship and how wonderfully functional/dysfunctional they are and can be. I found the protagonist Ruth a bit irritating for the first part of the book, but as the stories evolve, my responses make much more sense.

The quotes I have included struck a chord for me, making me pause and just consider the words and what they meant to me. Without fancy words or descriptions I think that Tan hits on some truths, especially poignant ones when you consider those moments in your life when you make choices, or even let parts of your past go.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

More of the park...

The Ultimate Chow Line Up.

The many colours of green in a BC forest

Definitely feels like mid-week right now. I successfully made it through our planning day, even though there were a few moments were I caught myself watching the second hand move on the clock. Pathetic eh? I am not sure if I have truly reached the saturation point with my job (pretty close to the truth) but these last few work days are like torture. I say it now, in print, but before I have to come back, I will search my employers current postings to see what kind of lights there are in the tunnel for a change when I have to go back to work, a little over a year from now. Of course, this could be burnout talking, there are parts of my job that are rewarding, I am just having a hard time finding them right now. It is hard working in a smaller office with some really dominant personalities that are allowed to continually rampage, interrupt, and just generally tread over everyone else that gets to you after a while. I know my workplace is not unique in this - I think it is harder because I know there is an end in sight and that is what I am focused on, glossing over the moments in between, and really looking forward to a few lunches, and cleaning up stuff, and just feeling like I have done my part to leave things in good standing because that is how I am wired. Granted, sometimes I roll my eyes at myself when I look back and the only training manuals ever completed in my office have been done by me. What does that tell you about every one else?

Which makes days like Sunday more important. Nothing like getting out to nature to recharge your batteries and just do something completely different. I really value the quiet moments, and not just because of the ongoing changes that are happening. It has been a crazy year.

Speaking of which - monday I got a special treat. Two of my favourite ladies and young gals surprised me with a visit and not only did I get to see how amazing my husband is with three year olds, and got a few giggles from the gals at how green I am at handling newborns, it was so wonderful to see them. They brought a "newborn care pack" to help us get all sorted for when bubs comes. If I was a more emotional person, the tears would have been flowing easily. It was just what I needed, surrounded by love, and just welcoming for the baby we will be bringing in. It was also great to have some girl time - we don't get a lot of that. I thought that things would have calmed down after the wedding and we would have had more free time on weekends, but that hasn't been the case. Talk about a ramble that started out with pretty pictures and then darted around my chaotic week!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Badgers? I don't have no stinking badgers!

Breaking with tradition, we headed to Manning Park to celebrate Dad's day on Sunday. I forget just how close it is to get there, a mere two hours away from our place. When you arrive, you can't help but feel like you couldn't be farther away from the concrete jungle. Could have something to do with the fact that the space between Chilliwack and Hope seems to stretch on forever... especially when the fields are ripe around Clearbrook... if you know what I am saying

Staggering the effects of the nefarious pine beetle. The swaths of burnt umber pines that are just about ready to fall over in sharp contrast to the few healthy green ones near the lake. It was shocking to pull in to Lightning Lake and to see how many trees that they have taken out along the side of the lake where one can picnic. It was a little disconcerting, and it took a while to adjust too. Of course, the magic of the place seeps in pretty quick, as the grey jays discover that you have brought trail mix and seed, and the badgers/ground squirrels/marmots (whatever their technical name is) start popping up from the holes to beg for food.

What an enchanting place. We spent hours playing cards, going for a walk around the lake, eating, talking, and feeding the local wildlife. Ken and I even saw a deer on our walk around the lake. I must say, I am terrible about "short cuts". My just around the corners are never that. But life is about the journey, and it is hard to have regrets when an extra 30 minutes keeps you out in the wild a little longer, a few stolen kisses, and enjoying each other's company before you hook up with the folks again.

I love the fact that the lakes are called Lightning, Flash, and Thunder. Makes you wonder what kinds of crazy storms blow through here! Would be a fabulous place to take your canoe out for a paddle! Perhaps once bubs is a little older?

Monday, June 19, 2006

A tag,,,

Thanks Miss Refinnnnnnnnnnnej -

I AM: Canadian. (too much truth to not piggyback on this answer)
I WANT: more time in my day and money in our pockets
I HATE: ignorant people
I LOVE: my family
I MISS: my grandmother
I FEAR: losing the people I love
I HEAR: voices (couldn't resist, this is a hard one) the echoes the past as you grow up and realize that there is some wisdom that truly gets passed generation to generation
I WONDER: about the next 6 weeks especially, what birth and baby will be like
I REGRET: not knowing what questions to ask guidance counsellors when I was a high schooler, but then again, my life path has been crazy, and put me where I am today, and ultimately, I don't regret that, so with 20-20 glasses, I don't think regret is the right word.
I AM NOT: bored with my life.
I DANCE: with my husband and sometimes by myself when the mood strikes me.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: quiet spoken or mindful of my words
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: my grandmother's homemade apple pies.
I WRITE: because it is natural for me to do and I miss it when I don't
I CONFUSE: others on occaison as my mind goes at hyper fast speed
I NEED: to go out on a date with my husband before the baby comes!
I SHOULD: start working on my photo albums - lots of digital prints not printed in the last few years
I START: cleaning the house but seemed to get interrupted right now
I FINISH: 98% of the books I start to read.

Tags go out to Sarah, Gilly, and Cher : ] just 'cause

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Sunday, Bloody Sunday.

A new take on a great song....

Nothing like a little subervsiveness to get you through the day! Once you have checked out this video.. there are plenty of others on the site to while a way a few hours... Like the jedi one..

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Wheels.

Our sweet ass ride, if I may say so myself (ours is 2005, charcoal grey).

Magnum, K.K.

Vehicle ownership. Two words that seem to be a necessity, and yet can strike fear in to one's wallet.

There have been a few good laments within these pages about our vehicle woes. The day we broke my mazda pickup in half (literally) on the car hoist to fix a simple broken clutch cable. Honestly, got my money out of this vehicle since it was well over 300,000 kms! We sold that car for parts that fateful day.

Then came the Blazer... busting a head sized hole in the side of the engine on route to our holidays almost a year ago to this date, and then the radiator, tires, alternator, window falling off its track, funky speedo noise, unknown stalls, and various other knocks and pings, failing aircare not once or twice but almost a handfull of times before we coaxed the beast through last December...

This is just our last two vehicles, not mentioning Ken's pretty beretta that lost its get up and go, and my rabbit that I drove to the end of its life... in this year of reinventing ourselves, we decided that perhaps it was time to make the leap for a newer and more reliable vehicle. We have been doing the research, and I would admit, I started out more "positional" than Ken, he was willing to look at just about anything, and I was baulking about looking at minivans. Just had a bit of an issue with that. Well, I finally moved away from that position to admit that a minivan may not be a bad thing, when both people like to play hockey (and one is a goalie) and you have a child on the way that will eventually come with a bunch of stuff too.

One morning a few weeks ago, after my doc's appointment, I was set to go and grab a few brochures from a local car dealership. Well, the salesman said the right thing about the blazer, offering a decent trade in value and the bartering started out fast and furious to the point where I was being offered a weekend test run of a magnum. Well, with my heart pounding in my ears, I knew this was not a decision I was making solo, and yet you have to strike when the iron is hot.

Without a brochure I headed home, lighting up the phone lines to Ken. A few words later, and I was cleaning out the Blazer to see if indeed, we could make a deal work. Many, many hours later, we are the proud owners of a 2oo5 magnum and it rocks. We have the peace of mind of a warranty, low kms, and a sleek looking machine that is safe, decent mileage, and hell, I think it looks damn cool. Another payment is always scary, but to have a reliable car at this stage of the game is huge!

2006 has been the year of the reinvention - marriage, kids, car... what could possibly be next for us?

Monday, June 12, 2006

Golfing anyone?

Bored today?

Need something that requires just enough skill to distract you for a few moments and cultivate your competitive streak?

Check out Beer Golf. Who knows if my score even blipped on the leader board....

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Hurry up and wait

"Hurry up and the wait begins"

34.5 weeks along, and as my doc says, this is about where it is at. All is progressing as it should, I am really healthy, as is bubs. I have a definite baby bump now, and bending over to pick things up is becoming a challenge. It also blows my mind how quickly you can become winded as you get further along and the baby moves all your internal organs around at will. Take a set of stairs at a good clip = panting at the top. If pregnancy was about learning new limits before, it is taking on a whole new meaning now. Bubs should be the larger side of average, with a good, strong heartbeat. I get lots of kicks and nudges, and I am sure that when I am really busy, half of those strange movements go unnoticed.

I also can't get over the change in my overall energy levels. I really can't do as much in a day as I used to. Friday was my flex day, and oh yeah, a nap was so in the picture. And on saturday. Today I feel like I could nap, but I tried and it just wasn't going to happen albeit I am moving at a snail's pace. Motivation. What motivation?

Wednesday, June 7, 2006


Some times bl0gger does the strangest things. The two hauntingly similar posts about me whining about waking up early happened because one of those posts "disappeared" from the system after posting, couldn't see it, and I can now tell that it has miraculously reinvented itself.

Honestly. I really don't dwell on getting up early to that degree. I think it is kind of funny because once I have decided that I will be up, I am a self proclaimed nauseating ray of sunshine. I blame this on my father, and on my pop. They were both early risers and if you can convince me that I want to be up at that time, I guess so am I.

Finished up a book recently that I feel is worth mentioning, if you have any desire to know a little more about the history of Vancouver through a different lens. Not just through a fiction lens (even if there are cultural foots in the truth so to speak). If you haven't read the short story, The Jade Peony, it is worth a gander, but Ways0n Ch0y has written a larger piece which I recommend as a good read called All that Matters. This presents a different picture of Vancouver's Chinatown in the 30's and 40's and is a tale about growing up, family relations, and the schism that exists between old and new. It gets you thinking.

I am hooked on doing online puzzles right now. I couldn't care less about the people ones, I like the flora and fauna ones. I keep trying to best my own time, or beat the "best time" which makes me laugh at my competitive streak and why these damn things are so compelling to do (I guess it is good that I am off spider solitaire now). There is one puzzle that is a group of sea lions on a rock, and it makes me yearn for a trip up to the north coast to be in the middle of the wild, and just soaking it all in. I definitely want to do more trips up the northern coastline, whether it be by car or by boat, or even to one day get out there kayaking or whatever gets us out to explore some of those places with the mystical names - like Hecate Straight, or Desolation Sound ... for me there is something about being from the coast, the rain and mists seep in to your soul and call out to you every now and then. To wander among the rocks on the shores edge, to breath in the salty air, sliding on the kelp. Or to walk in the woods with the moss and the ferns, and the tumbled down trees decomposing all around you. The other day we could smell camp fires, although we could go camping this year, it is a real long shot and not realistic at all. Doesn't rule out day trips though!!

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Just plain strange.

Today I slept in... that is... until 6am. Which is better than the last few days, which is waking up at 5am and staring at the ceiling and willing myself to fall back asleep.

It has been a strange few days. Ken really and truly has the flu and it is being persistant. Hard part is there is nothing I can do to make this flu go away quicker and he is being a real trooper but it is so obvious that he is not feeling well at all. *SIGH* I guess it has to run its course. So far so good for me, I am thankful for pregnancy hormones and kicking my immune system in to overdrive since my biggest issue is sleep right now! (fingers crossed)

I actually saw my first hummingbird last night - this small bird hovered outside our window, checking us out, and I think my jaw hinged open a bit. Ken confirmed that it was indeed a hummingbird, and it was so quick and really did seem to hover there. Amazing the birds and wee creatures that tromp through our backyard. My garden plot is starting to taunt me, it is time to get it planted...

Keeping motivation up at work is getting harder and harder every day. I am so aware of my last day, and it is coming up soon, that the day to day stuff is like "yeah, whatever". The break will do wonders for my soul, even if the only break that happens is the break away from "paid employment". I have even taken to scanning baby week flyers, and looking a baby clothes, and thinking wow, soon there will be three.

Monday, June 5, 2006


So it appears a new trend is happening in my life. Waking up at 5am.

Then staring at the ceiling, willing myself back to sleep. Giving up, grabbing my book, and trying not to wiggle too much and wake up Ken.


Perhaps this is my body's idea of "core training" in preparation for the early mornings to come... who knows. It sure is weird. So far gone are the days where it took no effort at all to sleep in until noon. Now I would be happy to sleep unbroken until 8 am!!! Funny how relative everything is. I have been reading up a storm lately, 2 or 3 books a week, and searching out baby week flyers. Things are getting more and more real as the days are slipping by. It is amazing to think that the bumps and kicks in my belly are a real person, and that this real person is going to be moving in with us!! As well, this person is a product of Ken and I, a blend of everything we are. Seeing baby pictures is starting to make me feel a LOT more sentimental now, and I must say, there are limits as to how many birth stories one should expose themselves too. I think it is really easy to scare the hell out of yourself with all the possibilities. It is like getting on a rollar coaster, you just want to squeeze your eyes shut and yell and scream a little, maybe a few high pitched hoots and hollers too for good measure. Amazing to think that within so many weeks I will probably be talking about my own birth story.... woah dude.

Saturday, June 3, 2006

Strange Day

It was definitely a morning I was resisting getting out of bed...enough mornings this week where 6am was the norm that saturday didn't need to be too!!

Mosied through the morning, packed the car for the day, and headed out. Started out with a BBQ on the beach with Ken's cousin and g'friend, and then we were heading out to a birthday bash and then to Ken's hockey game. Well, a nefarious bug that decided to bite DH on thursday decided that he wasn't quite done with us yet and figured it was time to pay a return visit.

Hence, the change in plans. Here are fingers crossed that somehow with having a great diet, trying not to get run down, those prenatal vitamins I take daily with Vit. C that I avoid this bug altogether. I am currently enjoying a super healthy smoothie, puttering around the house, and thinking I may just have a bath soon. I know Ken is definitely sick because the b-ball game is on. Then again, it did put him to sleep so.....not altogether a bad thing. These things happen, just not exactly the plan we had!! We were so organized too!!!

Ah well, means we don't have to cut the lawn tomorrow, it just becomes laundry day and lets putter around the backyard! So much for the nights where you partied until 3am, and then when for something to eat before you headed home!!!

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Here and Now.

At home at last. The last of the trips and major events planned before Jr. arrives are finally done. I only have 19 more "work" days, with three days of conferences and planning days thrown in for good measure. I just got home from Calgary, where I must say I was the recipient of some great hosts, a very professionally run conference with over a 1000 delegates from across Canada, and experienced both a "night at the ranch" (read sliced beef and beans for dinner and really loud country music repleat with line dancing lessons which I did not partake of) and then a full on, but scaled back, "an evening at the rodeo". The rodeo was awesome. Calgary knows how to put on a show, and we got a sampling of the best - bareback riding, bucking broncos, bull riding, barrel racing, trick riding, a first nations hoop dancer, and the gem of them all - mutton busting.

Between conference days, trying to grab meals, and just having some down time, I didn't really do a heck of a lot. I got some visiting in with some cousins, and tried to grab a few cat naps the other times I had a few moments. My energy definitely isn't what it was, and being in a strange bed doesn't really help the old sleeping patterns either. Last night it was blissful to be back at home, in my own bed, beside my man, and getting way too much affection from the cats.

Lots of big ideas, some of which I will try to perculote through a few posts. For those of you with kids, may be worth checking out this free online book about educating the "net generation". I have spent most of today trying to get back in to the swing of this work thing.

Baby is definitely getting bigger, and the more you talk to women who have had kids, you realize that every experience is unique (with some common ground) and that everything is a bit of an unknown of what part of the experience package you will call your own. Got me a pair of birks from the net, so my feet are much happier. If I spent the first 7.5 months with cold feet, I have now swung in the opposite direction and have hot feet all the time. That, and heartburn once a week something fierce.