We have ourselves a cowboy...

I am bursting with pride - Mister B had his first ride on a pony today and he really took to it. I was hoping he would really enjoy riding, but it was a bit of an unknown. I have my fingers crossed, there are horse folk on both sides of his family... and aside from a few moments of clinging to my pant legs before I picked him up and (gently) placed him on his faithful steed, Ladybug, Mister B rocked. I walked on one side for a few laps around the indoor arena, and then he didn't need me anymore! There was B and one other kid in the arena at the same time with a head instructor and then a few volunteers. Once he settled in, B projected a lot of confidence from his new perch. He loosened up on the death grip on the saddle, and he was grinning from ear to ear.


I was surprised, they even took B out for a walk around the paddocks too! I was shocked at how much he did for his first lesson... and when we got in to the truck, he was pretty zen about it all, and he can't wait to go back again! YAY! I think the riding is great for so many reasons - develop his core strength, stretch the right muscle groups, improve his posture... and then all the reasons you can't quantify by the sheer pleasure and untold rewards of being around horses. Lucky dude.

Farewell my friend.

Brandon, about 6 weeks old... (was he really that small???)

It was a weird feeling when I gave my coz my b'feeding pillow today.

I hadn't really had the intention of parting with it, but I knew watching her b'feed on the couch, that she needed it more than me. At this point, 99% of Connor's feeds take place in bed, so it was time. I was able to show her a few different ways of feeding, and then the mom's life improvement factor, being able to shift baby to the couch when they are asleep so you can run to the bathroom or just do whatever, or nothing as the case may be.

So, it was with a sigh, I placed the pillow around her neck to carry to her van, and wished her well. That pillow is now on boy #5 - Austin, Jackson, Brandon, Connor, and now Elias. It sports a new cover and many, many hours of breastfeeding and love. It continues to be in good hands. I will miss it, but, the pillow has moved on to the next best place and will continue to be loved. Egads. What a sappy sod I can be!

Connor... about a month old???

I officially lost the title ... again

I spent a lovely afternoon with the boys out at Barnet Marine Park. I love it there because it is a somewhat wild park. It isn't perfectly groomed, and you are never quite sure what you might see - like eagles catching salmon, freighters coming in to the inlet, or even a loon fishing... We were checking out my photos from the day... and ... my DH started laughing when he got to this photo. Then I realized that B is in the background, doing a face plant in the sand, making sand angels (his words, not mine). I had asked him why he was doing it that way, and he didn't really have an answer. The fact he was doing this, as I was taking a photo of myself, once again, kicked me out of the running for the mom of the year award.

Welcome, Eli

Welcome Eli, you are loved. It was such a pleasure to see your mom and auntie today! To see a whole bunch of family together at my place... was a great experience. You remind me of my son, and how quickly that real baby stage is. Connor is 8 months older than you, and you make him look big because you are so new. It is such a time to cherish, those early weeks seem to take so long to go by (in some ways) but the time is so fleeting. I am pretty proud of my coz, Carnie is doing a great job and she is settling well in to her role as Mom. Welcome to the 'hood girl!

A shopping a cart you say?

The planets aligned last night and my DH and I caught the opening of the big dance show filled with names most of us recognize. It isn't really a priority for me to watch, but sometimes it is interesting to watch, just to see what all the fuss is about. I am a bit perplexed by the show's popularity, perhaps folks are rediscovering the joys of looking good all gussied up and the joy of dancing... but, why I am posting about this... I am sure I will roast for this one... but... it was really damn funny when Bruno said that the professional dancer Tony looked like he was driving a shopping cart around the dance floor. I suspect he won't be taking home one of those mirror ball trophy's anytime soon.

700 posts!

This milestone seemed to creep up quickly...700 posts! Woo woo! It's interesting to see when you look over the years when I had a lot to say, and when I didn't.

I am reading Living Oprah for next month's book club, and yet again, I have been pleasantly surprised by a book I didn't expect to truly enjoy. I am about 2/3's of the way through, and it has been a great read. I think Okrant has a strong, firm grasp of what is important. LO is a yearlong journey that RO takes to "live" Oprah's decrees and adhere to her best life principles. RO commits to following Oprah's advice from her show, magazine, and website. RO wrote a daily blog of her experiences, and then wrote her book chronicling her experiences.

One of threads from the book that I have picked up on is (once again) the importance of decluttering your life. This is an ongoing theme in my life. I think I am finally getting the hang of it, and I am embracing spring cleaning this year wholeheartedly. Already baby clothes are flying out of here, and we have (or are in the process) of getting rid of about 4 bags of stuff the boys have outgrown. Last week I also took a trip to our local used book store, got rid of a box of books, paid forward about a box worth to one of those blue bins, and I still have a box in the back of my truck. I think I will try again at a different used book store and if nothing more comes of it, pay them forward too. I have also been cleaning out my closet. It is getting easier to let go of things I just don't like anymore, or haven't worn or used for a year. I am getting better at letting go, and I am finding that I like more open spaces that don't need to be crammed to the rafters like I have done in the past.

Although I didn't really plan on getting rid of most of my pants until I started to replace them, I was wearing a pair of my cords last night, and they fit so bad as I played with my kids on the floor, they had pretty much slipped off my ass and I was sitting on the waistband. For starters, so not attractive. From pulling them up all the time, I have also made a mess around the waistband from all the belt loops I have pulled off. I have added this pair of cords, and it's match in a different colour to the pile of clothes I no longer need and will be paid forward. Some I may take to a second hand store, but I am really not sure if it is worth the effort.

I am learning more is not always better. I want to have clothes that fit, flatter my body shape today, and are good colours for me. This goes for shoes. No more buying because it is a good deal, or "I could make it work"... it is still amazing at how quickly and easy it is to accumulate things. I would like to think I am developing more discerning taste, and as I am letting go of many of my things, that they are replaced by quality things that reflect where we are at now...For me, this is definitely a process without a beginning or an end. I can see the difference in my closet, my bookshelves, and even with the kids toys. When B was a baby, I was willing to take all hand-me-downs.. now I take what we need, and pay the rest forward. I don't feel the same need to hold on to it all, just in case and it does make a big mental difference to not have that perceived need to have all that stuff!!!

how the blog got it's name.

I was feeling a bit inspired today so I have updated my header and mentally I am in the mood for a bit of a ramble. I figured it was about time to contemplate the title and header of my blog.

My blog title is inspired by the M. Wylie Blanchet novel by the same name, yet it is more the idea and not the content of the book that inspires my blog. I have had this working title for five years... changing now would seem a bit strange... I have wondered at varying times over the years whether or not I should have made up my own title rather than drawing from a quote or an idea that inspired me.

I question what is original? When you sit and choose a number you will wear playing sports, or the title for a blog, or even the handle you are going to use for email... how does inspiration strike? Or is it sheer desperation because in that moment of creativity ever other handle or title you remotely wanted was already taken? Even though the title was inspired by a quote in a somewhat obscure British Columbian novel, it does strike a chord within me. The book is about a female widower whom takes her four children on sailboat journeys up and down the BC coast and relays the life lessons garnered through these travels. When I read the book, I found myself inspired and enthralled by the life that was portrayed between it's covers.

I too ponder the nuances of time. How it moves, changes, speeds up and slows down. How time marks the passage of our lives, and how time seems to slip through our fingers.

I strongly feel that the most important thing you can give to anyone is your time. I try to be conscious of how I spend my time and I have a bit of a carpe diem attitude. It's also important to live without regrets, and to mean what you say. Reaching the end of this very short tangent, at this juncture, I think I have claimed a toehold in to title of my blog, reaching beyond the original phrase that inspired me.

Guinness. Sweet Guinness.

I didn't manage to post on St. Paddy's Day, it ended up becoming a strange day. This has been a week of random highs and lows, and it just seems we have been kicking some odd virus' here and there for the last few weeks.

We didn't make the shamrock cookies I wanted, or the guinness Shepard's pie, a wee wrench got thrown in to the mix with a sick kid. The big guy ended up with a fever that rose and peaked, and went away all within about 18 hours. It made for a strange day as his appetite left him, and then he started to complain about his tummy, and then I realized he was hot...and his temperature climbed, and climbed (up to about 38.9 c) and then with the help of some motrin, and a bath, and then some rest and time, slowly came back down to normal. It was odd. I think I gave him too much apple juice since he ended up with a canker sore (which was yesterday's complaint). Poor guy has had a bit of a rough week, and then last night, before midnight I think we had some crazy dreams going on - he was crying out almost every hour. It's amazing, when your child has certain tones in their cries, you will move worlds to relieve them. Middle of the night he called out again, but this time alert and wanting to come in to my bed... so, lost my big guy and gained the little guy... it was sweet, he said he loved me asked for a cuddle and promptly fell asleep. This morning, you would never guess he had such a crap night. Gotta love kids and how they bounce, can't always say the same about their parents.

In the middle of all this, I did manage a crown floats on St. Paddy's. It was most excellent. Not drinking much over the last few years has changed my taste buds to a certain degree. If I am going to have a drink, I am that much pickier now. I tried a Rickards at my folks the other day and it didn't do a damn thing for me. That Guinness and Strongbow combination? Sheer magic. I did get the Guinness Shepard's pie made last night too, and it was damn good.

Once again, things came together, just not on the time line that I assumed that they would. It seems life is about going sideways and making it work a different way sometimes.

I am also totally stoked. I have been trying to get Brandon in to therapeutic riding to help his core muscle strength and lengthen out his leg muscles (and honestly, I think it would be awesome to be in horseback riding lessons, and to be around horses, and the fact it could make a significant impact to the quality of his life... I am all over it). There are waitlists to get in (especially since we will need a Saturday slot for when I go back to work, prime time, of course), and there aren't many places that offer this in the lower mainland. We got offered a spot at the place I really wanted to get him in to a while back, but then got turned down because it looked like he wasn't old enough for insurance reasons, and we couldn't get him in to the physio they use because we don't live in the area... so, on the sideways theme, I have been trying with another outfit, and have been going back and forth with paperwork to get something happening, only to get put on hold (I can be pretty keen when I set my sights on something) to get a call on the 17th (it was a day of some real highs and lows) that Brandon had a spot in the original place that I really wanted him in, and they could have him ride as long as he was over 2!!! I was ecstatic to say the least... we are going for an assessment today and he starts riding next weekend!! I just hope he likes being around horses and the barn as much as I have...

being able to pay forward...

Since the Don was born, I have changed as a person, in many different, unanticipated ways. Equally, I think some other characteristics have been able to bloom with my (not so new and shiny) title of Mum. I am sure anyone who becomes a parent would agree with that, or who goes through a major life transition.

I have been grateful as I have come to appreciate that it truly takes a village to raise children. There are many helping hands out there, and many of them are nameless, they just reach out to help at the right time.

We have been very lucky to have received many hand-me-downs from some dear friends. I could not imagine how secure I would have felt clothing my kids without a good cushion of hand-me-downs as a base. We didn't have a lot of money with the Don, and now with Connor, well, since we have two boys, we really don't need much the second time around. For Connor, it is more impulse buys, when I find something that is really cute, at a great price. Oh, and shoes. Brandon thrashed his shoes so there aren't many shoes to pass down. Ah well. You win some...
what I am getting 'round to saying is that I have been very grateful and always wished I could do something as a thanks for the hand-me-downs (especially for one dear friend whom has saved everything possible from her two boys, you know who you are), but you can't really. What you can do, in my view, is pay them forward in the same spirit through which you received them.

Over the weekend, I sorted out the baby clothes to date that the boys have outgrown. Some for my cousin, some for a friend's babe, and some for a friend-of-a-friend. It just plain feels good to pay the clothes forward to someone else. Sure, I could go to a clothing swap, or put the clothes up for sale, but really, they made such a difference to us having, that it is right to pay them forward... and that is where the thanks comes in, knowing that the clothes are passing through hands that need them, that they aren't going to waste, because babies do not wear out their clothes by any stretch. In the first two years, babes go through at least 6 distinct sizes...holy shit, you can spend a lot of money on transitional clothes! Plus, there are some clothes that never get worn because they are the wrong size/season at the wrong time... or they just get buried in a drawer, never to be unearthed.

It feels good to send them on their journey, and to know that satisfaction that my dear friend(s) felt, knowing that someone who needs them, has them, and the story continues. So, thanks especially Nej - the (earliest) clothes and toys have always made a difference. They have merged with others, and ours, and are continuing on.

Lycra, are you truly my friend?

A dear friend called the early years of child rearing as being "in the trenches of parenthood." I would agree, as you just move from one stage to the next, the early years with teething, sleepless nights, the first times with many different sicknesses that are worse because they are your child's and they can't speak for themselves and they are so wee, and just learning how to be a parent can be pretty trying and a period of unbelievable growth for you as a person.

I would also add that these are those frumpy jeans years too. I really don't want to wear mom jeans, but I have reached a crossroads where every single pair of pants I own are all bagged out. I have saggy ass, and within about 30 minutes of coming out of the dryer, my pants look like shit on me. I guess a few pregnancies will do that to a person, but when I go back to work, I am getting rid of all of my pants and jeans. I may be able to salvage a pair with the purchase of a nice, new belt.

My mom keeps suggesting to me, "Why don't you let me put elastic in the waist?" Uhm. No thanks. Why don't I just go shopping instead! Okay, maybe not right now being on mat leave with a limited budget... I can suck it up for a few more months, and soon I can wear some of my summer clothes which should fit better since they have less lycra in them and shouldn't be as stretched out.

It is embarrassing though. Jeans and cords that fit out of the dryer are falling off my body within an hour. I sit on the floor and I expose my ass for all to see. When I get up, Ken rolls his eyes and tells me to pull up my pants. Although I am glad that it means that my body has shifted, and although not weighing much less than I did, obviously I must be on the right track... but it would be nice if one of my pairs of pants actually looked good on me for longer than it takes to walk around a room and stretch them out again.

I have discovered a store in Langley that carries Jag jeans... and they have a line that is for women with smaller waists and bigger hips. Perhaps these will fit well and solve my gape-y ass problem that I seem to have. Speaking of which, I could spend a fair bit of money in this store.. they had beautiful dresses and some really nice clothes...

When I do head out shopping this summer, I am going to aim to buy less pieces that are better quality and look better. Just because it fits doesn't mean I am going to spring for it. I am back at it spring cleaning again, I have a whole pile of clothes I am ready to let go of and it was easier than ever to cull from my pile of clothes that I have been looking at and not wearing. Hence, just because it fits, doesn't mean you will wear it. I guess you say I am planning to do more "mindful" shopping in the near future. Quality over quantity. Okay, it will be hard to break away from some of the nice, plain cotton tee's that I love to slum around the house in, but I know I need some new duds for work, and for being seen outside of the house in...

Pork and Root beer?

Pork and root beer you say? I am intrigued, to say the least.

So I have hauled out the old slow cooker, got us some root beer, a bottle of my favourite Guinness infused BBQ sauce, and I am about to turn it on. Up until now I have been using a seasoning packet, which calls for the addition of ketchup, brown sugar, and apple cider vinegar. It has been consistently good. This will be a good sayonara to the (old) crock-pot before it's much better replacement arrives.

However, this recipe is blissfully simple, and on my fav recipe site, it was getting rav reviews. Plus it is made with root beer! Sounds like pretty low risk to me...

It is a gorgeous day out there, and a simple dinner where the bulk of the work is already done is perfect. We will serve this up with some warm buns, coleslaw, and some homemade french fries.

I have my fingers crossed that this recipe rocks....

A different kind of pulled pork...

Ingredients -

• 1 (3 pound) pork loin, roast, boneless shoulder (depends on what you want to spend)
  
• 1 (12 fluid ounce) can or bottle root beer
• 1 (18 ounce) bottle your favorite barbecue sauce

The How to -

1. Place the pork tenderloin in a slow cooker; pour the root beer over the meat. Cover and cook on low until well cooked and the pork shreds easily, 6 to 7 hours. Note: the actual length of time may vary according to individual slow cooker. Drain well. Stir in barbecue sauce. Serve over warm buns.

A different kind of week

Well, C-man has had his first big cold... RSV to be exact. He is a happy wheezer, but it is a bit distressing listening to him breath. Poor guy. The beginning of the week passed by in a haze of sleepless nights and coughing... The Don seems to be doing pretty good, but he has the sniffles and a cough. Half felt bad about taking C-man swimming on Saturday, but who knew what was coming... needless to say, I think we will be taking a pass from waterbabies this week.

So, that was the Big-O. The last hockey game was awesome.. what a win! Hard to believe after all that hoopla... we are over and done, and just the P-games to go. Since the crowds won't be as crazy, we may just head to the city one day to check out what is happening around town...

About slow cookers and customer service. Through airmiles, I ordered a fancy-schmancy slow cooker that was programmable for when I go back to work. Figured it was the best way to go since it would automatically go from heating to warm, and would be the best way to guarantee good meals. Well, the one we got has been a bit of a nightmare. Slowcooking should not be rocket science, but the damn thing was scorching everything I cooked. Or it would superheat the food so you would scald your mouth.. and then the cleanup.. well, it left a bit to be desired as the food was caked on to the sides of the pan.

Airmiles couldn't do anything for us, so I contacted the manufacturer to whine since it has a one year warranty. Well, they have been awesome! I have been shocked by their customer service, and quite happily they are sending me a different replacement unit, free of charge.

This highlights to me I am not the first person to have this complaint about the unit, and, Crock-Pot stands behind their product. Thank you. Before the phone call I was feeling pretty pissy, and now, I am really looking forward to my replacement cooker. It looks awesome... and better features, and from the reviews I read before I chose it, it sounds like an all-round better option. So in the end, everything should be working out. I figure if I can whinge about when I don't get great customer service (like switching our phone/internet to a competitor and then getting my last bill from the old provider and finding out that I was on a "rate protection plan" for my internet I didn't know about, thanks for that and really, do you think you will get my business back in the future??? not with that kind of gouging) that I should also shout out when I get great customer service, which I did. Am definitely looking forward to our replacement cooker...

Found loot!

Yet another post where I reveal my geekdom.

I have heard of the concept of "releasing books in to the wild" and the idea of paying books forward in public places. Once I found a book in the ferry terminal, but it looked more abandoned than anything else, and last year, I left a book in a public place at work, hoping that I would never have to see it again (in other words, not very fond of that book was I). I had heard of book crossings, the website where people publish where they have released books, but just thought it was a cool concept.

Until now. I was up at our local park, and as we wandered through the water park, I noticed something on a bench. It didn't quite look like clothes, but it did look intriguing. So off me and the boys went, and lo and behold! I found not one, but two books!

The are book crossing books! (check out www.bookcrossing.com) and they have ID numbers in them, and I can see where they were originally "released" and how they got to me. Unfortunately my books were released about 2 years ago, and it doesn't appear who has had them since has been all that diligent about updating the website. The books had also been left out in the rain, so they have now expanded to twice their size. That being said, they are now dry, and ready to be read!

I found Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks and The Inheritance of Loss, by Kiran Desai. Both look good. YOW is drier then IOL so I will read this one next. Needless to say I was thrilled to find the books, I will log them in before I will release them, and yes, I will find a public place to leave them and hopefully they will carry on in their journey. I will not leave them in the rain.

My hubby laughed at how thrilled I was to find the books. But he knows about my addiction. I have lots of books, and only in recent years have I gotten better about not accumulating too many more books. At a certain books, it just gets ridiculous in a limited space to have too many books.. because really, can you have too many books?? No, but there are some you never will read again, especially those pocket books, and it is okay to pay them forward or trade in for more... to once again, fuel the healthy addiction of reading.

Instant Gratification.

Social networking has changed how we interact, yes, I know that is a mild understatement. When Mr. B was born, we called people in the morning, and the word spread about his arrival. When Connor came around... photos were posted in the wee hours of the morning on FB, joyously announcing his arrival.

I am really excited because my cousin had a baby boy last night... I even called it! Yeah, I know, there is an equal chance either way.. but still! Well, nothing like checking out FB for more information on her site, her hubby's site, and then her sister's site for updates... looking for pictures and details that are surely going to be posted at some time. Of course, we all are impatient in my house. Hello, didn't the big event happen last night?? We want pictures, and details... and in a few weeks, we can't wait to meet the little duffer!!!

The Ride

It certainly wasn't my first time, and I am sure it won't be the last time, but watching the RCMP musical ride is always a treat, and does make me feel a little patriotic and proud.

It also helps having an in - being pretty tight with a member who was in the ride and still knows everyone. The ride is at Holland Park throughout the big O, and we traveled with our friend and his family to watch today. Pretty nice getting VIP treatment, and parking around the back by the stables. The weather held out just long enough for us, and it was neat to be there. This was not a scheduled performance, but people still showed up in droves.


I am glad that they have been performing during the big O, does it get anymore Canadian than the ride and the red serge of our mounted? It has been cool watching the red clothes and maple leafs being worn with pride, and then today, driving home, listening to the hockey game and when Canada scored, listening to everyone honk and knowing that even in their cars, most of us were tuned in to the game. It has been interesting to see how the big O has evolved over the two weeks it has been on, how my own attitude towards it has also grown a wee bit too. Before I go off on a tangent... if you get the chance to check out the ride, it is worth it. Touristy, yeah. Waving the flag, yeah. Canadian? Oh yeah!

A curious incident

You would almost think it was NaBloPoMo with the amount I have been posting this month. Like Nej, I seem to have the urge to track the books that I have been reading this year. I just finished reading The Curious Incident of the Dog in Night-time. It wasn't what I was expecting, but then again, I am not sure what I expected, if that makes sense.

It was a quick read and it does start off with a bit of a bang. It is a bit of an awkward read, especially when the first chapter starts off with a 2. I wondered at first if I had missed something. This is a unique book, and it is also a good read. It is first person narrative about a highly functioning, autistic, fifteen year old boy. It begins with the murder of the neighbors dog, and what unravels from this action is pretty revealing. I think this book delivers some insights as to how a person with autism functions and sees the world and the pace of the story was pretty swift. I must say, at 250 pages, I would have felt a bit ripped off at the $29.95 cover price, but I did get it for a fine price through that big online book company, which helped. I read so damn fast that paying full price for a smallish book, no matter how intrigued I am by the book is a little frustrating. If you stumble across a copy of this, it is well worth a look.

That tree in Brooklyn.

When I finished a Tree Grows in Brooklyn I wanted to start typing out different quotes that I felt were relevant, or moved me. To reiterate myself, I can't believe that in so many years of university English literature classes, I never stumbled across this book. It is a really good read. It is so much a women's novel, and about growing up (coming of age), and about striving for more. This book is about family, and about surviving poverty, and even childhood.

It's funny, I am sitting here struggling with what words to say about this book and not really coming up with a lot more than "I enjoyed this book, and I think it is an important one to read". I think after coming up with a few posts for this week that have been floating around in my head that I have exhausted my store of thoughtful words.

It seems that in the last six months, I have been picking up some really profound books that have left quite an impression on me. I have also been reading just a lot of really good escapist novels too. I have this said before, but I couldn't imagine not being an avid reader and I hope I am raising two little readers. I love our night time reads, and we have been pretty good about picking out some great kid's literature that is a lot of fun to read to the boys.

An olympic experience

Aside from catching the torch relay, I really hadn't given it a lot of thought to trying to catch an O-event. From how they did the tickets, in waves, and then by lottery, to just the perceived cost, and well, having two young kids also factors in to the equation... it just didn't seem to be in the cards to get out and experience an event.

Thanks to a dear family member, I got to go!! My dear hubby not only drove me back and forth to the venue, but also watched the kids while I got to go out and enjoy a women's hockey game. Went with a good diverse group of my extended family, and everything just clicked. It was a classic rivalry between Russia and Slovakia, and the Russians ended up winning. It wasn't the most exciting game I have been too, but it was a LOT OF FUN. There is still such a gap in terms of skill level in the world of women's hockey... Everyone was in a good mood, there was so much patriotism, so many pairs of those red gloves in the crowd... the atmosphere was amazing. It was great to be out watching women's hockey, and that it looked like a sell out crowd, and that people were cheering on the women! I remember when I first started playing in the early 90s, and to see so many people out to a women's game... just awesome. We have come a long way baby!!!

I am glad I made it out to an O-event. It was right up there in the top games I have seen live. It was cool to cheer for both teams, and to just enjoy being there - hell, I was even on the jumbo-tron a few times!! Everything is heavily branded, and there is lots of swag. Seems like O-pins are the thing to collect.

I would like to check out the flame at some point, and maybe drive around the city at night to see the rings in Coal Harbour.. just to see them... but not until the P-event coming up. Shame that so many of the "houses" are only open for the O-event. Kind of think it would be more appropriate if the Paralympic games were held first, and then the Olympics so the excitement would just build, rather than reach a peak and then reach a much smaller peak afterwards. I am glad I have not taken the boys downtown.. I was a little tempted, but it isn't the place. Not stroller friendly, and way too much walking for Brandon.. and then with the crowds.. how much fun is it looking at bodies at waist height?? I think what I have been able to do is just right. From what I am hearing, the atmosphere downtown is just crazy, cool, chaotic, and a little patriotic.

Is this really winter???

I could really get used to winters like this. Here is a shameless, patriotic moment.

Yesterday I had an incredible day out at Rocky Point with a dear friend and her daughter, and today, I had another great day out with my mom! I have discovered it isn't so crazy to manage the two boys... if one is on my back in the backpack and one is in the stroller or wagon. Brandon can't always do big distances, so I have been trying out different combinations to see what works for all of us!

It felt like a different kind of freedom getting out the last two days. Yes I CAN!!! Yes WE CAN!!! I wasn't sure how I would manage with the two, but it is almost easier now that Connor is older. Connor loves being in the backpack, and the wagon and the stroller worked well so that Brandon could rest and not do all the walking I like to do. Yesterday we covered about 3-4 km, and today it was about 2-3km. It was so nice to get out and enjoy the weather and this truly incredible spring that we are having. Er, I even typed spring unconsciously.

My boys, chilling at White Rock. Still one of my favourite places to go... even after all these years it doesn't get old.

Oh Amaryllis

I have never had my own before, but I would wholeheartedly recommend buying an amaryllis bulb when they are for sale around Christmas time. What a marvel to watch sprout, grow, and then bloom (yes, I know I sound like a real nerd). This is a two day period in the life of my amaryllis. Yesterday it was just about ready to open, this morning it was almost there, and then this afternoon it is wide open in all it's glory.

Earlier on today, slowly opening in the morning sun (above).

Fully open this afternoon.

do not push it....

No really.

These folks are serious. Spotted by my dear hubby during his work day today...

Libraries

I am currently reading A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and it is really good. It is melancholic, and I can't say that it is a really happy book (or truly unhappy one either), but I am surprised it didn't make the short list of books to read in any of the English lit classes I took in university. It is profound in the story it is telling, and I look forward to seeing how the story unfolds over the pages.

There is a passage that describes the 12 year old protagonists feelings towards her local library, and it got me thinking. I spent a lot of time in libraries when I was young. In my small town, the little library was an old shack, seemingly parked on the side of the main street. It smelled like old books inside, and the librarians were some of my favorite people around. I remember the summer where you could fill out a yellow, flashy sheet with the goal of reading 50 books over the summer (yes, I easily achieved that at the time). I remember the joys of new books, and being able to take them out, and the routine of bringing them back to pick out more. I loved Bill Peet books, and a few John Bellairs books, and the Judy Blumes... to say the least. I have lots of memories of books, around books, because of books. I couldn't imagine not being able to read.

I just finished another few of Lescroart's books, which are such better law procedurals than Grisham, IMHO, and then a more profound book called The Tenth Gift by Johnson. It was a lovely read. I have borrowed a few books in the last few months from my friend Cher, and I must admit, she has picked out a few winners! This book followed dual story lines in the present and in the seventeenth century during the era of the Barbary corsairs. The common thread was embroidery and the Cornish coast. Well worth a gander.

It is interesting to note that as you talk to your friends that read about what they are reading, and what they want to read, there is a lot of overlap. Even if you aren't a big shopper like myself, spending a lot of time looking at what is new and coming out... I think it is cool that there is an unspoken grapevine in which the books worth reading get talked about.

Well, I am starting to feel like I have been neglecting the kids to write out a few thoughts this morning. Mornings do start out slow around here, this is one thing I will really miss when I go back to work. This first few hours of the day as we all ease in to it... I am sure it will be chaos once I am back to work... although that will make weekends all the sweeter.

Classy Gold

It would appear that the big O event brings out the best and the worst in folks. It feels surreal that it is happening out in the city and the mountains, and here I am at home, on my maternity leave, and life moves on. Although seeing some of the events and displays down town would be interesting, the idea of going there with two young children in tow is not appealing by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe a late night drive to check out some of the lights and stuff happening, but not with the crowds.

Our news reporting of the events is all over the board. It seems there is lots of repetition, and the network that doesn't have the rights to broadcast seems to be dwelling on everything negative or dramatic. It seems that there is a mixed response to the opening (which is fair) and our weather is getting a bit slammed (which is fair and out of our control, really, truly, the warmest record ever on the heels of one of the worst? ironic to say the least), and weird delays that are happening (like Zamboni's breaking down and the replacement still has steel studs on it?!). There are also some really positive things happening out there too, but that isn't always what is being reported.

Like RCMP ride is sold out every day, the response has been huge. The cauldron is a hit. There are tons of people hitting the streets in the city, and places like the Irish House had a 5 hour line up to get in over the weekend. Funny, you don't hear a lot about stuff like that when you can make better headlines emphasizing that event ticket holders were refunded because of rain up on Cypress.

I had mixed feelings about the opening - some things went on too long, some things were a bit cheesy, some things really hit the mark, and then there was a bit of a technical glitch (understatement). I also felt that the final torchbearers should have been folks that had not had the opportunity to carry the torch previously. Fair enough, the Great One had not carried it yet, but the rest had... like.. hello??!!!

All in all, the opening was decent. While I am on a whinge, I still think that the speed skating oval should have been built at the university and not at sea level, ah well, that is how it is. The security seems so much, so excessive... and then there are all the rules of Van0c. They encroach upon the ludicrous. The big business element of it all, kind of takes away from what the big O should be about - the athletes, their family, and inspiring folks to new heights.

Which brings me around to a rambling point. A lot has been made about Canada not having won a gold medal on Canadian soil. I think the media flogged this point incessantly and I don't think it was that big of a deal, we do have other gold medals... I get it, but it was just harped upon. This being said, our Canadian fellow who won our first gold medal on Canadian soil... what a great win. What a classy young man who won with true dignity and aplomb. His story really touched me, and for once, I appreciated how some of the media treated/celebrated his win. I watched the late night interview with him and his family, and I felt proud of him, his family, and to be a Canadian where such values and experiences are possible.

So, the big O is many things, at differing times. My dad is working them, and my brother got laid off because of them. Some things happen for which I am proud, other things have happened for which I am not so proud. For better or worse, they are our O.

The Torch hits town

I have a lot of mixed feelings about the big O that is hitting town. Somethings have been done well, and other things... well. Let's just leave it at that so this does not devolve in to a vent.

Here on the west coast, I can't see this happening again in my lifetime so it was important to get out and see the torch drift by with the kids, especially since it was literally at the end of our street. Child herding was successful and we were out of the house before 8:30 and it was cool watching the crowds build and people start to gather. There was excitement, and it was neat seeing everyone wearing their Canada gear. I think it is important to be proud of your heritage, it is part of your identity.

Here is proof that as a mom, you don't always get the chance to check out what you look like before you leave the house. I only look a little goofy. A torch exchange happened where we were, so we got pictures taken with the torch and yes, I had to touch it. The concept of the flame having traveled from Greece, and having passed through so many hands is heartening. It helps remind us of how we are all connected, somehow, in ways that are not always fathomable.

Like many of these events, there was a lot of build up to the torch runner arriving.. the torch was passed to our torch bearer, and on it moved. It seemed really fast, and then we were trundling back home. There was a community celebration moments away, but I knew there were thousands of people there. If I was solo, I would have gone. With two young kids in tow... no thanks. I may have been able to see something, but them - especially Brandon... he would have seen people. Lots of bodies. That is about it.

Well, that was our big O experience. I am glad that the kids can look back and now that they touched it and were a part of it. The torch is more grassroots, touching people, moving through communities. The big O - well, it just seems surreal that it is happening a short distance away, and all this bru-ha-ha isn't happening half a world away... it is here, our backyard. It effects us all, and yet ...

more culture...

Ken and I had the chance to catch Beyond Eden yesterday at the Vancouver Playhouse. It was very well done. John Mann of Spirit of the West, and Tom Jackson, from North of 60 and Relic were the leads of this moving masterpiece. It is a shame that last night was the end of its' run, otherwise I would heartily recommend getting out and seeing this play.

I believe this play has an important place in BC arts and culture. At the end, Jackson commented that this is the first time Haida has been spoken on stage. Beyond Eden brought an important piece of BC history to light. Although the main characters are fictional, this play was inspired by the controversial 1957 expedition by Bill Reid and Wilson Duff to Haida Gwaii. The staging, lighting, and sound effects were awesome. I found that it moved at a really good clip, and I was sad to see it end. Mann's voice is definitely unique, and it was cool to see him act instead of front SOTW. Jackson has real stage presence, and I almost wish his character, the Watchman, had more scenes so I could listen to his deep baritone. The whole crew felt really tight, and the costumes were appropriate. The pacing was swift, and the story evoked a range of emotions for me - from elation, to frustration, to reflecting upon what totems and First Nations cultures do mean to me and within the greater tapestry of BC. I felt pretty fortunate to have made it out to such an amazing play and to see that it was completely sold out and that there were a range of patrons out to see it - not just the older set, people of all ages.

It has been strangely exotic in my life - I never would have dreamed that with two young kids I would actually have the opportunity to see not one, two, or three, but four amazing plays in short order. Amazingly enough, it is Phantom that is at the bottom of the four that I have seen but each has had it's merits and have been wonderful experiences. It feels great to get back in touch with that part of myself and to be with someone who also appreciates live theatre as well.

Memory

It's been a long time since I blitzed through a novel as fast as I have read Still Alice. It is, (insert pause, as I search for the right string of words here, ironically enough) a powerful read. It is also not an easy read, but it is also an accessible read, if that makes any sense.

Now that I just finished the book, and it is 1am - what do I think? Reflectively, Alzheimers is a scary, progressive, degenerative disease. Alice ruminates that being branded with the big "A" is worse than being diagnosed with cancer, because with cancer you have a chance of winning the battle. There is something obscene about Alzheimers, how it robs you of yourself, your memories, your being. Still Alice is powerful because it is written from the perspective of someone who is diagnosed young, whom is still at the top of their game, so to speak. I think Alice's children have a nice character arc to them, but I am a bit lukewarm about her husband John. I think that is how it is meant to be, the ebb and flow of relationships as a loved one slips away and life still continues on.

This almost reminds me of reading a book by Mitch Albom. Not a book that you will place high on the big L literary shelf, but one that has meaning, and evokes an emotional response from the reader. Contemplating a degenerative disease is down right sobering. Scary. A potential that is hard to take beyond the initial stages of acknowledging it's existence and how it can unfold over time. Diagnoses like Alzeimers rob one of their innocence, and all the lives that this person touches.

I feel melancholic and reflective having read this book, I think we will have an interesting discussion at book club about it. I feel a little sad, and I think of the women I know whom have had and have Alzheimers. I feel for them, for their families. I think of my Uncle Roy (my grandfather's brother) and my Auntie Kittie, whom passed away a few years back from complications arising from Alzeimers. My Uncle Roy used to visit her all the time in the hospital, and he told me that even though she wasn't his wife anymore, she was his girlfriend now, and he found comfort in that. What do you say? Are there words? It is just so important to reach out.

This book affirms my position on trying to live without regrets, living life to the fullest, and speaking truths, a little carpe diem thrown in for good measure. You can never afford kids, you can never afford to travel, you can never afford to take time off and do the things that are important. Then again, you can't afford not to do these things. To weigh matters, and then go back to the first comment, and live without regrets by making your peace with your decisions.

This is a good book, a touching book, one that is hard to ignore. It is a fast read, a poignant one, and an important one.

You win some... you take some back to the library

Over the years, there have been a few literary greats I just couldn't get in to. I tried, really I did, and with some of them, a few times. A few examples are: the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Henry Miller's work , War and Peace, She's Come Undone, a PD James novel (really recently) and seemingly the majority of Margaret Atwood's books.

I gave it the old college try with Never Let Me Go. I couldn't get in to it. I read some reviews (love that big book seller website with lots of feedback) and it does sound like it deals with a profound, relevant topic (human cloning, the book was written shortly after Dolly was cloned in the UK) but it wasn't happening for me. I have read hundreds, nay thousands of books and it always surprises me when I come across one that I stumble through in the beginning and just cannot get myself up to reading. Where I look at the book, and find housecleaning to do instead of diving in between the pages.

I liken it to how you tend to at least like or be indifferent to most people you meet. About 2% of the folks out there, you will just not like on sight, and the feeling is usually mutual. (Weird tidbit I learned in a conference a few years ago). Well, it wasn't that this book was poorly written (it isn't) but I just couldn't work the will up to continue it. I asked myself - do I need to work this hard to enjoy reading? And the answer was an easy no, especially since I had Ian Rankin's latest novel lined up.

This is another perk about being friendly with the library again. It makes taking risks with books painless. Oh well, I didn't like this novel so I took it back early.

I am just about done The Complaints, and although I miss reading about the somewhat crotchety Rebus, I have enjoyed this newest offering. Amazing that you can blitz through 300 pages in a few days that you enjoy, and cover about 20 pages in that time of a book you can't be fussed by. Next up, Still Alice.

On the same vein, Brandon and I have been picking out kid's books at a rapid pace. We are not winning the battle. It is amazing how many terrible, boring, uninteresting kids books there are out there! Once again, nice to be able to take out a bunch of books, and when you are done, take them back!

Another month closer

Connor is seven months old. How did this happen? It was only yesterday....

I have rounded the midway point of my inevitable return to work. Hopefully every month doesn't go nearly as fast as this one has. Hard to imagine a week ago at this time I was in a cab heading to Fremont Street... it is equally hard to not to start dreaming about where next!

I sat down thinking I would have more to say, but nothing profound is percolating. I have a Lescroart book on the go, hopefully to finish off tonight. A week ago I had a dearth of books lined up, and now I have a pile of books to read. Have I mentioned that I am glad that I have rediscovered the joys of heading to the library? The selection, the fact that I don't have to pay for a book it really doesn't take me all that long to read, and really, I have so many now, I really don't need more on the shelves (unless I deem it to be one of those books needed for future re-reads), and just being able to see what is out there. I remember all the other times over the years I have spent lots of time in libraries. Old friend, it is nice to reconnect.

So, after this one... I have one called Never Let Me Go that looks like it should be a good read.. and then I will delve in another pocket book...

Home, sweet home.

It is amazing how much one can accomplish in 48 hours without kids. It is also equally amazing how quickly you can fall out of parenting mode, only to find yourself exchanging that attitude again once you are greeted with your kids!

We had two glorious days in Vegas. I couldn't imagine us having had the chance to do more than we did. Saw the Phantom at the Venetian, it was okay, we went to the Outlets, once again, they were decent. Got myself a swimsuit out of desperation (recall one Penguin Plunge in awkward fitting and ego killing suit) and a few new pairs of shoes. I love my shoes. A balance of practical, a little edgy, and just damn cool. We went to Fremont Street and had a big shrimp cocktail (paired with a guinness, quite lovely I must say) and watched the show, we saw the Bodies exhibit at teh Luxor, which was cool in a way that is hard to describe, hung out at the House of Blues, and we saw the Lion King at Mandalay Bay.

Lion King blew my socks off. It made Phantom seem very average. Lion King was awesome. The opening scenes brought tears to my eyes, and the singing, oh la la, the singing was amazing. It was one of the top three shows "big" shows I have ever seen in my life. Wow. Every little detail was really well done and choreographed. The costumes were great, our seats were great, the characters were right on. Just magic.

We ate a little, we gambled a little, we walked a lot. We just enjoyed being us together, no kids. It was a great time to connect and do something out of the ordinary for us. Highly recommend as good for the soul.

Winter on the West Coast.

Enough said.

I lurve books.

I have a few boxes that I have ready to go to the used book store as trade ins for futures. I figure this will be a weekend trip in the next few weeks, and since I am planning to check out a new, used book store, it should be an adventure. I love the smell of old book stores, they have a life of their own. Lots of memories from being in used book stores. You never know what you are going to find - I think it is an adventure, and I never really seem to stick with the alphabet. I am all over the place as ideas and titles hit, and I attempt to chase them down.

It would be nice to have a local used book store, the ones I really like, one is in Victoria, one is Sechelt, one is in Seattle, another two are in Bellingham. Somewhat closer would be nice.

I just combined my chapters card with my mom's... and we have 6 books waiting to ship once a pre-order book is available! WOO WOO!! New books! I even got a smattering of literature (Curious Incident of the Dog in Nighttime and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn) to tradebacks (not as memorable titles but they are new books from some of my favourite authors) to a deck of kid's yoga poses so me and the kids can stretch! COOL!

Open letter to folks at the pool

I don't think I have spent this much time at a public pool since I was a kid. We were lucky enough that we had a pool for my teenage years (side benefit of parents running a pool and woodstove store, even if it took us three years to build said pool in the backyard... not kidding, we had one of those great gaping holes in our backyard that collected water for a long, long time) and living on the coast, there was always a lake or the ocean to go swim in.

Between Brandon going twice a week, and Connor once a week... we are at the local pool A LOT. It is a nice, new facility. I don't like where they get the parents to sit, it is like the half circle of ogling. On the plus side, they do have a huge unisex area with lots of closed change rooms with showers. I usually head here because of the lockers, and the locked in shower area, are really important when you have a three year old on the go-go-go.

My pet peeve, besides the parent watching area (which just makes you feel lame, and the only folks who really get to watch their kids are those on that first row of the half circle of ogling), would be those folks without kids that use the unisex area. Um. Hello. There are two nicely appointed gender specific change rooms you could use, why are you taking up the space that folks with kids could be using??? Nothing like standing there with a dripping kid clinging from you and your backpack full of clothes behind 2 or 3 single folks without kids. Especially folks that are just getting changed in to their suits!!! Go to your appropriate change room folks and the leave the unisex rooms for the folks who actually need them!!!

/rant over

Words, Books, Thoughts

It's been a busy weekend, in a way.

Had a fabulous Thursday night out with one of my dearest girlfriends. We went and saw Greg Mortenson speak. It was an amazing night on a few levels, and terrible traffic on the way in to the presentation and monsoon rains didn't deter from our experience, more enriched it as only it could here on the west coast. What a humble man with an amazing vision. It is hard not be moved by what he has to say, and to agree that everything begins with building relationships (in terms of bringing change, you could say to the areas he is directing his energies towards but I think that limits his vision to a degree, or in the specific case of building schools in remote regions in Central Asia). It is also hard not to agree with how important education is, for both sexes. I am humbled at times by how grateful I am for my own education, how it has been a struggle at times, how I am still paying for it, and also the opportunities I have had, and perhaps will have in the future. How important it is to hold on to them, and to try to pay lessons and opportunities forward (that is the true power).

Part of our ticket price included a copy of his new book, and we faithfully stood in line and were the very last souls to get our books signed by him. My gal was amazed that he was a climber because his build didn't fit that of a typical climber, and that he had a different kind of physical presences. I had to laugh, because he came off in person as I would have expected him to - not necessarily comfortable in his skin, but it doesn't really matter in what is important to him. He didn't seem that comfortable in his suit, but he did seem comfortable talking to people, children especially. He spoke much of educating women, and the role that education women plays in improving overall quality of life. I think his unwavering approach and his being true to himself is his key to success and we can all take a few lessons from this graceful man. I was choked up a few times, hearing about his experiences, and the tales of wonder and woe from some of the world's most remote places.

So what do you say when you get to meet someone you greatly respect and admire and know through their writing?? Hi. Thanks. I stumbled for words, and I wonder how awkward I may have come off. I still stick by standard saying - when you are yourself, and authentic, even if you are stumbling, your sincerity does come across. I shock his hand, thanked him for being himself, and for doing what he does. Then we left for home (and a chai), a little inspired, maybe a little verklempt, and just glad.

Then out with a great big group of friends for dinner on Saturday night. I think there was at least 12 kids with us at this kid friendly restaurant. My eldest kid was doing laps of our section. Running. They were all yelling, and having a great time. I spent how many years waiting for him to run, and then he starts to run and get all flushed in the face in a restaurant (yes, he has already been running, but it is funny, he does lap after lap after lap of our big tables chasing the other 3 year old with an endless supply of energy and no time to stop and take drinks until his pizza arrived at which time it was okay to sit still for a minute or two). Timing, right? It was noisy. Nothing like having a dining experience with 32 of your closest friends.. It was fun, and I got to talk to mostly everyone. I must say, I enjoy smaller gatherings better. I want to look you in the eye and have a conversation that isn't rushed. I want a little bit of more controlled chaos, I want to bask in news, rather than feel I get to hear it, sort of talk about it, and then chase a kid down while worrying about whether or not the other one is getting over-tired and cranky. Could be the age our kids are, but I think I have shifted within myself from wanting the big noisy gatherings to enjoying a little less chaos. Who knew? There is a time and a place for everything...

And of course I have finished another book. This time it is Dunant's Sacred Hearts.I think I will recommend this one for my book club because it was excellent. It takes place during the Italian Renaissance in a fictional convent. It is about so many different elements - love, religion, politics, medicine, art, relationships, women... It was a novel read - I had never really thought about the freedom a woman could actually enjoy in a convent, but this book gave me pause and illuminated a few thoughts I have not considered before. It is beautifully written, and I was almost sad to reach the last page.

I think we have hit teething full on. Connor's lower gum is swollen, he has a red cheek, his nose his running, lots of drool, and frankly, he was a little miserable, starting from about 10 o'clock last night. Hopefully we will fare better tonight and will sleep better. So, here we are, just over six months old... Connor has not cut any teeth yet (could change) and he has an amazing amount of hair... we love to call it the party in the back. Connor can roll when he wants to, but he doesn't do it very often yet. He can sit on his own for a while, and from an incline, and pull himself up to a sit position. He is babbling, and when he is really upset, it almost sounds like he is calling for mama... he smiles a lot, and doesn't wake up crying. He watches Brandon a lot, and he loves to be up and likes the excersaucer we have for him. His eyes are still blue, and who knows what hair colour he will end up with. He loves to hold my fingers, and he is a different kind of cuddler, he wants to be up, and as close to you as he can be, but looking out. He loves to grab things, and shake things, and he has a pretty good range of motion. He has done awesome with food - no allergies have cropped up, and it seems a little hit and miss with some dinner combinations I have tried out. Apparently in our house, stew is on it's way out. Not big around here. My stew is the only food Connor gags on. Yeah. I am making all of his food from scratch, like I did for Brandon (except cereals, obviously). Connor loves to eat - he will grab food if you aren't watching carefully, it is funny! Makes Brandon seem not that adventurous when it comes to food. What else??? He is big, about 21 pounds, about 28 and a bit inches tall, and pretty healthy.

While I think about it, I should stretch this marathon post even further - at 3 and 1/2 Brandon is doing awesome. He is really TALL. And big, and strong. It is very assuring because I would be surprised to have smaller kids. Neither Ken nor I are built that way. Brandon has an amazing vocabulary, and we are working with him on the building blocks of reading, and yes, I love phonics. He still loves story time, and he is just getting in to dinosaurs. He still loves the movie Cars, but he will watch other movies, if he has too. He is still very much a poppa's boy and walks at the lake to feed the ducks is still a big hit. He is in swimming lessons, and I am going to see about going to the gym or picking up another sport in the next while. His walking, running, and jumping are coming along at a good pace, and he is pretty good about playing with other kids. Being off with me we are in our little world and play dates are huge to help keep up the social skills (not that he will ever be shy, but just in terms of interacting with other kids and playing nice.. ) He is learning preferences, and he is coming up with some great sayings... like I startled him the other day and he said to me "mom, now was that necessary?" I laughed. He is a cool kid when he isn't trying my patience. He is three, he has a lot of energy, and he is starting to push boundaries and not always act out, but just trying himself out, and expanding his own world. It is cool to see as he emerges from the toddler stage to the preschool stage and his world and his thoughts are just expanding.

Phew. I think that is enough for tonight. Once again, a book calls as the house is silent, although this one is not profound, it is escapist literature, a Nora Roberts book which are always good in a pinch for some light reading but a decent story.

Another one of those inspiring reads..

I believe grace, and sometimes understanding, comes when we least expect it. A few days ago, I finished this month's book club read...not unlike a few other times, I was a bit skeptical on whether or not I would get anything out of this book. Of course, as fate would have it, I found it to be a very powerful story. We read The Prisoner of Tehran and I am sure that this will be an interesting night when us girls get to sit around and talk about it. What a courageous novel, and what an unbelievable life to have lived through to be able to talk about! Marina is inspiring, in how she is true to herself, and how she manages to get through the darkest hours of her life.

A few passages really stood out for me. I have taken the liberty to quote a few of them here (taken towards the end of the novel, after she has been released from Evin prison and she is attempting to reintegrate in to her previous life):

"I was going to find my life and reclaim it ... I was happy to see (all my birthday guests), but there was a tangible distance between us, between the girl who had gone and those who lived a normal life. There were uncomfortable pauses in every conversation...It wasn't their fault. Everybody was polite and kind, but that was where it ended. No one wanted to know....Home wasn't the same because I wasn't the same. The comfortable, safe innocence of my childhood was lost for good."

Marina recalls speaking to an older female relative about this, and how no one really was asking her what had happened to her, and how she was truly doing - "The answer is simple. We're afraid to ask because we're afraid of knowing. I think this is some kind of natural defense. Maybe if we don't talk about it, and maybe if we pretend it never happened, it will be forgotten."

Marina reflects that "I expected my homecoming to make things simple again, but it hadn't."

It struck me that in this completely different tale, that I found a thread of what I (and my DH, Ken) experienced when Brandon went through his surgery a few years ago. It was so jarring - the few hours leading up to the event, and then the return to a different but familiar life. No one really wanted to talk to me about it, how it impacted me, how that night after his surgery was for me: that Brandon was doing really well was all that anyone really wanted to know. I remember not having to bring anything for Christmas dinner, and that everything continued on as if nothing had changed, but I had changed, I was different (I can't speak for Ken on that one, I only know me inside, and how the world shifted for me). I wasn't the same person as I was before everything happened. Now, years later, and many experiences later... I have grown in to this new woman. Not totally different, not really the same. I see myself as having gone through fire and have come through stronger, and at times more vulnerable than before. This afternoon, before writing this, I was working on Connor's baby book, and I look at the four of us, and I am blessed. Our story that is unfolding and changing all the time. It has taken me a long time to reach the place where I am talking about things, and I am moving forward. I thank my core family unit, in each of their own ways for that. The Don is a charming, smart, funny little boy. C-man is a cool baby whom has been a real joy, and Ken is my rock, my island in the storm. In the midst of it all is chaos, but in the chaos, is the calm. Somewhere in the middle is us.

In a nutshell, read the book. I found compassion, empathy, and inspiration and I am really glad that it was suggested as a read. One of the really positive aspects of my book club are the books we choose. I don't know how many I would have grabbed if they weren't book of the months for us, but I am grateful for the journeys the stories have brought me on.

It seems I haven't posted a lot this January, but each time I have it has been a novella.

The Winter O, eh?

With weeks to go, I find it somewhat ironic that we are in the middle of a typical deluge of rain, and it is hovering about 12 degrees out there. I find it somewhat bizarre that we are to host the winter event here on the west. Winter, what winter? Ah yes, that weird event we experienced last year for a few months and that seems to happen once you pass a place called Hope, ironically enough.

I find it truly bizarre that we were reminded how to be nice. Er, okay. Have you met Canadians? We tend to bend over backwards to be nice... Okay. Maybe not all of us, we do have that slightly nasty east side drug problem... but we survived Expo well enough, I am sure we will do fine this go around.

I just wonder if the visitors truly know what to pack for - ah yes, the Great White North. Must have heavy clothing, gloves, toques... nope. You need a gortex jacket and some funky rainboots. I have no plans to get even close to the city for a long while. Yesterday was my big foray in to the big city, and the end of my girly weekend. My mom and I went and saw a play, and it was excellent... my mom was excellent too!! I can't even post a post whinging and whining and venting. It was a great weekend. Nice thing was, the boys were good for Ken too!!

No wait, I think the month of January is going to be something of an aberration for me - I have our trip to look forward too (almost counting down the days) and I have a book reading to go to this week, I went to a play, I have book club.. some really awesome stuff on the go.

On a totally different note, I am also doing pretty good with my attempt to stay on top of the kitchen and housework... There has been some chaos, a few lunches that didn't get made, but all in all, it is HELPING to stay on top of things rather than let them go and look forward to a three hour marathon clean. I just have to remind myself of this when I have a bad day, or I am barely functioning from lack of sleep.

a taste of things to come...

It has been one of those Saturdays. A night of chaos sleep patterns between the little'uns, and then up early to get C-man out for his first swimming lesson. He was a total rock star and took to water like a fish. All smiles, splashed around, and I even dunked the poor kid. Both kids are officially now in swimming lessons so we are at the pool three times a week. Woah!

After swimming, it was shower the little one, run home, me shower, get both kids together and off to a birthday party. All girls, except my boys. It was pretty cool - got to watch Brandon bounce around in one of those blow up castles, and he did really well running around. A friend's mom who hasn't seen him in over a year said it was like watching a miracle when she saw him walk in to the play room. Made my heart go all twitterpated (yes, that is a real word, somewhere) because we just do every day, and it is nice to hear a comment from someone who hasn't seen him in a while and to know that it is a vast difference from where he was a year ago. I am so proud of my boys - and with Brandon, his will, his smile, his heart. He just goes, and does, and rolls with it. He is a sensitive boy, he is caring, and he is also very strong and generous. We got there, he grabbed the party girls hand, and away they went. He didnt' need me. How cool is that?? Even when it is a part of letting go, it is still a wonder to behold as your kids start to circle around you instead of being glued to your hip.

I am having what I would consider a really "girl" weekend... last night I got out for dinner with the Fabulous Mel and my sistah from another mother, Nej, and it was just divine. We shopped a little and then we ate well. Damn. A fine evening. No kids, adult talk... verra nice. I even get to see Nej again tonight! You know times have changed when hanging out, having dinner together, and just chillaxing is the way to go.

wooden spoons and a bag of doritoes

The other night making dinner, I learned something new about my second child. For 30 minutes of amusement, just add a bag of unopened doritoes and a few wooden spoons, and he is a happy camper! Ah, the bliss of just being able to make dinner while the littlest one is completely occupied. Says something about all those toys you end up buying... you don't need fancy schmancy, you just need something a little noisy that they can grab on to!

It is really cool watching Connor develop. He can now sit for long stretches of time, and unlike Brandon, everything, and I mean everything is going straight in to his mouth. He does raspberries, and he blabbers to himself, and like Brandon, he is a happy little dude. A maternity leave spending time with my boys is pretty damn cool. There is a world of difference in me between the first time around and this time around. I am not so wound up, I hope I am better at going with the flow, and I still miss my full income paychecks. I nearly fell over in shock when I hit the grocery till the other day. I am a good shopper, with a pocket of coupons and the totals still shock me. It isn't like we are going to town and having steak every night, we have pretty reasonable tastes and yet it the money still seems to flow like sand through your fingers.

I just finished the latest Slade book, Red Snow. Damn it all if I don't have to wait until Slade finishes penning the next installment. It was a page turner. This one took place just before that big event that is happening here on the west coast, and the snow was definitely soaked in spilled blood. Part social commentary, part police novel, part thriller... I really enjoy these books, especially having followed the characters through 13 novels. I have read them completely out of sequence, so at some point I will go back and read them in order so I don't have to scratch my head seeking out some arcane knowledge from a past book.

Of course, once this book landed in my hands, out went the PD James book (actually with a gleeful laugh I chucked it down the hallway). That one was a slog. I had only made it through the first quarter, and the end was looking a long way off. I have no idea if I will go back to finish it. Yes, the language is beautiful - lots of big pretentious words and descriptions... but the pacing of the novel left a fair bit to be desired. I don't know if I am up to it.. especially since after a visit to the library I have my next book club read, The Prisoner of Tehran, and then the newest Sarah Dunant book lined up... I suspect that this book will be left in my reading dust.

Not quite resolutions

Once again I have been meaning to post something profound, or in the very least prolific to reflect upon the last year so I would have something to look back on and at least trigger some memories.

2009 was a year that I wanted to start to push my comfort zones. I have pickled, I have made my own soap, and I have rediscovered the joys of reading, knitting, and female friends. I have started to use my slow cooker, and have discovered some great new recipes. I now try different things when I bake - it isn't just apple pies and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies anymore. I have two kids. We saw Mt. Rainier and Mt. St. Helens and both were incredibly cool. I went in to a wild hot springs beside a glacier fed river and did run back and forth between the two. I like my job and feel good about going back to work when my maternity leave finishes. I am striving to find balance in my life and it isn't getting easier, but I am starting to get better at it.

Did I mention we are going to Vegas in a few weeks, without kids? So I guess that will be pushing my comfort zone.. Connor will be barely 7 months old and we are going away for not just one night.. but two!!! I can't wait. Last year we made it to Bowen for a night, and it was wonderful. I can't wait to get away for two whole days, out on the town, seeing the sights. It will be good for us to be the big kids and seize the day rather than taking care of the kids. Oh, I am sure I will miss them, but in a healthy way as we get everything we can out of time away!

I don't quite believe in resolutions, but I believe in goals. Verbalizing them helps make them a reality, in part because you have put them out there in to the universe. This year I want to get a little bit better at housekeeping. Especially about the kitchen. I am a messy, messy cook. I create some pretty good meals and baked goods, but I can really destroy the kitchen and cleaning up my own messes suck. I need to get better at cleaning up as I go, and not avoiding the dishes when I have a free minute to just take care of a corner of it.

I want to continue the path I am on reading wise - trying out new authors, persisting and reading some of those books I bought long ago because I thought they would look good but never got around to reading, and being open to more new ideas. Except those parenting books. I don't need the guilt that seems to come along with a lot of those. Yes, some stuff you need to research, or ask questions about, but so much of child rearing is love and common sense.

I'd like to fit in more exercise to my life, as I work on ensuring my kids are as active as they can be. To appreciate the balance between computer/tv (for all of us), downtime, playtime, and time outside. This time next year I would love to be 15 pounds lighter. There. I said it. It is possible. We just seem to have way too many sweets still kicking around from Christmas and they are always tempting. But this is good practice right - I do believe in everything in moderation, and trying to stick to homemade. That we still baking and chocolate kicking around means we haven't eaten it all already! Truly, it is about moderation. Which comes back to balance. Funny how that it is.

At the end of the day, I just want to be a better me. Staying on the path to self enlightenment, battling my own inner demons, putting my best foot forward - for myself, for my husband and kids and family, for my friends, and then all of the other circles as they ripple out away from me. Hell, even for the cats. I think New Years and birthdays are time for reflection, to at least take a moment and appreciate where you have been and where you are going. I think I am starting to wax poetic here and look - here comes a tangent! I am reading my first PD James novel... it is a slow start but I am intrigued with how it will unfold. Of course I checked out reviews online, and it seems like you don't find a lot of middle ground in reviews - like most things, the folks who loved or hated an experience (etc) are the ones who generally talk about it.

Two posts in one night... with my track record must mean I won't be back for a few days (laugh at self inserted here).

Well hello there 2010

It wasn't until I started looking at my various pins collected on Polar and Penguin plunges on New Years Day that I realized that it has been five years since my last glorious dip in to freezing water. I was on a hell of a streak between 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 . . . until once again, in 2010.

A few years have been bloody cold - wild winds, rain, snow, and just damn cold. For some reason, this felt like the year to get back at'er and do the plunge. Since the last time, I'm now married, have two kids, and things are on a similar but different track than before. I also figured it was a nice way to bookend the decade. In 2000 I went to English Bay, and yes, that was quite the experience. I had sambucca in a flask and smoked a cigar afterwards. It is a crazy run there in to the water, and you do feel a bit like a spectacle since thousands of people turn out to watch the 2000 or so hardy souls who do the plunge here. A few years we went out to Deep Cove to do the plunge. Nothing like hanging out on some rocks to make your run in and out in a truly beautiful setting. It almost felt colder, being able to look at the mountains and see the snow up close and personal.... this year, it seemed like other plans and ideas did not pan out, and I figured, here I live on the wet coast, and still haven't done a plunge close to my home community.

This year I did. Got there with a few minutes to spare, donned my lovely pink robe, and waited for the run in. The lovely organizing folks even added some ice cubes to the water to ensure that things were good and cold (ha, ha). I ran down the ramp, and then stood there, waist deep in the water. It wasn't bad. In fact it was quite refreshing. I looked around and then figured I should just go ahead and get the rest of me wet, so I did. Then I nonchalantly strolled out of the water. It was great. I am really glad I did it this year. Before I went in, I figured it could be one of my last times doing it.. coming out, I am psyched to do it again next year! Wash away the year, the decade, and start from scratch.

The one down side is that I saw pictures of myself in the bathing suit I was wearing. Oh my. I need something a little more flattering than that. The color is about the only part of that suit that is appealing. This prompted a quick trip to a local store to try on a new suit since they were on sale. Yeah, there goes my ego. Thank god my husband thinks I am sexy because the suits I tried on did nothing for me. Almost as bad as the one I wore to the swim... I need a new suit. Quick. Swimming lessons start up again this week!!!