Garden Spells

Every now and then a bit of whimsy is just what is required. We had an amazing weekend getaway... finally. No one got sick, the weather was agreeable, and the sights were awesome. I even got to read a light and fluffy book, that was just perfect for this weekend.

This is what I like about chick-lit. Okay, a little bit of magic happened (something endearing about an apple tree that drops apples at your feet that will reveal the biggest event of your life to you when you eat it, good or bad) between the pages, and in a way, it reminded me a little of a Nora Roberts book in that sense (with the romance, and the easy to connect to characters and the charm), and I truly enjoyed it. Not a heavy read, and it delivered a good, happy ending, which was what I was looking for. I would read more books by this author - this was a delightful book.

So long, good friend.

In the car, heading for the ferry, my dear husband tells me he threw out our old espresso machine. I can't say I was ready for that - I would have been quite happy to put it in the box for that my new machine came in and store it in the shed for a year, or two, or three... you know..

just in case. I guess I had that "look" on my face because he said "what's the point of storing it for someday, you know it leaks out water everywhere and you weren't happy with it" and I came out with a profound, "yeah.. but". You know how it goes. He was right. We don't need to store more electronics that don't work well in our shed, it is already bursting at the seams. I also like our new machine, even if I didn't like it at first.

I claim to be good at change, but really, some times I really am not as good at change as I hope to be. So, I shut up, and didn't call my dad to rescue the old espresso machine out of the garbage. Not bad for $50 (bought it used from a friend who worked at the coffee giant back in 2000).... it made thousands of good coffees, and at the end of the day, served me well. Farewell dear machine... may your successor last half as long... (they really don't make them the way they used to)

Done.

The breastaurant is officially closed.

It closed for a night on Saturday, reopened briefly on Sunday, and closed again last night.

It felt so right. Well, Brandon got 2 years, and Connor got just about 22 months. They should both consider themselves lucky for two totally different reasons. After Brandon, I didn't feel like I was done yet, perhaps some inner awareness that another child was a possibility. Now, I am done. I am so glad to have had two kids, and to have breastfed as long as I did, and I am SO GLAD I finally did it.

It didn't happen how I thought it would - I had visions of Ken putting Connor to bed every night and me hiding out in Brandon's room. The cowards way out, this is what I figured would be the easiest. In the end, I ended up telling Connor he was a big boy, and slowly weaning him off by putting him on a nightly time limit, and on Saturday, I reached that point where it was really easy to just not do it. I sang to him, laid next to him, and stayed until he fell asleep. Then I ran out in to the living room and did a few fist pumps.

D O N E .

Did I mention I am just thrilled about this? For me it isn't about "getting my body back" (okay, maybe a little but more in the sense of not having some one pull down my shirt, or trying to grab me, and then go for a meal) but it just being so the right time. Connor is a big guy, he doesn't need it, and it is time to get comfort from his loved ones in a different way. Time for me to let go too, and move along.

Bedtime is getting easier, and the wake ups in the middle of the night haven't been as bad as I expected. It is a relief. So I didn't take the cowards way out and I dealt with it (my karma I suppose) and faced my fears about weaning. The heart wrenching cries were few, he seems to have handled it well, and life moves on. I will cherish the memories I have of breast feeding, and I am glad I persisted with both. Very rewarding, not the easy thing in the beginning you think it will be, and so very much the right time to move on.

A little of everything

Reading this, I couldn't help but wonder where books like this where when I was doing all my literature courses...(damn dead WASPs... there is something to be said about World literature) for a book in translation, the prose was beautiful. This is a grand book, from beginning to end. It took me weeks to finish this - it really isn't a book that you pick up and read in one or two sittings. At times this is a coming of age novel, sometimes a mystery, at times a historical piece, sometimes it borders on a Greek tragedy, and at times, it is whimsical and fanciful in the language employed.

I quoted the opening passage a few posts back, and there is a thread about books and their stories that permeates this entire book. Have I mentioned how much I enjoyed this book? And not in the usual sense either... about 2/3rs of the way through I kind of did a bit of a groaner for the direction one of the characters ended up taking, but within the context of the book, it does create the Greek tragedy element to the tale, and makes it somewhat more poignant, even if this element was a bit distasteful (I won't give it away just in case you are so inspired to pick up this book).

How to describe in a nutshell what this is about - against the backdrop of WW II and the Spanish Revolution, this is the story about a young boy named Daniel, his widowed father, and their used bookstore. This is also the story of an obscure writer, whose life is ironically entwined with Daniel's and comes to a dramatic head by the climax of the novel. It is partly a coming of age novel, first loves, loss, war, living in an oppressed society, filial love, books, identity, stereotypes and archetypes. Did I mention this book had a bit of everything in it? I don't think I am doing the best job at relating what this book is about, but it is well worth a read. I had the urge to get out a highlighter and mark passages for future reference, and I did stick some bits of toilet paper in too.. but those bits are gone and I am not feeling up to searching through the book to find some worthy quotes to immortalize here.

Once again, I have to say I am glad that my reading habits have taken such a departure from what I was reading - I haven't been bored, and I have a bunch of books cued up that I am really looking forward to reading.

Organizing my head

I am not sure, but I think that today was one of those days.

The nice perk is that today is my Friday, and I am home with the boys tomorrow, and I am feeling a burst of inspiration to do some spring cleaning. It started with organizing my closet a bit tonight when I put some clothes away (nice to have shirts together, then skirts, etc) and then to my socks, and then all the papers around my desk, time to feed the recycling bag again. I feel the need to get the stuff around me together and sorted and perhaps even tossed so I can get my head together too and free of some clutter. Or maybe the secret is just having some quiet time to process and not have someone calling on you ...

Total aside, where the hell do missing socks go? Now that there are 4 of us in the house, I somehow have a stack of unmatched socks. We aren't even talking about a few, I have between 10-15 unmatched socks. Many of them small - when did the boys acquire so many socks??? WTF?

On to my original topic - it has me thinking tonight about the challenges of returning to work after your second maternity leave in to a job that has "expectations". It is funny, I would say I have learned more in the last 9 months than I have in a long time, and yet I have been told that in some areas I am not hitting my stride. For some stuff, I take it on the chin and recognize where the failings are.. for other stuff, it almost feels like micromanaging from my higher up and I wonder if I could have met the expectations - especially when they were really vague and not all that well articulated, or maybe with my current energy levels there just wasn't a lot of inspiration in the tank. I feel like I need to make a list to address some things over the weekend, and then have another conversation, one in which I am prepared, and can have my say as well, rather than just sit there and take it, and respond in the moment, but not necessarily in a thoughtful manner. Mental note - when you want to have a mutually beneficial (even if you don't always see eye to eye) conversation with someone, don't ambush them.. give them time to prepare themselves. The irony is that this conversation feels like it has happened a week late - already been moving on and it feels like things have already shifted... almost funny, but not in a ha ha way.

It also got me thinking - it has been a helluva year. I would whinge a lot here, but I think that I will spare you, my reader, the eye rolling of reading a list full of things we have all had to deal with. End of the day, it is NOT EASY working full-time, being a full-time mom, trying to be a good wife, and a good person to yourself, and then even trying to stay in touch with friends too. Maybe even throw the cats and fish in there for good measure.

So tonight I may even do some work, see if I can find some inspiration sitting here in my jammies and go from there. Sometimes the quiet is just nice.

A fine book indeed

What a fine book. Have I mentioned how much I am enjoying the Inspector Banks series??? I was up until the wee hours of the morning last night finishing off the book while I had the chance. What a great plot, with interwoven strands from the past (World War II) and current day, this was superbly executed. Just enough mystery to keep you wondering until the very end, and some nice character development as well. Since I haven't read this series in order, I am picking up on some information that I missed by leaping ahead. These books are tighly written, well plotted out, and not just a police procedural. The characters evolve, they are flawed, and the crime not overstated and over the top (just enough detail) and the countryside interesting. I look forward to my next foray in to a used bookstore when I can stock up on more of his books.

Now, my next book caught me with the first sentence. As I have been whinging, the last few books I have taken out from the library I have barely held on to for a day. I sat down to start this one at lunch time, and I was immediately enchanted. I am reading Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron, and I can't wait to get further in to it.

This is how it begins -

"I still remember the day my father took me the Cemetary of Forgotten Books for the first time. It was early summer 1945, and we walked through the streets of Barcelona trapped beneath ashen skies as dawn poured over Rambla de Santa Monica in a wreath of liquid copper" Who wouldn't want to continue?

Shhhhhhhhhh

Is it bad to not let your youngest have a nap because you know it means he will fall asleep easily, and early? Wait, don't answer that.

Well, my dear hubby has been away for a boy's weekend and should get home from the land covered with ice and snow sometime tomorrow night. From the sounds of it, he has had a very successful weekend ice fishing.

My weekend has been good too, in a totally different way, and has gone by incredibly fast. Thursday, when he left, seems like a lifetime ago. Friday was good - boss was away, which was just nice, and I got a fair bit accomplished at work, and then my BFF from when I was kid brought her boys over and we ate pizza, and spankmypitas, and ate candy, and played video games, and then our boys watched a movie while we talked some more. It was just magic. We had baileys on ice, we talked, we didn't solve life's great mysteries, but it was just so nice. It is a real trip to look back over 20 years and remember our 14 year old selves and now her oldest is almost 13. O M G. Watching him move to a dance video game was surreal - he is all gangly and long (all arms and legs right now and changing features as he leaves his boyish self behind) and growing so fast.. it is hard to believe I have known him forever, and his bro... they stayed the night, and we had breakfast and then we parted. They shopped and I took my boys to White Rock, and then we joined up again at her folks on Saturday. I took all the boys to the park, and my gal's youngest asked me how we were related, and I told him that they were family that his mom and I had chosen to be family. He kind of nodded, and I think he got it, and I think he also thought it was kind of cool too. He also called me mom a few times, I don't think he meant to at the park, it is just that I was the mom-figure that was out there with him. Hysterical was him having to take a whiz and running to a tree, and then the next thing I know my oldest's ass is hanging out and he is christening the same tree. It is magic how our kids get along. You can hope for stuff like that but you can't plan it. Shortly after, we headed home and me and the boys crashed out together, pretty exciting. Should I admit I will not win any culinary awards for how we have eaten this weekend??

Today I hooked up with other dear friends, and we went to Rocky Point. It was awesome. A total spring day, and ultimately, where we got married 5 years ago. Funny I have been to both places this weekend (by unconscious design??) ... we watched out kids play, we walked, and talked, and we even geocached! That was cool - watching our kids find the stash, and then trading trinkets. I could see that being a lot of fun as the kids get older. The only thing missing was my man, but I can tell him about it all tomorrow night when we swap stories.

Tonight I finally got some time for me - the boys are asleep and I think I will finally finish the book I am reading, it has only taken me about 2 weeks to get through it, you know, with a few crises thrown in for good measure. Hell, I even got to watch an episode of CSI that wasn't on the PVR!!! Will be interesting to see how this week pans out - I am moving my office tomorrow and we shall see how where I am at with my boss - I think everything is all good, but it has just been strange over the last few weeks... maybe I am just being paranoid because I missed all those days and need to get back in to the groove... also think I need to bring up minutes in our meetings when action things happen, not fun being the odd man out for stuff.

A day in the life..

So much rattling around in my head I have no idea where to start.

How about strange and unusual bits?

Picked up Freedom, by Jonathon Frazier and I can't say it is doing much for me. When I leave work today, I will return that book to the library, pretty much unread. The joys of library books - they are risk free. If they don't capture you in the few little bit, bye-bye! Okay, I will admit I did check out some reviews, and a friend read it recently, and the reviews are all over the board. There are way to many great books out there to waste my time on a book that feels like work.

Almost 5 years married (tomorrow)... and my hubby just left for ice fishing in the northern flatlands of Alberta. The most romantic part? The cards we wrote to each other we pretty close to identical. Awwwwwww. I got a really cool ring too with all of our birthstones in it too!

Most important part, Brandon is doing amazing. His ability to recover is astounding. He is also quite willing to talk about his shunt, and show people his scar. Man, he is one cool dude.

Overall I think I am doing well -getting back in to the swing of things at work, and feeling not quite so scattered. That being said, I am unsure how work is going to treat my time off (I have a great letter from our neurosurgeon) whether it will be compassionate leave or some vacation time, or ?? I am also moving offices. I will be in close quarters with someone I really have no desire to be that close to. *SIGH* It is my old office, but I don't get my old desk. The desk is orientated in a way that I hate, so I will attempt to move some furniture around. I am not quite sure how everything is going to shake out. I can't jump up and down and say that this has been the best of my work times, overall it has been pretty frustrating over the last few weeks. I hope this chapter ends soon. I will make the most of the move - I will bring in plants, and surround myself with things that make me feel good. I will have a window again, and one that opens. I will just ignore the rest. Bah. At least I learned a few years ago how to advokate for myself.

Grateful.

Warning, this is going to be a long post as I wax poetic, and also just unravel the experiences of the last few days. I don't talk about it that much, but our oldest son has hydrocephalus, which is treated by a VP shunt to divert excess CSF to his body cavity. This was diagnosed a few days before his first Christmas, and he had emergency brain surgery to put in the shunt. Since then, I have been scared shitless of the day if Brandon would ever need a revision in case the shunt failed. It has only been in the last few months that I have been been able to let go of some of this fear and stress, learning that it was never when the shunt would need replacing, but if.

That being said, last Tuesday Brandon got a random headache and started vomiting. He reported falling at daycare when questioned, but could never provide a lot of details about this experience, and no one saw him fall. We weren't sure if it is was a concussion, or the start of a flu (he had had a headache when we were in Hawaii with that flu, but he also had a fever and the vomiting and chills), or if it was something else. Wednesday morning Brandon was fine, until just before heading to work, the headache and vomiting came back.

Spent a few hours at home, Ken came home, I went to work... only to have Ken call to say he was really concerned since the headache lifted again, but came back with a vengeance. I came home from work, time passed. We had free tickets to the Canucks game so Ken went with a friend (I wasn't up to leaving or going out), and things just never got any better. A lot of vomiting (never had so much laundry to do in my life), and the headache just wasn't lifting. I had spoken to the neurosurgeon fellow at Children's and since Brandon was cognitively there, and it could have been a concussion, we weren't too worried... yet.

Thursday morning we dropped Connor off at daycare and went in to Children's. We had a CT scan within 2 hours, which really didn't show anything. Our neurosurgeon admitted Brandon for observation, and after a medication to stop the nausea, Brandon stopped vomiting, but the headache continued to progress. Ken went home to be with Connor, and in the wee hours of Friday Brandon's headache reached unreal proportions and he was in a lot of pain -pain not touched by all of the pain medications he was on. He was literally out of his head with pain, and then he would sleep for 20 minutes from exhaustion, until the cycle would start again. With the neurosurgeon and a few nurses, we did a shunt tap at 3am, discovering the shunt was not working. It was time for emergency surgery. It was a terrible phone call to make to your partner at 3am - come... our boy is going in to surgery. O M F G.

The team was assembled, and they were amazing. They didn't know what they would find, but what they found is that the catheter leading from the shunt valve in to Brandon's ventricle was no longer working - they replaced it, and tested the rest of the shunt (which was working and didn't need replacement)- and finished off. Everything was a success, and even in post-op, talking to Brandon, I had my boy back. He was no longer in pain, and was no different than he had been before the headache hit. He looks no worse for wear, a shaved patch on his head, a few stitches, lots of that pink antibacterial wash all over his body (no shower until tomorrow and no bath for a week after that to allow the stitches to fully heal). He is happy again, talking up a storm.

We were discharged from Children's on Saturday and going home was a joy. I have been afraid of a revision all this time, and it was the best thing that could have happened when he needed it. Talking to the neurosurgeon, this catheter is shorter, and better placed in the ventricle, fingers crossed, this should be it. I also know what to look for next time, and seeing him a few days later, already not needing any Tylenol, I am just grateful.

Last night we ended up having a bunch of family over and it was awesome - the best noise you could have asked for. Ken and I and the boys may just need time to get over this, but to have been surrounded by all that love last night, it was just magic. We had Brandon's favourite meal (roast beast, carrots, potatoes, and lava.. and then chocolate cake) and he played lots hockey video games, and we let him sleep in our room again, just because.

This all feels slightly unreal, we are home today and then we are doing a graduated return to daycare over the next few days. I am thankful for FB.. I was a bit nervous about posting something before we went in to surgery, but Ken posted what we were going through, and I am so grateful for the outpouring of positive thoughts. For such a difficult experience, we had amazing care, from the ER staff, to our nursing team, to the people we met in the ward, and our doctors. I am grateful Ken and I are a team in the true sense of the word - you realize how much so when you go through something like this.



Now, life moves on. Brandon is doing awesome, and I am sure at some point in the next few days I will quietly fall apart, and then put myself back together again. I feel grateful, and nothing but gratitude

A Strange Affair

Well, after my foray in to my literary books, I had to go back to one of my tried and true favourites. I am truly glad that my local used bookstore proprietor recommended Peter Robinson to me when I was looking for new authors to read. I have enjoyed every one of his books that I have read, and this one was no exception. I have not read these books in series (you don't have to, much like Michael Connelly's Harry Bosch series) and the more I read, the more I want to read. This book has great characterizations, and the plot is tight. A great way to spend a few hours between the pages, up next is another in the series.

Travel shows

If you have two nickels in your hand, what do you do? Rub them together and go on a trip! Although we don't always get to travel as far abroad as we would like (champagne tastes on a beer budget and those young children we have), when we do have the chance to strike out and see something a little different, we take the opportunity as often and for as long as we can!

When that doesn't work, we live vicariously through others. We stumbled upon the Idiot Abroad (funny stuff) and a friend recommended Departures (funny in a different way, and a little more thoughtful, to say the least) and between the two poles there are some great stories and inspiration for future travels.

I should also give a shout-out to my friends on the Renova, preparing for more adventures! There is something to be said for the gypsy spirit, soaking in all the experiences and sights that you can!

The travel bucket list - places to see and things to do, a never ending quest.

One end of the Spectrum

You know when you are sitting there watching something on the telly, and then you hear a strange sound from the couch, and you realize it is the sound of your husband laughing, giggling, and chortling because what you are watching is just that funny? Check out these best bits from Karl Pilkington's, An Idiot Abroad... especially the bit that there is always a nutter around.. we have only caught a handful of the 8 episodes but they are cued up on the PVR to catch the rest. H I L A R I O U S.

The other end of the spectrum

This is the intro to Season 2 (of 3) of Departures... this is a beautifully filmed and thoughtfully narrated travelogue of two Canadians traveling through some of the more remote regions of the world. Soundtracks are amazng, the cinematography is luxurious and stunning, and the guys are entertaining.

The finished products...

Small and Medium hats (for the boys)

Ken's Viking Hat...I won't admit how many times I tweaked those &*^$@* horns!

My boys.

Damn Horns.

It all started with the movie, How to Train your Dragon. This is a huge hit in our house, with two boys and all, a story about Vikings and Dragons, can you go wrong? I was searching out a hat pattern for inspiration to make myself a hat, when I stumbled upon this website, and this wonderful knitted Viking Hat. I thought it was pretty damn cool, but I didn't have the supplies on hand at the time.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I kept returning to this pattern. It would be perfect for my guys. So, a few road trips later, and I have three Viking Hats. One I made with 66 stitches, one with 60, and the last one with 52 around. I adjusted the pattern a bit, and the post I did a while back about bobbles was how I learned how to make my first bobbles. It is a very easy pattern, and my only hitch was making the damn horns.

I have made the equivalent of five pairs for three hats. Apparently I learn the hard way. There is a horn pattern attached with this pattern, but I ended up free-forming my horns on double pointed needles. I learned the hard way that "bigger is not always better" and the first pair of horns I knitted on to my hubby's hat looked like Texas Longhorns. Drooping ones at that. Off they came, and several other versions happened. I learned that smaller, tighter horns are better (who knew) and that when you fill them with stuffing, really doesn't work all that well. After attaching two pairs, I had the idea that perhaps I should just use the scrap wool to shove in to the horns, and VIOLA! My problems were solved and the horns looked much better.

Needless to say, I have spent more time on the horns than I did knitting all three hats. This is a simple pattern, and I am grateful that I found it. The hats are a hit, and each of my guys can wear them with pride. It was magic watching Connor put on his hat and check to see if his horns where there.. and then Brandon getting to preschool and running around showing everyone his hat... now that I have improved my hubby's horns.. it will be great how to see it looks now. Makes my simple green hat seem not quite as colourful!

I will post some pictures of the finished hats tonight. I am pretty damn pleased with myself.

Room

I have seen this on a few "best of" books, and when I am surfing the book lists, this seems to be one of the books that appears embedded within the stream of recommended reads.

I can't say that I am over the moon about this book. It was a provocative read, parts of it were really hard to wrap my mind around, some parts I skimmed over (just weren't going anywhere for me) and some parts I paid a lot of attention to. This is told from the perspective of five year old Jack and reveals the story of his upbringing in a 11 x 11 room (a reinforced garden shed) with his mother, whom had been kidnapped seven years previously.

This book is steeped in cultural references, for example, and it is insightful in some ways, and in other ways it fell somewhat flat for me- as a narrator Jack was at times great, and then the story around him seem to fracture and lose track a wee bit - which of course could be the point coming from a 5 year old narrator that has not lived a normal existence by any stretch of the word.

This is a quick and easy read (pretty much read it in a day because of a return trip on the skytrain), and I am sure it will stay with me because it is disturbing subject matter.... but I can't say that I would shout from the rooftops and say, wow, what a book. I am glad I read it so I have an opinion about it... and time to literally move on!

I should also mention I borrowed a copy of The Slap (I was intrigued by the idea, a book evolving out of a barbeque where an adult slaps a kid that isn't theirs) but I got about 10 pages in to it (then surfed some opinions on the book as I wasn't all that impressed) and I figure there are so many great books out there I haven't read yet, and this is a library book, that I will just take it back to where I got it from, which brought me to Room.

Charmed

What a charming read. It has been a while since I could say that I have read two books in a weekend, and gotten the laundry done.. but I did! It helped it snowed, and then the monsoon hit to melt it all, and with my little guy under the weather, wasn't the time to have a big weekend. It helps that both were what I would call easy reads, and this one was totally charming.

The narrative structure took a bit to get in to, but once I did, I really enjoyed how the story played out. It isn't a hard hitting novel, but it does delve in to some pretty serious topics. The story focuses upon the folk of Guernsey Island (one of the British Channel islands occupied by the Germans during WWII) and a writer, Juliet, whom becomes a vital part of their community by chance.

Having done a course on the holocaust in uni, in which the books we read were as incredible as they were hard to read, in a way, this is a different way to learn about another facet of the war - a different kind of human face and reflection. I enjoyed this book - I don't really want to say it was light-hearted fun, but it is a feel good novel as you turn that last page. I feel like I am going through a bit of a reading renaissance right now - I am reading different kinds of books than I have been, ranging far and wide and I am loving it.

A little something for the rain...

Well worth a gander, and a quick read to boot! Why is it most books about animals end up with tears being shed? I just thought of the Edgar Sawtelle book (meh), and then there is Yeller (never read, didn't need to cry that much) to the Hunters of Cherokee County by Wilson Rawls (I read this one over 25 years ago and it still sticks out in my mind.. I remember Little Ann and Big Dan.. ) I had a feeling some leakage from my eyes would happen because of this book, but it wasn't a terrible thing.

This is told from the perspective of Enzo, the dog and not the human. See, when Enzo finishes this life, he believes that he will be reincarnated as a human. This is his story as he tries to be the best dog growing in to a human that he can be. It is about his people, and his human, and their partnership. It is a lovely read, a heartbreaking read at times, and a profound read. I laughed (crow scene) and I didn't cry in the middle, but I did cry at the end. A book about perseverance, of love, of being true to yourself.

It seems the message I have been getting from the universe (seems like I am getting better at decluttering and that isn't coming up as much anymore) is to look in the direction that you want to go. Not to dwell too much right now, but focus on the place you want to be, and you unconsciously move that way.

I should have read it in less sittings

This was a decent read. It feels like a throwback novel - crafted in a different time (even if it is a recent novel). The language is quite lovely, and it was a quick and pleasurable read. I was not so sure how I felt about Flavia, our cheeky 11 year old narrator, but she grew on me by the end of the novel. At times I didn't know if I would want to read another in this series, but I think I would...

It was a jarring book to read a few pages at a time, and I finished the last 1/3 in one sitting, and I found that as I hit my reading stride, I enjoyed this book more. It wasn't profound, nothing earth-shattering, but good. A mystery, not quite like a Nancy Drew, not like a modern thriller either - somewhere in the middle. If you want a book that will draw you in, a little history sprinkled in, some enjoyable characters (literally), this is well worth a dive in to.

Settling in

It is amazing how there are moments in life that you wish you could just freeze frame them to take the moment, wallow in it, and then move on. Life is not like that though - it keeps on rumbling along. It is also different when you have young kids - they don't always understand why mom's mood can be a little off.

Thank you for the positive thoughts and support about my gran.

It is a different grieving experience - it is different when the person is older, you have said what you needed to say when they were alive, and your last goodbye was pretty awesome (at Christmas when we were out on the island). I hate to say it, but it is not as heart wrenching as it is with a younger person. When people find out she was 96 their first response invariably is "wow" and I can't argue with that - we should all be so lucky to be pretty healthy for as long as she was and to have had a downward slide just at the end..

It feels odd - I am part of that middle generation. Our parents are now the oldest. Our kids are the youngest... not so young anymore, and old enough to be dispensing advice and mothering the almost 20 year olds out there. When did this happen?

Going back to work is strange - your world has shifted and yet you are in your car, heading in, and the routine starts up again. A little shift in perspective, extra hugs for your loved ones...

A moment to remember

Well, situation puts it mildly. My dad isn't always great with words... but I guess when you are searching for the right word situation will do.

I sit here and write because it seems to be the thing to do in this moment - staring at the white screen. My gran passed away tonight. Startlingly quickly. My cousin and her husband where there, and I am grateful that my gran was not alone.

96 years, that is a pretty damn good life. A husband that loved her, kids, travels, grand kids, dogs and birds, great grand kids, a nice place to hang your hat in the later years, and a love of life, and curiosity, and a smile. Much of me is because of my gran - and I am missing her as I write these words. I think of so many things, beach combing together, a love of the sea, a love of picking up rocks. Her poodle Mokey, whom I really despised... Her love of turquoise, and little bits and bobs and interesting things. Her plants, the cigarettes she used to sneak when no one was watching, the happy hours, the woman who loved the attention of a man...I think of her ugly feet, and beakish nose, and kind brown eyes, and her delicate skin. Everything perfectly came together creating my gran - in all the juxtapositions that create a dynamic self. I think of her books, and the clutter, and the papers... I think of Charley the cockatoo eating everything he could and crapping all over the place. I remember Sunday breakfasts when we were all younger, and I remember every time I had to say good bye in the last few years - holding hands and looking at each other. I knew you, and you only knew you loved me and were loved at that point. You loved each of the boys when they came to visit, and reveled in their youthful enthusiasm. You would always look at me, and tell me how much it meant that we had our special connection, and you always wish for more time, and it would never be enough.

Adieu, but not goodbye Gran, you are already missed and it is a crazy thing to imagine the world without you.

We have a situation.

This morning I take my big guy over to my folks since my dad watches him on Thursdays, and my dad says "we have a situation."

First thing that runs through my head, is WTF?? I have no idea what this means, but there is something in the tone that I am not liking. Turns out that my gran is not doing so well and that the care home she is at has asked for palliative orders for her. Nothing like having this kind of conversation moments before you have to paste on a smile and head on in to work. My gran is 96, she has had a long and colourful life, and it is time. However, it doesn't make it any easier hearing that the time is actually almost near.

Folks found out last night, and it floored me they didn't call me last night. I don't get it - better to tell me in the morning when I come up to see them rather than call the night before and just give me some mental preparation? Out of all my relatives, my gran is one of my closest- even if I haven't seen so much of her in recent years (she lives on the island) doesn't mean my heart isn't there or that we haven't gone for visits when we could.

To say that I have been scattered today is putting it mildly. My first instinct is to drop everything and run to the island. I did call the centre, and the nurse said that she feels she still has some time (not a lot, but maybe weeks instead of days) and that the care centre is under lockdown because of Norwalk... so, waiting and see is about the only approach open to us at this point.

Such is life.

The day has gotten better from there - it has been snowing off and on, I just found out payroll did a data entry error that will cost us about $200, and I feel bloated.

Pfffffffft.

Bobbles

Who said you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks?? I learned how to make bobbles last night! I even got a chance to read for a bit, and watched a bit of a show...

Who knew?

I am making a very cool hat for my hubby and I had to learn how to make bobbles. Pictures to follow in a few days.. should be a cool hat!

Mornin!

Ah, a few blissful moments of peace before the day takes off running. Of course, I have run my tank near dry and I need to hit the gas station before I venture too far away... but it isn't raining and I can see some blue sky (which is always a bonus this time of year).

Yesterday I had an individual in my office that irritated me from the moment I saw her - chatting on the phone, oblivious to the fact that someone was standing in front of her, waiting to take her in for an appointment. It got better from there - whining voice, lazy, questions that were really asking to abuse the system, and then the gall of taking a phone call in my office. She asked part way through, are we done.. I said yes, so she continued to talk. So I pointedly stared at her until the call ended, she asked a few more lame questions, and I was more than happy to see the back end of her leave the door. Folks like that make you appreciate the quiet times that much more.

Funny, after all the folks I see, there are so few that get under your skin... but the total lack of respect, that is something else. Karma is a beyotch and when you approach life like that.... interesting to see what comes full circle for that gal.

Actually, now that I reflect on it, yesterday certainly had it's less than stellar moments - I wanted Friday off, got shot down. Asked my boss a question, and apparently I have been asking too any questions lately (which ended up being positive since conversation went well and was more affirming than anything else). So the day was all over the board, some good (to follow, this post isn't just a whinge), some blargh, some ugly.

On to much more positive things - got a really cool mug from my boys with their pictures all over it and a few chocolates, and I got to decorate cookies at work for my guys. It was fun - felt like being a kid sitting around decorating and eating heart shaped gummies. I feel like I had too many sweets yesterday... and my back is stiff... I need to find some more hours in my day to get my body moving more!! We seem to still be going through a cycle where Connor is not going to sleep at a decent time - it makes such a difference to have a few minutes to yourself at the end of the day, to just be... decompress, whatever you want to call it.

A monstrous love affair

I knew that I would finish reading this book tonight... Everyone else fell asleep early, and knowing I only had a 100 pages left, and it was 10 o'clock... I knew that I would be finishing this one before midnight.

This is the righteous cover of the The Gargoyle, by Andrew Davidson. What a book. I have no idea how to truly describe this book and do it justice. Well worth a read. Well worth a second read. Definitely not even close to what I expected it to be.

It was also, ironically enough, a fun book to carry around. This cover screams pay attention to me and a few folks made comments about it. My dear friend KW recommended this book, raving that it is one of her top 5 books of all time... I shrugged before I picked it up, and now I understand. This is a book like Heart of Darkness, rich with meaning, layers of symbolism, and threads of different stories woven together. I cannot believe my luck in the books that I have read so far this year - outside of the first book which didn't live up to my expectations, all the rest have shattered my expectations and preconceived notions.

I could describe this book as a joy from start to finish, but it wasn't. At times it was hard, almost gruesome, at times, so beautiful I had to put it down and just revel in the moment. I wish this wasn't a library book because it would look fine on my bookshelf. Another cool tidbit is how much Davidson was paid for his book (big bucks, especially for an untried Canadian) and the other thing is that he is Canadian. This book will make it's way in to post secondary reading lists if it hasn't already.

I feel myself moving away from more of my escapist reading and moving in to books with a bit more teeth right now. I am sure that the pendalum will shift again, but it will be interesting to see how my next read measures up (book club read, Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie).

TGIF can't come soon enough

I am officially sitting around frittering away some time at the end of the day because I have run out of direction. It has been one of those wonky weeks - I have done lots of editing at work, and considering how things should be done, and been motivated to get lots done (and I have).. and it all seems to have vanished!

Last few nights have been rough - broken sleep, trying to get Connor to sleep in the other room, and then random cat accidents, and then watering the plants and then over-watering and the water leaks everywhere, to not getting all the laundry put away last Sunday and some of it is still in piles, to the pile of stuff on the kitchen floor that just keeps moving around the room.

I think it would help if both kids would be asleep by even 9:30.. and give me some time to just be. You know, to spend some time with my husband, read my book, watch some mindless TV. Do more than just go to work, make dinner, throw a kid in the tub, child herd a bit, sit on couch a little tired, and then herd them to bed... it is funny how some weeks are great and everything falls in to place, and other weeks you just struggle to find yourself in there.

I find the hardest thing of sticking around as my youngest falls is asleep is that once my guard is down, and even if I wasn't that tired at the beginning of the process, I am that tired by the end of. Yes, I know I could let him cry it out... but it just isn't all that appealing. I know eventually we will get there, but there are some days you just have to whinge a little about it.

A messy end

2011 is looking pretty good as far as my reading list has been concerned A friend recommended this one heartily, and I must agree, it was a great read. It was really well written, the language was luxurious and the characters were well crafted.

The story focuses "in the woods" - a mystery thriller that takes place in small town Ireland. The lead detectives aren't perfect, they are flawed, and a little more believable than some of the leads that I have been reading lately.

There was a lot of lead up to this story, and in some ways, the end felt a bit rushed. It doesn't end all wrapped up neatly, there are unresolved strands and you are left to wonder what happens to the characters after the last page has been turned. The next book written by French continues on with one of the main characters from this book, and then the next takes a character from her third book, but in many ways... there are still things I would like to see play out from this first novel. Well done, the last page has been turned and I want to read more.

We have two.. now two more!

Ahhhhhhh. Two of those troublesome teeth are in. Amazing, the wee guy's appetite is coming back, and his cheeks are not so flushed. Funny how that works.

It is only Thursday and it already feels like it should be Friday. At work I have been crunching numbers and looking at stats, and brainstorming some ideas of how I want the program I run to work... it has been brain numbing in some ways, frustrating, and then you just wonder how far to take your audit as well.

I think this weekend I am going to rearrange the furniture in the boys room and it is time to start the transition out of our room. It is time. I want my bed back. The boys need to be in their own room. It is also time to actually start to rotate toys, and not have so much stuff in their room, and tucked around all the corners of our wee place. I am there.

It has also been one of those weeks helpful souls tell me I look tired, and they can hear that I have been fighting a cold. I made the mistake of looking in a window on Tuesday.. and the outfit I was wearing did nothing for me - felt dumpy and frumpy for the rest of the day. Wednesday morning, that created a "five shirt" morning until I settled on the one I wanted to wear. *SIGH* Today I went for the Johnny Cash look (all black) and of course, I have toothpaste on the right, front. I seem to doing well in some ways, and just not in others.

I am also really enjoying the book that I am reading right now... but it is starting to go in a direction that I am a wee bit disappointed in, and I am not sure how it will all work out. I only have about 100 pages left, so it will be interesting how I feel once the last page is turned. It is a good read, will have to see if it stays a great read.

To continue on my really long ramble - I really can't wait to have our own place that we do not co-own. No sharing, no deals to be cut, no having to go and forth and make sure everyone is happy with how things are working out. No strata, and no tenants - this is what we are aiming for. It will be amazing - no more stressing and feeling like I am caught in the middle between people I love. At the end of the day, I am just trying to achieve what is best for us, what makes sense even if it isn't perfect, it is still an improvement of sorts. It helps knowing we are at a year, that things should start happening then, and we should be able to look for ourselves. It feels like an intoxicating dream - to know we can put down our own roots, and watch our kids grow, and plant some bulbs, and watch them grow, and fix up our place, the way that we want it. Yup, I am feeling a bit done where putting stuff like this down helps keep it in focus, or out of focus...

Alright teeth, come in already

If it isn't a whinge about sorting and letting go, it must be a little whinge about teething. Damn, it is getting old. I was so glad once we started Connor out on real food, and once he cut his first tooth... now I can't wait for those incisors to finally cut.. get those four up, and then the 2 year old molars, and we are laughing.. that is until the next milestone.

When you are pregnant, you don't realize that you trade one milestone for the next, and then one worry, for something different. Kids make you appreciate that things evolve and change all the time, regardless of whether or not we want it to.

I can't believe we will have one kid starting kindergarten this year. Woah. It also looks like we won't be completely firm in what school the Don will be in until the fall rolls around. It seems we are on the waiting list.. and I can't really ask where we are on that list, until after the 4th. Waiting sucks. Right up there with teething.

Today I also learned my youngest is not so good at feeding the ducks. He wanted to throw himself in the lake to catch those ducks. It was a misty morning, not really raining, damp and cold. Cabin fever has struck, so I figured just bundle up and head out. I will post a pic or two tomorrow... but my little guy was covered in mud because he really wanted to get to those ducks. He would lay on the ground, and laugh, and then try to crawl under the fence so he could get closer... Our big walk this morning was all of 100 metres - a little feeding, a little child herding, and honestly, a little bit of fun even if it gets old picking your child up repeatedly and putting him back on the right side of the fence. It is all about the little joys.

Help!

When I mentioned that I was reading this book at work, a fellow bookworm told me I was in for a good read. Since I am following it up with a book that she recommended, she laughed and said I was in for a great month of January books.


This book did not disappoint. This is one of my bookclub books, and other than knowing the title, I didn't know what this book was about before I cracked it open. The Help... I didn't expect it to be truly about the "help" down south, during the time of Martin Luther King...

What a great book - when I finished this in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I wondered, what do I read next? I grabbed a few of my normal escapist books, and well, they just didn't seem to measure up so I waited until I got back to work on Monday to pick up the book I had started there (In the Woods, by Tana French... which will appear here in a week, give or take). This is one of those books that isn't wrapped up all pretty and complete, it leaves you with some questions, and wondering how things are going to sort out. This is a story of people, about and without colour, what life was like in the 60s, life in Mississippi... I could keep listing tidbits of what this is about but truly, what a great book.

This is told from three main perspectives: Aibileen, Minny, and then Skeeter. Aibileen is an older black maid whose son has recently died, Minny a younger black maid with a sassy mouth and problems at home with five children, and Skeeter is a burgeoning writer that questions race relations, her own position in her white society who doesn't seem to fit in to her old world anymore. It is beautifully interwoven, and feels like it captures a bit of an essence of the time. Reading a book like this I wonder it will be like when I read about the 80s or 90s as my formative years and how they are treated in retrospect in novels...

You will laugh, you will perhaps shed a tear, but what a profound novel. One thing (of many) I will take away is the idea of planting positive thoughts in the minds of our children - telling them that they are kind, and smart, and that they are loved... simple, and yet can form such a solid foundation. I do this most of the time anyways, but when you think about it in a way to reinforce their being, and their potential... powerful stuff. This book is peopled by characters I will remember, and I would wholeheartedly recommend this book as a worthy read... I am sure it will make the top 5 reads of 2011.

I needed a new hat...

Rolling out my latest knitting project, a hat for myself. I took a pattern I found online and then reworked it for my own purposes... I think it turned out pretty good! Next on the list... viking hats for the kids :D

Bringing out my last knitting project

Over the last few years, it seems that my knitting has focused on baby blankets, dish clothes, and hats. Months ago I had meant to post about the latest baby blanket - and here it is. Much thanks to Kelz.. I have discovered a place to get amazing, incredible, and very reasonably priced wool. It is beautiful to work with, and the colours are beautiful. I prefer to not knit in acrylic, etc, and favour wools and cottons. This is a good weight, and not itchy!

This was a pleasure to make. When I make a baby blanket, I pick a knitting pattern I like and just go for it. I eyeball the size, and then decide when I am done when it looks "just big enough". Seems to work for me!

and now it snows.

We had an anticlimatic snow day last week, where we were told it would dump, and then it would warm up and rain. Which it did. I think that for the month of January we are well over 20 cms /200mm/lots of inches of rain... gotta love living in a rain forest! Snow was briefly mentioned for this morning, but it was to be a mild flirtation with the white, wet stuff. No accumulations were mentioned. Well, it was an interesting drive in to work this morning, and I am glad that I have a 4x4. Nothing like going uphill in 4 high. Everything is white, is a beautiful winter wonderland out there and days like this wish I actually had a smart phone that could take pictures.

I also should have stayed up the extra half hour and finished off the hat I am knitting myself... but it was my book that drew me in. I seem to be having a bit of an insomniac week - I have been short changing myself sleep every night. This means I am having more than my usual one cuppa joe a day too... (when I can justify it because I am that tired)

Ah teething, how I love thee. Connor's eye teeth are so .. close!! You can see the pointy outlines, and his hands are in his mouth all the time, and he is a wee bit cranky. Just cut the damn things. Teething sucks.

I am off and running in a ramble.. so the infinite wisdom of the folks in a self-regulating board censoring the lyrics for Money for Nothing. Are you kidding me? Really, I don't drop those kind of f-bombs, or n-bombs for that matter... but going back 20 years to a classic song and recommending that it is no longer played?? Give me a break - there are so many way, way more offensive words/lyrics out there than to target this one... really?

Yet one of the reasons I smack my forehead on occaison. That and some local politics... like the Vancouver mayor who blithely watches the petting zoo close at Stanley Park and then spends millions on other projects... really? there is a role of a place for kids to get in touch with a little bit of nature, especially in the big city! You want a green city where people care? Nice when it isn't a foreign concept and these kids can feel and touch and interact with these animals and maybe realize us humans aren't alone...

Ramble, rant, what is the difference?

A day of one's own

Yesterday I more or less reached that point where I really didn't have much reserves left in the tank. Lack of sleep, busy days, the grind of the last few months finally caught up to me and I took a day off for me. Funny I feel the need to say yes, I did feel like hell and I don't think I would have contributed much if I would have gone in to work so I feel justified in my sick day.. does the head ache count? the bleariness around the edges? the overall exhaustion??

It was glorious to do nothing. Well, I did do a few somethings - I parked my ass on the couch and I caught up on some CSI Miami episodes... and I ate popcorn, read some of my book, had a shower, and I watched Eat, Pray, Love. I also starting knitting myself a cap, and frittered the day away until I had to go and pick up the kids from their respective care centres. It was awesome. I needed it.

It helped unfrazzle my nerves, shake off the headache, and just do nothing to more or less help refocus my energy. It is ironic how hard it is to give permission to one's self to not be so busy, or to be doing something "constructive". In the moments before I went to pick up the boys I did a quick "tidy up" so it didn't look like I was a mini-hurricane that went through the house on my much needed day of rest. There is something to be said about not having to say anything to anyone for a day, to have a few hours to do nothing but be, or to do pleasureable things (like rest, read, watch mindless TV) for some time to just recover for lack of a better term.

Being a full-time working mom is a balance, and sometimes it tips one way or the other and yesterday and taking some time off (without anyone around) helped put it somewhere back in to the "I can deal with this" stage again... it feels like I have knocked a few things of the to do list, and I finally got out the last of my Christmas cards... not everyone got one this year, and I have mixed feelings for next year, what I will do. For the amount of cards we send out, there is a solid few we always get... and even this year that number seemed to dwindle. I couldn't imagine not doing cards... will have to see what we will do next year, if it is cards, or a family letter, or what feels right.

Still no word about the k-kids.

K-kids

Normally I graze at my desk, and then take off for a walk on my lunch, but today, work has been totally nuts. So instead of getting out for a walk on my lunch and blowing off steam, here I am, scarfing back food and frittering away time on the web. Okay, I may get a chance to pick up a book... but it just seems that when I stick around, the time just goes by way too quickly.

I am experiencing the joys of the hurry up and wait and do we have space for my kid in the k-kids program so he can go to the elementary school of our choice. I hate that we have to wait, and that there is a huge unknown factor right now.

Yes, he has a space in our catchment area, but we have been operating under the assumption that since we are "in" in our daycare/preschool close to my work, that it makes sense that we should be "in" for the next level. I have learned, that is not the case. We are looking at a 10-20% chance Brandon will get in to the kingergarten program here, so you need to help us out and do the k-kids dance. Not that the school here is better than close to home, it just makes life so much easier if he is up here, and then our before and after school care is sorted, and then eventually Connor will come on up here, and join the toddler and all will good.

Then I know we don't have the chaos of changing schools when (not if) we move...

FKUC. Registration for kindergarten is Feb 8th. I hope we get good news before then. If not, we register and start looking elsewhere... the part that sucks is that our home daycare is close, but not close enough to the elementary school and already does before and after school care but at a different elementary school. Life was looking a little simpler than it does now. Fingers crossed it all sorts out in our favour.

Part that sticks in my craw is that you think that once you are "in", you are "in". The fact that there is this chaos and level of uncertainty sucks. They should be way more up front about this when you sign your kid up... especially since they force a graduated start in the beginning only to turf them out in the end if there isn't enough space..

/end rant

Three weeks since the last book and two in one day..

Margaret Horsfield
Cougar Annie's Garden

This wasn't quite what I expected when we talked about reading this for book club, but I am really glad that I have read it. If you are interested in learning a wee bit more of this truly interesting character from west coast history - do take a gander at this website for a little more information.

Not quite a coffee table book, not quite a biography, not quite a historical piece, and not quite just a non-fiction account of Cougar Annie and the Boat Basin region of the west coast of Vancouver Island... this book is many things, and although I stalled out midway through the book, I am really glad that I have read it. It felt like something I would have read in school - but I enjoyed it far more not being forced to read it for marks!

Having lived near the coast all my life, and spent many days up the Sunshine coast and on Vancouver Island, I could appreciate the story that this book had to tell. It wasn't as much about Cougar Annie as I thought it would be, but it is a real blend of her history, the history of the time, a story of survival, and a story of how the land has been used and abused, and then revered over time. You can learn a lot about the history of the west coast by spending a few hours reading this book and enjoying the beautiful pictures, and appreciating the fortitude and strength it took for Annie to live and thrive in this environment, and the garden that she tended for a lifetime. Hard not to admire someone with the kind of grit and survival instinct that Annie had - very practical, very wily, very much an interesting character.

Different things struck me as I read this book - memories of my grandparents when they had a store in Pender Harbour, how invasive broom is, wandering along and my picking my way along the rocks along the shore, the smell of a boat on the water, herring and dogfish, the wonders and rhythms of being close to the ocean. Then the wildness of the land, of trying to tame it and bend it to your will, the desire to carve out a garden and not always succeeding (hell, I see that in my own backyard)... this incredible place we call home. The North American west is truly like the wild west in many ways, and reading this helps you appreciate what BC is beyond the borders of the GVRD and this crazy woman - how she survived - and having had two kids in hospitals, I couldn't imagine having had most of my kids at home, literally isolated in the middle of nowhere.. gives you a different kind of appreciation for what hard work truly is.

A snow day

We got a snow day! Got the call from the phone tree moments after checking out our website to see I had a day off on my hands. What an unexpected pleasure. There are days where they should shut us down and never do, and then days where we do get shut down and I am just grateful and gleeful. Today felt like a bonus - time to spend with the kids, fritter away from time, make playdough, watch some tv with my hubby, read... and now, stay up way too late because I am over-tired.

A mere 12 days in to the new year, and I am finally finishing off my first book.

It felt like it took forever to finish, even though I was enjoying it. You can tell when the kids don't go to bed at a reasonable time when my chances to read go down to the tubes. So my first book to note for the year -

John Lescroart
The Hunt Club

A far better read than his first novel, Sunburn, which I turned a few pages of. I really enjoy his novels and his characters, and reading about San Francisco - of which I have a new yen to visit again sometime in the next decade... I think that Lescroart is more cerebral, and his writing style appeals (as a legal thriller) to me far more than a Grisham does. This book introduces a few new characters to the mix of Hardy and Gltizky, and it was a little jumpy to start, but once I was in, I thoroughly enjoyed it. A good break from reality.

I was just itching to get this one finished today, and I was relieved when I finally did. You know when you reach that point of no return when you are reading a book where you just want to finish the damn thing and move on? I was there this morning, so it was a bit distracting and I was glad my youngest had an early nap and my elder enjoyed some cartoons until I finished the book off with a flourish.

Management.

I can't really call it a "new years resolution" but one of the things that I am working on is just trying to stay on top of things around the house.

Things like doing the dishes right after a meal, or picking up more things as you go along and not walking around them, or not leaving the house looking like T0ys R US exploded all over ever square inch of carpeting (getting the kids to clean up before bed in other words)... I am learning that it is all about time management. Getting things done, making those lists, and unless I am totally done, not letting things slide until I am looking at a good 4 hour clean up on Saturday morning.. because frankly, that sucks.

I am so not a perfect housekeeper, and I will never have a house where you could eat off of the floors (and that isn't neccessarily a good thing for your immune system, we need some dirt, dammit) but I have come to an understanding at last why it does help to spend a few minutes in the morning tidying up, or sweeping more often, or choosing to do the dishes right away rather than letting it go (which is what I used to do, and then you face a mountain of dried dished the next morning) ... damn, yet another sign I am not a kid anymore. As if this latest batch of kids in post secondary wasn't bad enough!!!

So if my theme for the last couple of years was learning how to let go of things (getting pretty good at it now), this year's lesson is all about management.

I started off calling this post "a smoother morning" only to realize I didn't even mention that this morning didn't suck. Got the boys fed in a reasonable amount of time, dressed pretty good, and even to daycare without much fuss, and then walked in to work with a minute or two to spare! Tonight we are going to aim to get our youngest to bed earlier than ever.. we seem to be getting his nap time all wrong and he ends up over-tired and won't go to bed at a reasonable time.... will see if that helps...

For the person on your list that has it all...

Is this not a great gift idea for a burgeoning teenaged boy?


5 pounds of glorious gummy bear...

A close second is their gummy worm.

I could not imagine.

Helps me through the day

Damn, is he cute or what??? So the hat doesn't fit... who cares? Must say, I cannot wait for those eye teeth to come through. Teething sucks. 8 more teeth to go.

You may have guessed, a short term goal is to post more. It is early yet.

I am also going to steal a page from the KittenWhore's book and start listing/reviewing all the books I read this year. Technically I have already read one, but I am not going to count it because after 50 or so pages, I started to skim read it since it just didn't pull me along. It was Lescroart's first novel, Sunburn, and although it is amazing to see how far he has come as an author, this novel did nothing for me. Which was surprising, since I really enjoy every thing else he has written! Good to know... and it is in the pile to head back to the used bookstore.

On a similar vein, interesting how some authors seem to peak out and get really repetitive, and others ripen like a fine wine. I find that Lescroart is like that fine wine... but that Reiches, whom I read the whole lot as quickly as I could... seemed to peak out and plateau (although I will still read her next novels, just not in the rush or priority I would have previously).

More unexpected sun

We have had a stretch of sunny days and it has been wonderful. I love cold and crisp and blue skies.

Hard to believe that this is it for the 2010-2011 Christmas Season. I have been off a whole bunch of days it seems, and some real extremes of experiences.

Christmas was good - but I think I will resolve to do things differently next year. I still haven't mailed out of my cards/photos, and we have made the decision to keep our lights up until at least February. Why not, I say. I will aim to shop earlier, and wrap when purchased and maybe just keep a list. Cram-wrapping one night for 3-4 hours sucks when you work full-time. Baking needs to be done earlier, in smaller batches... spread out the visiting, and just try to pace all of it out better. All in all things went well except we blew our budget and Brandon and Ken got hit with really nasty, awful flu bugs. Which really sucked since that coincided with our trip to Vancouver Island.

I really like Parksville - the family playground there rocks, and there is just a great vibe when you stay near the beach and just go out and walk. Nice to have a place to retreat to when visiting family too. Had a great visit with my aging gran.. we had a good laugh (since she has had one foot in the grave for the last 20 years) since we always say "good bye" when I told her "really, this isn't goodbye, with your karma you are going to make 100!"

Coming home was a bit off - ferry line ups, sick husband, really messy kitchen that didn't improve for a few days... ah, the joys of the season! I was really glad to have the day in between loved ones being sick to just chill, and walk the beach and go to the park... it was nice. The last few days have been good too - the plunge, the birds, the park today... damn if I don't have to go to work tomorrow again. Hard to believe it will be another 6 months before a good sized break...

Sandhill Cranes

I think we will make a yearly tradition and head out to the Reifel Bird Sanctuary at some point of every Christmas Holiday. It is such a great counterbalance to Christmas festivities...

Waited for the world to warm up a bit this morning and then the four of us headed out. There is not quick way out here, so it makes for a nice drive. Finally got smart and just brought snowsuits for the boys so they wouldn't get too cold and away we went! I was surprised at how busy it was there, and the range of peoples. I was also suprised at how few times people bunched up on the trails and it felt like there were "too many" people.

We didn't really see any snow geese this time (too bad), but we did get to see the 8 sandhill cranes, which are a really cool bird. Their warble is unique, and they are quite friendly and graceful. Saw many many water fowls, and Connor gladly chased the ducks down. Such a different experience than last time - it helped having Ken along with the extra pair of hands (and that it was a family outing) and that Brandon and Connor can both walk. We brought the wagon along just in case, and it was nice to have so we didn't have a lot of whining from tired kids who didn't want to walk anymore.

I enjoy this winter wonderful - different colours (all earth tones), the brisk fresh air, and the variety of the wildlife that you can chance to see. We even saw an owl driving home!! I think I have only seen owls in the wild twice (once in Ladney and once in Yellowstone).

I must say, those are some damn healthy birds they have there! All plump and verrrrra happy!

Happy New Years, 2011

Penguin Plunge 2011

It would appear that there is no need for the traditional bucket of ice to be poured in to Rocky Point... this kind man is clearing off the boat launch for us slightly crazy souls.

I was really and truly shocked. Brandon did the plunge with me! He didn't even cry! Apparently telling him he could have fries (with ketchup, mum) and a burger was all the motivation he needed to chin up when I carried him in with me.

It is still a great way to ring in the New Year... This was swim #8 for me, and in the beginning, English Bay and the Polar Swim was the best.. and then a few times out in Deep Cove... but you know, there is something to be said about doing your yearly dunk in your own community and to be only about 10 minutes away from home instead of 45... This was the first year it truly felt like a polar dip with the ice on the water - this was a bit unexpected as it is tidal in this area!! lots of people watching, and a good vibe.

Happy New Years!

Damn You Auto Correct.

If Post Secret is cool and odd and weird and wonderful, this site made me laugh out loud... even after only reading a few entries.

I needed this belly laugh.

On the first day of Christmas, two cute boys.

Since I have had so much to say lately, and I am sure that I have scared off my legion of faithful followers by posting oh so little as of late... here are some pictures of my kids at a recent visit to the North Pole.

Brandon Elf. Pushing close to 4 and a 1/2. Where does the time go?

Connor Elf. All of 17 months already.

Love those melons

I will post about my adventures in Maui... really.

Just not yet. I can honestly say I haven't really had the mental energy to weed through my experience in posts... I can say at times it was amazing, and at times it was surreal (and not always in a good way dealing with sick kids). It wasn't the trip I expected, and as always, you don't know what you are going to take away from the experience until after you get home.

On a complete aside, just read an interesting article about melons. No, not those kind, the kind you eat. Makes for a good read.

run away... run away!!!

FB is many, many things. It is hard to believe that less than 5 years ago, we could all survive without it, and now, we are hooked in to checking our status and peering in to everyone else's lives we have ever touched and are now remotely reconnected with.

I was quite weirded out yesterday. A few people from my junior high days have come back in to contact with me - for better and worse. I guess the nice thing about FB is that it is at a distance and you can see what is up, and then leave it at that. The part that weirded me out is that many of the girls I knew back then are grandmas. Yes, grandmas. Their grandkids are in some cases, older than my kids. We are all 37. O M F G. I just can't imagine.

The irony is that when we moved away from where I went to junior high to where I went to high school is that my old friends thought I was moving to the sticks and made fun of me - making jokes out of going cow tipping and teasing me about how much I would miss city life.

I look back now and I am grateful I got out when I did - I would like to think I was on the path to university and other options, but it was a rough junior high, and I think it was a fight for the kids who stayed there and went on to the local 11-12 high school to get out (if that makes sense). It was a rough area - lots of us started smoking then, fights at the school happened quite regularly, and now on FB, seeing a few of the girls I hung out with back then, they all seem to have a LOT of kids, and some with grandkids, they look like they have had a much different life than me and different sets of choices.

Makes me glad in a different way that I "grew" up in the valley, that my early years made me realize that there was life outside of the valley, and that I was able to take the best away from both worlds. I am glad that I continue to live in the burbs, that my kids will be (fingers crossed) going to a decent elementary school, and that hopefully as a result their peer group will be on a similar life path to them which will continue on to secondary and then on...I know they will rebel and do stupid shit, we all do, but funny how wanting that best life possible does happen at a truly young age.

Ironic too that if I got teased about going cow-tipping from one group of people, cow-tippers teased me about crossing the bridge to the city and not understanding the life outside of their valley existence.. different worlds, and then different worlds again.

The local rag is running a series about early childhood development and I do believe much of our child's future is established early on in life... and then in high school, where we are all subject to peer pressure, how prepared we are to deal with it, and where we are able to go to school all goes back to those early years. I don't begrudge my kids the time we have spent cosleeping or cuddling, or all of the adventures that we have, I am grateful for it since these first few years go by so damn fast as it is, I want to hold on to them as best as I can. Although I can admit, I am looking forward to having our bed back and it being a special occasion when the boys do join us rather than a nightly occurrence..

Making mincemeat

I have always enjoyed baking and making things (I value homemade rather than always going for bought versions) and this weekend was no exception.

Made apple and pumpkin pies, and then headed to my MILs to make mincemeat yesterday. My DH has always hoarded his mincemeat tarts, and although I like butter tarts, I have judiciously avoided his tarts since they are his and his mom always makes them for him and presents him with his own package of them to last for a while. It is really cool how he partitions them out over the year, they are truly his, and it was a big deal learning how to make mincemeat this year. It is a basic recipe that his mom has used forever, and it calls for rum or brandy. Family tradition, coming from a line of rum drinkers, means that rum is the favourite choice... and we chose to use 151 proof rum. It's been a few years since I have bought any (if ever, although I have had it before) and I had to laugh when I read the warnings all over the bottle, how flamable it is... it even has a metal piece on the lid to help it from spontaneously combusting. Damn, you gotta love rum. When I added the rum to the cooked mincemeat, it let off an impressive steam of alcoholic vapours... we are now stocked until at least next summer when green tomatoes are once again in season... I will remember the learning and the making of the mincemeat this year, and it will become a family tradition for us.

Speaking of homemade, I got a few new cookbooks last week from my order of cooking utensils. They are decent cookbooks, but I noticed a lot of the recipes are "cheaters". I know there is a time and a place (especially when just a busy mom trying to do something different or fancy) but I don't always want to grab pillsbury dough or the frozen whipped topping... I do like it old school when I am in control of the ingredients. That said, there are a few things I will cut corners on... and I will go sideways on others. Some interesting ideas - I like that about cookbooks, just having the guts to try something new out rather than the same ol' same old.

Turkey. Can't say it is all that anymore - ever since I discovered how easy beer-can chickens are, and making crockpot stuffing... can't wholeheartedly say that turkey is the way to go for all those big family dinners anymore. Who knew?

7:45 am

I have come to the conclusion this week that the period between 7:45 am and 8:45 am is a gong show for me.

I have finally mastered the getting up early bit, having my coffee on the couch instead of the car so I don't spill it down the front of me, and of getting the kids dressed and out of the house... but it always feels like a sprint. It is like cat herding, running uphill, or just trying to do dishes after a big meal. I feel like I am running to get out of the house, running to get Brandon to daycare, running to get to my office on time. it just feels like I am running to catch up... that I am smoking busy at work and haven't really caught up yet from being off on my mat leave doesn't really help all that much either.

So bah. That is my whining about the morning rush.

I have also been stalled out on the book that I am reading. I am reading an older Rankin novel, and it is a bit of a darker, or more gloomy one, and although I like it, I am really struggling to read it. I may just have to go sideways and pick up something else and come back to it later on.

Did I mention it looks like my desk at work exploded? *SIGH*

all in my head... again

Weeks have slipped by and all of my posts have stayed up in my head.

Septembers are brutal months. Semester start ups are never easy (good excuse to drink Strongbow any night of the week) but this one just sucked.

I was gleeful on Friday, not only because it was a Friday but because it was October 1st, and that meant that September was done.

It wasn't terrible, it was just a grind. Just everything. Work has been an adventure - crankiness from not being able to take breaks anywhere close to on time, not being able to get out for walks, and then applying for a different job in my department, to getting interviewed, and then having it reposted and myself having to consider whether or not "staying the course" in the applicant pool was in my best interest. Now that was a great, introspective journey I had not anticipated taking this fall. Really, all I wanted to do was to go back to work and get used to being back at work and not get myself all geared up to apply for another job... yes, I want more responsibility and different challenges... but now that I have had more time to consider it all I have fallen on the side of the fence where the grass is greener where I am right now. Learning my job well, perhaps finishing off some of the certificate programs I started... hell, just figuring out this working full-time with 2 young kids and their activities, and trying to get quality with my hubby... and myself... and at least some of my friends at some point... well, I think that is my true priority.

It doesn't help matters when a few folks around work have asked if I will go for the job, and I tell well, I have looked at it from a personal level and I can't say that it is what I want at this time, and then they rave about how fantastic they feel I would be in the position... firstly, tell that to the higher ups.. if things would have happened on the original schedule I would have just rolled with it rather than take my own introspective journey about it the job posting... and now... well, I've mentally moved beyond in to the next hurdles and prioritizing what I want in the near future.

I could have done without the mental olympics to welcome me back to work.