I am not sure, but I think that today was one of those days.
The nice perk is that today is my Friday, and I am home with the boys tomorrow, and I am feeling a burst of inspiration to do some spring cleaning. It started with organizing my closet a bit tonight when I put some clothes away (nice to have shirts together, then skirts, etc) and then to my socks, and then all the papers around my desk, time to feed the recycling bag again. I feel the need to get the stuff around me together and sorted and perhaps even tossed so I can get my head together too and free of some clutter. Or maybe the secret is just having some quiet time to process and not have someone calling on you ...
Total aside, where the hell do missing socks go? Now that there are 4 of us in the house, I somehow have a stack of unmatched socks. We aren't even talking about a few, I have between 10-15 unmatched socks. Many of them small - when did the boys acquire so many socks??? WTF?
On to my original topic - it has me thinking tonight about the challenges of returning to work after your second maternity leave in to a job that has "expectations". It is funny, I would say I have learned more in the last 9 months than I have in a long time, and yet I have been told that in some areas I am not hitting my stride. For some stuff, I take it on the chin and recognize where the failings are.. for other stuff, it almost feels like micromanaging from my higher up and I wonder if I could have met the expectations - especially when they were really vague and not all that well articulated, or maybe with my current energy levels there just wasn't a lot of inspiration in the tank. I feel like I need to make a list to address some things over the weekend, and then have another conversation, one in which I am prepared, and can have my say as well, rather than just sit there and take it, and respond in the moment, but not necessarily in a thoughtful manner. Mental note - when you want to have a mutually beneficial (even if you don't always see eye to eye) conversation with someone, don't ambush them.. give them time to prepare themselves. The irony is that this conversation feels like it has happened a week late - already been moving on and it feels like things have already shifted... almost funny, but not in a ha ha way.
It also got me thinking - it has been a helluva year. I would whinge a lot here, but I think that I will spare you, my reader, the eye rolling of reading a list full of things we have all had to deal with. End of the day, it is NOT EASY working full-time, being a full-time mom, trying to be a good wife, and a good person to yourself, and then even trying to stay in touch with friends too. Maybe even throw the cats and fish in there for good measure.
So tonight I may even do some work, see if I can find some inspiration sitting here in my jammies and go from there. Sometimes the quiet is just nice.