Balance

It feels like I am starting to get caught up on all my projects at work this week, and making some breakthroughs too (of a sort).

I have been back to work almost a year, and I must say, it is a challenge. I look back at the last year since I came back, and it has really been a journey. I have learned so much - about myself, about what I do, the people I work with... again, I have shifted from the person I was a year ago. It isn't easy getting back in to the swing of things, getting up to speed, changing gears at work, getting over disappointments in work and life and then still performing. It has been tough. Hawaii was tough - I put so much importance on the trip and then both kids were so sick, it was a bummer of trip. Christmas break was tough - once again, sick family just throwing things for a loop. Then my gran dying, and Brandon's surgery... and then everything seeming to lift, and live just truly moving on.

Work has been frustrating at times, and the rewards have been hard fought for, when I have found them (LOL). It isn't that bad, but it has felt that bad at times. I have felt pressured to be faster, or be better up to speed, or to have my business writing skills honed to perfection immediately, or to be a good team player all the time when I am caught up in my own head, and own things that have to be done (especially when I am the one to take this lead in this, not my coworker). I gave up lunches there for a few weeks, did some work from home, and I am glad I did since I can see things starting to ease, but it has not been easy. Plus it feels like I am a bit at odds with my manager, and at some point we will need to have a conversation, but it won't be an easy one. I think there have been some hurts/misunderstandings along the way (probably on both parts) and things that both of us could have done better over this year, I am willing to take some stuff on the chin, but not all of it. I haven't initiated this conversation yet because it is still too raw, and I don't have the words. I suspect when it happens, I won't have all the words, but I will know what I want to say. I had a conversation with my overall director the other day, and we are all good, and they know where I am coming from, and that is truly key. The rest will work out, and be awkward at times, but you know, that is what you grow from and that is what I am trying to keep in mind. This last year has been all about growth, and shifting, and I have made some mistakes along the way, and then I keep making new ones, but I think that this is part of my own development and hopefully makes me a better person at the end of this part of my journey. So there, enough of this inner rumination and run on sentance... again.

The themes of my life are now time management, balance, and trying to stay on top of everything. The list is a powerful object in my life. As is my calendar. All about management. I am taking my lunches again, and some of my breaks, and I am trying to sort of the rest of the details, like getting some exercise. My next goal is better balance, and to drop 25 pounds by fall. Wouldn't that just be great?!

Looking forward to a little TGIF tomorrow, and a long weekend!