Thursday, July 22, 2010

I am not super woman.

I am tired.

It seems Fridays just can't come fast enough.

Then Monday comes too soon and I still have laundry on the go, and the floors aren't clean, and well, sometimes the toys are still in the same place they were a week ago. Oh well.

We made 3 and 1/2 dozen cupcakes for tomorrow. B's first birthday in preschool and they do do celebrations. I am bringing in a few extra for work, since it is also a coworker's birthday.

Three weeks in, lots of posts that I have written in my head, and work is going well. Better than I expected after my first few days back. Things are coming back, and I am getting the swing of my new responsibilities, I gave up some of my portfolio, and I am now learning some new stuff. It is nice actually, to be coordinating different aspects of the student finance world rather than immersing myself in the same old, same old.

I came to realize today that in some moments it is just the cumulative effect that gets to you - trying to be a "good worker" and hoping that you are not taking to long to get back up to speed, to arrive at work on time, and not sprinting in from dropping the kids off at daycare where it seems there is always something that could be said, or trying to get there as fast as I can to pick them up again at the end of the day to rush home to make dinner, a little excited my day is done, and to be a "good wife" and a "good mom" and at least a "decent housekeeper" and maybe somewhere in there a "good friend" and then maybe, for a moment be a good daughter and daughter'in'law... just maybe, good to yourself and read a few pages here and there. Work is good, I love my man, my kids are cool (although tiring when they don't go to bed when they should and some downtime with my man would just be so nice) but those moments.. it isn't like it is all overwhelming... it is just that - wow. It's a lot.

It all comes back to balance. I can't say I am struggling with it, but I can't say it is easy either. Some nights I feel like I have lots of gas in the tank and can be funny and cool and some nights, not so much. I feel like I am stumbling between tasks, get dinner happening, then maybe hang out for a little bit, then bath time, then cranky baby time, then maybe some books, or some playtime, and then wind them down for sleep, and hope they fall asleep soon, and then maybe some time on the couch... catch up on a few of our shows. Thank god for our PVR and the ability to speed through shows with so little fuss.

So this post wasn't quite a whinge, but it is a ramble. A little more physical exercise would be nice, although wishful thinking. I am getting out for some walks on my lunch breaks and they are just so awesome. Nothing like walking in nature to put things back in perspective and to realize overall I am pretty damn lucky.

Get up earlier in the morning? You are kidding, right? Actually pretty consistently up about 6:15 and even then it seems the mornings are gone too fast.

Which all comes back full circle to the title. I am not super woman. Trying is everything.. HAHAHAHAHAH (yes, I am laughing at my self here).

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