Happy St. Patrick's day! I suspect that there may just be a Guinness in my future later on.
Well, that was my portion of Spring Break and now I am back to warming my desk chair again. I made the mistake of checking my email from home last week and found out I made a few mistakes. I truly learned (again, most likely) that I have hard time making mistakes. I really don't want to make mistakes. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and it was we overlook that causes the mistakes, or the things we make assumptions about. There is a process of accepting a mistake, and being able to discuss it objectively, and then being able to learn and move on from it. I guess I am lucky that it happened when I was off so I have time to process and reflect upon what happened before I get to discuss them in depth. They weren't huge mistakes, just stuff I need to be called on. I think a year ago I would have been more hostile about it, and now I am more open to the moulding that is happening - it does make me a better career person, if I chose to listen to these lessons.
The other piece I am trying to train my brain to spend some time on, is what do I need from my manager? Honestly. Not just throwing something out there and running away from it or being afraid of hurting someone's feeling, but actually talking about what my needs are, what I need to move forward. It is a process, and one I think we need to get there together. Work relationships do require effort if you want to go anywhere.
I also realized that sometimes I hold on to negative feelings. I can also be judgemental at times. I say this because I think at times I am nervous of being judged and not being found worthy. I think that is why I am usually trying to be busy, or productive, or being able to demonstrate the things I can do or have done. So crazy.
I spoke to a friend about some of the stuff floating through my, and she made the comment that sometimes we need to "move differently". This thought really resonated with me. It isn't always about what is or isn't working, it is perhaps about what you can do differently, or even think a different thought about, even take a look at an issue from a new angle. So that is what I am going to try to do, move a little differently. Where I am at, is okay. There are things I would like to change. I am reading more, I am knitting again, I hope our money is getting back under control, and the kids seem to be doing alright. I want more exercise for all of us, and I do really want to lose some weight. I am feeling a bit self conscious, even if my weight hasn't really changed in years. This is something I want to change. I want to have 30 minutes a day where I spend on physical activity outside of walking on my lunch. If I can involve my family, even better. So this is part of how I want to move differently. I have thought about crafting a 30 day challenge for myself, so I have something measureable, so I can prove to myself it helped. I seem to need those measurable goals to help achieve. I do like cataloging, and being able to see results (hence this blog, even if all I have done in the past few years is track my books... it has helped me).
It also helps to use this space as a space to let my thoughts spin out, and curl in to their own patterns. Even if I don't spend a lot of time re-reading posts (although I have been known to go back and look to see where my head space was at), for me, the process of thinking these thoughts and then articulating them is huge. It is like that for me with writing process manuals. Once they are done, aside from revisions, I don't really go back to them much unless there has been a big break of time in between times that I have done it.
I am also putting it out there to the universe that camping for the May Long weekend would be a glorious thing, and I have some ideas of where to go. You can't reserve where I want to go, and it is within 3 hours away. We shall see.