Sunday, April 12, 2015

No, I think it was me all along....

I am not quite sure how I stumbled along this one (trolling through the library lists perhaps), however, it was a surprisingly great read.

Right now, it feels like certain things are crossing my path because it might just be the right time that I am open to the "messages".  A few examples:

Move differently. (working on this one, see the earlier blog that I started to think about this).

Balance.  (a theme of my 40s that seems to be a little easier to contemplate as our kids are getting older).

Healthier lifestyle.  This has been a lifelong struggle for me.  Reading this book was liberating in sense.  I really appreciate her honesty in talking about her body, her personal relationships, her relationship with food, and how she changed her course. I have always been a little overweight.  Maybe what attracted me to this book was the picture on the front.  That girl could  have been me.  Hence, when I was thinking about a title for this post, that was the most natural thing to call it. Andie talks about the times she felt like her body betrayed her (for not being the right size) and how she emotionally ate.  She talks about how food was a constant companion when her life fell apart, and how things came to a head when she was 20 and ate her entire birthday cake.  There are some food excesses that I just can't relate to, but I can relate to feeling like my body betrayed me, the resentment I have felt when clothes shopping, and the love I have felt for shoes because I have been a "10" as long as I can remember. A lot of the time I don't look in the mirror, and I am critical of the images I see in photos.  In this current moment, I am starting small.  My goals are to eat more vegetables, and to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. I have used my elliptical more in the last week (only twice) than I have in the last year since I bought it (which was twice, okay, equal amount as of the writing of this).  I am worth the time to take better care of myself. I want to weigh less. I want to feel better in how I look in shorts.  I want to feel like I have more endurance, and more physical capability. I want to zipline and not be worried about my overall weight. This book will help because it showed me a success story.  Every piece won't match, but the decision that Andie made, the times she stumbled, and her honesty will help me in my journey.

Worthiness. I am worth a haircut, going to massage therapy on occaison, and for a good coffee.  I am worth taking the time to take proper breaks, to take time out to walk, and time out to read my favourite books.  It is so easy to put yourself last, and take care of everyone else's needs (even the house and that cat), but it is also important to take care of ourselves.  We are so worth it.  Why are we training to feel that we aren't, even when we are bombarded with messages that say "just do it"???

Saying No, and being okay with it. This came up on Friday in a PD workshop that I was in, and it comes up in life as a woman, and a mom.  Maybe even as a people pleaser in the past who bent over backwards to help people.  It can be okay to say NO.  People do it all the time.  It is part of being honest, and setting ourselves up for success.  Sometimes we need a reminder about this.

Andie also has a blog, and there are some interesting tidbits. I am glad I read this book, I am glad to be in a place where I can take and leave the parts that work, and don't work for me.  I have thought about this book for a few days, and I am hopeful my bookclub may want to read it... I think that a truly interesting and vulnerable conversation will happen through this (not that we don't already have some pretty great conversations). It is also funny how after you read a very personal story like this, you do feel like you could be on a first-name basis with a complete strange.  Telling our stories is important.  It is part of our process, and it can truly help other people who need the inspiration.

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