Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Yup. I am a fan...

No hesitation. I loved this.  What a sweet, coming of age novel. Although as I learned, there is an alternate universe of fanfiction out there in which the fictional worlds we love carry on, and that this is not truly a novel about fanfiction, rather about finding ourselves.

Left me feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, and trying to remember a younger version of myself when I first started at university.  It is nice to try to remember a younger, more carefree version of me.  Although I think about 18 or 19 year old self.. working 28-32 hours a week, commuting hours a day, going to classes, playing hockey, going out to the bar too many days a week, putting hundreds of kilometers on my car every weekend.  It was awesome.  It also felt like a delayed high school experience for the first few years.  It was exciting meeting new people, and thinking different thoughts, shedding some of my younger self. I am not sure if I was running away from myself as much as I was running towards myself.

This was a great book to read in a quick sprint. Not quite light and fluffy, but really engaging and very hopeful.  I think more of what I needed in this moment than Wool.  I am not sure if I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning, and it has been a quiet day at work.  It has felt like what I needed today.

I was all geared up to write this post, and I will admit to a certain reluctance to summarizing the plot. I enjoyed this book because it felt raw, and vulnerable, and the characters weren't perfect.  Well maybe our lead male character was a bit idealized, but truly, it felt accessible in the sense that people weren't too idealized, and their problems cliched. It is about moving out when you are 18 to university, and having your world shaken up.  Sometimes I wonder how things may have been different if I would have been able to afford to live on campus, how I would be different.  I think thoughts like that and  my inner voice is thankful I lived at home (no matter if you pay a different price) and had a car so I could get around.  I loved the freedom that my car represented.  I still do.  I still prefer trucks to cars.  Thanks, Dad.  It was hard the few years I didn't have a car.  It was something that bothered me but I didn't think about it because it wasn't a possibility at the time to have two, nor did we need two cars.  I think I prefer this blend of bits about the book I just read and the path that my mind goes on as a result. Isn't that what it is all about? Experience, how we shift as a result, what we remember, what we think is worth remembering, what floats up from our unconscious mind.

Then I think about time.  How fleeting it is.  How unexpected some moments can be.  How you need to hold on to time, and  how it can slip through your fingers.  I still love the poem by Frost, "and miles to go before I sleep".. totally about time. Now how is that for a spoken circle that wandered through the woods?

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