7:45 am

I have come to the conclusion this week that the period between 7:45 am and 8:45 am is a gong show for me.

I have finally mastered the getting up early bit, having my coffee on the couch instead of the car so I don't spill it down the front of me, and of getting the kids dressed and out of the house... but it always feels like a sprint. It is like cat herding, running uphill, or just trying to do dishes after a big meal. I feel like I am running to get out of the house, running to get Brandon to daycare, running to get to my office on time. it just feels like I am running to catch up... that I am smoking busy at work and haven't really caught up yet from being off on my mat leave doesn't really help all that much either.

So bah. That is my whining about the morning rush.

I have also been stalled out on the book that I am reading. I am reading an older Rankin novel, and it is a bit of a darker, or more gloomy one, and although I like it, I am really struggling to read it. I may just have to go sideways and pick up something else and come back to it later on.

Did I mention it looks like my desk at work exploded? *SIGH*

all in my head... again

Weeks have slipped by and all of my posts have stayed up in my head.

Septembers are brutal months. Semester start ups are never easy (good excuse to drink Strongbow any night of the week) but this one just sucked.

I was gleeful on Friday, not only because it was a Friday but because it was October 1st, and that meant that September was done.

It wasn't terrible, it was just a grind. Just everything. Work has been an adventure - crankiness from not being able to take breaks anywhere close to on time, not being able to get out for walks, and then applying for a different job in my department, to getting interviewed, and then having it reposted and myself having to consider whether or not "staying the course" in the applicant pool was in my best interest. Now that was a great, introspective journey I had not anticipated taking this fall. Really, all I wanted to do was to go back to work and get used to being back at work and not get myself all geared up to apply for another job... yes, I want more responsibility and different challenges... but now that I have had more time to consider it all I have fallen on the side of the fence where the grass is greener where I am right now. Learning my job well, perhaps finishing off some of the certificate programs I started... hell, just figuring out this working full-time with 2 young kids and their activities, and trying to get quality with my hubby... and myself... and at least some of my friends at some point... well, I think that is my true priority.

It doesn't help matters when a few folks around work have asked if I will go for the job, and I tell well, I have looked at it from a personal level and I can't say that it is what I want at this time, and then they rave about how fantastic they feel I would be in the position... firstly, tell that to the higher ups.. if things would have happened on the original schedule I would have just rolled with it rather than take my own introspective journey about it the job posting... and now... well, I've mentally moved beyond in to the next hurdles and prioritizing what I want in the near future.

I could have done without the mental olympics to welcome me back to work.

life with kids

This morning didn't work out nearly as I thought it would..

Up before 6am, Brandon jumped on Ken's back and inflicted a wee bit of pain, and Connor fell asleep during his waterbabies lesson. Yes, fell asleep. The kid is something else - first time in a motorboat at a lake.. falls asleep.. first lesson of waterbabies 2, falls asleep in my arms. Water does something to this guy! Brandon is now riding a bigger horse (was nice to see how surprised the ladies were at the barn by how much he has grown over the summer, I have discovered that pants that fit in May are floods in September) and the dill cukes weren't done for the year so we bought 20 pounds worth of them and I just finished canning the lot.

This was also the year of the blueberry, and not the year of the blackberry. First time in years I didn't get blackberry crumble!

Semester start up is something else. I have barely had time to think in the last two weeks and Connor cut 4 teeth in just over a week, and 5 in the last three weeks. FUN STUFF!

Needless to say, these are the days where 10pm feels like 2am.. and it is now normal to be up around 6am.

Out of my head

By the time I left the house this morning, I must admit, I felt pretty frustrated. The stall on the bridge didn't help much either... since then, I have been slowly working my way out my funk.

Last few weeks have been overall frustrating. Last week had my first encounter with Vertigo. It stuck around for just about 4-5 days, and at it's worst, I really felt like I was going out of my head. It took me a while to figure out that it was when I moved my eyes that life got bad. I was so relieved when it lifted - the BC healthbook suggested that after 5 days of vertigo symptoms that it was time to see the doc, so it lifted at the point I would have gotten my ass in to my doc. Made for a crap week, long days at work, head aches, and just not being able to concentrate. The weekend was better - my moving world was lifting and I had a good date night with my hubby.

This week is off at a breakneck pace. Busiest week of the year at work... and then swimming has started for Brandon so it was all about meal planning for the week. Crock pot meal last night (hey.. who knew that they work better when you aren't lifting the lid all the time?? not only that, but fresh mushrooms make for a far better dish than canned mushrooms. Go figure, I will put in the extra minute of effort in the future) and I made a dinner for Friday night which I froze on Sunday. First time truly doing that - but I figure with swimming on Wednesday and Friday nights right at 6... when I get home from work and daycare pick ups at 5:30.. had to be as organized as we possibly could be.

On top of all this, Brandon seems to be going through a growth spurt, and Connor.. well I am not too sure about him, maybe more teething, or a growth spurt, or even a developmental spurt.. but he just doesn't want to go to bed anytime soon.

I would love to have even a 1/2 hour at night with Ken... when the kids aren't asleep until 10:30.. and busiest week of the year... and getting over vertigo... there goes my nights. I have my fingers crossed for tonight - I think I will chase Connor around the backyard for a while and see if that helps..

Reading? My reading has completely stalled out for the last week. I have been so tired, I have barely cracked open a book. At least the house isn't a complete disaster right now... and laundry is somewhat okay... It definitely feels like a semester start up. Speaking of which, break time is over.

just a moment

I feel the urge to vent. I will admit, I did buy it in the "as is" section, and it was a decent deal... but I am pretty much done with IKE@ furniture. Under duress I will admit my coffee table and tv stand from there are decent (they are real wood) but I am not feeling the love for the dresser I bought for Brandon back in the day.

I guess the kicker is that I love the look of it - the downside is that I hate that parts of it are pressed board (wouldn't have guessed that when I bought it) and have already chipped, and that two of the drawers aren't staying in their brackets anymore and always look off kilter. Even "as is" it wasn't cheap, but it is acting cheap. Pisses me off.

So I was cruising craig$list to see what was about (amazing what people actually want money for) - not really looking, but not really not looking either more out of frustration with having to deal with the dresser. It reminds me of that song, she ain't pretty... she just looks that way... See, this dresser looks sturdy and well made, but nope... that is just the gloss and it pisses me off because I thought I was making a purchase that would see Brandon through to teenager-hood at least. I would have done better through a different catalog. In the very least, as I mentioned above, I need to work some magic on it to get it to a place that doesn't frustrate me on a daily basis.

On a total aside, I discovered the Lee Child "Reacher" series of books earlier on this year. I suspect that I will have read the entire series before Christmas. I get my teeth in to one of the books and it is done within 3 or 4 days.. which is saying something when you factor in family, work, and sleep!! I am already on book 5 (which may be done tonight... tomorrow at the latest)... at least he has written 15 so far... I still have a chunk to go... I have also been really enjoying Peter Robinson's books too... I feel like I have been striking a good balance between my literary and my suspense/action novels lately.

I was on a roll...

For a few days there, I was doing really well about posting a little bit more frequently.

Then life happened again, and all those posts stayed as clutter between my ears.

I interviewed for a position higher up within my department today, and I think I fared well. I feel like I am in a win-win situation since I do like my job, but if I got this new one, it would be a step up and I could really make a difference there over time. I am also sure that there will be times that more of my hairs turn white too. Overall, it went well. Not much I could or would change.

What I would change is my dear youngest child being up between midnight and 3:30.. at which time my dear husband took him for a drive to see if he would finally fall asleep (he did, but god forbid he actually sleep in past 6am). I think I got about 2 hours of sleep last night. Couldn't get it together quickly enough this morning, my oldest took his time getting ready, and then getting out of the car, and then ran in to an old friend from school whose kids are also in the centre (different area though)... time just was running through my fingers. I didn't fall down any stairs (like my last interview), but the laptop didn't have a DVD drive (I wung it instead), and I forgot all about breakfast. My excel test was decent - it really comes down to perception, and what personality my higher ups want and see themselves dealing with. I hope it is me!

To continue my whinge about lunch today- I was going to go for a greasy hamburger. Closed. Then I decided to go for a sub.. you guessed it, closed. I have settled for healthy fare instead. Somehow no matter how good mental lentil soup is... some days it just isn't what you wanted in the first place. Funny how life is just like that with what it serves up.

It has been a real mixed bag today.

The Class of 2014

It's official. I am no longer young.

Here is the full list, but this is what the world looks like to the class of 2014.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.

14. Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

20. DNA fingerprinting and maps of the human genome have always existed.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

28. They’ve never recognized that pointing to their wrists was a request for the time of day.

31. The first computer they probably touched was an Apple II; it is now in a museum.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

42. Potato has always ended in an “e” in New Jersey per vice presidential edict.

43. Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

62. Having hundreds of cable channels but nothing to watch has always been routine.

63. Their parents’ favorite TV sitcoms have always been showing up as movies.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely.

65. They first met Michelangelo when he was just a computer virus.

66. Galileo is forgiven and welcome back into the Roman Catholic Church.

69. The Post Office has always been going broke.

73. Silicone-gel breast implants have always been regulated.

Strange Tuesday.

Connor seems to be full on teething this morning and was miserable. It was also my morning to drop him off at daycare, and he was crying and clinging to me. It is amazing how strong he is as I pried his fingers off of my shirt and got ushered out of the house ASAP. I ran out, waving my arms and yelling out "tylenol if he needs it" ... seems to be my son gets teeth in groups. At 8.5 months, he had no teeth. At 10 months, he had 6 teeth. Now, at closing in on 14 months.. he still has 6 teeth, but lots of puffiness. We have a long way to go yet with this teething train.

Finished my book off last night and it was really good. I would recommend Where the Heart Is and I am glad the Nej told me not to give it away - I was just really unsure about it and I am glad I followed her advice. A totally different book about the heart of America, one scene I could have done without since it didn't seem to do anything for the book, but it was a good read, and a fast one!

This weekend felt like true end of my mat leave. No more work for 4 weeks and then get 2 weeks off again. Now it is just holidays to look forward to, and weekends! I had to make a few lists so I could keep track of some of the stuff I really wanted to get done, and I feel satisfied that the big stuff got done. The outstanding stuff all seems to be around pictures and our computer(s) - backing them up, printing some out, and perhaps even doing some digital scrapbooking. I just need to nail down a routine enough that I can learn the ropes of DS, and then build in the time to work on it.

I can't believe how fast it seems things get scattered around our place. It cleans up fast, and I think it is because we have smaller square footage, and four of us living in it, but it does feel overwhelming at times. Especially when I forget and leave the cat kibble on the floor and my youngest starts to fling it around. I look forward to a bigger future, and two bathrooms.

Found out an old family friend passed on this morning, and had yet another strange conversation with my mom this morning. It seems our conversations get weirder and weirder as time goes on - I am not really sure how to talk to her where we both walk away feeling satisfied. I never would have imagined how much better I get along with my dad at this stage, that it is him that I can ask for favours and help, and I figure that the first response I will get from my mom is a no. We are trying to find someone to watch Connor for a few hours on the 28th and it seems to be a bit of an uphill battle. These are hard years (with really young kids) trying to get some solo, quality time with your spouse. Hell, even to create the opportunity to take one kid out to a cool experience and leave one behind is tough. I am sure it will sort itself out but it's amazing how you can have a relatively large family, and still feel so isolated in some ways, especially when everyone is going in their own direction.

Food.

Jamie Oliver is preaching a pretty powerful message.

And yes, I actually watched the whole thing.

I am glad I made all my own baby food, for both boys, giving them a good start. I am glad we make most of our meals at home... and that I am starting to teach them about food. This is a good reminder that this is a beginning... especially when I consider my own relationship to food, and my own extra weight that I carry. Some pretty heavy stuff for first thing on my last day of holidays... and a Friday the 13th to boot! Good inspiration for today, and tomorrow.

an odd read indeed

I just finished reading the Lace Reader, and I must admit, my experience resembled that of my dear friend, the KittenWhore.

It was an odd book, an interesting book, and now one that I am done with, and am still scratching my head a little bit about.

Would I recommend it, maybe. If you picked it up and were intrigued or just the right mood. I think I agree with KW that in many ways this book overstretched it's bounds and tried to do too much. When you reach the end, and an explanation of sorts, you then start to question the sequence of the whole book. There are parts that are brilliant, and then parts where you scratch your head and furrow your brow. It wasn't what I expected, and I wanted a little more of the lace reading... there were passages that I had to read a few times because the idea was novel - but overall, a strange book.

I did think it was interesting to note the author suggests that in the past there were no witches in Salem, and that now it is overrun with them. Interesting a town known for intolerance has evolved in to tolerance (of sorts). Some interesting ideas in this book, and I did enjoy reading it, but the end, and how the threads intertwined...yeah... One day I wouldn't mind seeing the east coast - Boston, Washington, Philly.. a few places in between.

I have a pile of books right now - some for both my reading selves. Some mysteries and whodunit adventures for the escapist side, and then some more literary books to satisfy my other, more "intellectual" side (laugh at self inserted here). After the Lace Reader I wasn't up for an escapist read, so I have started reading Where the Heart is by Billie Letts... which I think is going to be a surprising read

And yet another beach

Looking outside this morning, I gambled that the cloud cover was marine cloud that would burn off pretty quickly. It did! I had a great day at my favourite beach, had some fish and chips, and we all built a sand castle!

Roar! I am a Brandonsaurus!

I am a goofy kid!

Times like this are precious. I have been itching to get out here for months.. so it was great to get out and play!

and that is that

My island tour ended with a bit of excitement...

Wednesday going in to Thursday Ken ended up some nasty food poisoning and extreme dehydration. This evolved in to a midnight trip to the ER and then many bags of saline to rehydrate my man. After a few hours of this, back at home, trying to reacquaint himself with his internal organs, Ken ended up having an allergic reaction to some chunky soup.

Victoria was almost canceled until I could hear it in his voice that he was on the mend, and that ultimately, coming home with two kids cooped up in a car for 4 hours probably wasn't the best thing for someone who desperately needed some rest.

Victoria was lovely, and it was just awesome to spend time with my Coz and her wee man. In many ways, she is like a little sister, and as we are aging, and now both moms, I recognize more family traits then every before. I also appreciate her, her sense of humor more too, and her man. Her hubby cooks like mine - well, and lots! I was able to hand off four bags of kids gear to her, and I was grateful.. and it made me smile to see her use the backpack I had used with Connor as well... something to be said about paying forward gently used kids stuff, watching the chain continue.

I am including this picture from our last night in Victoria, coming home from an amazing dinner at Santiago's... (it was touch and go for a few minutes, got Connor in the high chair and he started to move... I then used the napkins to tie him in to the chair and all was good!) My dudes are completely flaked out and exhausted, and Eli looks like he could go another round. Too funny. I had a great island tour - wonderful wedding, great beaches, and some amazing time with my family.

The wee dudes, exhausted after a week of traveling between Nanaimo, Parksville, Comox, and Victoria... with all stops in between!!

Eli... ready to go at least one more round!!!

Halfway through and island tour

After putting my DH on a plane for Vancouver, me and the boys headed to my Aunt's to pick up the girls and then head up island.

Mental note- Coombs on a long weekend, sheer stupidity.

Everyone and their dog was in Coombs. No, wait. Almost everyone. Everyone who wasn't in Coombs was in Parksville along the beach and boardwalk where people were parked everywhere!!! Total chaos.

Nothing like going sideways, hitting a fast food joint, and heading to Rathtrevor Beach. Now this was a surprise.. the beach was calm. We got parking - hell, we ended up with free parking because a lady gave me her ticket as she was leaving (we all know how much I love free parking) and there weren't that many people around. Yes, it was busy, but nothing like what we had just experienced.

Rathtrevor beach is beautiful. The vista is breathtaking, and the sandy beaches that stretch out for miles are nothing to sneeze at either. Now that I have young children, I appreciate that sand. Rocky beaches aren't great for toddlers. They just don't get a lot out of them for some strange reason.

Had a great time, and then headed back to my Aunts.. and then over to my cousin's for dinner.. and man, did we eat good. Nothing like good times with your favourite cousins and Aunt... and good food!! We even got some cheesy girl-tv...

Today I went up island to visit my folks, visiting some family friends in Comox. It was great - the drive was uneventful (that inland island highway is a fast highway!!) and the weather is spectacular. Spent the day on the beach, watching life go by.

The coolest thing about this trip is that Brandon has discovered beach combing... the wonder as he picks up crab, and tosses rocks around.. it is cool to see the wonder through his eyes. Connor just trucks along at his pace, pushing forward and toddling along. It is a cool experience heading out there now, with both kids mobile and curious. Took the old island highway back to my Aunts.. and ruminated about tomorrow's plans.. I think I will have coffee with my cousin in the morning and then back to Rathtrevor tomorrow. Time to build a sand castle!!!

Been another nice night of visiting, and then going to the park, night time routine, and then watching a girly movie. I love my husband, and I do miss him lots, and it has also been nice to have a few days of hitting beaches and watching shows I don't normally watch, spending time with the girls, and eating way too much good food. I think I will need to eat salads for a week after all the feasting we have been doing... it is nice to miss him, and hopefully be missed too! I am planning to head home on Friday.. after Rathtrevor and Parksville, and then a few days in Victoria. I feel pretty damn lucky.

Island Tour

After madly cleaning and doing laundry on Friday night, we got up at the crack of dawn to catch an early ferry on Saturday morning. See, my youngest cousin was getting hitched in the afternoon, and it is nice to get there with as little panic as necessary.

I think the ferry is a right of passage here on the coast - waiting in those line ups, that guy who never changes who has been selling the papers there, walking those line ups as long as I can remember, barely making ferries just as easily as missing them by a car. I can think of countless times I have wandered around Horseshoe Bay, just waiting for your ferry to come in, the sound of the horns as they round the corner.. and looking for the elusive beer can tree that clings to the side of the cliffs as you pull in.

Reservations do make life easier. It was nice getting there early and bypassing all the lineups.

The wedding was good - we were able to lend a helping hand with set up (which was cool to pay forward a favour... I have no idea of how many and who truly ended up being our helping hands, but truly, it is amazing how it all gets done, it was nice to do that for someone else) and even check in to our hotel early, so we all were at our finest.

I must say - weddings are a different experience when you are travelling with a 4 and 1 year old(s). The dynamic changes - neither of us caught all of the festivities, but we caught enough. The food was good, we enjoyed a night together... took all the boys back to the hotel and then I went back and ended up talking mostly to my cousin, and then watching my brother hit on one of the guests... by the end of the night, I got my bro home safely and I was just so happy to be home with my own guys...

Sunday we went to Newcastle Island on the little ferry that takes people back and forth from the harbour. For some reason, I find Newcastle just enchanting. This is our second time going, and each time we have had completely different experiences. It is a small island just in Departure Bay - it has a bit of everything, great beaches, old mill stone factory workings, evidence of the past, open fields, great hiking... it is a magic place.

After we went back to the hotel and we had a few quiet hours.. the boys slept and I finished my book and then we headed to my Aunt's for some family time - it was nice. Got to see all the important folks, have a great meal, and the time flew. Definitely a bit of chaos with both the boys and people eating on varying schedules. With two it makes it interesting - it is more of a juggle.

Brandon was so handsome in his suit, and Connor was so adorable in his plaid shirt :D My 95 year old gran looked amazing, and truly, I can't believe I have 2 kids, my cousin Carly has a kid... and Abby is married. Wow. It is really cool.

more of that random stuff

Well, another week has come and gone and I can't believe how fast the days slip by in the normal grind.. er... routine of the day to day.

It is Thursday again, and my house looks like it exploded.

Dishes are mostly clean, most of the clothes are in the laundry bin, but, it is just a bit of scattered stuff about the house.

Last night I faded about 7pm... all the energy I thought I possessed evacuated me, and once the kids were in bed.. I quickly headed there myself. Oh - I am so exciting! 10 o'clock is the new midnight.. I have been lucky to read about 20-30 pages a night of a book, and I have a knitting project on the go that seems to keep stalling out.

I am enjoying work though - nice to be getting in to the swing of things. I like my new office, it is just awesome not having to share. I like being back on campus, I like that Brandon lurves his preschool and that Connor is settling in. Seems like the boys have been going through their summer growth spurt - at least an inch for both of them. This weekend we are heading to the island - my cousin is getting married and then the boys and I are going to stay on the island for some beach time and time hanging out with my Aunt and my cousins.. I cant' wait.

I figure I am taking the first two weeks of August off to cover my home daycare's vacation.. and the weather has finally improved.. I can't wait to go to the beach - Parksville, Nanaimo, Denman Island, White Rock.... gets lots of sun and time close to the water. Ken is flying back from the island on Monday and I think he is gleeful about the prospect of a mini-vacation from the lot of us. Seems like a win-win. I will spend 4 days on the beach and then come home.. and he gets to play x-box and be the king of the castle for a few days..

I am not super woman.

I am tired.

It seems Fridays just can't come fast enough.

Then Monday comes too soon and I still have laundry on the go, and the floors aren't clean, and well, sometimes the toys are still in the same place they were a week ago. Oh well.

We made 3 and 1/2 dozen cupcakes for tomorrow. B's first birthday in preschool and they do do celebrations. I am bringing in a few extra for work, since it is also a coworker's birthday.

Three weeks in, lots of posts that I have written in my head, and work is going well. Better than I expected after my first few days back. Things are coming back, and I am getting the swing of my new responsibilities, I gave up some of my portfolio, and I am now learning some new stuff. It is nice actually, to be coordinating different aspects of the student finance world rather than immersing myself in the same old, same old.

I came to realize today that in some moments it is just the cumulative effect that gets to you - trying to be a "good worker" and hoping that you are not taking to long to get back up to speed, to arrive at work on time, and not sprinting in from dropping the kids off at daycare where it seems there is always something that could be said, or trying to get there as fast as I can to pick them up again at the end of the day to rush home to make dinner, a little excited my day is done, and to be a "good wife" and a "good mom" and at least a "decent housekeeper" and maybe somewhere in there a "good friend" and then maybe, for a moment be a good daughter and daughter'in'law... just maybe, good to yourself and read a few pages here and there. Work is good, I love my man, my kids are cool (although tiring when they don't go to bed when they should and some downtime with my man would just be so nice) but those moments.. it isn't like it is all overwhelming... it is just that - wow. It's a lot.

It all comes back to balance. I can't say I am struggling with it, but I can't say it is easy either. Some nights I feel like I have lots of gas in the tank and can be funny and cool and some nights, not so much. I feel like I am stumbling between tasks, get dinner happening, then maybe hang out for a little bit, then bath time, then cranky baby time, then maybe some books, or some playtime, and then wind them down for sleep, and hope they fall asleep soon, and then maybe some time on the couch... catch up on a few of our shows. Thank god for our PVR and the ability to speed through shows with so little fuss.

So this post wasn't quite a whinge, but it is a ramble. A little more physical exercise would be nice, although wishful thinking. I am getting out for some walks on my lunch breaks and they are just so awesome. Nothing like walking in nature to put things back in perspective and to realize overall I am pretty damn lucky.

Get up earlier in the morning? You are kidding, right? Actually pretty consistently up about 6:15 and even then it seems the mornings are gone too fast.

Which all comes back full circle to the title. I am not super woman. Trying is everything.. HAHAHAHAHAH (yes, I am laughing at my self here).

Deadliest Catch

I admit it. Some reality tv is entertaining. I ended up getting hooked (ha ha) on Deadliest Catch a few years ago - it is compelling stuff watching those guys fight for those crabs... gives you a different perspective on work, leadership, teamwork, blowing off steam... this is a harder to season to watch as one of my favourite captains leaves behind an empty throne (capt'ns chair). I was just looking over this website, and stumbled on a quote that I can relate to quite well and are tuly words to live by -

When asked once what lesson he most hoped that Jake and Josh [Capt. Phil's sons] learned during the last season, Capt. Phil again showed who he was. “I don’t know if there’s one lesson, but in general, if I died tonight and was gone, I hope they’d have the integrity to do what they say, be honest, and do honest work for an honest wage and not short change themselves or anyone else. To be honest about how they live and work. Don’t sidestep things or try to cut corners. Do an honest hard job, and do it to the best of their ability."

Hump Day

Three days in to this new routine and I am doing okay. Aside from a slightly emotional moment on Monday morning when I had to give Connor to Ken to take him to daycare... I have been fine. Okay.. maybe another moment dropping Brandon off at preschool.. but who is counting???

Monday, I felt like a scatter-brain. Shared drive? Jabber? Appendix 3's? What is this strange language you are speaking to me and expect me to understand?

Tuesday, well, after a lengthy catch-up meeting I slowly began to feel the shimmer of work-type intelligence start to sparkle again.

This morning? Well, it is starting to feel like I never left as I am getting familiar with all the old programs. Getting authority back for some programs has been an issue, but so far so good.

Once again, I begin my tenure at work with some records management. I have a great new office space, but of course, the last person left two full drawers in the cabinet... from 1997! It never ceases to amaze me that many folks don't rock the boat. So, considering those two drawers didn't make the afternoon, and I reorientated all the office furniture by lunch time.. what does that say to me? I feel badly for the person who left the office because the way they had things organized there was no room - now it is a spacious great office.... I could easily make myself at home here for a while! I am slowly bringing me here - printed out some pictures, brought in some of Brandon's art work.. looking like my space. People are stopping by and are surprised at the difference in the office since the furniture started to shift...

As far as I am concerned, if I am at work for 7 hours, 12 minutes (36 hour week... gotta love those extra minutes they squeezed out of last round of bargaining) I am going to make my space as palatable as possible.

I also have a beef with Mother Nature. It has been a terrible spring weather wise. No sooner do I get back to work than the heat wave starts. I need an office fan.

It still feels like a novelty being here, and I miss the boys in the morning when I have to leave them and when I get back in to the car... it is a huge shift for me. It really helps that I feel good about where they spend their days - I have always said that is what lets me do what I need to do during the day.

Speaking of which.. there goes my lunch hour! Back to it...

A working stiff again

Minutes are ticking by way too quickly.

Work is upon me tomorrow morning. I am sure it will be a bit of a chaotic morning. My DH and youngest go one way, and then my oldest and I will head up the hill. It will be interesting to see how it all comes together. If I get lucky, both boys will sleep until wakened, but they both seem to have some kind of Jedi sense when I am stirring, and they both seem to wake up soon after I do.

I spent a few minutes going though my work clothes tonight (yes, I have been in denial) and they mostly all fit. I am sure some of it is dated (didn't get a lot of new things in between kids, didn't seem to be a point) and there will be some shopping in the future, but I am pleased with most of it. My body has shifted a bit, and I would like to see a few parts of me shrink, and maybe that will come with a little extra walking now that I am back at work.

I had a few oddly affirming phone calls with family today. I am glad to be going back to work. I do believe that I am a better person/mom for my working self. I think the kids are better at being them by being with kids their own age too - they get things from their interactions I/Ken can't provide. Working part-time one day may be an awesome option, it isn't right now. So, the affirming part about going back to work happened in a back handed way when I was speaking to an Aunt on my mom's side... she asked me what my "goal" was in going back to work. I nearly choked. My first answer was "financial" I almost said "eating". My cousin followed this brilliant question (I was making phone calls for a family birthday celebration for the boys) up with a winner of her own ""so, if you bought say, less clothes for yourself, would you really need to go back to work?" I should note that although I have bought a few things here and there over the last year, I have been using coupons or going to a certain outlet store to do so. More replacing things that just don't fit anymore... okay, so I bought two pairs of shoes in Vegas...

(on a total aside, funny this parenting thing has revealed to me what parts of my family I am like and truly close, and then the opposing parts that I am vastly different from)

Wow. I am glad this gene skipped myself (not sure how my mom's bro has done it all these years but he is a bit of an odd duck himself) for just being completely obtuse. In nearly 20 years of marriage, my cousin worked part time for 2 of them. She is a very nice person, but she is very naive and isolated and a princess kept in her house. I have heard rumors that she had her couch redone in teddy bear print (a little out of touch with reality... or other people's realities). She doesn't like computers, and has no desire to really get out there and do much more than take care of her small family and garden (to each their own). I wasn't sure how to explain that I do like to work, and that I do need to work (we like our toys and to eat), and that it would be okay.

I don't need to hear how tough it is going to be going back to work - yes, it will be in a way, but in some ways, once we get through the transition, we will find a new way. Life is about change (for most people) and frankly, I like what working means we can do (like travel on occasion). So the conversations ended up being strange, and I got off of the phone shaking my head, but glad I was getting out and doing my job again, I like what I do and I can make a difference for folks.

It doesn't mean I can't whinge a bit about it - life is a changing and I will miss being with the boys 24/7 but it is also time that Brandon especially gets to preschool (he needs the challenge) and that Connor has other people to interact with... and me, well, speaking to adults again, doing my hair, and wearing a bra again regularly are all good things. HA!

Wish me luck. I have a lone strongbow left in the fridge to help with Monday night.

The Poison Garden

A few years ago, a coworker gave me a plant we thought was a gunnera. I thought it would look really cool and fill in a space between a tree and our shed.

Every year it would send out a few tentative shoots, and then it would be so dry beside this hemlock tree that it would never get beyond a few leaves and then die off for the year. Infallibly, it would always revive itself the following spring and the cycle would continue. I always wondered about this plant, and hoped to see it in all it's prehistoric glory (looks like an ancient plant in my books, especially with that size... something from Jurassic Park...).

This year, with our lovely spring that has been so average that the spring weather we had for our winter Olympics was better, our "gunnera" reached new heights. Instead of spreading out in to a glorious looking plant, our plant reached for the sky and then produced great white flower blooms. I was a mite concerned, for this didn't look like what I figured a gunnera would. It being close to heading back to work time, and just me frittering away time with the kids, and not really being out in the garden, I have been actively avoiding this plant.

It turns out this a good thing.

Damn plant is poison.

Thank you to my caring neighbors who saw the 8 foot plant over the fence and saved an article for me from the local rag. Our "gunnera" is an evil, poisonous plant called a Hogweed.


As you can see, slight difference in between the two types of plants. Maybe not so much in infancy, but once a hogweed takes off, there it goes.

Check this out:

Giant Hogweed is a phototoxic plant. Its sap can cause photodermatitis (severe skin inflammations) when the skin is exposed to sunlight or to UV-rays. Initially the skin colours red and starts itching. Then blisters form as in burns within 48 hours. They form black or purplish scars that can last several years. Hospitalisation may be necessary.[1] Presence of minute amounts of sap in the eyes can lead to temporary or even permanent blindness. These reactions are caused by the presence of linear derivatives of furocoumarin in its leaves, roots, stems, flowers and seeds. These chemicals can get into the nucleus of the epithelial cells, forming a bond with the DNA, causing the cells to die. The brown colour is caused by the production of melanin by furocoumarins.

This plant is so evil that most cities, states, and provinces all have warnings on how to deal with this invasive plant. Our hogweed will be disposed of tomorrow... time to break out the hazmat suits!! Even Worksafe BC has produced a video on how to deal with this fiend!!

http://www2.worksafebc.com/Publications/Multimedia/Videos.asp?ReportID=34980

Be gone evil plant!