To be a mom

I am feeling a little inspired by Nej, and a little inspired by the fact that my birthday is around the corner and I am normally a little melancholic and philosophical about this time of the year.

Being a mom has been an amazing experience. I have made a lot of new discoveries, and yes, I am just like the rest of the moms out there that figure there kidlet is just **so damn cute** and the apple of our eye. There have been incredible challenges to overcome, and I am proud that I stuck it out with breastfeeding, and that we made it through the rough patches with Brandon, and are (all crossables crossed) through to the other side of it all. We have learned that life with a shunt is not any different than life without. Just a different set of challenges and things to be aware of. Brandon is doing exactly what he should be, in fact, probably doing some stuff earlier than others, which warms the cockles of my heart.

Being a mom some times is like being given new chances every day to try again. If something doesn't work, or if the day doesn't go completely right (like the baby food you made has gone over like a lead fart), you have a chance to do it all over again with a few twists and tweaks. Kind of like the rest of life (if we are lucky) and aware enough to take that to heart and dust ourselves off and get back on the horse.

I am grateful that everything doesn't happen over night, even if the time seems to fly by, because you have time to grow in to the next set of stages that you are going through. It is amazing how being a parent is very much being in the moment, because the past is already moving in to something to be nostalgic about but not somewhere to dwell because things change fast with little ones and you need to be on your toes. It is an adventure, and you tend to gravitate towards others who seem to have similar attitudes as yourself/as a family.

Some days I am fricken tired and I think I am just not putting my best foot forward. Other days, I don't have a lot to say, or am not really in a big mood to be really interactive and thinking outside of the box. These are rare days, but they happen. I think part of parenthood is learning how to let go of those feelings, own em for what they are move on because times like this pass and all of a sudden you are on to the next adventure.

Being a mom is a journey, I am sure that Ken finds this to be true of being a dad. We are figuring it out as we go along. I felt pretty spesh today - getting a beautiful mom pendant from Brandon that I will wear with pride (when I can safely wear it without little hands prying all the time) and a great breakfast with Ken's side and then dinner with my side. I know I am coming off all "rose tinted glasses", but for me this has just been an amazing experience. I had no idea if I would ever get to walk in these shoes and frankly, after what doctors told me when I was a teen, I didn't put a lot of stock in to it happening.. and here I am! I have to pinch myself sometimes to realize this is our life - what we have created - and it blows me away. I can look back in to the diaries I kept when I was younger, and when I would keep myself busy 24-7 to fill up the empty spaces in my life that your dearest friends can't fill no matter how much you love them, and here I am - my life is rich and full and I feel blessed. I know I can weather out the storms because I found my safe harbor with Ken, we have a family, I know where I stand.