lunch dates

Yesterday I went in to work to officially hyphenate my name (yes, I am one of those women. I really struggled with it, do I drop my last name, do I stay the same.. do I do the hyphen??? I decided that the middle ground was to hyphenate.. then I could be who I am for work and school, and then we have our family name for the rest, it sits well for me. It helps that our names work well together.. talked to a few other girlfriends about this conundrum, and well, I got off easy with how our names sound linked, where they didn't... funny how that can make this decision that much easier). But, I digress. Ran in to a whole bunch of coworkers, and went out with my mom and a friend. It was nice, but reinforced that I really don't intend to parade my son around work and visit all the departments, etc. Not in me. Not that social. If I am really honest, I just don't care that much about most of the people more than superficially and that just doesn't cut it. Time is precious.

Then today, I went out for lunch with the ladies from my office. One was absent, and one has since retired. One is pregnant and will be gone before I get back!! Which is too bad in a sense, but Brandon will have another new friend!! Which was cool sitting across from her, and realizing that soon, there will be another little person to meet! We have a few new comers, and every one enjoyed spending time with Brandon. It amazes me how good he is in restaurants - it has not been what I expected. I guess time will tell, and really, I haven't been out that much and he isn't that old yet and fully mobile or talking.

I felt weird being with every one. Like nothing, but everything had changed. I really hope that in January it works to go to the second location I have available full time rather than just part of the time, that would be ideal.. will cross my fingers it works out like that. I am glad that I will have a flexible schedule, and only be with everyone three days a week. The politics are still full on - and I just don't want to care... although it is hard not to when it is going on around you. Becoming a parent toughens you up, making you a little more crusty, and for me, a little more honest (not that I am not, just more of the filter is disappearing, although I do try to remain tactful, doesn't always work that way, this is where the conflict resolution courses that I have taken come in handy). I am also better at advocating for myself and what I need, because I shut up about it way too much in the past.

As Candy mentioned, our maternity benefits in Canada are way better than they are stateside. I could not imagine what it would have been like to go back to work when Brandon was 3 months old - like holy shit, what do these people expect the poor moms to do?? Ah yes, pump like fiends all day at work if they want to continue with breast feeding, are completely tired and bleary eyed, missing their babes, and god only knows what else is going on hormonally. Plus, the poor babes miss out on all that bonding time.. or if you do stay home for a while, you take a real financial hit which is hard to recover from (yes, I know we all make choices, but some are harder than others). So I am doing my damnedest to enjoy every last minute of my mat leave that I can, trying to appreciate the moments I have now before I have to go back to work, and trying not to worry about what it will be like handing him over at daycare. It is all part and parcel of it.