Mt. Rainier

Today was a surprising day. NW Trek was a good zoo and we ended up seeing most of the animals that they had on site. A lot of space, in the woods, a very Pacific Northwest type experience. In some ways, not as many animals as I would have expected, but very nicely done. Also nice to have a 2-1 from going to Point Defiance the day before. One advantage of the zoos/aquariums stateside is that they are so much more reasonably priced... $15 per adult to get in, and that includes the 45 minute tram ride to see the "prey" type animals (moose, elk, deer, mountain goats).

After the trek we zoomed back to the scenic railway. Instead of billing itself the scenic railway of Mt. Rainier, it should have read, "nice, two hour trip through trees, going away from Mt. Rainier". Not what we expected, a bit of a bust. Being on the train was nice, and we sat in an outdoor car... made me glad we also had a 2-1 for this! The highlight was going over a trestle bridge, but of course, that would be when Brandon had to go to the loo. Verrra interesting helping yer kid go on a moving train in an old school bathroom. One for the books!

It was disappointing though - we really wanted to see Mt. Rainier. After the train, it was time to drive. Mt. Rainier was calling us. It was beautiful. Something to be said about seeing a huge mountain on it's own. The rockies are amazing, but you almost get a bit jaded because everything is majestic. There is something to be said about seeing a mountain close up, being in the meadows, gazing up at the peak. We will be back. There are some amazing places to stay, and I would love to see all of the park. We would have been better off just spending the day cruising the national park rather than the railway. Live and learn.

Christine Falls, on the route to Paradise (area close to peak where you can stay in a fancy lodge)

view of Mt. Rainier

A new school year

The kids are back at school, the weather is changing, and I am enjoying my maternity leave.

It always feels strange when the regular routine is no more, and you are busy finding yourself again in your new reality.

I had no idea that having two kids would allow me the time to mellow out in a way.

Yes, there are moments where you want to tear your hair out. Run screaming. Cry. Laugh like a crazy person. But for me, I am just happy, right now, having two. I find my days are better when we have some kind of routine, and I get a few minutes of physical exercise on the Wii Fit. I am better when I can jump in to a good book and escape for a few moments. Some times I worry about balance - enough quality time with Brandon, with Connor (and not just breastfeeding), and then with Ken, and maybe even myself! I will never be a perfect housekeeper, but I am trying harder this time to just keep things a little more organized. In a way it is a good thing that we don't have enough space, because we would just fill it.

Now that we are the better par through toilet training, I am much happier. He has done really well - a few accidents, like the one an hour ago, but I can't really complain. Brandon loves to take his pants off - now it is a trial to get him back in to them. He likes being partially clad. Can't blame him on that one! It does make going out a little trickier. We have no mastered the fine art of going to the loo in all foreign places. Grandfolks, sure. Out at public places, not so much. He tends to hold it like crazy until we get home.

I also can't believe that with two, I am starting to get more organized. Maybe because I am scared shitless of what will happen if I am not. You leave the kitchen for 36 hours and it is a disaster. It takes hours to clean. I am learning. You fit laundry in when you can. You do one little chore, and keep a list. Crazy stuff. Work will be a cake walk after this! LOL

Connor is closing in on 10 weeks, or was he already? Wait! 11 weeks old. Wow. It's going so much quicker than it did with Brandon. I am so much less stressed out and wound up. Maybe that is part of the reason I can be so chilled about it all. We have already been through a trial by fire and I am better at picking my battles. The last few weeks we have been sticking much closer to home. Our routine is to maybe go up to the park at the top of our hill, do our big routine, or hang around the homestead. Felt like getting a few things done around here, and I guess not feeling overly social. Sorry!

Three and half years later...

I finally ordered some wedding photos.

Well over three years after the fact. It was one of those things that has been on my "to do" list forever and a day.

With all the points collected from buying diapers, I had a free 8x8 book, and 200 prints. So I finally did it. Printed them (read ordered them online), made a book, and put them all together.

The prints and book arrived today! I am pretty stoked.

All in all, a pretty painless experience too. No duty! EVEN BETTER!!!

I may just have to do this again one day. Nice to just sit here at my computer, do my uploading, order, pay online, and wait! Just like magic and a hit to the wallet, here they are! I even ordered some prints from the summer!

I can finally show off our wedding pictures in a book, and not force unsuspecting folks to suffer through a 30 minute slide show of our photos. We only did that a few times...

Who knew? It is nice to be able to look at the wedding pictures. It feels like a lifetime ago - and my dress still fits! Okay, the dress is a little big, but I still felt like a princess when I put it on. I still have no idea what to do with it - keep it, or sell it at a second hand store. Needless to say, it stays hanging in the closet - a reminder of a great day.

It feels good to start getting a handle on our photos. It felt like a few things just stopped there for a long while, and now they are starting up again.

Satisfying?

And now a return to our regular programing. Not.

Since reading My Sister's Keeper, I delved in to a few books which were more or less satisfying.

I quickly sped through an Erica Spindler book, Dead Run, and it was just okay. The last one I read of hers really kept me interested, this one, not so much. It was a quick read and the story won't really stick. Some do, some don't.

The next one I blitzed through was a Tess Gerritsen book, The Sinner. This one was better - I enjoy the cop/ME series that she has going. I have read them out of order, so it is nice picking up an earlier book just to get a feel for some of the back story.

Then there was Lisa Jackson's, Left to Die. You can tell she has written a lot of books - easy to bounce along the surface of this novel because it really wasn't all that deep. I just finished it, and can't say that I feel a great level of satisfaction after turning the last page. This feels like the book of a decent writer who churns out many books a year. Funny, you can start to tell.

It seems that the authors I really like generally only publish a book a year, if that. Speaking of which, I think there are a few coming out soon that I can't wait to sink my teeth in to, like the new Gabaldon... I figured the series was done with six.. but she continues on! Will be interesting to see where Claire and Jamie end up next.

Funny, after you read a couple of books that were truly satisfying, it is hard to go back to those that just aren't as fulfilling. Makes me glad I am a quick reader, and also that I am getting better at either buying used books, paying forward, or getting those books paid forward to me. I guess at the end of the day, some books are great escapes, some are intriguing, some you savor every step of the way. Out of this trio, I would go for the TG's book - a little more substance.

All asleep!!!

Manipulated?

My damn cat just hit the backspace key and I lost a really good post.

Have I mentioned what it is like that as soon as I stop moving, and the kids are settled, that immediately the cats will seek me out? Yes, I lurve them. Do I always need their clingy desire for my attention the moment I have a moment for me?

My book club is reading My Sister's Keeper this month. I will admit, it was all I could do to get through the first 100 pages of this novel. I had to look at the end, just to see if it would draw to a predictable end, just to help gauge whether or not I would finish the book. I did finish it, but, did I enjoy it? Would I recommend it? Even now, a few weeks later (yes, I love the magic of being able to manipulate the dates, kind of needed when you have two young children), I am still struggling to say that it was a good read.

What comes to mind is a conversation with a girlfriend about this book. She labeled it as manipulative writing. That term hadn't crossed my mind when she tossed it out there - but when the shoe fits, she nailed it. JP style is to throw as much family drama in to a book, shake it up, throw in some nice prose, maybe a twist, and viola! Okay, I am generalizing from one book, but I have generally avoided these kinds of books in the past because I don't really feel the need to go for the family tear jerkers as my reading. My time is precious enough to try to depress myself. I figure (my) life can be dramatic enough at times rather than feel the need to go out and chase it.

Having had a child go through some medical issues, yes, JP does a good job at times describing what the reality can be like. Yes, life does throw you curve balls all at once, and doesn't space them out in a manner where you can deal with them one by one, but this book had it all - and the characters in a way felt really stereotyped. I could not connect with the mom - I feel so grateful for both of my boys, and am trying to spend quality time with each, and am concerned with each and helping them both be all that they can be, that this novel didn't really ring true for me in many parts. Too much of everything - too much disintegration as the mother figure focused everything on one child at the cost of the others. Yes, maybe that is the point, but for all the serious topics delved in to in this book, was it a deep, profound, prolific novel? Nope. Pretty much after we talk about it at book club, I can't say that I will seek out another JP novel. Not my cup of tea.

Toilet Training - Recap.

A week ago I wondered how we would get Brandon out of diapers for 90% of the time.

We're there. I had my doubts Monday and Tuesday, but then things magically seemed to start coming together, and he has not had an accident since Thursday, pretty much knows when he needs to go, and is really, really proud of himself. He even managed to do it standing up at the grandfolks place today! I am really proud of him.

It has been a week though - it is a bit draining. Back and forth to the toilet. Back and forth. Not always successful. One of the last trips in, Brandon got a mohawk. It's amazing how much can change in a week - from tears to shouts of joy. From cajoling to him being able to strip himself pretty much with so much less help. It is a huge step to independence (gulp). Some moments where I think patience wore thin, and times I just wanted to slap a diaper back on. It's worth it. Hopefully in a few weeks, no more diapers for naps.. and then we will see when we can jettison the night diapers.

Shopping yesterday, it was so nice to bypass the big box of size 6's that pretty much don't fit. Ya hoo!! That saves a little money... will aim to train Connor before 3... I am sure second child has more motivation to stop wearing diapers with a "big kid" in the house...

A week. You really need the week where all your energy is focused on this thing called toilet training. Persevere. Stick in there. Have bribery goods for your dear child, and for myself, strongbows really helped out a few nights. I am sure there will be accident, but it is so cool he isn't in diapers anymore, and watching him bloom just a little more.

Day 4

It has been quite the week. Between the two younguns I have puked on, pissed on, and at one point, there were a few cling-ons from the big dude because everything didn't hit the water before he sat on my leg.

*SIGH*

Yesterday, just about at my breaking point, we had a breakthrough. First pee in the toilet. If I was a cryer, I would have cried with relief. Of course, it was purely coincidental it happened at that moment (I didn't think anything was going to happen, just caught him before putting him down for a nap) but it was a start. He knows when he has to go... still seems to hold it for hours... but since then, we seemed to have turned a corner.

My daycare lady Sue said you needed a week to make it happen - and I am seeing truth in this. A weekend wouldn't cut it, now at Day 4, it seems like I can see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there will be mishaps, I know we will have to pack a few changes of clothes... but we are on the road to no more diapers! I will worry about night times... later.

So what do people do after training has started and you are out and about??? Hover your kid over the public toilet? Carry your kid's ring in a backpack?? That is today's mystery.

Day 3 - Yes we can.

After too many changes of clothes to count, we are slowly getting there. I believe these pants could be prophetic of times to come. "Yes We Can". Yes, I can't wait. I can't wait to not be buying big boxes of diapers anymore. Wait, we still have junior... but he is still wee, so it isn't so bad.

Toilet training is a much harder journey than I anticipated. I didn't really have a concept of what it would be like, but we are getting there. Patience. Patience. Lots of patience. Ken bought me chocolate. And licorice. It is helping. Although not my waistline according to my Fit.

Day 2

Well, I guess I should be thankful we have 9 pairs of boys underwear that fit.

Brandon - 1
Toilet Training - 1
Me - Done (thankfully they are both sleeping and it gives me a few minutes).
Dirty underwears so far today? - 5

We had one success this morning, as farts were followed by a movement, and it has given me hope. This whole toilet training thing is about as difficult to navigate as I expected. Especially when one is ready to go, and one is on the boob, or crying. They have both had really good naps this afternoon, which I am grateful for, a few moments for me, and I think Connor was getting a bit over-tired, so the sleep is good.

I am waiting for that first pee to just "happen" on the toilet and not in his pants so we can go from there - build on it as a positive experience. I can see that the whole week is going to be close to home, and our toilet. We have a routine, and are getting really close to hitting it just right, just not yet. I guess it is day 2, and we have had some good chats while he sits there with his legs dangling, and it is a rite of passage. I guess deep down I know we don't turn back now, but for something everyone does, I think it as much a rite of passage for the parents as it for the kid. Like breastfeeding, you have no idea what it is going to be like until you walk down that path, encounter a few hurdles, and continue on.

Toilet Training - Day 1

Smarties to bribe son for sitting on the throne. Check.

Hallowe'en type treats for when a number two happens, on the throne. Check.

Really cool boy underwear. Check.

Portable step. Check.

Ring around the throne for three year old bum. Check.

As Brandon naps, we are on outfit number three, lots of trying, and no successful movements on the throne. He is keen on trying, and I am sure things will come together ... but no action today yet. I am going to continue with diapers for naps and then underjams for night time, but no more diapers during the day.

He peed once outside, and then inside, well, I figured it was time to take him to the throne, but was squeezing a feed for youngest in, and well, missed the window. This is the aim of the week. Concentrated training.

I figured the weather is good, we can be outside (somewhat, although not all that often with a newborn), and the time is nigh. He is a big boy, a smart boy (hey, doesn't this sound like a song?), and knows what is up. We went from being shy to trying, to now trying seems pretty cool, especially when he gets to pick what colour smartie he gets for trying. Yes, he will get 3 for a successful pee, 1 for trying... a bit pavlovian, but, fingers crossed, it works, and will be a short-term reward system...

Special X,

Sounds intriguing doesn't it?

Sadly enough, I have now read all of Slade's books. *SIGH*.

Write, dammit, write!!! I have to wait until January 2009 for the next book comes out, and I hope that it won't be the new upstart character and instead a continuation of the Special X crew..

The upside is that I will be seeing him at the Sunshine Coast Writer's festival this weekend. I am gleeful - Ken and I both get to attend since we are bringing along some friends to watch the boys for an hour... I am really excited - about the day trip, about hearing what Slade has to say, maybe getting a book (or two) signed, going to the local craft fair (which is awesome, or has been in past years in a very coastal type way), and puttering around the coast with some great friends. Can't ask for a better day.

The downside, which is really another upside, is that I read the Slade novels out of order. I just finished the first book, Headhunter, and well, it was continued in another book, so it was a bit of a trip going back in time, so to speak to pick up the original threads. Slade's books are tight, well written, perhaps a bit macabre at times, but very well researched. I must say, I do like the dark, intellectual crime suspense novels - they balance out the literature that I read..

Ah yes, and to top it off, we bought the last Slade book to add to my collection at a used bookstore just off Hastings... and they take trade ins! So, as it seems I am still able to read with two kids.. who knew??? (okay, I read before I fall asleep, and sometimes when I b'feed) I am still blitzing through books.

Am definitely open to any suggestions of some good reads... literary or not!

Growth spurts

Six weeks old, and 3 years old.

Gotta love when the kids go through growth spurts, you have no idea what you are going to get. Between Brandon's get green gobs of goo, and Connor being a bit off (okay, it was really only for two days) it's been a little different. Granted, maybe it was me too. I have been feeling a bit antisocial this week. I made myself a list of things to do, and well, there are still many lines on it. I think I made some headway, but having kids and being at home also means you have to learn how to let go, and not be on a rigid time line, and just go with the flow.

These are some fun pics of the boys, trying out their mugs.

6 weeks

It's funny, when you are pregnant, the weeks start going up and up, and you can't wait to hit milestone after milestone.

Then you have your babe, and your life gets tossed about. New person to learn about, new routines, adjustments, other people's are affected, and then wait and see.

You start measuring time, and a different body again. Watching the numbers go up again, starting with days, and then weeks, then months, and finally years.

Now we are already six weeks in and I can't remember a life without Connor.

I figure that people must think I have been on happy pills, but I feel grateful I have my family, and my boys are who they are. Between the four of us, things are cool. Each day brings new adventures, and I look to the horizon, and I can't help but look forward to what else time will bring. Connor is off the growth charts, so I have a thriving babe. Over 13 pounds already, and we are officially out of the three month size. I also exchanged the box of size 1 diapers for size 2 today... the 1's are starting to look like baby speedos. I am not sure what colour his hair will end up, it seems every time I wash it, it gets lighter. His eyebrows are also growing in, and they too are light, and big bright blue eyes.

Some people see more of Ken, other people see more of me, some people see more of a resemblance to Brandon... of course, he is all Connor, but in all of us, it is amazing to see the echoes of who we came from.

Week 5 saw the reward of true smiles (and not gas bubbles as every one says). His smiles disarm me as quickly as the tinkling sound of Brandon's laughter, or that look from my hubby. Yes, I sound like a smitten new mother.

It's funny, the weeks around Brandon's b'day were crazy - and then last week I laid low (made pickles though!) and now this week seems to be the same. Not quite antisocial, but not quite not antisocial either. B has a cold - the weather sucks (yes, we need the rain), and it is nice to just settle in a bit. I seem to go one way and then the next - lots of socializing, and then not much at all and content to be at home, or just do my own thing for a spell, and then back the other way... back and forth like a crazy pendulum.

Pickled.

I have made my first attempt at dill pickles. Apparently we have to wait 8 weeks before we crack a jar.. I found what looked like a decent recipe on my favorite recipes site and away I went. 30 pounds of cukes, lots of fresh ingredients, and viola!


We won't talk about the jar with the blue garlic.

Better than I expected

I just finished reading A million little pieces by James Frey... Like a few other books I have read in the past year, I am picking them up a few years after they were popular. Or in this case, perhaps notorious? I remember the big furor with the big O, and that parts of the autobiography could have been embellished for the sake of the story. Which brings up a few things for me.

Firstly, I didn't expect to really enjoy this novel. It is another one that I have been intrigued by, and well, I was a bit turned off by the hype a few years ago, although truly, I did not have a clue what the book was about. As much as you can say that you enjoyed a book like this, I truly did. It is a helluva story, a look in to addiction and alcoholism, and brutally honest (for lack of a better word in this moment), or frank, or just not prettied up. I found that I was compelled to keep reading, and that is was easy to work through, that I was interested to see what would happen to James, and good god, what a story if even a smidgeon of what he describes is accurate. Which, having known someone who was also successful through AA, probably not far off. I could appreciate how he referred to making a decision, taking responsibility for his actions, and choosing a different lifestyle from this moment on. You have to. In your own stark awareness, you have to make a choice for yourself and stick with it if you are going to be successful. I can only relate it to when I quit smoking - it was a decision I clearly made and deconstructed why I was smoking and when I smoked, and I quit cold turkey, I had one big relapse one night, looked at what I did, and truly realized I didn't want to be that person anymore that smoked - not exactly the same type of thing as what happens in the book, but in the same vein of reasoning. I also liked how the book of Tao impacted his thinking and brought him peace - I remember going through some of the stuff with Brandon and reading a book called Momma Zen and it brought me a measure of peace in it's simple message and language. So, all rambles aside, I would highly recommend this book and this came as a surprise to me. It's a helluva a read IMHO.

Secondly, I also think teenagers should read this book in school. It deals with a (potentially) harsh reality in terms I think that would really hit home, the Outsiders times at least ten. Might scare a few folks in to thinking about a few things before blindly trying them.

Thirdly, I don't recall reading that it is a non fiction book or that it is directly billed as an autobiography. I did a bit of probing in to this book's past (gotta love wikipedia), and it seems that there was a big bru-ha-ha with the big O and the reading public because everything may not have been as portrayed in the novel. I don't really have a problem with this because I feel that as soon as you start to talk about something, or commit it to paper, it is already becoming fiction because it is as you remember it, how you would describe it, and how it impacted you. Looking at this book as a book, and not as a the gospel according to James Frey and accurate in every sense of the word, the underlying truths of the book won't change and that is why it is a good book. The rest of the publicity, and the lawsuit that happened... well, I guess not being personally impacted, and well, I am detached in the sense that a good book is a good book and in many ways, as a piece of art takes on a life of it's own, away from the author. What happened here is it's own story and interesting in light of how things unraveled. I can't help but think about the impact of a book becoming an O's choice.. and the instant fame and demand for the book. I must admit, I have mixed feelings when I find a book I am reading was/is an O book, much like finding out it is going to be made in to a movie soon.

Heat Wave

I am not unique when I say that the heat wave the west coast is experiencing is something else.

Holy Shit is it hot. And humid. And seemingly never ending. I never thought I would say it was too hot, for too long.

Today was one of those days, Brandon did not sleep(seem to need to get him out and exhaust him in the morning if he is going to have a nap), Connor got woken up a lot, and the day just felt chaotic, inconsistent, and irritable. I feel like the hydration police, and the poor boys in the heat, it isn't easy for them, nor for Ken, driving in the oven of a truck he does without respite...

I can't believe the difference it makes even getting 20 minutes to myself to work out a little on the Wiiii Fit. It is good for my head to sweat a little. I noticed not being able to do that today.

It also felt like our routine was totally off, and that didn't help either. And the house feels really messy and disorganized, which adds to the chaos.

Today was not a stellar day. Nice thing is, tomorrow is another day.

On a totally different note, Connor is learning how to smile, and it is enchanting. It is also really cool watching Brandon watch his favorite show.. he loves to watch Super Why in the morning, and it is a really decent kids show, so that 1/2 hour buys me time to clean the kitchen and get a decent start to the day... although not today, but most days... I had no idea how much I would come to rely on and then develop routines. They can be such a lifesaver...

Adorable

The birthday boy in his new shirt and wearing his paws..

The hint of a smile - I love this photo, a month old...

I am absolutely biased, but I feel pretty blessed with my two boys. I wondered what I would be like adjusting to two... I know at times I have felt a few moments getting to know friend's number 2's and then adjusting quickly to the new reality and my heart swelling with love and acceptance of change, but there is no adjustment when the babe is your own. Okay there are, but not in the way that I am speaking of. It just feels right - and having our family of 4 seems pretty damn cool. Helps when you have two cool boys, and Connor seems to be doing really well and is a very good natured baby, and Brandon is growing like a weed and is mostly cool with Connor (although the heat isn't helping right now) - I just feel very blessed in my little reality and corner of the universe.

Three

Happy Third Birthday Brandon!!!

a really good read..

I finished off The Book of Negroes last night. What a great read. It is another one of the books I have bought recently because I was intrigued by it's cover. Unlike the last one, this one totally delivered. I loved this book from start to finish. It was a very satisfying read, and I was almost sad to put it down. I even read all the end notes and all the remaining bits by the author.

It is the tale of a girl taken from Sierra Leone during the slave trade, and then the tale of her extraordinary life as she lives through tumultuous times. It is compelling, the history feels sound, and it is a tale not often heard. This book deals with some really intense topics, but it never feels depressing or truly dark, there is a thread of hope that runs through this tale,a spirit if you will. Yessiree, I highly recommend this one..

I can't believe I have found some moments to read?!!!!

3 weeks old

It's already been three weeks, and Brandon will be turning three himself at the end of the week. Wow. The time is just flying by.

I can't say enough how much easier it is second time around. Everything not being an unknown makes such an incredible difference. Then there are the differences in me - I don't feel like I am "playing" at being a mom, I am "mom". I am more confident, and I have a better idea of what I am and am not willing to do this time around. Feeding has been so much better, and sleeping, I don't know if it is better, but it is not unexpected. We haven't had huge crying fits, but Connor definitely has a healthy set of lungs.

There are moments though - when you find your almost three year old a bit much, okay, maybe even irritating, or when you just can't get to your baby fast enough and he lets a few wails out, or it seems that the laundry exploded again, or one of the cats puked on the floor because they were eating one of your plants again.

It just does not seem as crazy as it was the first time - I wouldn't say easier, maybe it is just being more prepared for what life is throwing at us. So far, going from none to one has been harder than going from one to two. I may be singing a different tune a week from now, but for now, that is my story.

The weather has been fantastic - we have been out to the local parks the last few days. I am on a mission to get Brandon walking more and more every day, and to try to take advantage of this gift of time with both boys and try to get out and do cool things with both of them. The walking is coming, and he is getting more balanced all the time. I did have to get him new beach shoes, the ones we bought stateside just weren't working for him, and if I want him to do big walks and splash around water parks, he needs good shoes.

I had to laugh, he is definitely my kid, when I handed him his new shoes in the truck he had to show them off to poppa "Look poppa, I have NEW SHOES! They are orange and blue!" and he preened and held them up, and talked about them all the way home. I am grateful my dad has been able to come out and join us for the outings, otherwise it would damn near impossible to do what I have been doing with a two week old. Damn, we didn't even really leave the house when Brandon was this young, and here we have been out a lot, and had visitors, and my house isn't even crazy chaotic. The dishes are actually done...

Any feeding issues I have had in the past were put in to perspective yesterday... one of my dear friends came by with her 8 month old, and I got to witness what she goes through to get food in to her little one's belly. It seems like an unreal fight - she doesn't want a bottle, is picky about the real foods she will eat, and wants/doesn't want the breast... she literally fights it all the way and my girlfriend seems more than a little frazzled. If nothing else, both boys are good eaters... and neither had issues going between the bottle and the breast... and her kid is up all hours of the night... so not only does she have a little hellion to feed, she herself is over-tired and needing a good night's sleep and I think a few hours away from her daughter... or at least time to go for a run... I think if I can get her out to the park, I will park our strollers and tell her to just run it out for herself.

Amazing how important it is to carve out some space of "you"-ness once you have kids. Whether it is a book, or knitting, or exercise, or quiet zen time to reflect, it is so much more important when you have so much less of it.

One thing I can say about having two kids instead of one... you become almost instantly better at time management because you HAVE to be. There isn't as much of the, I can do that later... if it doesn't get done now.. O M G it gets that much harder to do it tomorrow. Hence, why the dishes are already done.

Expressing.

I finally broke out the old Isis pump today and much to my dismay, I think it has finally given up the ghost and is done. One of the key attachments is cracked, and well, it just isn't getting enough suction to pump my milk.

Damn.

So I just hand expressed about 3 ounces. Bloody hell, it wasn't easy by any stretch. Connor has been down for a marathon nap after an early morning Doc's appt and I was feeling a bit swollen... will have to see how this sorts out in the next while. It is nice to have the back up of a pump for those times you aren't able to nurse as much as you would like. Connor has officially regained his birth weight and then some... he weighed in at 10 pounds, 14 ounces this morning.. WOO WOO!! in other terms, closing in on 5kg! I am both b'feeding and formula, and I am glad to see that Connor's weight gain is good (only at about 10 pounds, 6 ounces on Monday... so things must be going much better) and that things are working as they should.

Two is chaos at times, and at other times, incredibly wonderful. Your heart just expands to make room for another little person, and it is overwhelming how proud I am when I look around at my little family and consider the four of us - it is pretty cool.

Some good, some not so good.

I have no idea when I have had the time to read in the last few weeks, but I did get through a book, and a bit.

I read Bloodletting and Other Various Cures and it wasn't quite what I expected. It is almost a smattering of "almost stories" for lack of a better word. It wasn't bad, it wasn't great. I wanted to know more about some of the threads, and others where plain confusing about why they were included. There were hints of other stories, or how things ended with some of the characters, it was an intriguing book - but just not really what I thought the book was going to be like (as I have already mentioned). Some insight in to life as a doctor, fancy that, they are just people too, but I found that this book left me wanting.

I also attempted to read The Road. It did not do it for me. I got about 100 pages in to this depressing, dark, bleak book and I decided I just didn't really need to see it to it's conclusion. It is well written, and quite poetic at times, just not my cup of tea. It is in the years (?) after some global catastrophic event and follows the footsteps of a man and his son as they head to the "coast" and hopes of at least marginally better quality of life. They consider themselves the "good guys" and there are lots of dead bodies and very little food, a lot of ash, and humans gone bad. This also was not what I expected - I should have read some reviews first since I more than likely would not have been as intrigued by the book as I was.

My boys...

A few more pics from the hospital... I must admit, I am a pretty proud momma!

Connor William

Our second son, Connor William made his arrival on Saturday morning, June 27th, at 2:17am. He was 22 inches long, and weighed in at an impressive 10 pounds, 8 ounces. This was a really quick birth, so by the time we made it to the hospital around midnight, discovered we were already at 7 cm, it was obvious we were only a few hours away from welcoming Connor.

Everything went really well - (I am backdating this post to stay somewhat current and to get caught up). Although I must say on Friday, I didn't really expect to not be induced on Saturday morning. In fact, when I called my doctor to give him a head's up at 11:15pm on Friday night... he seemed a little skeptical that we would be heading to the birthing room right away! Things went fast. This time I opted for the room with the shower instead of the bath, and it seemed like experience played a major factor in making this an easier birth. I was able to control my breathing through many of the contractions, Ken was great at applying pressure as needed on my back, and things just progressed so much quicker. I was almost afraid to get in the delivery bed - I kept remembering that with Brandon, at that point, it felt like I was there for hours and hours in pain, before things really started to move.

Things happened so fast this time, they didn't do any blood work (no time for any pharmaceutical help, although I didn't really need it this go around) and for me, I just seemed really aware of what was happening. A good team of nurses, and Ken, and then with the same doctor that delivered Brandon. I felt well taken care of, the hospital wasn't all that busy, and truly, it was a really good birth experience.

Our first picture after birth all together... now we need some pics with the 4 of us!!


This picture was taken when Connor was about an hour or two old..

Before and After...

Before

and After ...

Totally frittering away time

So, I figure baby is close. Some random contractions, and well, Saturday is getting closer and closer. What a crazy day yesterday was - between MJ and Farrah... glad baby decided to stay in for another day or two...

I was up most of the night finishing off my book - World Without End. It was a good read - I am glad I saved it to truly enjoy the 1000 pages, but it was a shade off the original Pillars of the Earth... either that or because this was somewhat a follow up, I had an inkling of what kind of saga to expect... and it did deliver, and it was a good book.

Today feels like hurry up and wait, and my motivation to putter and do stuff has completely evaporated. Time is flitting by, and I can't say that I have done anything profound. Except perhaps some fleeting thoughts I would have loved to have written down at 4am after I finished my book, but the thought of actually getting up at that point was just not happening.

I have had a few irritable moments today - in some regards, I feel a bit under a microscope... is it now? soon? what is happening? what does that look mean? that slight hitch in your voice, is it significant? do we pack up and run for the hospital? what about dinner? how regular are these random contractions? was this how it felt last time? how to make Brandon feel like a rock star tonight? how to get some snuggles with Ken in before chaos erupts? where is my crystal ball?

Nothing prolific or profound. Just waiting. A little impatient. A little nervous.

Must be time to make some rice crispy squares!

Forgiveness

Now that it is looking like Saturday is going to be the big day (things can change between now and then, but I am not holding my breath), I am pondering at actually having some time on my hands at home, before the chaos hits.

Time alone during the day is so easily frittered away - a Wii Fit workout, reading my book, puttering around the house, reorganizing shelves, chatting, surfing the net, I am not sure where the rest of the time has been going, but it is going. It's weird having some quiet time, knowing that in a few days, everything will have changed and there will be 4 of us, not 3. Someone made an interesting comment to my DH - they said that when they went from one kid to two, they felt like more of a family because it wasn't just two folks with a kid. Interesting thought, it struck a bit of a resonance for me because I am really happy we are having two. Of course, people ask about three, and for some reason, seem surprised that I answer PDQ - "I don't really have a program for three."

About forgiveness.

I have realized in the last few weeks, in a few conversations, that I have some issues to work through about breast feeding. I think a big part of it is forgiving myself for something that was truly beyond myself - and that was what happened during Brandon's first few weeks (how long it took me to truly realize he wasn't getting enough from me). I did a damn good job of what I did - but Brandon didn't gain a lot in his first month, I was incredibly stressed, in the first week we worried about dehydration, it seemed to take forever for my milk to come in, although the health nurses came every week and assured me that he was gaining, albeit slowly, I look at pictures and the change between month 1 and month 2 is staggering.

The difference was when I finally felt it was okay to start formula feeding on top of the breast feeding. He gained 4 pounds in a month. Hello, even I am not too proud to say that I obviously never had enough milk on my own. He had never been full, and I had never been engorged and after he had that first full bottle, everything changed in an instant as his eyes rolled back in his head and he was truly full. I am glad we have never looked back. It was a big day for us.

Even now, typing this out, I feel close to tears. It's stupid, because I know I tried it all - nipple shields, breast feeding 12 hours or more a day, every single latch possible, domperidone to help me lactate more, pumping... you name it, I tried it. I really wanted to feed Brandon exclusively by breast. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would be, or that really and truly, I couldn't make it work like other women seemed to be able to. Now looking back, how unhelpful some health care professionals were about the issues, and how helpful some were. It's interesting the role of experience and how it changes your perception.

You weed through so many emotions about your "ability" to breastfeed - guilt, frustration, hopelessness, you wonder if this is linked to having being diagnosed with PCOS (hormone thing) when you were young, if you aren't quite doing it right, and then comfort, satisfaction, and bonding when things are going somewhat right... in the end, with Brandon, it evolved in to more comfort nursing, with most of what he got coming from the bottle until we started introducing solid foods.

Now, number two is within a few days of their arrival, and the girls haven't really changed much. It may or may not mean a damn thing. Who knows, this time I may win the milk lottery. However, I have bought new bottles, we have a store of formula, and I am in the process of making my peace with "this is not the hill I am going to die on" this time. But I still get worked up and passionate about it all, which brought me to the conclusion that I need to let it go (really and truly) and make my peace with Brandon's first few weeks, and know that yes, he could have gained quicker, but he was alright. He is a big and healthy, strapping lad. I couldn't have done a better job than I did. This time, I will do the same, although I will start formula a lot earlier (read in the hospital), and not have the guilt, or just be as frankly honest as I can be with the nurses, etc. And myself.

And with this, comes forgiveness. For myself, for some of the opinionated folks around me (like my mom) who were trying to express opinions I wasn't ready to hear and couldn't seem to attempt a different approach that wasn't nearly as offensive as the one they were taking, and I guess even to the public health nurses (all of what 7 or 8) that I saw over the first 5 weeks until I started topping up with formula who really were somewhat pushy about the whole breastfeeding thing and not really putting out other options (until the final pair I had) that I was too tired to even consider. So, part of this post is about that - laying it out there, working it through, and just letting it go.

I have done some research - and experts say that some women truly don't produce enough milk, while for most women it is an issue of demand and latching - and this time around, I will just say we are doing both and not get as worked up about it (or will do my best not too). It actually gives us more freedom than anything else. I will be more "bamboo", and be flexible to what comes my way, rather than digging my heels in. I have a few friends that have been on both sides of this - friends whose milk came in easily and profoundly, and those of us that truly labored over producing more because what we naturally produced, never seemed to be enough. For those it isn't easy for, it is a strange thing how it affects you - and how passionately you can try to change it, and things can be okay - but never truly great. And that, at the end of the day has to be okay.

So, in a nutshell, this is about letting go, and letting it be what it will be over the next few days, weeks, and months. I aim to successfully do both - a combination of the breast and formula and give baby the best of both. It is easier the second time around, you are stronger as a mother, and I am confident in my family unit - we can make it through anything.

I didn't really think I'd see 40 weeks again!

So much for second babies coming early - definitely not the case with us!

I think the part I look forward to the most in my maternity appts is hearing the baby's heart rate through the Doppler. I find it oddly comforting. That and feeling baby move and shift. Some days I am really aware of the movements, and other days, not as much. Some nights I am really conscious that it could happen any time, some nights I am sleeping like a baby.

If things don't start happening before the weekend we are going to be induced again. It's actually a relief - I have a date in mind if things don't happen before Saturday... well, then we may be helping things along with another induction. Time will tell. Although, at this point, I see baby waiting until the weekend.

Ken and I went and saw Angels and Dem0ns today... I enjoyed it - it was good - definitely like Mr. TH with shorter hair and not the long mop he wore for the last movie.. There is something to be said for having the time to research and spend your time delving in to the great mysteries of life and secret knowledge but that just doesn't seem to be my fate. I love reading, and I would be lost without my books - but I don't have it in me at this stage for that kind of sustained research and writing. I learned that when I reconnected with an old friend that is aiming to be a university prof - damn, there is a lot of publishing and conferences, and reading, and writing, and asking for grants, and trying to get postings... makes me appreciate my niche in the post secondary world a little more.

So, more hurry up and wait... I am well, baby is well, and days are flying by.

All packed, no where to go ... yet!

I had strange dreams last night - many of which involved me being aware on some level that my water was breaking and maybe now it was time to have this baby, and then waking up to ... nothing. Just a sore hip and time to make my next flip over to my other hip. Or a bio-break, seeing as those happen every few hours as well!

With Brandon, I fully expected to go late - this time, I think I was a lot more skeptical about whether or not I would hit 40 weeks... Seeing as that is Monday, it is looking more and more like a reality. We are all getting a little impatient... we are ready to meet our new baby!! Boy or girl, what do you look like??? Who are you??? Or as ready as you ever are... I know I kept saying that the Solstice would be nice, but it seemed liked such a long shot, and frankly, that's SUNDAY!

Yesterday I kept Brandon home and Ken got off work early so it felt like a day where we played hookey - I got a new vacuum (and it rocks, it is amazing how having a good vacuum that truly cleans your carpets can be a big deal, but it is. Kazzicus Domesticus strikes again) and we brought Ken's mom lunch (she is back at home). She looks and feels awesome,albeit a little tired - hard to believe she ended up going through not one but two angiograms/angioplasty procedures. She feels better too, which is a big relief. Of course, now we tease each other that she made it to the hospital first, and well, we are still waiting. Make for interesting times.

Today - I have finally cracked open World With0ut End by Ken F0llett... It has been a few years since I read Pillars of the Earth, but the two novels are only loosely linked... Although I may be interrupted reading this book... (800 plus pages) I figure it will keep me going for a while... I am half at a lull of what to read... my book club is meeting early next week but I didn't know what they were reading until a few days ago and my copy of the book is en route, and well, the chances of me being not available early next week are high, so I will just read the book club book and hold my opinions for later (we are going to read The Book of Negroes)

The June Ritual

Since today isn't going to be the day, it is time to make some strawberry jam!

We headed to the valley to buy some fresh berries, direct from the farm, and although it would have been cool to have done the u-pick option, this was not the year. Even though the farm hadn't had it's official season opening, the line up was 10 deep the whole time we were there - it was surprising how many people were out to get their berries... Bought a 15 pound flat (mostly for us, some for my folks) and home we were bound. Ken and I made 4 batches of jam, I prefer the 500 ml size jars to each batch only made about 4 jars...

Just lovely. Amazing how much better the local berries taste - even if they are not as big and perfect and somewhat harder like the Californians are. Up to our elbows in strawberries and then made some angel food cake for fresh berries and ice cream tonight.. YUMMY!

Counting Days

It helps that this blog has been around for a few days.. I can look back at what I packed for the hospital last time, and the advice I got from some lovely ladies, and make sure that I am on track this time... I guess I am about where I was last time, it was about a week before my due date that I actually put together my hospital bag... after yesterday's appointment I figured that it was probably time to get a few things together - I think all I need to add is my nursing tank top and my slippers and I have it nailed. Simple stuff, not too much.

I think it will happen sometime over the weekend.

I have a harder time this time around seeing that bubs will stick around until 41 weeks..

I feel more ready that I did last week - I have done my puttering, there is food in the house, there are a few last minute bits and pieces I want to get done... I have had some solo time, I am glad that we paid for the month of June so Brandon could continue going to daycare (that has been a godsend, it has been nice to have had some time to just do stuff, and not just fritter away time playing jigzone either) weeks waiting. You don't get that luxury when you already have one child..

I feel the urge to make a list to make sure I use this time wisely - like maybe printing out some wedding pictures (aside from a handful, still haven't put together a wedding album) or organizing the pictures we do have on our hard drive... sounds like work!

Was a quick weekend - was really nice because I got to spend time all weekend at different times hanging with friends, and then Sunday got the news that Ken's mom was experiencing chest pains - hospital got her in quick, and she has already had an angiogram/angioplasty and a stent! Here are my fingers crossed for a speedy recovery and her just feeling better - scary is that an artery was 80% blocked!!! So far so good. Today will more than likely include a visit to her (depending on how long she will be in the hospital).

Life never happens in a vaccum - it keeps on rolling and things are always a'happening.

It's strange this time around, I don't think I will need to be induced (fingers crossed), but the hurry up and wait for a really significant life event to happen is pretty trippy.

39 weeks...

It is always a strange process getting used to your pregnant self - but here I am! In all my glory at 39 weeks pregnant...

Entertained

I feel a bit more settled now that our shed has been cleaned out, found a few more baby items (and here I thought I was being so good about how I stored stuff in the last few years, not nearly as effective as I thought), and getting close to the final stretch of the "puttering" type preparations for a new soul to join the household.

Of course, the other parts are squeezing in some selfish time - which also sounds like resting up, reading, doing laundry, doing not much of anything, and trying to do the bits and pieces that will just help me feel more organized. I know that once the baby is born that my focus will be all about babe, all about Brandon, and trying to figure out our new reality and trying to get some time in there with Ken...

Speaking of selfish time - got out with Ken last night and we saw the latest Trek. It was awesome. I was thoroughly entertained, and they did a damn good job of the movie, the characters, the whole sha-bang. I loved it. Now I want to go out and rent all the Trek movies, just to relive the storyline...

Is today the day?

Slowly creeping towards 39 weeks (next monday) and enjoying officially being off work... I was so done Friday night when I wheeled my things out of work that the feeling lasted through the weekend. Definitely tired.

I am a few days in to my "vacation" and it has been nice to begin puttering, and nesting, and getting stuff organized. With a second, you definitely aren't as organized as early as you are with the first! Procrastination anyone?

I wake up in the morning, and I can't help but wonder, will it be today?? I think I have about a week, but I can't be sure. I don't think I have really dropped yet, but again, I can't be totally sure either. What I know is that every day I don't have the baby, I am one day closer to having the baby. LOL. It is still incredibly nice at the mat appts to hear the baby's heartbeat on the Doppler. Loud and strong. It is very assuring. I feel bigger and smaller than with Brandon, or at least more aware and content with my pregnant self.

I was asked yesterday if I will miss being pregnant - some of it. Feeling your baby move, feeling like you have this incredible secret, this life moving inside of you. The sore back and stretched out belly, well, that is a little harder to miss, and the heartburn, not so much. Once again, I feel pretty fortunate to have had a good pregnancy. Aside from being really tired at times, I have done well overall. I can't say that there have been huge differences between my pregnancies - I think the biggest difference is having walked down this path before. It is easier when you have an idea of what to expect, what changes are going to be coming.. but now, in the final stages, it is almost crazier having an idea of what to expect from labour. Knowing about the pain, and then the joy, and then how quickly time continues to march forward from such an amazing life event.

So, enough nattering, time to go and putter. I need to find my b'feeding pillow, and receiving blankets, and some more baby stuff. I am closer to where I feel I should be for preparations, but really, can you ever be prepared?

The midnight hour

Well, today is my last day at work.

Crazy. I am off until July 2010. It seems even more surreal this time than it did on my last day before I left work to have Brandon. Is it because I (half) know what expect??

It has felt like a sprint getting to this point - like I am in no big rush to be done, although reality may hit sometime next week when I don't have to get up and get ready for work... I am really hoping I get a week (fingers crossed) before baby decides to make their appearance so I can just putter, and do some stuff, and then do nothing at all - except maybe read a book.

Leaving work is different this time - when I left the last job before my mat leave, I was done. I didn't expect to come back for long, and this time, I know I am in for the long haul - maybe switch positions in some unknown future, but I like my job, I fit in there, and the neatest thing that happened, is that I have peers that I like and call my friends. Who knew? Not saying I didn't have friends at my previous (recent) jobs, this time around it has felt different, like I am a better fit at this place and in this time. So today, I will hit the Canadian institution for some donuts and muffins, and hopefully go out for lunch, and once I get my last tasks done... clean out my last bits and pieces, and then head home for a rest.

A whole year. It stretches out before me and yet I am having a hard time conceptualizing past the next few weeks.. I guess it is because everything depends on the personality of numero two. I wonder what they will be like - easy going, high maintenance, somewhere in the middle? Time will tell.

Shock of all shocks, today may be a day where I manage multiple posts.

Ah yes, must love the waking up at 2:30 in the morning for a bio break and then not being able to fall asleep again. This is getting old.

Final days at work

Two days left. Where does the time go?

And we are in the middle of a heat wave. Last year at this time I was joking about Junuary, and this year, it is still 20 C at 2 in the morning. Of course I know this because that is one of the times in the night I am normally up for a biological break.

After this week's maternity appointment it hit me more than in a matter or days or weeks, we are going to have two kids. There are still a few things I feel the need to do before bubs is born too. I haven't cleaned and organized to my expectation, I am starting to feel that urge to nest and clean and put things in their place. I also want a few days next week to be me. Putter, figure stuff out, or just plain rest. I am getting tired.

So far so good, fundal height is steadily going up, blood pressure is good, I haven't really had a lot of swelling yet, and time is marching on.. that was monday, so I am now closer to 38 weeks than anything else. Time seemed to go so much slower with Brandon... now it feels like the days are just slipping by. I am not packed to go yet, and it feels like I am not as stressed about getting ready - in other words, truly, how are you ever ready?? You just do.

I think tonight I am going to pull out that "let's go get dinner at the dock" card because I am just done. Between the heat, and work, and life... I don't want to cook tonight. Someone else can.

Insomnia is getting old.

I guess my body figures that it is preparing me for when the baby is born and I will be up for hours in the middle of the night.

Tuesday night I was up from 3:30am and on. Ironically enough, I felt way better than I did on Tuesday.

Last night, I was up between 12:30am and 3:30am. Oh joy. I guess the good thing is that I am getting a lot of reading done in the wee hours of the night. I read a Michael Connelly book called the Concrete Blond, from the Harry Bosch series. I think I had just about read all of his books. *SIGH*. It always kind of sad when you look at the booklist on the inside cover and realize that you at the point where they need to write more so you can read more of their books... as per the rest, it was a good book.

I think in the last month I have nearly read 10 books... and most of them in the wee hours of the night. Not that I can keep my house clean to save my life right now, but it seems I can read at 3am when I wish I was sleeping.

J is coming down from up north, so I sense a shopping spree at that swedish place tonight... woo woo!

And then you get to the end...

For book club this month we read the Story of Edgar Sawtelle. It was one of those weekends, we have the stomach flu making it's rounds around our house, and for some reason, I keep getting insomnia in the middle of the night. I really didn't think that I would finish this book before heading to book club on Monday night. Well, nothing like being awake between midnight and 4am and when you have to go to work the next day...

For the most part, this was a lovely read. I enjoyed the story, there were some tragic elements to it, I loved the story about a boy and his dog, and then the trials of being born a mute. Don't read the rest if you have a desire to read this book....

Then it got a bit ugly, and the story was still interesting, but for me the threads started to fray a bit. Without completely giving everything away, Egdar's father dies, and months later, after his disenfranchised uncle moves in with his mother, and another tragedy happens, Edgar and three of his dogs go on the lamb. This was a really neat part of the book, how this 14 year old boy survived in the wilderness and the new friend that he makes. There are elements of the supernatural to this tale - Edgar is forewarned that if he leaves home, to never come back unless he can find a bottle - it looks like his uncle may have poisoned his father and will obviously have it in for him too - in the uncle's pursuit of the mom and the dogs.

Well, all this made for a fascinating read until the last 20 pages or so of the book. For me, the enjoyment I felt for this book was completely unravelled in one fell swoop. The beauty of the tale was undermined - I went from enjoying this book to being slightly disturbed by this book. There was no poetic justice in the end. A gruesome blinding, a murder, an almost suicide, and the mom is left shattered and unhinged. Half the dogs escape a barn fire to take off in to the wilds, and the other half stay. Perhaps the big part of this tale is that the original Sawtelle relative captured a "quality" in at least one of their dogs where the dog had an almost super-intelligence... needless to say, this was the dog that led the pack away from the burning barn and shattered family. But at what cost? The hero, dead. The archrival, dead. The mother, may as well be dead. The local cop - shattered. The Sawtelle history and legacy, done.

So, I finished this book in the wee hours of the night and thought, WTF? It was well written, but I wouldn't recommend it. I didn't feel there was any poetic justice, I felt that the beauty of the tale was undermined, and well, I will either trade this book in, or wash my hands of it. It really bothered me. I think I will unravel this story to a friend at work just to get it off my chest because I so enjoyed so much of the beginning and then the end - blech. It could have ended even slightly differently, and I would have been so much happier.

Much like how I hated how Bryce Courtney followed up the Power of One with Tandia - Peekay deserved so much better than what he got in Tandia... and hence as far as I am concerned, that book doesn't exist. Power of One is one of my favorite books, but not the follow up. I was so put off by this book although I like Courtney's writing, I still haven't cracked another one of his books.

Of course, all this is in my humble opinion, for better or for worse.

Had my maternity appointment today - 36 weeks! Am doing well, baby is moving in to position, and all is good. Last two weeks of work.. O M G !!!!

Brandon - not so much. He is in the grips of this stomach flu, and after being confirmed how contagious it is, decided it was best for us both to stay home today. Which was reinforced when we went down for a nap at 1 o'clock... and then woke up at 5!!!! It was awesome... but man, I feel like I am getting kicked. Too many weird sleep habits this weekend, and my system isn't at peak perfomance. Needless to say, after finishing this book and really needing to VENT about the experience, I didn't make it to book club after all. I was done. I was tired. Brandon was off, and well, it seemed like a better idea to just stay home. Which we did.

I survived!

We had a great long weekend away... and I even survived camping at 35 weeks pregnant. It helped more than I can say being in a campsite right beside a nice, well serviced women's bathroom because there is one thing I do a lot, and that is urinate. It is amazing how many times I can go in a day. It is impressive Ken doesn't roll his eyes or make comments, it is just a reality at this point. When I gotta go, I gotta go. And then maybe 6 minutes later! It is silly in so many ways, but it is what it is.

Our campside was lovely - fairly private and nice and dry. We got lucky with the weather this weekend. We also lucked out with border line ups (both ways). We camped at Birch Bay state park (a favorite because of it's proximity to both home and the outlets) and it was lovely. Campfires each night, a fair bit of shopping at the outlets, and then making a castle on the beach. It was nice to be away, and it was really nice that it was just the three of us.

I am feeling a bit of nesting - experiences that the three of us can share now, before number 2 is born and then everything changes again. It isn't quite the unknown that Brandon was, but I know it will be a huge adjustment period again, getting used to another person, and their personality, and how things are going to evolve.

Aging.

Hello 36!

Shit. I think that means I am in my mid-30's. When did that happen?

I actually decided to not be a princess and I am working on my birthday. It has been a decent day so far, but can't say that I felt all that motivated to bust my ass all over the place today. I am getting stuff done, just not at a rocket pace.

My folks are going to come up and join me for lunch on the hill. This is somewhat miraculous, considering my dad didn't even make it for my graduation. We are going to grab take out, and then pull up some grass I think. It will be a novel experience.

Tonight we are heading stateside to go camping. I can't wait. Yes, there is a part of me that is thinking, I am nuts, I am 35 weeks pregnant, and then the other voice says, ya, you are only pregnant and you get to have a campfire tonight and roast marshmallows! How cool is that? Plus, since we are stateside... SHOPPING. Outlets. And cheap cheese. I need new shoes. I have coupons. I am pleased.

It was a nice morning with my guys, I got a volcano for my fish tank! I can't wait to set it up!! Should be really cool (somewhat like the volcano from Finding Nem0). Something I have always somewhat coveted but never bought myself - perfect.

Well, here is to the weather holding for the next few days and a few really good stories to tell about camping.

Me thinks it will be an interesting day.

Get out there and exercise your civic responsibility and vote already.

We already did - there were so many advance polls, they were hard to resist.

Today hasn't had a stellar start. I am at the satellite office, and traffic was okay. Barely. Then I made it to the top level of the parkade where transient folks like me get to park. And then I got (**&^)#@ for $14 to park for the day.

You have got to be shitting me. I hate paying to park on a good day, but I stood there sputtering for a few minutes. Those are Vancouver rates, or parking on the beach at White Rock rates, not in a suburban community at their mall/office tower.

To make matters worse, I brought it up to my boss through our chat feature, making a comment about parking, and I got the, you mean you didn't know you could have gone to security and gotten a pass for $1???

Thanks. Thanks a lot for telling me. Didn't you used to run part of the area over here?? "Didn't one of the folks over there tell you about that?" hmmm lemme see, what after I have already been gouged and parked, maybe someone will bring it up? How would I even have known to ask??

So when I come back from my maternity leave I get to do this twice a week?? OH JOY. I wonder how long that will last...

/vent over (for now)

I won't even start in about the golfing season coming up for our hockey team... it was an exciting game.. but man.. so much for our goalie being just this side of godlike in the net. Bah.

34 weeks and counting..

Well, for what it is worth, my Doc figures I am pretty good at this pregnancy thing. Too funny, I guess I am pretty relaxed about it all this go around.

Baby is looking good, nice strong heartbeat, bum is hanging out to the left, feet to the right. I feel like all belly this time around. It's amazing how you just gain weight when you are pregnant. I can't say that I am eating all that different, but the scale is still reading higher and higher every time I head in there!

I bought a pair of yoga pants last week (on sale, of course) where I wouldn't have expected to find a pair, and all skepticism aside, they rock. So damn comfortable. They will be a staple around the house in the next few months. Hell, I have no jeans that fit at the moment, so they worked for Friday casual pants. I dressed'em up with a pair of white flats (ha ha). Looks like I will officially get away with no maternity clothes this time around. A few new t-shirts and yoga pants don't count. The old, nice tops I had from the first go around are too big, and well, I just can't be bothered beyond switching up the order that I wear my stretchy skirts in.

People ask if I am ready - nope. Crib is still outside in the shed, we have that box of diapers, and Brandon's baby clothes are in the attic. I do have a list. A very modest list. I guess I am counting on having at least a little time after I am done work before baby comes... man, the days already seem to filling up fast.

We are paying for the month of June for daycare, and yet, I wonder how many days beyond the 5th I will use it. I am sure there will be a few, and I plan on some selfish time, and some resting (god knows when that will happen next), and some lazing around, but I am looking forward to a few adventures with my little guy before number 2 makes their grand arrival. And I have the urge to paint. If things come together, it will be painting a small, 3 drawer chest and the bookcase in Brandon's room. Maybe a few small projects. Who knows, maybe even printing out some Wedding Pictures... seeing has it has only been 3 years... but who is counting?

I am having a novel few minutes to myself, the boys are sleeping, and I am fighting off being tired myself. I am going to spend time with my book, and then off to the land of nod myself.

The Bump is definitely there.

I definitely feel pregnant at this stage of the game. I feel like I look more pregnant this time around, and less like I have put on weight, if that makes sense. It has helped starting out lighter - it feels like a round baby belly and not like I just look chubby. I feel obviously pregnant.

I have had less aches (overall), I feel like my complexion has been worse, and it seems like random nights I can't sleep to save my life. Like Tuesday night. Woke up about midnight. And that was it. Didn't fall asleep again until 9am, I knew that Wednesday would be a terrible day between fighting a cold and no sleep, that it was just easier to stay home. Then when I woke up, it was hot, I felt like hell because I was still tired, hot, and yes, I am bitching right now.

Folks ask if this pregnancy feels different... Not really - I still have a fair amount of energy, although I tend to go to bed earlier (up earlier), and it seems to be going faster. I still count off the weeks - breathing a sigh of relief with every next milestone, for example, hitting 32 weeks, next when we hit 36 weeks and most of the big baby-work is done and baby is just putting on weight for life outside of the womb... I am chasing around Brandon, I am more conscious of needing to figure out easy to prepare dinners for when I go back to work again the second time around...

I am pretty relaxed about the whole "setting up for baby". Time is flying, and well, I figure towards the end of the month we will get out Brandon's baby clothes, I have a box of diapers... we'll need some bits and pieces, and then to put together a hospital bag... it just feels like we have lots of time. Or that there is still a lot to do before I am off work!

Speaking of which, 24 more days of work, give or take. Wow. It is really starting to fly. Needless to say, in the wee hours of the night, I have read a few books. Nothing that I would jump up and down about, but some good reads.

I am really glad it's Friday. I have been the big kahuna (more or less) at work, and there have been lots of fires to put out, and lots of t's to cross... the next week, semester start up. Will be interesting to see how things go. I have stuff to wrap up, and it doesn't feel like I got even close to working on that stuff this week. Fits and starts.

Sneaky Belly shot - 30/31 weeks

Seize the day! Was it a sign that this was the name of the boat across from our floating cabin?

It finally happened. Brandon had his first overnighter, and Ken and I booked it and got out of town for 24 hours. It was freaking wonderful. I didn't feel guilty about leaving the Don behind, maybe I missed him a little, but man, it was just so nice to just be me, with my man, and wandering around a place neither of us knew.

Bowen is a great getaway because it is really close, and far enough. The price to get there is also 1/8th of what it costs to get to the island which is also a bonus, and you could get away with not bringing your car over. We had some great food experiences, and then some not so great food experiences (nothing like waiting over an hour for a clubhouse... and a tuna burger) and spent time just wandering around, aimless wandering with no where we had to be, and nothing we had to do, except maybe satisfy our appetites.

Our floating palace was really cool - we stayed right in the marina, and it was just so nice to get out and walk in the woods, or along the docks for that matter. Hold hands. Not be on call, and just forget about being a parent for a few hours. I think the break for us was as good as it was for the Don - he was treated like a rock star, and since it was his cousin's birthday, loved flirting with all of her friends before they went out to the bar. Sounds like a great weekend for all of us, for totally different reasons.

A little faint?

Today started out with a bang - experience my first real blood pressure drop in years and nearly fainted as I was getting ready for work! I guess there are times when you are pregnant when you can experience a real change in blood pressure, and well, all you can do is lay down, and then wait for things to return to normal.

Which they did... but I was still thankful my doc's office got me in for a quick checkup, because in moments like that, there is nothing like being able to hear your baby's heartbeat on the Doppler, and know all is well again.

Easter was good - for once, no trip to the island. I think we are almost at the point of feeling a bit "familied" out - lots of family dinners and visits, and will be nice to just chill for a bit. I think I will try to make it out and visit my gran once more before things get too far along.. but time will tell and how easy that will be.

B was really cool about Easter - his eyes lite up about the Easter Bunny and finding chocolate eggs. Then today, what did Brandon do as he rooted around the island cupboard? I should have known he was too quiet, but the chocolate hound found the hot chocolate container, tipped it out all over the place, and was enjoying a wee snack. He is lucky he is so cute.

Chocolate highs and lows

There is a lot of chocolate floating around my workplace right now.

Almost too much. I love chocolate. I don't need frilly chocolate or special chocolates, I just like plain old milk chocolate. This has felt like an indulgent week - just not great meals, snacks, chocolate. You know how it goes. Slippery slope, and thank god for a few walks thrown in for good measure!

8 more weeks of work. Holy shit is the time going fast!!! I definitely have a baby belly this time around - everything seems to have shifted differently this time around. I think I am carrying high, and I have been feeling pretty darn good, except being tired at the end of the day/week. But is that baby or is that working full-time with a 2 year old?

Skirt season for me has officially started. No more "normal" bottoms. They don't work anymore. Skirts and black leggings, and jammies that sums up my bottom half. I may need to break and pick up a few items, okay, who doesn't like a few new things (but, items I can wear after, not just enjoy for the next 8 - 12 weeks).

Am currently writing up my official leave. The home stretch is truly upon us!

Glorious Sun

The weather is as glorious today as it has been terrible for months!

Yesterday I sat in the sun for my lunch hour with my book, and today I went for a lovely walk around campus with a coworker. It is so blissful to have the sun in your face and to have summer shoes on. Oh spring, where art thou have been? Of course, it will be a bit fleeting since it is supposed to cloud over tomorrow... but today, ah today.

Brandon has been itching to be outside... the last few nights he has been hanging out in the backyard, spending as much time as he can outside before coming in. It's like he feels it too, spring fever is getting us in its grip.

Easter is around the corner and probably one of the first times I am not making the trek to the island to see my gram. It just isn't as easy anymore, and it costs so damn much. With the fare increase, back and forth with a car and 2 passengers is close to $150!!! HOLY CRAP! We can fly to Vegas for less than it costs to go to Vancouver Island!! O U C H ! ! ! I love her dearly, but, it's a lot of effort to do frequently and we were there a month ago... there are so many other places where the money needs to go right about now, and it is an exhausting trip with still having to work full-time.

I got to experience the joys of 3 boys between the ages of 2 and 5 on Saturday night. It was interesting - so much energy, so much rambunctiousness, a few tears, and a few laughs. Makes me grateful that two is a good number.. I couldn't imagine a whole house full of kids!!! Two is plenty... Brandon is a strong kid - definitely somewhat physical, definitely still a toddler. But man, can he TALK!!!!! it's cool.

Tonight shall be a picnic night. Get out, enjoy the nice weather while it lasts. We haven't done that since last SEPTEMBER.... back when Brandon was taking his first steps... and I got my remade wedding rings from my sweetheart. Pretty cool. Egads, time flies. And O M G it's been a long, long winter!!!!