Just bits and pieces of rants.

I can't say that I have been all that thrilled with our ADSL. Some days it really sucks and I am either resetting the damn router or we are rebooting, or we are "repairing our network connections." Pisses me off something fierce. You call and bitch, and well, you don't always get the most helpful staff. I am also not so thrilled with their cell rate plans for existing customers right now... seems like the plan that we want to switch too (one of the 5 friends plans) we can't because we already have a contract, therefore, no joy. Needless to say, I see one of those phone calls on the horizon about the service we are getting because I am not thrilled.

I also need to call and bitch to the makers of the last box wipes I bought. I buy bulk to save some cash, and 2 out 3 big bags weren't properly sealed. Being somewhat thrifty, I dug out a few huge freezer bags, but when you shell out close to $20 for the wipes, and you don't go no name, you expect a little more. That is another one of those calls that is on my list.

Those are the calls you make when you are completely bitchy, can be assertive, and are willing to go to bat for yourself on an inane issue you kind of have to stand up for yourself about or stop whining about it.

I also got to spend an hour learning about our new call retrieval system at work today. What really means, an hour learning about voice mail. Give me the book and I will figure it out myself thanks... although it was well presented... B--o--r---i---n---g and yet seen as a necessary evil. Can't say that was meaningful organizational development for me!

On a total aside, we had a great steak for dinner (one of the key reasons I would not make it as a veg) and well made tiramisu. The night finished off well, although it took a while to get Brandon down... now I am making lists and making sure I have printed out all my coupons for this weekends' shopping trip!

records management.

It felt like a bit of a chaotic day today.

I got to host a meeting of 4 people in my not-so-big-office today and learn all about how we manage our records. And FOIPOP (for those not in the know, the Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act in Canada). And how to store our transitional files off site, and then have them ordered destroyed. At least there is a systematic approach to everything... although that isn't obvious because there is a fair bit of clutter that still needs to be culled.

I have another title to add to the pile, Records Custodian. I get to be the Grand Pooba of records in my office. There are binders I have inherited. Really dry stuff, kind of like that last Kubrick movie - Eyes Wide Shut... Sorry if you enjoyed that one, but I would rather have watched paint dry.

4th week at work, and so far, so good. I was reflecting a bit, and I do miss a few folks from the old digs, the old familiar routines, but you keep moving forward and there isn't a lot of time to glance back and dwell. Every morning I walk in from the parking lot, I am glad for the changes. I have finally gotten smart - I have brought in some tea for my afternoon lull.

Will miracles never cease, I actually made it back to the gym today, and listened to my friend and actually lifted up my heels on the elliptical machine and therefore don't have angry calves tonight. That felt good too - to be doing something that I have had the intent to do for so long I really didn't bring it up anymore because it was too much like crying wolf.

The soaring loonie

Squeaking in... last minutes... that is me.

Our soaring loonie is a bit unreal. From my banking friends, I know that this isn't exactly the best thing for Canada's economy... but I love seeing our dollar's strength. The buying power, and cheaper holidays in warmer climes. I don't understand why for some items there is such a price discrepancy... I know that down south they have a larger population which equals more buying power... but since when does a pair of baby's Stride Right shoes go for $20 and here go for $60? Why does a tire cost $98 bucks down there, and the same one is $200 here??? I don't mind the couple of bucks difference on books and magazines (and that gap is closing now or retailers are going with the southern price)... or even on items that were bought when the dollar was at a lower rate but those kind of differences blow my mind. It makes shopping excursions down south really make sense. You can save a lot of money!

I think back 5 years when we headed to San Diego for a dear friend's wedding... A dollar got us about 62 cents down south... over the summer... a buck netted us about 90 cents... right now... we get close to $1.09!!!!!!! Wow. It makes me somewhat giddy in a way because we are heading down south for the weekend and are getting tires. It is 1/2 the price it would be here, for better tires. On the other hand, I am proud of how Canada's economy is rolling to have such a strong dollar but filled with mixed feelings when I think of the American economy and how much things have changed in 5 short years for the dollar to do that kind of swing, or when you hear about what is happening in escrow and the sub-prime market - that is some scary stuff!

And I like mondays?

I love having a 3 day weekend... after years of having every other Friday off, I think that Mondays are the better deal. Sunday goes by way too fast, but wait, you have an extra day to get everything done!! Woo woo!! Which in reality means that Monday becomes the day with a big to do list, and time to get'er done before the week really starts up.

Had a decent appointment this morning with Brandon's pediatrician. He has a great manner, really gentle, and so obviously loves kids. It is a joy to have a doctor that truly loves his job, is compassionate, and takes the time to actually talk to you. In a few words, he actually summarized many of my feelings over the last year - the process that resembles grief more than a little bit as your realize that your baby isn't quite perfect, but they are who they are and do find their way and truly, they are perfect, just not that ideal that you envisioned without a fully formed vision. But hell, aren't kids like that, it just depends when, to what degree, just like us, they/ we are perfect in our imperfections and stories. Somewhat like feeling that you don't look so shit hot at some point in your life and going back and looking at pictures, and realizing you didn't look so bad, why was my perception so warped at the time? I can feel my rose coloured glasses slip sometimes, but you have to push em back up again and keep on grabbing life by the horns.

Of course, moments before we left for the appointment Brandon filled his drawers and I ended up deciding to get my carpets cleaned since they were upstairs and the guy was willing to cut me a last minute deal. So race around, vacuum, change a really stinky diaper, get the bottle, grab our coats, and roll. Everything came together beautifully, and traffic was not hell. My carpets look fantastic. From what my mom has to say, the guy was a little surprised at the different the cleaning made. Well, our carpets are well trafficked and it was a job that really needed to be done. The money was well worth not having to rent the machine and spend the hours doing it. $60 bucks when it was said and done... and worth every penny!!!!!

Then grocery shopping in the afternoon (gotta love a 15% coupon off the first $100 first monday and tuesday of the month!!!!) and a trip to our favorite fish store - the fish were out of food and I felt the urge to buy a few new friends... Brandon picked out his first fish (as well as he could) since the tank was at his level, and he hung on to the side for dear life - it was awesome, he had a big smile on his face and he babbled away. Perhaps a lifelong affair with aquariums is in his future too??

For a day off, it feels like work is easier. But I got a lot done.

Wanna bet that at the end of the month I will post mere words and call it a day?

The laundry is done... for the moment...

Nothing like a blank canvas to fill and a bunch of words in your head that decide to log jam before they hits your fingers so you can type them out.

Its been a quiet weekend and my boys are both asleep. This time change has been odd - I don't think that it worked as well as folks anticipated for Halloween, for starters. Although it was nice not driving home in the dark, being dark an hour later meant that the kids just waited until it was dark. Hallowe'ening when it is still light out isn't all that appealing to any kid over 3 or 4, IMHO. Every day this week as I walked to my truck after I work, I was aware that a week from now it would be dark when I went home. I couldn't help but think, is it so bad that it is still light out and I am walking to my car, I am not leaving in the dark??? Regardless, I can't help but think about the solstice, and when the days finally start to stretch out longer again. It would be so different living closer to the equator and not having the defined seasons, and the stretched out days, and then nights. Or having a climate that never really changed much. Sure we have the rain, and the drizzle, and the mist, and the grey days, but it just isn't the same as those sunny climes.

The laundry is done. It is such a relief - last week I spent my Monday off trying to get it all done, only to have it still sitting around in varying piles around the house pretty much until yesterday, only to start the process again. Some weeks I am a rockstar with keeping the house tidy, other weeks, I just wish it was more of a priority so it wasn't so messy. I'm not saying that my house becomes a complete disaster, just needing that hour or so of undistracted tidying up and putting things back to their proper places, putting shoes away, and hanging hats back up, that mundane stuff that for me seems to start to slip in priority sequence by Wednesday. When the chips are down, I figure that must mean my priorities aren't that off, because it is family first, and then rest will figure itself out at the end of the day.

So, that's about it. My calves still hurt from Friday. Apparently I probably should have lifted my heels up more on that damn elliptical machine. I am reading a great book with a totally unorthodox narrator, which I am just about to get back to.

The art of the 'stache

You know it is fall in Canada when the Grey Cup run starts. The slightly less ostentatious cousin of the Superbowl down south.

Well, our local Lions are sporting their 'staches. I think this is awesome. No playoff beards for these guys - the all the bit the shavers and trimmed up the goatees and soul tabs, and are all sporting the mustache for their playoff run. That is right up there with the gals of hockey ceasing to shave their legs on their playoff run. I wish we could fill the stands like they do for the games down south, it is an amazing experience when you are in a crowd of close to a 100,000 people cheering on your team...but for what we have, we can play a damn good game of football and we have crammed the folks in to the dome on more than one occasion.

It's been a quiet day - I really needed the nap I ended up having in the afternoon with Brandon - you know when your mood is flat, and you really aren't that exciting of a person, and you know that coffee isn't going to help you any? Give up the fight, and just catch some Zzzzzzs. Sleep is not over rated. The last week has been full of interruptions because of Brandon's cough and him waking himself up and crying, and hopefully we are at the tail end of it now. I have felt it in my mood, and at times, my lack of my usual patience and nauseating levels of cheeriness. I was just flat today, up until that nap. We even slept in a little!! Funny how you can rob the sleep bank only for so long and then you need to replenish it.

My body doth protest.

Lesson in Life #4682

It is not always wise to buy shoes on ebay, no matter how attractive the price may be.

A 10, is not always a 10 in the world of shoes as I have come to appreciate.

See, I finally got off my ass today and went to the gym here at work on my lunch hour. I have been saying this for years, and well, it has been years since my shade graced the halls of a gym. My goal is to do 25 minutes on the elliptical trainer, the 4 days a week I work. The last 3 weeks I wake up at the godforsaken hour that I do, and well, choose not to grab a bag of workout gear.

However, I figure that after the chocolate binge the other day, I should at least attempt some kind of exercise.

Ironically enough, it wasn't the exercise that was the killer. It was my shoes. I had pins and needles happening down there, and my big toes hurt, pressed up at the end of my shoes.

I went for the good deal and bought my last cross trainers on ebay. Such a great deal I now need a new pair that doesn't deter me from exercise, because frankly, I don't need the help. I guess I will bite the bullet and *gulp* buy the damn things in person and actually try them on before I buy them! Who knew?

When I got off the machine, I nearly fell forward between the hurting feet and just that odd feeling of getting off one of those machines and the world just isn't right for a few steps. I hope I can keep this up - in a few months, it may help to trim off a little extra me. Or, just mean that I am better at keeping up with Junior!

I will give it a shot.

After watching Nej post. And Post. And post. And post last year, I wondered, what would it be like to watch my voice evolve over a month of posting and take part in the NaBloPoMo challenge.

So, here it is. After fighting with that badge to make it link back to their website, I am rolling over and have decided to let it stand as is - a badge.

Last night was cool - Brandon was an elephant and we did the big family tour instead of the hallowe'ening around the 'hood. Out net connection at home is on the fritz, so I haven't been able to upload any recent pics, or ones of the cool pumpkins we did the other night. I love the great pumpkin holiday - the different smells in the air, people out and about in costume, the fireworks (the loot in a few years), and in a quiet moment after everything is said and done, remembering our dead but not forgotten on this eve where they say the veil between the worlds is the thinnest. I think it sucks that so many municipalities have banned the sale of fireworks, yes, I know it gets out of hand sometimes, but come'on. There are so many other ways to hurt ourselves, why don't you give most of us the agency to continue to make that choice for ourselves. Oh yes. Big Brother is watching. Must protect the masses from themselves. Insert an eye roll here.

It was a quiet night around our place - a few bursts of sound, a few kids, but all in all, we have an older neighborhood. Then again, if Brandon was a little older, I may be tempted to take him in to one of those new neighborhoods of condos - I bet that is where a lot of the kids end up! Why spend an hour walking around a big neighborhood to hit 50 houses when you can hit 50 houses in 5 minutes???? Or even the mall??? Honestly, both these options seem wrong to me (for different reasons, see below) especially going to the mall. Perhaps that is my own bias because I am not a mall rat and don't really want to go there unless I absolutely have to.

*PS* I should qualify here - I guess I find the mall wrong, well, just because it is a little too much of a sterile environment and the commercial aspects of it all (plus, apparently their candy sucks)... and about taking your kids to a neighborhood with lots of houses, I am all for that, what gets me here on the west coast is how all of the new development that is happening is blocks of condos, and really dense housing with very little space between folks, very little green space, and so uniform I can't help but react to it. Even though our space isn't that big, we have green space around us, we can't see our neighbors, and we have privacy, things I really value. We are close enough to everything without being in people's pockets. I was a city kid in my early 20s when I wanted to party and be where the action was, now, I would rather be halfway out and in the burbs.

*PSS* I talked to my mom and they only got 12 kids... I think it is more fun on Halloween to go where the crowds are, feel the vibe, check out every one else's costumes.. etc. It is a great night for every sized kid

Postcard day.

Getting in my car this morning I couldn't believe that I am actually getting used to being in the car at 7am and not in between the covers, pretending I didn't have to get up soon.

It helps that we don't play snooze tag. That was a horrible habit to break, but looking back, it seems so senseless to torture yourself with the snooze tag game, bribing yourself for 9 more minutes of sleep, and altering the time so you weren't quite sure how fast your clock was to help motivate you out of bed. I guess when you realize that if you don't get in to work you don't get paid, it becomes enough motivation that you get your ass out of bed and shimmy up to the coffee gods to help pry those eyes open and make sure that you are alert enough for the ride in.

So, about the postcard moment. Today dawned crisp and clear with a full harvest moon slowly sinking in the midnight blue sky. It was a beautiful morning, with the painted skies of the east, and my breath hanging in the air. I love fall - the changing colours, the crispness (when we actually dry out some), and the unexpected warmth when the sun comes out. My new work place has so many more outside spaces, and windows, and better places for cheaper coffee (for that 3pm pick me up to get me through the day). I am getting out for more walks, and my legs warm up by the time I am halfway to my office from the walk in from the car. Quite a novel concept - I actually am aware of passing time...it is kind of hard not to be when you get in to your car and it is still dark out!!!!

T G I F. And I know I am in the honeymoon period of getting to know new people at work, but I am with a good crew. We have a good vibe going on, and some laughs. I think we are pulling together as a team, and I have a new friend in the deal. Much more and better than I expected. Plus I got paid today, and the increase is nice. Of course, this coincides with the need for minor car repairs and tires. Funny how that works out.

Tonight Ken went to hockey and Brandon and I hooked up with some old friends at The Grill. Not nearly as good as our dinner at the Cannery a few weeks ago (how do you compare an Italian meal (I do pasta well, so does Ken) to a romantic gourmet seafood dinner, the view, and the food we enjoyed over the several hours we feasted) but the ambiance was good and they were well geared towards kids. I have forgotten what it is like to drive downtown - the traffic, the bloody construction, and the thinking that you found a shortcut which really takes you in and out through the west end in a damned Gordian knot. I also pulled off a parking stunt - I hate how little street parking there is (or any kind of parking) in the city, and being someone who hates to pay to park, and never has cash on them for a valet, I scored a sweet spot about a block away from the restaurant. Of course it was permit only. Which I have never had. I did however cross my fingers and hope that the parking gestapo had far better things to do than to ticket a car on a side ride, a little off the beaten track on a friday night in the city. Nothing like that big sigh of relief when you check the dash and you have gotten away with your parking job!!! And free parking to boot!!!

Traffic sucked coming home. A few events going on, and traffic was almost like rush hour. At 10:30 pm!!!! WTF??

I was also relieved that today is Friday. Brandon has not been sleeping well this week and it has made it a really long. long, long week for me. Tuesday night he was up so much I felt like a mack truck had plowed through me. I had a full on nap that day. I was knackered. I have been starting to put him down just after 8, you know, that process of a bath and bottle and rock and b'feed (although that is just about done now, sigh), and comfort, and books... and close to 10 is when he nods off. Then the wake ups with the teething, etc. And our colds (yes, I am going on a good whinge) but the nice spin off about going out tonight - he was asleep in the truck within 5 minutes of pulling away from the curb, and when I got home, it was about 2 minutes to sleep after I pulled off his pants and pulled up the covers.

Brilliant. The quiet time is glorious. I am going to go and dive in to my book. Tomorrow I am going to try to update Brandon's blog after we go out searching for the great pumpkin.

Autumn.

It's been damn hard to sit down and compose a few thoughts. Just been too damn busy.

It has been pouring. Literally buckets full of rain. Yesterday when the rains stopped and we had a clear, sunny day... it is hard to describe how it smelled - of course everything had that fresh smell after a rain, but there was something else - the ground was sodden, and almost a rich, fertile smell. Wet ground. Fallen leaves. Humidity. An expected day where the mercury goes up over 20 Celsius. And the incredibly short days of Autumn. The trees are beautiful - a symphony of colours and potentially striking pictures to take, if those rains hold off and the sun comes out.

Hopefully this weekend we will make it out to an old fashioned pumpkin patch - we made it to a smaller version of one a few weeks back and took Brandon on his first train ride, but now I want to go and get our feet dirty and wander around the great orange squashes.

I love this time of the year, and I guess I see it through slightly different eyes. Ever since my friend Kelz came over and spent time here (she is originally from Oz) and seeing the changing seasons through her eyes (there not being much changes down south where she is from) and watching the wonder as she gathered and then sent home different shapes and colours... I make sure I take the time to enjoy the fleeting splashes of colour, different than spring, no less lovely.

I like my new job. It is a breath of fresh air. I can't believe just how stressful my last job was - and not because my job was rocket science, but what it had become. Change is supposed to be as good as a vacation some times, and this job change has done wonders for my soul. I like the new environment, my broom closet office is more than adequate, and I have been left alone to slowly take in my new job, get the lay of the land, and feel good about where I am at before their version of chaos starts. Although after talking to my coworker (whom ironically enough came from a similar situation and had to take the same kind of leap of faith coming off of a maternity leave), I think that their version of chaos, and what I have gone through in the past are vastly different and this job will continue to be a cake walk compared to the shit I used to deal with.

Strange Books.

I felt mildly guilty for not getting to the book I was supposed to read for my book club this month. I got over it, with everything else that has been going on.

I have picked up a few interesting reads of note in the last while. I am trying to read more Canadian lit in an attempt to balance off some of the more grisly titles that I have been going for.

I find it interesting what is considered to be "literature" and what is "mainstream" and what is considered to be "pocketbooks". I guess the thing about books is that there are always a range of opinions out there - I like looking at some of the big booksellers websites and seeing what other folks have to say about what I am reading - I generally tend to do this after I finish, or if I am having a particularly hard time getting through the book in front of me to see if it is worth the time to finish. Generally I do finish what I start so I can have a full and vocal opinion about the work, but if it is that bad or just not my thing, I let it go. Kind of like Lamb's She's Come Undone. Very popular. As far as I am concerned, complete shit and not my cup of tea. I don't think I got through more than 40 pages of that one. And the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I have tried this one a few times, only to fall off the wagon about 100 pages in. I can't see a third or fourth attempt being tried.

I read the Summer of my Amazing Luck by Toews. It is a quirky, somewhat funny, look in to single parent life in the wilds of Winnipeg. I had no idea of what to expect from this book, but it was a good read, and a pretty fast one at that. This book gives voice to a story you don't often hear, it is a story of survival, and it draws you in.

I also just finishing reading Fall on your Knees by MacDonald. What a strange book. What an incredibly fucked up book at times. There were times I wondered if I could make it through the 700 odd pages of this tome, and times I raced through the pages, wondering what could possibly happen next. Was it as good as some of the critics would have you believe? I don't think so. Is it a complete write-off and waste of time like others suggest?? Nope. It lies somewhere in the middle. There are parts of this book that are beautifully written, and the characters are remarkable, even if they aren't always likable. This is a dark, sad novel at times. It deals with really dark topics - like incest, and rape, and death, sexuality, twisted familial relationships, but it is also about survival, and hope and multiculturalism, and growing up resilient on the east coast of Canada. At times I was shocked and appalled by this book, there were a few things that really didn't need to be written about, but I guess that is the sign of (at the very least) a provocative book. I reacted strongly at times, I was pissed off and frustrated, and I also felt sympathy and sadness, and I think I even laughed a few times. I was relieved when this book was done, to get away from some of the images, and to wonder about why so much Canadian literature is so sad, or deals with such fucked up themes. I couldn't help but recall this one wrong scene of a boy and a cow in another book (Cure for Death by Lightning, a disappointingly weird BC book) and question this twisted thread that seems to run through some so'called big L literary books. I can't come out and say that this is a good or great book, but it is well crafted, it definitely has a story to tell, it is an interesting read, it is hard to stay neutral about this book, and it isn't bad. You could definitely spark off a good conversation about this read, and perhaps at the end of the day, that makes this a worthy read.

A cold.

Last night I felt truly pathetic. I got hammered by the first cold I have had in ages. My head was pounding, I had the attention span of gnat, I couldn't breath, I had a lovely red (and somewhat tender) nose like Rudolf, and I felt overall lousy.

I felt like a pathetic whiner with a mere cold, and frankly, I half enjoyed that awareness - only as much as I hoped like hell that the cold wasn't about to take a turn for the worse.

I was even in bed by 9'o'clock. Apparently I needed a really good sleep because I woke up this morning feeling at least marginally better, and when I got home tonight, I felt like I was a little more on the ball to interact with Brandon.

The new job is going well - a lot less stressful than what I have been dealing with, and although it is completely different (while having similar undercurrents to what I was doing) there is a big learning curve to learn what my institution is all about. I am getting there - the big picture is starting to make sense, and come next week, I will more than likely be diving in to my training feet first. I am even working with people my own age!!!!! It is a very quiet office, so me and the woman I will be working closely with have already bonded because we are about the same age, with toddlers, and booming voices. Plus we both took a leap of faith and made the jump right after a mat leave to come to this new place of employment. Nice to work with someone who truly gets where you are coming from - a bit of a novel feeling when your next closest coworker is about 20 years older than you.... and we both shared a laugh because we have both been told we are "too loud"... which is a genetic gift and one you can try to tone down, but seems to break free and loose every now and then... It is nice to not have as much customer contact and hide out and take the time to learn my job - my daycare lady made a comment that I am already looking less stressed - she had no idea this morning what was running through my head, but I guess she is right. I am not running myself ragged at work, and even though I am the newbie, I think I am relaxing in to my new role... although there have been a few moments where I feel like a lost child looking for a parent, or like a deer in the headlights.

Testing something out.

So, on a whim, I am making this my avatar here. Just cause.

Turkey.

It's been a strange holiday of sorts. Watched the coed game friday night, did some stuff around the house saturday, and then we went to Ken's men's hockey game, and then to his side's family dinner for dessert - they didn't do a turkey - they ordered in chinese food??!!! So it was a strange evening in a way, it didn't feel like a special "holiday", more like a social family gathering. Today I was up to my ears in laundry (now that I wear more than plaid pants around the house it seems like I go through my entire wardrobe on a weekly basis) and food shopping, and making apple pies. My side family dinner was actually better than they have been - more laughter, more relaxed, and Brandon is a great distraction and a lot of fun. Plus we get to talk about the upcoming wedding, and that is always interesting too.

Been odd times with my ma (again). Some of the things that come out of her mouth, or the thing she says and/or does without thinking through floor me. Today, I was cleaning in the kitchen after dinner and overheard snippets of a conversation she was having with my Aunt and Ken's mom, and she was talking about my gran, and how she is doing since her hip replacement. Well, these were updates I haven't even heard yet (not that I even caught everything)- it really pissed me off. Why do I have to beg my mom for information about my gran?? I am just going to say fuck it, and get the info for myself. It bugs me that she doesn't call me (within reason) after she talks to my Aunt on the island to fill me in - the thought doesn't even seem to cross her mind - yup, thanks mom. Grrrrrr. As you can tell, that just pisses me off. I guess ultimately, I am an adult and have to take charge of what matters to me, and if I don't like how things are being handled, so it is time to do something about it.

It bothers me that I haven't been feeling all that close to my mom. Brandon has done amazing things for my relationship with my dad, but not with my mom. It has driven us further apart at times over the last 2 years. I have talked to a few friends, and this doesn't seem to be all that unique of a phenomena, but it isn't easy. I guess your mom has ideas on how to raise kids, and well, you are just figuring out your own, and then there is all the rest of the baggage you have too from growing up together and being moms and daughters. Not easy relationships all the time. I'm not quite sure how to make it better, or how to ride it out, or how to bridge the gap at times. I know I am telling half stories here, but there have been a bunch of little things - like my mom asked me to come up the other day (we co-own the house together with separate spaces) and talk about some financial stuff, I sit down on the couch next to my dad to say hey, I am here for the talk and he looks at me and asks me, "what talk." Then I look like an ass when I ask him if he has talked to mom about it yet.. and then the financial stuff, well, my stuff was done 3 weeks ago and their part is in limbo - it'll get done tomorrow (heard that a few times). Well we need that stuff done to get a few other projects done. It is hard not being in control and waiting on other folks to do their part, especially when it is your folks!

Then there was a late invitation for Ken's mom to come to dinner. It became a bit of a "big deal", which is so strange, and ended up so wonderfully in the end. It was a bit of a trauma during the week, but I am glad that things worked out because she does fit in with our crew, and as far as I am concerned, we are all family, so the more the merrier. I look forward to the days when we have a bigger place and we can really entertain, even if it is just dinner parties. 6 people here in the living room and you have a crowd and not everyone has a seat. It was weird how long it took to get something happening with Ken's side of the family too, anticlimactic in a sense. So I took the bull by the horns to at least settle on the time and place for their side Christmas dinner since my side gets Christmas this year (ah yes, that Christmas dance of splitting time between families... I wonder how long that will work for us until we just say, hey, we are doing our thing, come to us...or who knows..)

I think I am just babbling at this point. Typing to see myself think on paper. It must be some kind of post-turkey-something-or-other.

Phew.

It's been a damn long week.

So much to say, so little time to sit and just hammer away the keyboard and post some meaning(ful) bits on the old blog.

4 more days of the old job after tomorrow's holiday, and then in for a whole new cup of tea. Well, not so new, but new location, new employer, some new responsibilities, and perhaps that chance for much, much more. It will be interesting to see what a year will do and where I/we are at a year from now.

It was good, got to catch up with a few g'friends on the phone this week - and I am trying to catch up with the rest and not doing so well. The "old" job is getting marginally better - I am getting more of a chance to get caught up, and this week I will wrap up my job and attempt to leave it "in good standing". I don't believe in burning any bridges. I think it will be a few lunches, and on Friday they are going to do a bit of an open house so people can swing by and see me off. 10 years!!! I can't believe it was 10 years ago, as a wet behind the ears kid I started out in my present career.

Now that is a real wake up call that a) I need some new clothes because I know some of the clothes I used to wear 10 years ago are still in my closet and b) Change is not such a bad thing, apparently it is also linked to growth c) with new clothes, comes new shoes! YAY! Hell, I am even considering a jacket - the leather jacket I have is a hand me down from my grandpa... perhaps now we can swing it and get me one that fits me... and no matter how cool that jacket is, it has never been a perfect fit....

Man, sometimes it just smacks you in the face that you make do with what you have, make some shopping excursions, but with an eye on the price tag and the coupons, and the sales to make every dollar stretch to its limit. I think I will try to cut loose a bit in the next few weeks up and pick up some current items - like funky shoes that fit and don't make my feet hurt like hell by the end of the day, that I didn't buy on ebay (that almost fit but you can't really take back).

This whole week feels like a blur of extra hours (trying to not feel the pinch of paying back the overtaken vacation as much) and my last night shifts, and trying to keep our house together, and god only knows what else.

The rains are back

Storm #1 of the season is strolling on through and dumping copious amounts of rain on us. I knew that fall had officially started when that event coincided with that funky smell your house gets the first time you turn your heat on again after the summer months.

With an older furnace like ours, you breath a sigh of relief when it does kick on!! What a low key, house keeping driven weekend it has been. I was completely done on Friday night. When I put Brandon to bed, I ended up putting myself to bed too!! I barely remember waking up at some point to haul my ass out of bed to take my contacts out. Regardless of the fact that I am leaving my job - this is an incredibly stressful time at work. It is chaos. We are short staffed, and from what I can tell - we don't really have a real plan in place for training. We went out for lunch on Friday afternoon and my beer tasted like more - but I held back since I didn't want to get started..

I am most of the way through laundry, got the fish tank cleaned out and the fishes are swimming around gleefully - happy that their water isn't heavy with their excrement anymore! The filter is good, but no filter is that damn good over a few months. I am sure that if I spent more time at it getting it done every couple of months instead of every few months, it wouldn't be so bad, but it isn't one of those jobs that you jump up and down volunteering for. Did the vacuuming, cleaned out part of my closet - let go of a few more items of clothing that I really don't see myself wearing in the future, regardless of fit. I am sure I could bore you with the litany of household tasks I have attempted this weekend, but my weekend probably would sound like your weekend. This working monday to friday, somewhat 9-5 means that the weekends are catch up time, and if you are really lucky, time to get out and do something fun. The fun part will be postponed because this is a catch up weekend. The thing about this weekend, I don't think I could have slept enough. Definitely feeling greedy when it comes to sleep.

My gram is back in the hospital. Aging sucks. So is talking to my mom about it - I find that her way of telling me how things is going with her doesn't really work for me. I guess because it is my dad's mom, or who knows. Maybe part of it is her convoluted thinking and way of putting things out there. I still worry, and that she is on the island makes it that much more difficult to "pop over" for a visit.

I quit.

Amazing the power of those 2 little words.

I can't believe that I am really jumping ship and going to a different institution. It feels great - especially when I have had a taste of the training that is going to be happening around here, especially with 4 new staff!! RUN AWAY!

It is a step up, more or less a promotion, more dollars attached to it, and a slightly different learning curve. Saying good bye is strange, it isn't like I am leaving on bad terms, I have made many friendships over the years, but I am leaving nonetheless.

I see fellow coworkers and clients, and there is no really easy way to say "I quit". Ok, maybe I am saying it like that for the dramatic effect, but the result is the same. I am taking a leap of faith and hoping that those greener fields do work out for me. I have had a few emotional moments, realizing that many work relationships will end now (face it, who has time to maintain some of the casual friends you make because you work in the same place, life moves on and your point of contact has too) and I will learn new routines, and have a bunch of new habits.

I haven't really had a chance to personally tell a lot of people, with our staff shortage my days are going far quicker than I imagined - wrapping things up and jumping in where needed. I have also overhauled part of our office, leaving a definite mark that I was here. Then I have been exhausted the last few nights, I think this has been a bit of ride, and well, I can't wait for the weekend and I am so glad that we have not been planned up the ying yang because the down time is really needed. Last weekend I had a chance to putter in the garden, and we got our for a great family walk. The break between the chaos is needed.

Only 10 more days here! It feels different than when I went away on my maternity leave.. this is for real, I am not coming back - my supervisor is even going to move in to my office when I leave! As you can tell, I am a little excited. I have tried to make this change a few times and been blocked, it is nice that the barriers have been removed and I am moving on up.

...and thanks for all the fish....

I figured an offhand reference to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the World was in order, since my world is in for yet another change.

I am stealing a page from Nej's book with this post.

After 10 years at my current place of employment, I am finally and officially leaving for greener fields. Of course, once I am in the thick of things at my new work, I am sure that I will discover their version of politics, and bitching and moaning, but it will be different bitching and moaning, and I will be a lot better paid and a little more prestige as well is attached. It is exciting, and I am a little sad (that stage will pass rather quickly) because it is the end of an era with my current job, but it is time.

I felt for my boss, that makes it 4 out of 6 staff to leave in less than a month. Personally, I am getting along well with everyone, but at this stage, that doesn't make or break the job. I am glad that I am not going to be around to do the training, and I will finally have an office that has a window - or will be close to natural light!!! After being in a box,within a box, within a greater box, and having had no idea of what the weather was, this will be a perk in itself!

All fingers crossed, they will let me go for a condensed 4 day work week, it means 8.75 hour days (35 hours is considered a full time work week) but that means long weekends, and Brandon only in care 4 days. I hope. The 3 days and 2 nights wasn't really working, so I was already prepared to let that go. I just hope my new employer goes for my proposed schedule of work. The leap of faith comes in it is a 1 year temporary job. My work place would not grant me a leave, so I am quitting, and hoping that this one year turns in to a "stay, we want you, you are trained and what we need, yay!"... in my line of work, we are pretty specialized at what we do and it is a somewhat stressful job, so this is generally how it works out if you are able to make it past the first 6 weeks.

So, I maxed out my extended health and bought new glasses, I am going for a massage tomorrow night, and I made sure there was no dental work that needed to be done.

It feels good to be moving on. I haven't really moved back in to my old office, all I need to do is bring a calendar home.

I think now I will print a few pictures of the family to bring in to my new office, maybe get a new plant, and start with a clean slate. Funny how things work out - my commitments to my workplace have all drawn to a close, and it is a good time for me to cut loose.

quite the reaction

I figured that this deserved it's own post.

So, I walked in to tell my supervisor that it was official, I had been offered the job that I interviewed for last week, and I had accepted.

Her reaction:

"Fuck."

I half smiled, half looked at her in what I hoped for was empathy, I am the 4th person to do this to her in a month, and perhaps the one of the hardest to replace cogs in our system.

"Fuck." there it was again, and even her freckles started to bleach out. I felt momentarily guilty, but that was a momentary lapse of reason.

"You know, I am sincerely happy for you - this is a really good opportunity for you."

"Thanks, I know this is a really strange conversation to be having, especially since things are going so well right now with work, and given the current situation of three new staff coming on board."

"Fuck."

What can I say, I was trying really hard not to smile, absolutely gleeful about the change in work venues and raise in pay, and I was trying hard not to let out a completely inappropriate war whoop, and pumping my fist in the air because it finally happened for me and I am a movingo n up!!!

high chairs

A few weeks ago, a few of us hit a well known Canadian icon for coffee. Their high chairs sucked. Brandon couldn't fit in to it, and it was extremely frustrating to deal with. Not such a big deal, because in a coffee shop, you aren't exactly sitting down for a meal with a just over a one year old.

This morning was a different story. We were with Gramma, and out for breakfast, and the family restaurant we chose had the same type of high chairs. I know our kid is big, but give me break. He is 14 months old, not 3, we couldn't even wedge his feet in to the holes for his legs with his shoes off!!!! The high chairs are also gross - they are the plastic rubbermaid type, so the whole contraption looks like shit - obviously not fully cleaned, and not aging well either.

We just dealt with it and Ken and I took turns holding Brandon and attempting to feed the three of us. Then the service also sucked. I never did get the water I asked for a few times, and even after myself leaving the restaurant (and making eye contact with our server) because I had a wiggling worm that was grabbing the uncleared dishes off of the table it still took another 10 minutes to get the bill. If I cared enough I would call the manager to vent, but they have just lost our business. It gave me and my MIL had a good laugh at their expense, Ken thought we were nuts because we kept going on about the high chair - even the wooden ones that are really basic is a much better alternative... hell, the lunch I had a few weeks back at the Bread Garden was better! I wouldn't have imagined them to be more "kid friendly" than a family restaurant!!!

Their change table also left a lot to be desired - nothing like standing over the toilet to lean in to a slanted plastic hanging table to change your kid. N-i-c-e.

People wonder why folks with young kids stay home?? There is nothing wrong with how Brandon behaves when we are out - it is not having high chairs or a decent place to change your kid that makes a huge difference!

A second wind

I am getting a bit of a second wind tonight, although I think that it is going to be really fleeting.

On the way home from work, my mantra was pretty much, fuck, am I tired. I didn't get to sleep until late (ok, pretty close to my regular time which is always pushing it, I have never been able to fall asleep early) and then Brandon woke up about 1am. Half dozed, half breast fed until 2am, when I was officially done and I woke Ken up to rock him for a bit. A while later, another attempt to put him down, and he was having none of it. I was so exhausted I passed the ball back to Ken, and he was up with him for the next hour until he was ready to go back to sleep. Morning came too damn early and here I am whining about the hour, and Ken gets to play hockey tonight, and his game hasn't even started yet! Although I really miss playing, I can't say that I miss some of the game times on a friday night.

It was a long day. Since we are down 3 coworkers and 3 new ones are starting soon, us survivors decided it was time to clean house. Holy shit was and is there clutter. A few of the ladies whom have left the building were total pack rats. There was shit going back to 98 and 99, and for people who complain about micromanaging, one drawer had no less than 40 bright yellow files in individual yellow hanging folders with several spares thrown in, not in alpha order, with the labels barely peeking over the tops of the folders so you couldn't really find what file you were looking for. When I have been covering the front desks, finding anything has been a nightmare, and all I want to do is retreat back to my office where I have pretty much reclaimed my space and filled a box full of shredding and 3 boxes of recycling..

So, once our office closed to the public, I cleaned. I recycled. I wondering why I decided to wear my really nice blouse today of all days. I was thankful I had a beer with my Indian buffet lunch, I put together confidential boxes of shredding, and I relabeled, sorted, and culled files. Then I cleaned out drawers.

Thankfully, the one thing I learned from physics is that second law of thermodynamics - that all natural processes tend to disorder, and it takes energy to put things back to order. So I got to be that energy today. But it was a good energy, cleaning and organizing and making the front not so much of a hellish cluttered mess where you are lucky to find a pen that works - speaking of which, I found a collection of 24 pen caps in the drawer. WTF??!!! Who the hell keeps pen caps??? And my coworker looked so normal... LOL One desk down, the other I will do next Tuesday night. It was my long day today, so ultimately I was well paid to clean house.

Now I am indulging in some chick lit - I am working my way through the Dev!l wears Prad@. I almost gave up after all the name dropping in the first chapter, but I am sticking it out and it isn't that bad - there are some amusing moments, but it is a pretty over the top light and fluffy book. My last read was far better - The Summer of My Amazing Luck... I actually made it through a whole bath without an interruption.

Fuck it was a long week. There were some good moments, but man, it just felt long and drawn out and tonight I don't feel all that chatty. I almost picked up the phone, but I think that I am better company for my book. I am glad we don't have big plans this weekend, I would love to garden (even if it is raining) or actually made it to a drop in yoga class. I need to stretch. I am stiff and my lower back has been bugging me all week as well.

Waiting.

Waiting for the phone to ring.

Waiting for something to come in the mail.

Waiting for someone.

Waiting for bad news. Waiting for good news.

Waiting in a line up to go to the can.

Any kind of waiting more or less sucks.

There is the rush as you are aware that the wait is just about over, the concussion-like shock when the news hits, then that downer period (no matter how good the news is) because you aren't waiting, and now is the time that every thing changes. That limbo like state is never easy to get through - it is like knowing you have a paper to write, you distract yourself ceaselessly to avoid it until the deadline looms ahead.

A cool weekend

This weekend we got out to do a few things that I have been on the list of to do things for a while. Last night we checked out the Richmond Night Market, down by the Fraser River. We got there about 9pm and I couldn't get over the never ending stream of people that were heading in and out of the market. The smells were great - one moment you could smell sugar, and those little dough nuts and you would swear that you were at the PNE, and the next moment, the smells of kebabs and curry beef stew, and some unknown fried seafood assailed your senses.

It was cool - you had to practically swim through the people through the food stalls, but the merchandise stalls were just ok - a lot of really "cutesie" stuff, and then a lot of no name gadgets - like knock off ipods for $15... you could probably find a little something of just about anything here... although in my opinion, I usually find more stuff at the flea market... more variety, surprisingly enough..a nd not the swarms of people to deal with either!! Needless to say, it was a cool experience, and the weather was perfect for the night out - it was clear and warm enough.

This morning, we joined up with PKY and the folks for dim sum. We went here, and the food was good. This only being my 3rd time for dim sum, you watch what other people are eating, and then just dive in. I tried the chicken feet last time (not for the faint of heart, but not bad, it is hard to get over the image and the mental part though) so I totally let them pass this time around. It was cool. Ken's mom did awesome, she tried just about everything as well. It is a huge restaurant, and it gets really noisy, but there are food servers coming around all the time, and there is something of everything.

The chaos

Well, the start of another session at my place of employment and chaos reigns. In our little office of 8 very strong willed female personalities, we are down 3. Our, in our location, we have gone from 6 employees, down to 3. Which means that give a few weeks, with no new hiring, we are looking like the chaos is going to a nice term for what work will look like. Plus, even if we do hire someone, chances are they won't have any experience and not that my job is rocket science, there is a huge learning curve that is involved before you even start to get a handle on all of the layers of inter-related information that you need to have at your fingertips.

It is funny though - I feel somewhat detached from it all since I have come back from maternity - I guess my bullshit meter is a little different, and I am taking it less personally. What matters is not here at work, and well, this is the paycheck that helps us do the things I want. I am not so cynical that I don't enjoy my job, and there is a certain amount of satisfaction from it, but my life is defined by my life outside of work and perhaps only a little from the satisfaction that I can get knowing that I can make a difference for a few people in some small way.

So work is bizarre. It doesn't matter to me since I no longer get flex days off and I have already taken all of my vacation, but those privileges are cut off for everyone else. Our culture needs to shift in a drastic way because there are a few coworkers who don't like to share responsibility, and hold on to what defines their job, and as a result, as I mentioned, there is no one else in our place of employment who has a clue of what we do, and perception is that our office is really stressful to work in - which is somewhat true a lot of the time.

Ah well. For me, I am getting along really well with everyone (honey moon period back at work) and I am getting back to my stride. The hours are challenging, with 3 long days and 2 short nights... I am really finding it important to get out with Brandon on those short days in the morning, otherwise it feels like hang with him (or go grocery shopping), get some housework done, he naps, I get the rest done, then he is up, make dinner, take him up to my folks, go to work, come home, spend a few minutes with Ken, sleep, start all over again. Wednesday is really and truly hump day. I am finding that I need to be organized, get that food shopping done, plan out lunches, and well, that should make life a little smoother around the edges.

I guess when the chips are down, it is a transitional period, and you have a few bumpy weeks as you get to know the lay of the land, and then you start to refine the new skills that you acquire along the way.. LOL

We made it back to Pimainus

It seems like a lifetime ago, but before we got pregnant with Brandon and tied the knot, we went to a place called Pimainus Lake, a long way down a dirt road outside of Merritt. It is a beautiful place, quiet and relaxing. It was great to get away - even though it was a mad panic for me since I worked until 11am and then we left at noon. I stood there looking at my clothes and I didn't have a clue what to pack. I know I had a stupid look on my face, and that was the least I have ever packed to go anywhere (I normally pack everything and the kitchen sink to get away, I guess all the traveling I have done has meant that I have been able to let go of that habit to a certain extent).

We spent 5 days at the lake (really 3 full days if you exclude the traveling on both sides), reading, chilling by the campfire, got in a few great hikes, some fishing, and just hanging about in the great outdoors recharging my batteries. Brandon seems to do well no matter what situation we throw him in to - he is a cool dude that way. Trips like this make the work days bearable. Having memories of the places that you have seen and experienced with your dear ones. I like having a home base, but I thrive on being able to get out and experience new things, or at least something different from the same old, same old. I feel that you need to remove yourself from your daily routine in order to relax, get away from it all. Especially when were you head to does not have cell service or electricity!!!

At the top of Spaist Mountain... about 2.7 km up, 332 meter gain.. woo woo!!

I finally did it..

I was all motivated about 2 years ago to start one of those memes - the 100 random bits of usless info about me.

Well, I finally finished it.

It is quite the thing to do, a bit funny, a lot of "all about me". Makes you stop and think though - what about me, especially when you take on more roles in life (wife, mom, coworker, daughter, friend, etc)... ironic, I almost typed that as "rolls" .. ahahahh although that said, I have lost a bit of weight from before I was pregnant. Yay for my pre-pregnancy clothes fitting better than before!

BUT my point is that it is hard to actually think - what makes me tick - or what do I choose to reveal about myself at this particular time, and even then, will any one read this and care? Ah well. It is out there.

Here we are!

cool stump

This cedar relic looks like a creature from Lord of the Rings...
from the Energy trail out at Buntzen Lake

Fridays

Fridays seem to be where it's at for the last while for when I seem to have a moment to catch my breath and ruminate here.

The last week has been pretty good. There have been a few moments where I felt pretty vacant, like I was day dreaming with the real dreaming part, just kind of frittering away time aimlessly. I guess almost like procrastinating, but not really.

This is a strange week to be off. I have only been back at work for 3 weeks, and I guess, ultimately I wasn't really off this week since I still went in on Tuesday and Thursday night. My board commitments have also drawn to a close, and I was a bit more emotional about that than I thought - it feels like a bit of a passing of an era for me. Not really the being on the board, but I guess that really strong connection to my place of work. Well, that doesn't really describe it either, I guess I feel like more a free bird, surveying the landscape of opportunity when it comes to how I spend my working hours.

That said, I did get a morning walk and visit with a dear friend, got out for a fabulous picnic with my boys - it felt strange since we went up to Burnaby mountain and explored an area I have never been too - the views were superb, and there was even a centennial rose garden. Who knew?! I went to SFU for more years than I care to admit, and that was right there!!! Ah well.

Attempted to go for a walk out at Barnet Marine Park... but the beaches and trails are still closed since the oil spill. Then I didn't know what to do with myself, or my sleeping baby. So off we went for a drive, and we ended up out at Buntzen Lake. It was beautiful - long enough for a power nap and we went for a great hike. I would have taken him to the lake but it is notoriously cold and I was really unprepared. I need to get better about bringing everything and the kitchen sink again - I have almost pared down too much. Today we got out to White Rock again. It was a total west coast of Canada type morning. I have discovered a great little coffee shop where I grab my mocha and a date square for us to share, and then hit the path, and then the beach. Today there was marine fog that kept rolling in. It was magical! Whispy fog clinging to rocks, the tide was out a fair bit (coming in though) and there weren't many people. It was an awesome morning. Then we visited with Ken, and some of clients, and it was cool - time went by way too fast though.

Brandon is such a cool little dude - this afternoon after his nap we were out in the backyard. I really needed to do some watering, and clean off his stroller. Apparently it isn't such a good idea to go traipsing around the salt water and not wash off stainless steel parts. *AHEM* I also needed to clean out our water feature, which doubled as a mosquito breeding ground for a short period of time (before us and Mr.Bleach put a stop to that) so it was time to empty and clean. While I was doing that - my brother (who is finally growing in to the role of "uncle") played with Brandon. Brandon loves the water. Even cold water coming out the tap - he was soaked, for what, round 3 today???!! He was loving playing with the water, trying to grab the water, and then crawling in and out of the stream. It was a lot of fun to watch.

Now, despite all the fun, I am feeling a bit blah. Summer is going by way too quickly. On a positive note, we have a last hurrah next weekend and we are going back out to Pimainus for a few days (and we have our own cabin! YAY!!!) and it looks like I may be getting a half spot on my old hockey team. So all is well - well, the skin on my feet are pretty dry, and I worry about money and budgeting, but hell - who doesn't?

choice bits

Now that I am juggling work and our lives at home, it seems that updating my blog has become a little harder to do. I laughed when I noticed that it has already been a week since I last graced this place.

Crack book is a crazy program. It brings back lots of memories of old friends and older versions of your self as a result. I was flipping through a friend's pictures and saw a few posted of a dear friend that passed away a few years ago, and I found myself getting a little choked up - that's life, but it is actually kind of cool to go to an internet place to be at a fingertip length from those old friends, and see how they are doing in a way where you are finding that kind of thing out directly from them, rather than through the big gossip circuit. The pictures and some of the stories are the best part - seeing how people have changed, who has kids, who is married, who isn't anymore, glimpsing just a few pages of people's stories that have touched your life. Parts of 'book are just time consuming, but parts are really cool too.

Had a client come in today and make a point of asking me how I am so positive and energetic. Isn't this the million dollar question? I have always had boundless energy, and am pretty happy-go-lucky, and I seem to bounce pretty good (even when life has handed me some really rotten lemons)... but how to you explain how you are how you are?? I figure it comes down to choices - being 6 feet up is better than 6 feet below, and every day is a gift. Just like I have a fairly flexible idea about god - god for me is love and the magic of being infused with life and every one has their own path to knowing god (I could go more in to this but suffice to know my views aren't exactly mainstream but they aren't that out there either), but that every day we have a choice on how we act and interact with our environment and the people that are around us, and from those relationships we can take a lot of energy, even as we are giving that energy back to the system. It is hard to articulate in a space like this without a lot of hand waving, but I try to say what matters, do what counts, and life as honestly as I can. If I get tripped up, I admit my mistakes and try to dust myself off.

Speaking of which, work is absolute chaos and I have contemplated the joys of a spiced rum and coke tonight. Definitely a friday night and I see movies and take out in our future. Being back at work is so strange, how fast everything has come back to me, how quickly you settle in to a new rhythm and ironically enough, how hard it was to change my name around here, even though I was only hyphenating my name! Now to keep things somewhat unsettled, next week I am on holidays for a week because our daycare lady is on holidays. What a new reality!

400 posts!

Who knew I had it in me??? I guess this is a milestone of sorts... 400 times I have sat down and had something say, sometimes prolific, sometimes fodder.

I made it through an almost full week of work (gotta love stat holidays) and I am gleeful that it is friday and I get to go and pick up my baby. I have turned in to one of those people that notice babies, and I wistfully stare at them, and wonder how mine is doing without me at daycare. Letting go certainly starts early! Things are coming back to me, even if I have made a few minor mistakes. I can't believe how much I retained from the year off, especially since I really didn't give work much thought while I was off. Catching up has been bizarre - more like, WHEW, we are so glad you are back, where have you been??! Sometimes it feels like it has truly been a year, when I talk about Brandon or my coworker's kids and they are a year older than how I remember them.

My hours are something to get used to, working a day, then a night, then a day, then a night, then a day. Wednesdays are going to be the day that seems to last forever since I work Tuesday night until 9:30, go home, sleep, and get back to work for 7:30am. I am not complaining, I chose this, I would prefer Brandon to only be in daycare 3 days a week, but it is all about managing my time and learning how to pack a lunch before because I am not firing on all cylinders when I get up that early. These hours are ideal, last night I was pretty stoked because I felt like I was hitting my stride at work - getting work done and it was blissful not having any interruptions. Such a difference from working during the day during peak hours!

Funny how life is totally in the moment and although there are moments that you cherish, it still keeps on moving in a forward direction. This weekend should be a little more laid back - I am going to lay low tonight - Brandon has a bit of a cough and I think it would be good for both of us, and then we have a family do tomorrow. Rest of the time, I would love to get out for a walk in the woods. Gearing up to go back to work it felt like nothing but projects and trying to rush-rush-rush to get things done. It is cool that I haven't even looked at that to do list for a few weeks and nor do I care to look at it anytime soon.

Look! It's 5 o'clock somewhere!

Glamping.

Glamping. WTF? Channel surfing the other morning, I came across a little piece that talked about Glamping. That name certainly got my attention.

Apparently, for all the male and female princesses out there, camping has been revamped for the not-so-liking-the-great-outdoors crowd and reinvented as "glamping". This is an urbanized form of camping in which camping experiences are made more glamorous through the addition of many comfort items, designer fabrics, and an assortment of personal hygiene helpers (to say the least). Hence, the term "glamping".

Being one of those folk who figure plaid shirts, the smell of camp fire, clothes that were clean a few days, and bad hair is the way it is when you camp, this is just ridiculous. I guess not everyone is lucky enough to have a significant other that likes to camp, but seriously folks, there is a time and a place to leave the electronic gadgets at home, the mirrors, and the worrying about appearances and having every little comfort at your fingertips, and just kick back and enjoy the back 40. If you have to go to such extremes to bring your house to the woods, well, we don't want you here!!!

I would also assume that glampers come with the little punto dogs that I feel so much affection for. Yes, there is the occasional small dog that I *do* like, but they are few and far between. Give me a real dog. And for me, a real dog is at least a medium sized one that comes above the knee, IMHO.

Back at the old grind

Here I am.

In a different office, but the same kind of bare 4 walls. In the next few weeks I will print off some pictures of my guys to plaster around me, and bring in some "flora and fauna" pics to cover up some of the institutional beige, but here I am.

Maternity leave is over. Bye-Bye. Ken dropped Brandon off at daycare, and he did pretty good. I have only called twice to find out how is he doing, and apparently he is acting much like every other kid acts when they first start daycare.

It felt weird walking down the hallway - feeling like everything in my life is different, and yet the faces are the same, some a little older looking, some a little thinner. It is pretty quiet around here, and my office is still as dysfunctional as it used to be, but in different ways. Brandon was up at 4:30 am, so our day has been even longer than what we figured it would be like. So I feel a little fuzzy around the edges, need to bring in some teabags for the afternoon lulls, and well, it feels strange to be surrounded by adult voices again.

It almost feels like a new job, although all the old information is flooding back pretty damn quickly. Apparently my brain did not atrophy over the last year. I have had to do some name changing, and order business cards again, and stock my desk with some of the supplies that I like. My personality will slowly creep back in to this space and I will make it palatable for me.

On a total aside, I am over halfway through HP. I haven't had a lot of time to read in the last week. It felt like a real sprint getting to today, but I am really enjoying the moments I have to read. Tonight will be an early night, so maybe I can prop my eyes open long enough to get through a few more pages. It is a good/bad thing when you reach a book like this, you can't wait to read it to the finish and find out what happens, but once you reach there, this journey is done.

My baby is one.

One. 1. The big digit. More than 12 months. A whole damn year since I gave birth! URP!

Where the hell did it really go?? Sure, I have been raising a baby and avoiding work, being a wife, being a friend, and a daughter with an attitude (hard raising parents, especially our own mothers), and all those other hats you get to wear in your time six feet up, but really, I know I am in my 30s, and we have a baby, but holy shit has this year gone fast. Brandon turned 1 yesterday, and I go back to work in 7 days. Maybe a month from now I will be a little more excited about returning to the world of adults, but I am not there yet.

I gave Brandon his first cut. Nej will be happy because there is no longer a need for a haircut intervention. The long wispy (and oh so adorable) curls are gone and he definitely looks like a boy. Enough people asked me about my little girl that it was more than time to bring out the scissors. It was a momentous event for us, and yes, I will keep his hair in a bag. I am sentimental!

Brandon's birthday was great. Had a quiet morning, and then we went to Deer Lake and I took Brandon on the old fashioned carousel that they have. The first time around he went on one of the smaller horses that doesn't move, and the second time around we picked a big one. It is pretty fast, and the first time that the horse went up his eyes were wide as saucers! It was great, we wrapped things up with a bit of a walk around the lake, and then headed towards home. We had all the gran'folks over, and my brother, and we had a great seafood dinner. Brandon went to town on his cake - he had icing everywhere. I was proud - he was covered in the white and blue sugar - ears, hair, in between all his fingers, and he was mashing cake in to his mouth with a big smile on his face. After I upload my pics, I will add a few for posterity's sake.

This weekend we will have friends and family over for a BBQ and hopefully the weather holds since our place really isn't that big. RSVPing seems to be a bit of an issue but we will just roll with it and whomever is able to show is great! We will have a good time :D I am in "gettin'er done" mode, I have a list and I am knocking a few things off of it. Those projects that you try to put off forever, well, i figure I should get a few done before I actually go back to work and have less free time. I am also waiting with baited breath for my copy of HP to show up. Apparently it isn't always wise to preorder and not pay for the quicker shipping. *AHEM* I do have some less than stellar moments...ah well. It is sunny and here I am inside. And unlike all those times I sign off wishing for a nap (they never happen), I am going to head out in the sun and sand down my adirondack chairs so I can refinish them (yes, that is one of those projects).

Where it's at.

Last week, after I got back from visiting Nej, I figured I would be all motivated to chronicle some of the more stellar moments of the trip here on my blog for posterity.

I haven't had the time. Or the energy when things are quiet to actually sit down and type things out. So the past is already moving way too quickly even further in to the past. Suffice to say it was a good trip, driving the canyon is much better in a newer blazer rather than an older rabbit, and Brandon continues to be a pretty decent little traveler.

I finally got caught up on the last few Crossing Jordan episodes in a blitz over the weekend. Unlike a few other shows when it came to their series finales, this one didn't get all schmaltzy and leave a bad taste in your mouth. Things weren't perfectly gift wrapped, but it was a nice way to end off. Although it pisses me off that I find shows I like and then it seems like they get canceled. This was one of the better ones and I can always catch it in reruns. This ending is in direct contrast to that other show and it's black screen of death that left you on the edge of your seat feeling slightly bereft and not really liking the show in that moment.

Brandon was teething most of the weekend, and then last night - well it was a long night. He went to bed great about 8:30, and then was up about 12:45. He was done with sleeping at that point - tried most of my bag of tricks, rocking, talking, singing, humming, jiggling, feeding, getting over tired and frustrated and handing off to Ken, to putting in the play pen, to letting him cry and get all hot and sweaty, to cuddling, and more of the same. Finally he went back to bed just after 4. I was definitely feeling really fried and emotionally strung out by then.

Which brings me to now. It is just nice to be for a moment. My poor cat keeps trying to lay on my hands and suckhole for attention and I am not all that keen for it right now. Exhausted most of that in the last 12 hours... the rains have come, which is nice, and I am planning out Brandon's first birthday. It is a weird time right now - being aware of how fast the time is going, knowing I am going back to work, the wonder about daycare (even if I like my daycare person), wrapping up a few things. Getting a few visits in - this weekend I am going to see my gran on the island.. I figure if it isn't now, it won't be for a few more months again... Feels like lots of changes (again). I also feel like I am resisting a bit (prolly natural) and clinging to whatever I can. It feels like I haven't had enough sleep and I am not running on full cylinders right now!!! I am worried about Brandon and sleep and transitioning him the crib, and weaning, and on the other hand, all that stuff will eventually sort itself out too.

I think I will attempt to tidy up a little and perhaps have a nap. Not really feeling like a shooting star right about now.

Southern Cariboo Trails

There were a few times that Nej and I looked back in either vehicle, and thought, wow, who would have thunk that over 20 years ago we would be piled up in an SUV or a minivan with our 3 kids in the back - how cool is that???? Our collective first stop today was to visit a section of the original Cariboo Waggon Trail just outside of 99 Mile. It is quite the feat to consider this trail - that it stretched up to Barkerville, the 2nd largest city in the west after San Fran in 1868 and the Cariboo Gold Rush... humbling in a sense, considering what the lure of gold and a hardy disposition (or just plain foolhardy and ignorance of what lies ahead) when you consider the worn waggon tracks, that camels also made this trek up north, the distances involved, and the sheer extremes in geography and weather...

From here we stopped at Mount Begbie, at 90 something mile and since Brandon was asleep in teh car, each of us took a turn with either of her kids to take a gander up a goat trail to the top.

Unfortunately, me and her youngests' experience was drastically different from ours. We made it to the top and took in absolutely breath taking 360 degree views...

Perhaps the term "goat trail" is stretching things a little... looks somewhat extreme in retrospect

new sheets and nipplegate continues

I was finally able to take advantage of one of those smoking sales that one of the big box stores does with good sheets, the buy one at regular price, get the 2nd 1/5 price, plus a 20% off coupon. Nothing like getting 2 pairs of 400 thread, king sized sheets for $60 bucks each. The advantage of heading north now meant that I called on Nej to see if she wanted to go halvers on this deal so we could both come out ahead... and ahead we did! I love new sheets. It is one of my quirks. I like 100% cotton sheets, not blends, and well, some colours I like better than others. Mine are a beautiful light blue, and I can't wait to try them out!!!!

Aside from that, today is a day of cleaning up, finally getting 2 weeks worth of laundry put away, and went and picked up a few items to tide my DH over while we are away. I also bought different teats for Brandon's bottles. *SIGH* I complained to gerber about the fit of the "fast flow" nipples I bought a month or two ago, and to be honest, their customer service rep was awesome and did send out some coupons because their baby teats didn't do the job they were supposed to - they leak and don't fit my avent lids right which is just a piss off when you are dressed up and then you end up with formula all over yourself. After a few accidents in transport, and then during feeding, I bit the bullet and bought a few new sets today. And they aren't cheap!!! Ah well, I would rather pay the few bucks to get the new nipples rather than having all of my baby carriers stained, and milk/formula/juice/water pouring out from a lid that doesn't seal with the new nipples half the time. Just frustrating when a product doesn't do what it is supposed to do and then you have to advocate on your behalf.

That is one thing that motherhood has really brought home for me - becoming more assertive in a positive way. Like the nipples not working, or buying a can of formula for an arm and a leg only to find the can half full (and no, I told that customer service rep, the formula just hadn't settled to the bottom, it wasn't filled up properly!).

So that's that. I need to pack, and tidy up after myself (the house gets so much messier quicker since I have been home) and water my indoor plants and all those lovely little things that wait to get done. Looks like a great day to BBQ some burgers and hang in the yard.

Prognosis: hot weather

It looks like summer is officially arriving. I have been battling a beast they once called a laurel bush during most of Brandon's snoozes this week, so I decided that during today's nap, it was all about me, or at least for an hour when I grabbed my book and worked on my tan. Yes, I know it is evil to tan and all the dangers of burns, but I figure in moderation, and out there with a book, isn't a bad thing and could prevent future burns this summer if I have a decent base of colour. Plus, the added bonus of my skin clearing up too and not being nearly so red cheeked.

Brandon pulled a side table down this morning and has a good sized goose egg on his forehead. Scared the crap out of me, and of course, he was a terrible patient and didn't want ice or a cold washcloth held to his forehead. He seems to have survived, even if my parenting isn't always perfect. LOL...

The brakes are being done this afternoon (thank god for a man who isn't afraid of elbow grease beneath a car) and with the new tires, my truck is good to go. Go where, you may ask? Tuesday I head north to visit Nej and the boys - should be a grand adventure and I feel like a big kid, totally excited about just hanging, and talking about everything and nothing, and exploring her neck of the woods. It will also be Brandon and I's first solo trip, we finally broke and I got my own cell, so I can be reached, but it will be strange heading out without my wingman.

It has been an exciting week in other ways too, one dear friend got married last weekend, and other friends greeted their first child in to the world. This new version of me loved holding a newborn, and really, I can't believe that Brandon was ever so small, and once again, where the hell did the last year go?

Hmm, what else in this post about randomosity? I finally bite the bullet and told my coed hockey team I don't see myself playing full time in the fall. If a half time spot is possible, that is great, or to spare, but it isn't going to happen full time. I felt half bummed after I sent that email, it was a big decision for me, but now I almost feel free because of it. What happens with the team next is out of my hands (for me), and well, if a half time spot doesn't work there are other teams that I could spare for. Time will tell, and I am not feeling as clingy to that past as I have been, in the past. Underlying the theme of all of my going through my old stuff and purging is letting go. I am still bad about releasing some things/people, but a far cry from where I was. Funny though that when you are feeling low, everything else that could bug you starts to creep in and invade your consciousness. Then I did some fretting about Brandon - just hoping that his development is on track (it seems to be, but being a somewhat typical parent, I worry at times, I think it is natural) and that I am doing enough to challenge him, and keep him entertained. Ah yes, the other bridge to cross, I am slowly putting him in the crib more and more. Every night he spends some time in there but I don't think we have this transition down pat yet. It is challenging, and in some ways making my life easier for breastfeeding in bed, makes this part a little harder too. Hard too to know how long to let him cry it out, when to respond, but I guess between the three of us, we are figuring it out. As he nears a year old, he is getting to be so much cooler - his personality is shining through (he is such a happy, good natured tyke) and I just really value our time together and want to hold on to these summer days before I go back to work for a long time. I think for us it will work with the hours I will be working - to work the 2 nights, and be home the days during the week will make a huge difference because we can still get out and do stuff, and aren't just limited to weekends. I am sure it is a bit redundant as I keep returning to the same theme (going back to work) but it helps me work through my responses and make it seem more real. Becoming a mom and being home, and learning how to relax and change my pace has been such a lifestyle break (in a positive way) it will be another learning curve soon, and well, I will have to listen to all of my own advice about time management....

An assist!!!!

Man, was I dragging my ass today. Must have been the junk in my trunk, or just not getting nearly enough quality sleep last night, but I was not firing on all cylinders for most of the day. The advantage of not being completely addicted to coffee now means that when I actually break down and make myself a latte, the kick is pretty good to the old system.... I got to play hockey tonight!!! I even got an assist!!! I am such a giddy kid when I get to play now, I guess there has been a long enough break since I was playing on a regular basis, and the team I have been sparing for is pretty classy, as far as hockey teams go. To improve on that assist, we won, and Ken made some great saves, and at the end of the game, I got to look up and see my son's smiling face, pressed up against the glass. Amazing how a little exercise improves your overall outlook on life. Of course, that detail is so hard to remember when you are first starting out a new fitness regime...

4 weeks

4 weeks is all I have left of my mat leave.

Wow.

I can't believe just how fast this year has gone. It has been full of surprising moments, and moments that take your breath away, and I can't believe that things will be on the 'change' again in less than a month. I am sure that the first month will be bizarre and with an off kilter routine because Brandon will be in daycare part time for the first 2 weeks, then have me home for a week, than Ken home for a week, and then in September the part time daycare, full time back to work schedule will start in earnest. I know I keep whining about this, and every new mom goes through this, and the anxiety of having to leave your child with your childcare worker, it is just hard and until you see the new lay of the land, and get back in to all of your new routines, it is an unknown. Therefore, something you will just deal with and work through, because the reality is that we need both of us working to support our lifestyle.

On to other rambles, I will start here and now, and then back fill a few entries since it has been about 2 weeks since I last posted. I love that pre-dating option on blogger to fill in a few gaps if you get the chance. We have had a great few weeks, and added a few scorch streaks to the ol'credit cards.

All in all, life is good and the days are going fast, but we are doing a lot of things that I really value. We are getting out for some visiting, and some walks, and the house is in decent shape. Next week I am doing a road trip north to visit Nej and the boys, and the truck will be in good condition for it. Funny as some things get fixed, other things go, like the CD player has gone on the fritz. This summer is exciting - we are getting away on some trips and seeing some new sights, which makes me a happy camper :D

a weekend blur

We just got back from heading stateside on a very last minute trip to Bellingham. It wasn't really planned, and just kind of happened. It was freaking fantastic!!!

Our hotel was central, included a continental breakfast (which really does end saving you time and money), and had an indoor pool and hot tub. Both nights we were there Brandon and I went in the pool and bobbed around. It has been a while since I have had him at the pool, so each time for the first few minutes he clung to me for dear life, until he relaxed and remembered that he does like being in the pool.

We hit the outlet stores (got some amazing deals, I am really stoked. I got some new bras, a summer dress , some shoes, a new purse.. I went all girlie!!! How can they have prices like they do??? We got 5 onesies for $5.99!!!!!!! You just don't find deals like that here) and had some great meals, got in a few naps, I traded a few used books in, and got a trunk full of other titles. I am almost good for books for the next few months! The other best part was getting out for some time in the local parks.

We went to Whatcom Falls Park and went exploring through some of the trails, through the fish hatchery, and off to see the falls. As far as urban parks go, this one is a gem! Total fluke too, we found it as an entry on the GPS! Ok ok, so I am not always the gadget girl, but I am really starting to warm up to having a GPS for road trips. You find stuff that you wouldn't find otherwise.

We also spent some time at Larrabee State Park, which is another gem of a park. In the future, I have earmarked this one as another good place to camp! The beach access isn't great, but there is enough room to snap up some beach, lay down your blanket, and have some privacy for a picnic. Of course, there is always the added bonus of watching some yahoos try to back their trucks in to the water to launch or pick up their boats. This took place in a bay one over, and one unlucky fellow turned a boat launch in to an excuse to become a public spectacle and probably turned this in to a very expensive weekend for himself by driving their vehicle way too far in to the water, with the tide coming in, and wedging their boat on the trailer. Made for some interesting watching!


It was a great getaway. It felt like we really had a bit of a holiday, especially because it wasn't planned, it was quite spontaneous, the shopping was great, got to go for some hikes, and once again, Brandon is proving to be a really good traveler.