Confidence

It has been an introspective morning so far.

A few random thoughts as I process a few things:

• motherhood is like gaining a whole new kind of confidence. so far it has been this rollar coaster like journey of going up and up and up, and then down then up then crash then back up again. Whether it be with breast feeding, or learning sleep cycles, or how to play with your child, or how to successfully bathe together, it is an ongoing learning curve for all of you. it is really rewarding at times, and other times, I just feel like I am stumbling along in the dark looking for illuminated corners or words or examples to go by. This has done strange things to my confidence though - I am more aware of my strengths and getting to know my weaknesses a bit better. It's just crazy the doubts you can have at times about your ability to be a mom (or a dad) when really the bottom line is love and best intentions.
  
• talking to other moms has been invaluable and I have learned something from all of my friends, whether or not they have kids
  
• although I am quite comfortable being at home, getting out is a big deal. I have been a bit cooped up in the last few weeks (for many reasons including the nasty weather and lack of personal motivation which is going to change, life is all about cycles you know?!) and getting out for a walk yesterday was huge. it doesn't have to be a big deal to get out anymore, it is just getting out and getting some fresh air and seeing something beyond the yard. I think this also links back to confidence. Confidence to get out of the house and be able to handle or deal with whatever gets thrown your way because this is all new to me/us. I haven't been around a lot of kids for years and I feel like a wide-eyed kid myself with lots to learn. I think that is almost a good thing because I am more of a 'tabula rosa' when it comes to all this parenthood stuff and learning by trying and doing rather than being caught up in a lot of woulda's and coulda's.
  
• Ken and I are continually amazed by what Brandon can do already which I think is also a product of being curious and just seeing how things unfold rather than having all the books and how to's that are out there. I think we have the right amount of printed help material - enough to give us guideposts but not enough to have everything mapped out either
  
• for someone who loves to read, I am getting more information through talking and bouncing ideas around, and perhaps the occaisonal email than I am from books when it comes to evolving in to this parenthood thing

Here's to the rain holding off for a few hours so I can get out for another walk today!