The cusp of change

Every day is a little strange right now. I do wake up and think "is today the day?" and then I also laugh, because I agree with Sarah - in some ways I am tempting fate because I don't quite have that hospital bag packed, or the to call list actually written out, or everything put away and sorted out for the baby. I think I will attempt to get that sorted today. Or at least parts of it.

Granted, all sorts of things distract me now...it feels like classic essay writing avoidance. You know something HUGE is on the horizon, but a part of you is subconsciously thinking, just a few more minutes before the chaos... no matter how much you are looking forward to that next step. I don't know if I have entered that true nesting phase you hear about. It more feels like I am trying to get a handle on things that I put off until I was off work. That last stretch of work was hard. The second to last week was a lot harder than the last. I am not sure at what point I would recommend any mom's to be to take off from work. Technically I was at 37.5 weeks.. I guess whether or not I had enough time to get myself sorted and take my selfish time will depend on when bubs arrives. If it happens sooner, well, perhaps I will feel like I didn't have enough time. If it isn't until the end of the month, well, perhaps then I will feel like I had enough. Somehow, I am sure that however much time I have will be "enough" because that is how it is.

My garden is coming along - lavendar is blooming, and my rose bush has 4 more buds on it! I bought some daisies at the flea market yesterday, and was lucky enough to find both basil and lettuce for my garden. I had had such high hopes back in April and early May to get in a decent garden... and then the plot sat almost empty until yesterday! Funny how your priorities can shift, and then shift almost daily. That last month of work was all about that - getting through the work time, the visiting, and seeing how much energy was left at the end of the day.

It felt strange this morning when Ken left for work. Last week was more like a week of holidays, and this week it is sinking in a little more. I can only imagine how tough it will be a year from now to contemplate going back. I will be different, work will be different.