Attitude Adjustments..

I can't predict just how long this post will be - there are a few new variables in my life that I am sure the 'rents out there can understand :]

The first comment I can make about having kids is that all your preconceptions and attitudes go flying out the window PDQ. The learning curve is steep. When your child looks up at you, eyes wide open, your heart grows sizes you didn't know you had. When you look around you and see your new family, everything shifts inside.

I had no idea I would care as much as I do when Brand0n creates his messy diapers, the relief at times to know the plumbing works, and then to know that he is getting enough food.

Then there are sleeping patterns, or lack there of. We have both already learned how important it is to at least mark down when the boob feeds happen so we can make sure he is eating 8-10 times a day, and making sure he is getting his "next order" in at the ol' Breastaurant Corral. Just as it is that important to wake him up if he has been asleep for more than 3 hours and get him on the boob. Not enough feeds = dehydration and a very unhappy baby = very unhappy parents at 3am.

It is harder to return phone calls. It isn't intentional, but between feeds, and sleeps, and walks around the house, and OMG what happened to our house??, sometimes picking up the phone to make a call isn't the top priority. Email helps, thankfully. Know I love you all and will eventually make more contact with the outside world. Yet another way a blog kinda helps you cheat a little in this regard.

I have also continued to learn what gems my dear mommy friends are. For their advice, for their love, for their understanding, and for the hand-me-downs, for which I am eternally grateful and look forward to being able to "pay around" if any of us have more kids. Being able to share is the only way to go in my eyes. For things I can't put my finger on. In so many ways you don't really get it until you have walked a mile in those mommy shoes, but I wish I could have been more supportive back in the day, but I have always been a late bloomer and hopefully all y'all know I did the best I could at the time with the skill set I used to possess.

For my non-mommy friends, their wide eyed appreciation for this rite of passage we have been through, and that they may or may not go through but they love our little guy all the same has been amazing too. It is neat to share these experiences, and know that they are walking in the shoes that I have apparently abandoned on the side of the road.

And then sleeps at night. Shifting a baby from the bed after a feed doesn't always mean the bassinet is their happy place. We have quickly discovered that sometimes sleeping together is the only way to go. Who knew. Mark that one down as another huge revelation and another preconceived notion flying out the window.

Well, my little darling is starting to squirm and the day is marching on. TTFN

A drumroll please....

Ken and I are very pleased to announce the arrival of our little bundle of joy - Brand0n. He was born on Monday, July 24th at 10:58 pm. He was 8 pounds, 11 ounces, 21 inches long and was delivered au natural.

This has been hands down the most amazing experience of my life. I can't quite say that you forget the pain immediately once you get to hold your new son or daughter, but it begins to fade the moment that you have your baby on your chest and the tears start to roll down your face.

All in all, it wasn't horrific, but they call it labour for a reason. Since we were a week overdue, and with the heat creating a rush of babies, we were induced on Monday morning at 7:30 am. Between the unknowns, we could narrow down the birth window to the next 48 hours but couldn't pin it down. The induction ended up being a day long process, and it was surreal sitting in a local restaurant for breakfast, replete with hospital bands, and just having a normal conversation. It felt strange. We went home for a few hours, frittered away the time, surfed the net, I tried to write something prolific to contemplate and waited until the contractions started to become more defined. The good thing was that I was already going in to early labour when we were induced, so this helped speed things up a fair bit. Or maybe not if we were already walking down that path.

Eventually I may just end up posting my whole birth story, but suffice to say that my waters were broken about 6pm, and the rest of my labour went pretty quickly, all things considered. I stalled about 9.5 cms and that created an attitude adjustment for me in terms of what I was willing to take for the pain (recalling there was a degree of back labour happening). I didn't need to go for the epideral, but the gas and shot of pain relief got me through to the pushing stage. Transition is probably the worst, but the pushing was a relief to start working with your body, and know you were getting down to the gritty bits, or to borrow an expression from a dear friend - the really "raw" parts. I made some gutteral noises I have never expressed before, and did crack some jokes, but I am not a screamer and never did cuss out my husband (like, what is all that about???). I am so glad it was Ken, our doc, and a nurse. It was an intimate birth and very profound. The lights were low, we did play some appropriate mood music (nothing like some African chanting music to match your contractions with, and then switching to a little Enya for good measure). When the going gets tough, it is your loved one's voice that you follow.

A hearty welcome to our son Brand0n!

See, our little darling already has "hockey hair"

Damn Hot

It is hot.

Damn hot.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and the part of me that was touching the bed was hot. The fan wasn't helping. I couldn't imagine living in a climate where these temps were the norm. Give me four seasons and blustery days anytime.

We escaped the heat and went for a matinee that got us out of the heat for the bulk of the day. It was a great swash buckling adventure movie that was well worth what you pay for a summer adventure. Not exactly what I would call a deep movie, but it delivers what it promises.

Of course, walking out of the theatre was like hitting a wall of heat where I instantly started to perspire. I felt very much an overdue pregnant lady when we sauntered through the grocery store to grab the fixings for dinner, lingering in the meat section because it was just a little colder there.

If you haven't picked up on it yet, bubs is still hanging around - inside. No news, just the heat. We are also the new, proud owners of a kiddie pool. What is love? Love is going to three stores to find a kiddie pool for your pregnant, hot, and sweating wife who really needs some body of water available that they can cool down in.

Granted, said husband made fun of me when I was taking my sweet ass time dropping said body in to the pool because it was tap water and as such, a definite temperature adjustment.

I think a local kitten is attempting to adopt us. We are going to do some calls in the next few days to see if someone is missing their cat. Smart bugger too, but skinny, no tattoos, young... started hanging around last night and was just starved for food and affection. I hope it has a home and has just discovered a new place to get some loving.

Smells like a skunk has been in the neighborhood and marked some territory. Just looooovely between that and the cloying heat. Hopefully we do get a break temperature wise tonight, but I am not banking on it....

Heat Wave

Well, we made it to friday and I am getting more and more antsy/excited/anxious/impatient and who knows how else to describe this gamut of emotions.

I must have taunted the sleeping gods something fierce with my last post since sleep was completely optional last night it seems. Finally got out of bed and headed for the couch about 4am, and resorted to the old stand by to help me fall asleep - a Hary P0tter movie.. for some reason, about 30-40 minutes in... they help me slumber. ??!?!?? I don't ask, at this point I just did. Slept off and on, slept a bit this morning, and now I am just rolling with it.

Ken and I attempted to escape the heat and catch a matinee only to be surprised by a power outtage... now we are trying to escape the heat inside, the cats are hogging all the space in front of the fans, and there has been some amazing footage on the big news channel about a 2 hour chase in the gun toting capital of the US. Amazing how compelling it can be to watch stuff like this - to see how things resolve, as you as glued to your seat.

Tonight some socializing with some dear friends, who knows how late/long I will last, but it will be great to hang and compare stories from the last year :] I look back a year and EVERYTHING feels different. It is kind of cool. I can't believe I have been keeping this blog for more than a year. This is a helluva way to keep an ongoing diary. It will be interesting six months from now to check out my head space in the days (hours?) before birth and the next set of changes.

But for now, I can't help but laugh that it seems we have picked the hottest time of the whole year to have a baby!

The Incredible Bulk

Ok, so the title was something that popped in to my head that isn't completely true, but there are defininte moments where it feels like that! Especially when I am trying to roll in bed from one hip to the other.

At this point anything and everything is a sign that labour could be pending. Of course, I am feeling spry and lots of energy. AND I have been sleeping through the night the last three days without a wee break. This is just so not what I expected. Then again, it being a first baby, everything has been foreign territory to me.

I have time on my hands. It is strange to conceptualize projects and have some carry through time. It is a beautiful day out and I started my day with my PB&J and a fluffy book on the patio, and then I was all motivated to trim our laurel bush. WTF?! Ok, so I wasn't at it for a long time, just enough time to create another can of yard waste. It was only the part that is on the side of the driveway, and I was also motivated to get rid of the 10 foot long blackberry bramble that appeared overnight the other day. I figure if we are the ones using the alley with a skookum car, it was time to rid us of that bramble.

I have a sneaking suspicion it is going to get really hot over the next few days. Depending on when things start to happen, I can see myself wanting to go some body of water and go for a swim. Also making a mental note to keep my fluids up.

Shoes have been optional the last few months, and being at home I have to laugh at myself, I am truly barefoot and pregnant, running around in my trailer park sweat shorts and tank top. If you can't find amusement with yourself, what do you have left?

Twiddling my thumbs.

Waiting.

That describes the state of the union about now. I think I am at that point that sooner is better. Not that I feel incredibly uncomfortable just that I am getting really excited!!!

Another motivating factor I wish I could let bubs know about is the heat wave that is going to start tomorrow.. this weekend the temps are going to be in the high 30s! THAT IS STINKING HOT!! I am sure in the state of mind I could be in that won't be a high priority, but still...

The waiting is bizarre. Any little twinge, and your mind just goes there - is it time? Are things starting to happen? Should I grab my bags and call Ken? So far, so good. Just chilling, and waiting. Not much new to report except the hurry up and wait. I am getting calls and emails, "well??" and I wish I had more to reveal but not a lot yet!!! It is strange not being in the driver's seat on this one...

Due Date: Now.

I never knew this before, but this what 40 weeks pregnant looks like. Last night we had a great night out near the water's edge, munching down on some fish and chips, going for a relaxed pace walk, and then grabbing some gelato before heading home. What a great way to celebrate reaching our due date. Ok, it was completely selfish and all about us. It was great.

The countdown officially kicks off and it could be any day. I am feeling pretty good, and I suspect that the urge to start to do some cleaning is upon me. Either that or the fact I have been doing other things (like napping and grocery shopping) has distracted me enough that perhaps there are a few odds and ends I should try to take care of... in due time of course!

Days, not weeks.

*GULP*

It has come to this. Days, and not weeks, and we will be parents.

We have reached that point in which it really and truly could be any day. Do I feel any different? What is that twinge? Where did the headache come from? Hey! I slept better the last 2 nights than I did all last week. So what is up? What is up is that we are getting there. We are not officially there yet. It feels like we are in the holding cell, waiting for our numbers to be called so we can proceed to the next stage. I am definitely getting excited, and I think we have everything we need to have together, together.

The bags are more or less packed, and things are ready. Tomorrow will be a strange day, being aware that it has been pegged as your estimated due date, and that most babies really don't care about what our idea of their right time is. Ironically enough, our friend Gilly is coming back to town too from a year long sojourn across the pond!! I am not sure when we will hook up with her because of our current variables and state of near chaos, but tomorrow should be an interesting day to say the least.

I think the cats know something is up. They aren't interested in the crib, and the one time that Murphy jumped in to the bassinet, as soon as it moved on him, he was outta there! Last day with the car for a while, after this, Ken will have it in case something does happen, he needs to be able to get to me ASAP.

As well, my luck with objects has not turned yet. Last night I was watering the lawn, gave a pull on the hose, and managed to break the tap. Yup. I am on a roll, cars, water taps, tires, who knows what else I have had an impact on in the last few weeks and not realized it. Half reminds me of the year that I managed to break three door handles on my old rabbit. Yup, I kept pulling the damn things off and snapping them. W T F???? I am not that strong!!!! Perhaps me not being really klutzy this last little while has been transferred to the inantimate (sp) objects around me? It happened after 10pm, water was pouring out all over the place, and me calling Ken with that tone that screams out "Oh shit, I have done something really bad over here. HELP!" Well, Ken and my dad make one helluva team and were able to find the parts in the garage (there are definite advantages to being a packrat) to weld a new tap in place, and before midnight we were back in action!! My men rule. Thankfully they are very much mechanically inclined although not exactly a peaceful Sunday night before heading back to work!!

Hang Ups

One of the bonuses of being at home during the day is that you get to hear the calls that come in from telemarketers and the like that just never leave a message.

Of course, they start about 9am. My sleep patterns have continued to be nothing short of typically unusual and lately I have had issues falling asleep at anything that could even resemble a decent time, so I value the hours in the morning when I can sleep! First call happened about 9:15, then I got up about 10ish, and was "indisposed" for the next call. Which ironically enough ended up being someone I knew but who hung up as soon as the answering machine clicked in. Well, I couldn't have gotten there if I tried, and well, if ya'd leave a message, I would call ya back! Why wait for the answering machine, let the click and then the annoying noise record if you aren't willing to just leave a name? I of course could be wrong about it being someone I knew, but... the pattern has been a predictable one in the past from said person. I think I am almost making a point now of not returning calls if a message isn't left since that is the attitude I am kind of adopting for myself. If I call, even if I know you have call display (who doesn't have that at this point?) and if I don't leave a message, I don't really expect for you to call me back! Otherwise I would have done more than leave a digital footprint.

That brings me to a different edge of the same topic. It has been nice to lay low the last few weeks since I have been off. To have limited contact with the outside and just try to take all the changes in. I haven't really felt all that chatty or that social, and for no apparent reason. The last year has been such a frenetic pace that it is cool to hang about the house with my books, a small knitting project, keeping up on odds and ends, writing here and there, and somehow watching the days go by too quickly! I am feeling a bit squirrelly about committing myself to anything in the next few weeks because of the unknowns - I can't believe tuesday is my due date. I don't really feel all that different right now, except I definitely have a baby belly and it feels amazing to the touch and to feel the baby shifting around inside of me.

I think at this stage many moms-to-be turn inward (especially for the first time), soaking it all in, thinking about the upcoming changes, hoping that all the ts are crossed and i's dotted, and trying to enjoy as much one on one time with your partner as possible, even if it just holding hands together on the couch watching old movies... hoping that you have enough to just get through the first bits until you really know and learn what you will need to get through the rest.

Packing.

Packing for the hospital is a formidable task.

What the hell to bring? What will I want to wear? What will feel good after labour?

This is a strange task to undertake. Packing a diaper bag with baby goodies for the first time. What to bring, all that fun stuff. Oops, can't forget my flip flops, or some CDs to listen too, should I pass over important ID to Ken to bring with him that day, night, er? Having one set of stuff for the labour, and then another bag for after. And then how long will I be there? Is it like Survivver and I will want a comfort item? Will I care?

Answers to these burning questions will be revealed in a matter of time. LOL

Random Bits

Yesterday marked 39 weeks... so any day, and counting. It is a strange state of purgatory. Am I ready yet? Are we ready? Ah yes, that small technicality of packing that bag for the hospital. Well, it is half done. I will finish doing that today because I am really feeling like I am tempting fate by not having it packed and ready to go.

I still feel good, I had wild and crazy dreams last night, and my new kitchen floor is going in! I just realized I could almost include Ken in the title of Super Dads, but my guys are putting it in, and I can't wait to see the peel and stick lino tiles replaced by laminate! So I am trying not to hang around the kitchen for a few reasons. It is hard not to help out, and face it, not the time to be making any kind of comments. So I am making myself scarce.

Cookie dough. This is a definite weakness for me. Now that I have more time off, I am rediscovering the joys of baking. At least when I make cookies I prefer the dough and then immediately try to pawn the cookies off on my dad and Ken.

So this whole birth experience is a bit of a crapshoot. Although there are some parts which are pretty routine, it happens on its own path, in its own time. It is strange to be out of control in this way, hoping that everything happens "naturally" rather than facing medical interventions. It could be any time, that is the real kicker. Hell, it could even be today, although waking up, today didn't really feel like "the day".

The cusp of change

Every day is a little strange right now. I do wake up and think "is today the day?" and then I also laugh, because I agree with Sarah - in some ways I am tempting fate because I don't quite have that hospital bag packed, or the to call list actually written out, or everything put away and sorted out for the baby. I think I will attempt to get that sorted today. Or at least parts of it.

Granted, all sorts of things distract me now...it feels like classic essay writing avoidance. You know something HUGE is on the horizon, but a part of you is subconsciously thinking, just a few more minutes before the chaos... no matter how much you are looking forward to that next step. I don't know if I have entered that true nesting phase you hear about. It more feels like I am trying to get a handle on things that I put off until I was off work. That last stretch of work was hard. The second to last week was a lot harder than the last. I am not sure at what point I would recommend any mom's to be to take off from work. Technically I was at 37.5 weeks.. I guess whether or not I had enough time to get myself sorted and take my selfish time will depend on when bubs arrives. If it happens sooner, well, perhaps I will feel like I didn't have enough time. If it isn't until the end of the month, well, perhaps then I will feel like I had enough. Somehow, I am sure that however much time I have will be "enough" because that is how it is.

My garden is coming along - lavendar is blooming, and my rose bush has 4 more buds on it! I bought some daisies at the flea market yesterday, and was lucky enough to find both basil and lettuce for my garden. I had had such high hopes back in April and early May to get in a decent garden... and then the plot sat almost empty until yesterday! Funny how your priorities can shift, and then shift almost daily. That last month of work was all about that - getting through the work time, the visiting, and seeing how much energy was left at the end of the day.

It felt strange this morning when Ken left for work. Last week was more like a week of holidays, and this week it is sinking in a little more. I can only imagine how tough it will be a year from now to contemplate going back. I will be different, work will be different.

Pfffffttttttt

That was the sound of my first week off, officially coming to an end.

I must reiterate. Time off goes by much quicker than does paid employment.

Just finished up my application for benefits. I must say, the people they have manning those offices certainly are not helpful. I wonder if they start off with lofty aspirations and then somewhere along the line get disenchanted and bitter. Everything is by the rules. There is no room for a personality. Free thinking. Lending a helping hand. No siree, just sign on the dotted line, and swallow any protests and get thee out of the office. Oh, did I mention that it is much more convenient to apply on-line?

We are well on the path to being sorted and ready to go. Will do a "baby" load of laundry today to get things rolling and perhaps organize the wardrobe a little, and get my bag packed for the hospital. It feels strange to plan that one. To know that within the next few weeks I will be going to the hospital. A place I have avoided like the plague up until now, and I am even packing an overnight bag to go with me! This whole pregnancy thing changes everything! LOL! I feel like I am perched on that edge of the ultimate "hurry up, and wait" since the timing is ultimately out of my hands. I am not huge and swollen and waddling around chanting "this needs to be over". Sometimes I catch myself wondering about the whole experience, what my birth story is going to look like, whether or not I will be able to excude an aura of calm in the midst of the chaos.

I am enjoying the quiet moments, still reading up a storm, and I have a few side projects which are demanding a little attention. It felt good to pick up some knitting supplies yesterday so I can work with my hands again. This should be another perk of being off for the next year, being able to start knitting again in stolen moments of time.

Kazzicus Domesticus strikes again!

38 weeks....

Weekly trip to the doc this morning and all is well. The HB was loud and strong, and now that we have reached this stage.. it could be any time. General consensus is later rather than earlier, but this isn't exactly something I have any control over either.

I am feeling good, which continues to boggle my mind. I think I have been really lucky on this journey. I have been puttering around the house taking care of all these little projects that have been out there on the radar but I avoided during the last few weeks (er months, who am I kidding) waiting for when I would be off work. That I am off for the next stretch of time has and has not sunk in yet. I hope my energy levels stay where there are at (pretty reasonable) and that I do get a bit of time before the big event. It is in the quiet moments that you really get a chance to think about what is happening. Sometimes it is this surreal concept trying to plan for what you will need, or perhaps what baby thingeemebobs you are going to even want around the house.

And groceries... why is it that you run out of all the big stuff all at the same time? Between 2 big box stores I think we now have enough food to lay low for a few weeks... but I figured just in case - it was better to have the stuff that is harder to remember gotten! After shopping I treated myself to a cinnie-bun and a coffee, and chilled out with the paper. It felt like a few stolen moments, not rushing to be anywhere. I think this is one of those few times in a person's life where they have time, time they aren't sure how to fill, or at times, how to approach the fine art of relaxing (when you are used to going mach 4, it is a challenge believe it or not). If there is a second child, you don't have the same kind of time before the baby comes.

I am trying to think big - what things would be important to do in the next few days or weeks, aside from pleasure reading, and nesting, and catching up with a few folk... I don't think I will get that best selling novel written, but it is great to just have this time to reflect.

Happy Day to be a Canadian

Happy Canada Day!

I can't say that I am always patriotic, but there are moments that I am so aware of the fact that I am Canadian, and so damn proud of where I am from and what our country attempts to represent that I am fairly moved by it all - especially when the anthem is sung, the more spontaneous the better. I recall one Canada Day, out at a large outdoor concert, imbibing some brewskies and watching the Hip. It was amazing. I remember a few years ago, wandering around the waterfront with my sweetie, a place where I lived when I was young with the sun on my face, the salmon BBQ, the families everywhere, and the buzzzzzz.

Maybe that is part of the reason I love plaid and love hockey. It is in my blood. That and the blood of how many other nationalities from peoples that made their way west? Today should be a great day of visiting, spending some time in the sun, making a fruit crisp, and enjoying my first official day of Maternity Leave.

Happy Canada Day! I would say enjoy a cold one, but well...