Manipulated?

My damn cat just hit the backspace key and I lost a really good post.

Have I mentioned what it is like that as soon as I stop moving, and the kids are settled, that immediately the cats will seek me out? Yes, I lurve them. Do I always need their clingy desire for my attention the moment I have a moment for me?

My book club is reading My Sister's Keeper this month. I will admit, it was all I could do to get through the first 100 pages of this novel. I had to look at the end, just to see if it would draw to a predictable end, just to help gauge whether or not I would finish the book. I did finish it, but, did I enjoy it? Would I recommend it? Even now, a few weeks later (yes, I love the magic of being able to manipulate the dates, kind of needed when you have two young children), I am still struggling to say that it was a good read.

What comes to mind is a conversation with a girlfriend about this book. She labeled it as manipulative writing. That term hadn't crossed my mind when she tossed it out there - but when the shoe fits, she nailed it. JP style is to throw as much family drama in to a book, shake it up, throw in some nice prose, maybe a twist, and viola! Okay, I am generalizing from one book, but I have generally avoided these kinds of books in the past because I don't really feel the need to go for the family tear jerkers as my reading. My time is precious enough to try to depress myself. I figure (my) life can be dramatic enough at times rather than feel the need to go out and chase it.

Having had a child go through some medical issues, yes, JP does a good job at times describing what the reality can be like. Yes, life does throw you curve balls all at once, and doesn't space them out in a manner where you can deal with them one by one, but this book had it all - and the characters in a way felt really stereotyped. I could not connect with the mom - I feel so grateful for both of my boys, and am trying to spend quality time with each, and am concerned with each and helping them both be all that they can be, that this novel didn't really ring true for me in many parts. Too much of everything - too much disintegration as the mother figure focused everything on one child at the cost of the others. Yes, maybe that is the point, but for all the serious topics delved in to in this book, was it a deep, profound, prolific novel? Nope. Pretty much after we talk about it at book club, I can't say that I will seek out another JP novel. Not my cup of tea.

Toilet Training - Recap.

A week ago I wondered how we would get Brandon out of diapers for 90% of the time.

We're there. I had my doubts Monday and Tuesday, but then things magically seemed to start coming together, and he has not had an accident since Thursday, pretty much knows when he needs to go, and is really, really proud of himself. He even managed to do it standing up at the grandfolks place today! I am really proud of him.

It has been a week though - it is a bit draining. Back and forth to the toilet. Back and forth. Not always successful. One of the last trips in, Brandon got a mohawk. It's amazing how much can change in a week - from tears to shouts of joy. From cajoling to him being able to strip himself pretty much with so much less help. It is a huge step to independence (gulp). Some moments where I think patience wore thin, and times I just wanted to slap a diaper back on. It's worth it. Hopefully in a few weeks, no more diapers for naps.. and then we will see when we can jettison the night diapers.

Shopping yesterday, it was so nice to bypass the big box of size 6's that pretty much don't fit. Ya hoo!! That saves a little money... will aim to train Connor before 3... I am sure second child has more motivation to stop wearing diapers with a "big kid" in the house...

A week. You really need the week where all your energy is focused on this thing called toilet training. Persevere. Stick in there. Have bribery goods for your dear child, and for myself, strongbows really helped out a few nights. I am sure there will be accident, but it is so cool he isn't in diapers anymore, and watching him bloom just a little more.

Day 4

It has been quite the week. Between the two younguns I have puked on, pissed on, and at one point, there were a few cling-ons from the big dude because everything didn't hit the water before he sat on my leg.

*SIGH*

Yesterday, just about at my breaking point, we had a breakthrough. First pee in the toilet. If I was a cryer, I would have cried with relief. Of course, it was purely coincidental it happened at that moment (I didn't think anything was going to happen, just caught him before putting him down for a nap) but it was a start. He knows when he has to go... still seems to hold it for hours... but since then, we seemed to have turned a corner.

My daycare lady Sue said you needed a week to make it happen - and I am seeing truth in this. A weekend wouldn't cut it, now at Day 4, it seems like I can see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there will be mishaps, I know we will have to pack a few changes of clothes... but we are on the road to no more diapers! I will worry about night times... later.

So what do people do after training has started and you are out and about??? Hover your kid over the public toilet? Carry your kid's ring in a backpack?? That is today's mystery.

Day 3 - Yes we can.

After too many changes of clothes to count, we are slowly getting there. I believe these pants could be prophetic of times to come. "Yes We Can". Yes, I can't wait. I can't wait to not be buying big boxes of diapers anymore. Wait, we still have junior... but he is still wee, so it isn't so bad.

Toilet training is a much harder journey than I anticipated. I didn't really have a concept of what it would be like, but we are getting there. Patience. Patience. Lots of patience. Ken bought me chocolate. And licorice. It is helping. Although not my waistline according to my Fit.

Day 2

Well, I guess I should be thankful we have 9 pairs of boys underwear that fit.

Brandon - 1
Toilet Training - 1
Me - Done (thankfully they are both sleeping and it gives me a few minutes).
Dirty underwears so far today? - 5

We had one success this morning, as farts were followed by a movement, and it has given me hope. This whole toilet training thing is about as difficult to navigate as I expected. Especially when one is ready to go, and one is on the boob, or crying. They have both had really good naps this afternoon, which I am grateful for, a few moments for me, and I think Connor was getting a bit over-tired, so the sleep is good.

I am waiting for that first pee to just "happen" on the toilet and not in his pants so we can go from there - build on it as a positive experience. I can see that the whole week is going to be close to home, and our toilet. We have a routine, and are getting really close to hitting it just right, just not yet. I guess it is day 2, and we have had some good chats while he sits there with his legs dangling, and it is a rite of passage. I guess deep down I know we don't turn back now, but for something everyone does, I think it as much a rite of passage for the parents as it for the kid. Like breastfeeding, you have no idea what it is going to be like until you walk down that path, encounter a few hurdles, and continue on.

Toilet Training - Day 1

Smarties to bribe son for sitting on the throne. Check.

Hallowe'en type treats for when a number two happens, on the throne. Check.

Really cool boy underwear. Check.

Portable step. Check.

Ring around the throne for three year old bum. Check.

As Brandon naps, we are on outfit number three, lots of trying, and no successful movements on the throne. He is keen on trying, and I am sure things will come together ... but no action today yet. I am going to continue with diapers for naps and then underjams for night time, but no more diapers during the day.

He peed once outside, and then inside, well, I figured it was time to take him to the throne, but was squeezing a feed for youngest in, and well, missed the window. This is the aim of the week. Concentrated training.

I figured the weather is good, we can be outside (somewhat, although not all that often with a newborn), and the time is nigh. He is a big boy, a smart boy (hey, doesn't this sound like a song?), and knows what is up. We went from being shy to trying, to now trying seems pretty cool, especially when he gets to pick what colour smartie he gets for trying. Yes, he will get 3 for a successful pee, 1 for trying... a bit pavlovian, but, fingers crossed, it works, and will be a short-term reward system...

Special X,

Sounds intriguing doesn't it?

Sadly enough, I have now read all of Slade's books. *SIGH*.

Write, dammit, write!!! I have to wait until January 2009 for the next book comes out, and I hope that it won't be the new upstart character and instead a continuation of the Special X crew..

The upside is that I will be seeing him at the Sunshine Coast Writer's festival this weekend. I am gleeful - Ken and I both get to attend since we are bringing along some friends to watch the boys for an hour... I am really excited - about the day trip, about hearing what Slade has to say, maybe getting a book (or two) signed, going to the local craft fair (which is awesome, or has been in past years in a very coastal type way), and puttering around the coast with some great friends. Can't ask for a better day.

The downside, which is really another upside, is that I read the Slade novels out of order. I just finished the first book, Headhunter, and well, it was continued in another book, so it was a bit of a trip going back in time, so to speak to pick up the original threads. Slade's books are tight, well written, perhaps a bit macabre at times, but very well researched. I must say, I do like the dark, intellectual crime suspense novels - they balance out the literature that I read..

Ah yes, and to top it off, we bought the last Slade book to add to my collection at a used bookstore just off Hastings... and they take trade ins! So, as it seems I am still able to read with two kids.. who knew??? (okay, I read before I fall asleep, and sometimes when I b'feed) I am still blitzing through books.

Am definitely open to any suggestions of some good reads... literary or not!

Growth spurts

Six weeks old, and 3 years old.

Gotta love when the kids go through growth spurts, you have no idea what you are going to get. Between Brandon's get green gobs of goo, and Connor being a bit off (okay, it was really only for two days) it's been a little different. Granted, maybe it was me too. I have been feeling a bit antisocial this week. I made myself a list of things to do, and well, there are still many lines on it. I think I made some headway, but having kids and being at home also means you have to learn how to let go, and not be on a rigid time line, and just go with the flow.

These are some fun pics of the boys, trying out their mugs.

6 weeks

It's funny, when you are pregnant, the weeks start going up and up, and you can't wait to hit milestone after milestone.

Then you have your babe, and your life gets tossed about. New person to learn about, new routines, adjustments, other people's are affected, and then wait and see.

You start measuring time, and a different body again. Watching the numbers go up again, starting with days, and then weeks, then months, and finally years.

Now we are already six weeks in and I can't remember a life without Connor.

I figure that people must think I have been on happy pills, but I feel grateful I have my family, and my boys are who they are. Between the four of us, things are cool. Each day brings new adventures, and I look to the horizon, and I can't help but look forward to what else time will bring. Connor is off the growth charts, so I have a thriving babe. Over 13 pounds already, and we are officially out of the three month size. I also exchanged the box of size 1 diapers for size 2 today... the 1's are starting to look like baby speedos. I am not sure what colour his hair will end up, it seems every time I wash it, it gets lighter. His eyebrows are also growing in, and they too are light, and big bright blue eyes.

Some people see more of Ken, other people see more of me, some people see more of a resemblance to Brandon... of course, he is all Connor, but in all of us, it is amazing to see the echoes of who we came from.

Week 5 saw the reward of true smiles (and not gas bubbles as every one says). His smiles disarm me as quickly as the tinkling sound of Brandon's laughter, or that look from my hubby. Yes, I sound like a smitten new mother.

It's funny, the weeks around Brandon's b'day were crazy - and then last week I laid low (made pickles though!) and now this week seems to be the same. Not quite antisocial, but not quite not antisocial either. B has a cold - the weather sucks (yes, we need the rain), and it is nice to just settle in a bit. I seem to go one way and then the next - lots of socializing, and then not much at all and content to be at home, or just do my own thing for a spell, and then back the other way... back and forth like a crazy pendulum.

Pickled.

I have made my first attempt at dill pickles. Apparently we have to wait 8 weeks before we crack a jar.. I found what looked like a decent recipe on my favorite recipes site and away I went. 30 pounds of cukes, lots of fresh ingredients, and viola!


We won't talk about the jar with the blue garlic.

Better than I expected

I just finished reading A million little pieces by James Frey... Like a few other books I have read in the past year, I am picking them up a few years after they were popular. Or in this case, perhaps notorious? I remember the big furor with the big O, and that parts of the autobiography could have been embellished for the sake of the story. Which brings up a few things for me.

Firstly, I didn't expect to really enjoy this novel. It is another one that I have been intrigued by, and well, I was a bit turned off by the hype a few years ago, although truly, I did not have a clue what the book was about. As much as you can say that you enjoyed a book like this, I truly did. It is a helluva story, a look in to addiction and alcoholism, and brutally honest (for lack of a better word in this moment), or frank, or just not prettied up. I found that I was compelled to keep reading, and that is was easy to work through, that I was interested to see what would happen to James, and good god, what a story if even a smidgeon of what he describes is accurate. Which, having known someone who was also successful through AA, probably not far off. I could appreciate how he referred to making a decision, taking responsibility for his actions, and choosing a different lifestyle from this moment on. You have to. In your own stark awareness, you have to make a choice for yourself and stick with it if you are going to be successful. I can only relate it to when I quit smoking - it was a decision I clearly made and deconstructed why I was smoking and when I smoked, and I quit cold turkey, I had one big relapse one night, looked at what I did, and truly realized I didn't want to be that person anymore that smoked - not exactly the same type of thing as what happens in the book, but in the same vein of reasoning. I also liked how the book of Tao impacted his thinking and brought him peace - I remember going through some of the stuff with Brandon and reading a book called Momma Zen and it brought me a measure of peace in it's simple message and language. So, all rambles aside, I would highly recommend this book and this came as a surprise to me. It's a helluva a read IMHO.

Secondly, I also think teenagers should read this book in school. It deals with a (potentially) harsh reality in terms I think that would really hit home, the Outsiders times at least ten. Might scare a few folks in to thinking about a few things before blindly trying them.

Thirdly, I don't recall reading that it is a non fiction book or that it is directly billed as an autobiography. I did a bit of probing in to this book's past (gotta love wikipedia), and it seems that there was a big bru-ha-ha with the big O and the reading public because everything may not have been as portrayed in the novel. I don't really have a problem with this because I feel that as soon as you start to talk about something, or commit it to paper, it is already becoming fiction because it is as you remember it, how you would describe it, and how it impacted you. Looking at this book as a book, and not as a the gospel according to James Frey and accurate in every sense of the word, the underlying truths of the book won't change and that is why it is a good book. The rest of the publicity, and the lawsuit that happened... well, I guess not being personally impacted, and well, I am detached in the sense that a good book is a good book and in many ways, as a piece of art takes on a life of it's own, away from the author. What happened here is it's own story and interesting in light of how things unraveled. I can't help but think about the impact of a book becoming an O's choice.. and the instant fame and demand for the book. I must admit, I have mixed feelings when I find a book I am reading was/is an O book, much like finding out it is going to be made in to a movie soon.

Heat Wave

I am not unique when I say that the heat wave the west coast is experiencing is something else.

Holy Shit is it hot. And humid. And seemingly never ending. I never thought I would say it was too hot, for too long.

Today was one of those days, Brandon did not sleep(seem to need to get him out and exhaust him in the morning if he is going to have a nap), Connor got woken up a lot, and the day just felt chaotic, inconsistent, and irritable. I feel like the hydration police, and the poor boys in the heat, it isn't easy for them, nor for Ken, driving in the oven of a truck he does without respite...

I can't believe the difference it makes even getting 20 minutes to myself to work out a little on the Wiiii Fit. It is good for my head to sweat a little. I noticed not being able to do that today.

It also felt like our routine was totally off, and that didn't help either. And the house feels really messy and disorganized, which adds to the chaos.

Today was not a stellar day. Nice thing is, tomorrow is another day.

On a totally different note, Connor is learning how to smile, and it is enchanting. It is also really cool watching Brandon watch his favorite show.. he loves to watch Super Why in the morning, and it is a really decent kids show, so that 1/2 hour buys me time to clean the kitchen and get a decent start to the day... although not today, but most days... I had no idea how much I would come to rely on and then develop routines. They can be such a lifesaver...

Adorable

The birthday boy in his new shirt and wearing his paws..

The hint of a smile - I love this photo, a month old...

I am absolutely biased, but I feel pretty blessed with my two boys. I wondered what I would be like adjusting to two... I know at times I have felt a few moments getting to know friend's number 2's and then adjusting quickly to the new reality and my heart swelling with love and acceptance of change, but there is no adjustment when the babe is your own. Okay there are, but not in the way that I am speaking of. It just feels right - and having our family of 4 seems pretty damn cool. Helps when you have two cool boys, and Connor seems to be doing really well and is a very good natured baby, and Brandon is growing like a weed and is mostly cool with Connor (although the heat isn't helping right now) - I just feel very blessed in my little reality and corner of the universe.

Three

Happy Third Birthday Brandon!!!

a really good read..

I finished off The Book of Negroes last night. What a great read. It is another one of the books I have bought recently because I was intrigued by it's cover. Unlike the last one, this one totally delivered. I loved this book from start to finish. It was a very satisfying read, and I was almost sad to put it down. I even read all the end notes and all the remaining bits by the author.

It is the tale of a girl taken from Sierra Leone during the slave trade, and then the tale of her extraordinary life as she lives through tumultuous times. It is compelling, the history feels sound, and it is a tale not often heard. This book deals with some really intense topics, but it never feels depressing or truly dark, there is a thread of hope that runs through this tale,a spirit if you will. Yessiree, I highly recommend this one..

I can't believe I have found some moments to read?!!!!

3 weeks old

It's already been three weeks, and Brandon will be turning three himself at the end of the week. Wow. The time is just flying by.

I can't say enough how much easier it is second time around. Everything not being an unknown makes such an incredible difference. Then there are the differences in me - I don't feel like I am "playing" at being a mom, I am "mom". I am more confident, and I have a better idea of what I am and am not willing to do this time around. Feeding has been so much better, and sleeping, I don't know if it is better, but it is not unexpected. We haven't had huge crying fits, but Connor definitely has a healthy set of lungs.

There are moments though - when you find your almost three year old a bit much, okay, maybe even irritating, or when you just can't get to your baby fast enough and he lets a few wails out, or it seems that the laundry exploded again, or one of the cats puked on the floor because they were eating one of your plants again.

It just does not seem as crazy as it was the first time - I wouldn't say easier, maybe it is just being more prepared for what life is throwing at us. So far, going from none to one has been harder than going from one to two. I may be singing a different tune a week from now, but for now, that is my story.

The weather has been fantastic - we have been out to the local parks the last few days. I am on a mission to get Brandon walking more and more every day, and to try to take advantage of this gift of time with both boys and try to get out and do cool things with both of them. The walking is coming, and he is getting more balanced all the time. I did have to get him new beach shoes, the ones we bought stateside just weren't working for him, and if I want him to do big walks and splash around water parks, he needs good shoes.

I had to laugh, he is definitely my kid, when I handed him his new shoes in the truck he had to show them off to poppa "Look poppa, I have NEW SHOES! They are orange and blue!" and he preened and held them up, and talked about them all the way home. I am grateful my dad has been able to come out and join us for the outings, otherwise it would damn near impossible to do what I have been doing with a two week old. Damn, we didn't even really leave the house when Brandon was this young, and here we have been out a lot, and had visitors, and my house isn't even crazy chaotic. The dishes are actually done...

Any feeding issues I have had in the past were put in to perspective yesterday... one of my dear friends came by with her 8 month old, and I got to witness what she goes through to get food in to her little one's belly. It seems like an unreal fight - she doesn't want a bottle, is picky about the real foods she will eat, and wants/doesn't want the breast... she literally fights it all the way and my girlfriend seems more than a little frazzled. If nothing else, both boys are good eaters... and neither had issues going between the bottle and the breast... and her kid is up all hours of the night... so not only does she have a little hellion to feed, she herself is over-tired and needing a good night's sleep and I think a few hours away from her daughter... or at least time to go for a run... I think if I can get her out to the park, I will park our strollers and tell her to just run it out for herself.

Amazing how important it is to carve out some space of "you"-ness once you have kids. Whether it is a book, or knitting, or exercise, or quiet zen time to reflect, it is so much more important when you have so much less of it.

One thing I can say about having two kids instead of one... you become almost instantly better at time management because you HAVE to be. There isn't as much of the, I can do that later... if it doesn't get done now.. O M G it gets that much harder to do it tomorrow. Hence, why the dishes are already done.

Expressing.

I finally broke out the old Isis pump today and much to my dismay, I think it has finally given up the ghost and is done. One of the key attachments is cracked, and well, it just isn't getting enough suction to pump my milk.

Damn.

So I just hand expressed about 3 ounces. Bloody hell, it wasn't easy by any stretch. Connor has been down for a marathon nap after an early morning Doc's appt and I was feeling a bit swollen... will have to see how this sorts out in the next while. It is nice to have the back up of a pump for those times you aren't able to nurse as much as you would like. Connor has officially regained his birth weight and then some... he weighed in at 10 pounds, 14 ounces this morning.. WOO WOO!! in other terms, closing in on 5kg! I am both b'feeding and formula, and I am glad to see that Connor's weight gain is good (only at about 10 pounds, 6 ounces on Monday... so things must be going much better) and that things are working as they should.

Two is chaos at times, and at other times, incredibly wonderful. Your heart just expands to make room for another little person, and it is overwhelming how proud I am when I look around at my little family and consider the four of us - it is pretty cool.

Some good, some not so good.

I have no idea when I have had the time to read in the last few weeks, but I did get through a book, and a bit.

I read Bloodletting and Other Various Cures and it wasn't quite what I expected. It is almost a smattering of "almost stories" for lack of a better word. It wasn't bad, it wasn't great. I wanted to know more about some of the threads, and others where plain confusing about why they were included. There were hints of other stories, or how things ended with some of the characters, it was an intriguing book - but just not really what I thought the book was going to be like (as I have already mentioned). Some insight in to life as a doctor, fancy that, they are just people too, but I found that this book left me wanting.

I also attempted to read The Road. It did not do it for me. I got about 100 pages in to this depressing, dark, bleak book and I decided I just didn't really need to see it to it's conclusion. It is well written, and quite poetic at times, just not my cup of tea. It is in the years (?) after some global catastrophic event and follows the footsteps of a man and his son as they head to the "coast" and hopes of at least marginally better quality of life. They consider themselves the "good guys" and there are lots of dead bodies and very little food, a lot of ash, and humans gone bad. This also was not what I expected - I should have read some reviews first since I more than likely would not have been as intrigued by the book as I was.

My boys...

A few more pics from the hospital... I must admit, I am a pretty proud momma!

Connor William

Our second son, Connor William made his arrival on Saturday morning, June 27th, at 2:17am. He was 22 inches long, and weighed in at an impressive 10 pounds, 8 ounces. This was a really quick birth, so by the time we made it to the hospital around midnight, discovered we were already at 7 cm, it was obvious we were only a few hours away from welcoming Connor.

Everything went really well - (I am backdating this post to stay somewhat current and to get caught up). Although I must say on Friday, I didn't really expect to not be induced on Saturday morning. In fact, when I called my doctor to give him a head's up at 11:15pm on Friday night... he seemed a little skeptical that we would be heading to the birthing room right away! Things went fast. This time I opted for the room with the shower instead of the bath, and it seemed like experience played a major factor in making this an easier birth. I was able to control my breathing through many of the contractions, Ken was great at applying pressure as needed on my back, and things just progressed so much quicker. I was almost afraid to get in the delivery bed - I kept remembering that with Brandon, at that point, it felt like I was there for hours and hours in pain, before things really started to move.

Things happened so fast this time, they didn't do any blood work (no time for any pharmaceutical help, although I didn't really need it this go around) and for me, I just seemed really aware of what was happening. A good team of nurses, and Ken, and then with the same doctor that delivered Brandon. I felt well taken care of, the hospital wasn't all that busy, and truly, it was a really good birth experience.

Our first picture after birth all together... now we need some pics with the 4 of us!!


This picture was taken when Connor was about an hour or two old..