Not winning the housekeeper of the year award

I blame my mother.

Growing up, my mom was a fastidious cleaner. I think I started rebelling against her extreme cleanliness standards young, channeling my inner pack rat and having a messy room. It seemed at times having a perfect house was more important than enjoying life. You can read all sorts of psychology in to this, but in many ways my mom claims this was one way that she felt she had control over her life, was controlling her environment to the nth degree.

Weekends are my big clean up day. I hate to admit it, some nights, cleaning the kitchen is the last thing I want to do. So, things get cluttered. Sometimes life happens, and I can't say that making sure my house is picture perfect all the time is ever going to happen. Hell, I am proud when the house stays semi-tidy for my work week... normally it is "big clean up day" around the house on Saturday.. or if I push it.. Sunday. Working full-time, juggling home life, is one helluva balance.

I even got in early today.

Must have been something in the air this morning, not only did the right candidate win last night for the folks down south, IMH, but I got in to work early today.

I have beaten the paper monster back from half of my desk, but I still feel like there are a lot of outstanding bits and pieces. Makes me feel half anxious - knowing there is stuff floating around my desk I haven't gotten to and there are only so many hours in the day - even when I skip lunches and breaks, and just work my ass off to get it done. I hate the missing breaks, etc (we don't get paid OT, just time off) but they also give a little, giving me time off for appointments when I need it.. so, at the end of the day it all comes out in the wash.

Life seems busy, busy. I can't believe it is November, with Christmas around the corner. It really feels like it is sneaking up on us this year.

the next Harry?

I have jumped in to a new series, but it is taking me a while to really get in to it.

A few people had mentioned the Twilight series, about vampires and werewolves, that seemed to come out of nowhere and is all of sudden really popular with a movie coming out this winter (don't quote me on this).

I am on Book 2 - New Moon and it is more what I would call an easy read, totally escapist literature with a bit of an occultist bent. The characters took a while to warm up to, and I do care, but it is one of those reads that I can power through 50 pages in a 1/2 hour break. Not that deep, but interesting enough for a break at work. That said, I am sure I will finish the series off (being able to borrow and not buy them helps) but I don't feel as drawn in to the magic as I was with Harry and his gang. I can't wait for the next movie to come out. Hell, I would love to get out for a movie, although nothing has really caught my fancy for the last few months...

Broken sleep

It's been a long haul over the last week. I guess just over the last week. B went through a minor surgery last week (planned, nothing major) and recovery has been steady, just slow. When your little guy is hurting, nothing in your world is right.

It amazes me when you have a little one how important the basics are - are they drinking? are they eating? are they crapping? how is their temperature? overall mood? are they sleeping enough? Are you? You watch these things like a hawk...

When things start to ease off, it is like a weight off of your shoulders, and then you just keep on marching forwards.

I took today off work - wasn't planned, but I figured my little guy should have another day at home, with just mom.

It's amazing how important it is when folks just "check in". The little kindnesses - like asking how is your dude doing (those that knew, I wasn't that vocal about what we went through in everyone's defense)and my dad just hanging out with us - not doing much, bringing timbits (my son is a true Canuck. He lurves his timbits) to the moments where B cuddles in and says he loves me.

Hallowe'ening...

Why give up on being a big kid?? Check out my tiger..

Would not have believe it, but some of those patterns you can use are really cool!

do I?

Do I attempt the whole NaBloPoMo event again this year?

I enjoy the continual posts from my friends that participate - especially since it seems that over the years my ability to post regularly seems to hit some real slides.

I haven't gone and signed up yet, I haven't posted the patch.. I want to give it a few days and see what I can come up.

There are always interesting tidbits running around my head that I can comment on, those thoughts don't always make it from my head to the page.

So, I shall give it a shot - ramble on and on for the next month. See where we end up.

Halloween was quiet for us this year - took B around to a few houses, and then spent a quiet night on the couch. No hockey, the folks bailed and hopefully I can play next week. The hardest part is finding sitters for our weird hockey times on friday nights.

I got the better book this go around...

This month for book club, we are going to be reading "Running with Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs... which I read well over a year ago. It was definitely an interesting book, made my family life seem bland, and made my eyebrows go up a few times at just how different a life can be - not only that, what is normal but what you happen to know?

Well, I discovered that his brother had written his own memoir, which I jumped at the chance at reading instead. It is called "Look me in the Eye" by John Elder Robinson and what a read it was! Probably just as unusual and off-beat as Running.. but I enjoyed this read more. I liked his style, and perhaps I connected better with John's tale than Augusten's tale. Whatever the case, I laughed out loud a few times in this book... I really enjoyed it right up until the very end.



I admit it, sometimes I like to read reviews of books that I have read on the big book sites... and well, one of the comments about this book was that it wasn't what they expected, and that reading this wouldn't give clear insight to all Aspergians. No shit. I think Elder makes the case that if you have met one Aspergian, you have met one Aspergian. Isn't that like life? Yes, you can generalize to your last breath, and there may be similarities, but no two of us are alike. We all have our own story, and this is what this was.

And in that, a great read.

Election day

It's amazing I can be hungry again after a big, successful turkey dinner hosted by yours truly last night. I even voted before I got to work!

This election feels strange - like it came up quickly, out of the blue. It is hard to feel passionate about this one, I felt a little undecided right up until I marked my X on the spot.

I brought a cedar tree in to work today. It will fill the space between me and my new office mate's desk. We are calling the tree "George" and we will decorate for Christmas. It has been amazing how many people have stopped by to check him out - definitely attracting a bit of attention. I am slowly bringing in some plants and making the office mine - it took me forever to do that in my last job, but I have a feeling I may be here for a while..

Well, I believe the truth sets you free and I had a good chat with the foot shuffler on Friday. I half feel bad to refer to them that way, but it works for these purposes. We had a great chat, cleared the air, and I felt so much better at the end of the day, and I think that they did too. I really needed that to happen. It was getting under my skin and wasn't good. Not letting things fester is a good thing. Today was better. Getting to come in late so I could vote was even better. I just don't understand why a shorter day all of a sudden becomes a longer day for practical purposes. It has been a long time since I have clock watched as bad as I have today.. and for no real reason.. weird.

October is blitzing by. I need to work on Brandon's Halloween Costume... and I think a trip to the Pumpkin Patch is in order for this weekend...

the foot shuffler

I am trying really hard to see the silver lining of a coworker.

Thankfully, not the coworker that I will soon be bunking with. I can't believe that I am in a "better" job and now, after nearly a decade of flying solo, I will be sharing an office. At least we are on the same page, both weirded out by having to share, and are going to do our best to make it work.

But one of my other coworkers is a bit of an odd duck. Definitely humming along at a their own frequency. They are a "nice" person.. but that is almost right up there with calling a guy "cute". I just don't feel a connection with them on a personal or a professional level. I don't particularly like how they conduct their business. Not because it is different from me - but there are things I just don't get - like the never looking in your filing cabinets in your "inherited" office and cleaning stuff out. Like having stacks all over the place and really coming off unprofessional because of it. Ok, maybe some of these are my own biases, and I am trying to work through them and keep an open mind - but it is hard.

Then there is the foot shuffling and sniffling.

They will be moving in to the office vacated by my new buddy, so I think it will help so I don't have to hear the sniffling all the time. The foot shuffling gets me. You can hear them at about 20 paces, shuffling their feet down the hallway like a calling card. It feels like a Seinfeld episode! I guess right now I am fighting irritation as I am helping them to do some of the records management, and the little quirks get under my skin. We've been given the week to clean stuff up.. and well, I seem to be a lot more concerned about it than they are!! Which is just crazy, as far as I am concerned. I am not their supervisor, so I am truly only going to concern myself with my purview.

Ah well. Can't always like everyone... all you have to do is get by and figure out how to limit contact to the necessary. That being said - perhaps they are a diamond in the rough and I need to be patient.

Ah the high road, I see you.

Two year old molars.

Brandon is working on number 3 of the two year old molars.

Bloody hell. What a process for us all. Teething makes him miserable. The fingers in the mouth, the hurts in the ears and teeth, the irritability, the crying when we try to put him down for a sleep, the waking up.. the relief from baby tylenol and freezies and then you get your baby back.

I am so glad we are almost done, but man, my heart goes out to him. This molar is so close, I can feel it just under the surface... and then one final one. I am sure that when the baby teeth start falling out and adult ones come in, it will be nothing like this (I hope).

I guess teething makes us all miserable, and it got Brandon a free pass in to our bed tonight so I can watch over him and fret, and respond quicker if he wakes up a few times. Nothing like doing a freezie run at 3am and then wondering if he will get a sugar rush from it - what is the lesser of the evils?

Still more paper.

The saga continues.

I am still doing records management at work. If it was just maintenance that I was doing, I would not be bitching about it. It truly feels like I have been reinventing the wheel in my new job. Six months later and I can finally say that I am almost to the end of this "wave" of updating, but I can't believe the files that I am still unearthing (not mentioning the other processes and publications that need some loving care and attention to as well... nothing like going to a presentation like the poor folk not having a spiffy powerpoint or free swag to give out and everyone else does.. somehow a hastily made up and photocopied sheet and business cards don't measure up as well).

I found a folder of information from 1971. Relevant to keep? I think not.

Binders from the 80's. Instant contribution to recycling.

That being said, my office is in pretty good shape. The rest of the office is in pretty good shape. I am being sent in to the final office that is a complete disaster to "assist" in cleaning up the old files. What I don't understand is why this person hasn't dealt with any of it up to now? It just strikes me as bizarre. When I took over my office, it was a disaster. Crap everywhere. Way too much irrelevant paper. Before I could really sink my teeth in to my job, I dealt with it. Once I got enough taken care of, and was settling in to my job, I still dealt with paper from the side of my desk. Said coworker has "never had the time" to open the files, deal with the files, or make her own space. I don't understand this, at all. I guess if I was a dog, I would have marked my places all over the place in my office, poking in to the all of the corners, and making it mine because I plan to be here for a while. And that is what I have done.

I can't help but be more aware of personality differences as I am getting older, and work styles, and what does and doesn't work for me. I guess that goes hand in hand with parenting styles too. I am getting more opinionated, but I am trying not to get too fixed in my own ideas either.

But I don't get the passive position of saying "I never had time to clean up the office" when it really doesn't have to take all that long... a little every day and viola, the job is done. It is YOUR space and you can barely get to your desk because of all the paper and crap.. and how can you project authority when you keep your space like that?? How can you invoke trust in the people you are advising when it looks like you are living up to Linus's standards (yes, Linus from the Peanuts gang).

Yes, it has taken me almost 6 months to get it all done, but I reached out and beyond my office in the scope of the records management I have undertaken. I have been smoking busy, but never too busy to just deal with the crap. I guess a different set of time management skills. I have always just wanted more... so I push more?? Who knows. I am just philosophizing why this path may be ok for someone.

Hopefully this post will be the last of my ranting about paper at work. It has baffled my mind. I have also found stacks of notes and documents squirreled away from a previous coworker. WTF? How the hell can you ever help someone if you can't find their file?? I am unearthing stuff from years ago. Makes me look at them with a different pair of eyes too, losing a little respect. Nothing like creating big messes and then hiding them for someone to deal with years later. Brutal.

I like transparency, I like order. I like knowing where to find things. Who knew?

What the hell? I sound bloody responsible.

All grown up.

I had a coffee date with an old friend of mine today and I think I'm not a kid anymore. Of course, having my own child partially brought about this realization, but seeing my dear friend again after nearly a decade really brought it home that we aren't kids anymore.

We met back in the day doing our undergrad's in English lit, both bookish, and then life happened after our graduation, she went through her own growth and walked down a separate path, and I, well, I still had a lot of growing up to do. So, I returned to the scene of the crime (for lack of something more interesting to describe it as) six months ago and she started in September, as an Instructor.

Which means we both have offices here. And business cards. And people come to see us, for like, advice. Wow. It is surreal, to say the least.

Coffee was lovely, I really look forward to picking up the threads, it is interesting after a long period of time, what is pushed aside, and what you leap in to right away. Then the moments of introspection after, when you realize that you have moved a great distance away from your younger self, even if you are still her, you are more too. Whether it be more experiences, or differences, or shifts, or newer versions of yourself created from life, and reacting to life, and just being.. and all those positive and negative things we get to experience as we run the gauntlet.

Is this thing still on?

What the hell?

Where did the last month go??

I have written many posts in my head. I am tempted to say I am going to back a little and fill in some blanks between now and August (the last time I posted) but I am not going to promise anything at this stage of the game.

But you never know, look back in the next few days, maybe my posts will magically populate themselves.

September has been a sprint.

Work was nuts. We had a great semester start up, no major glitches, just fricken busy. Smoking busy. Paper bred in the middle of the night, I did more records management, managed a temp for a few weeks unexpectedly, got to watch us all get punchy by the end of each week, hyper-funny, and loving the fact that there is a good coffee shop in a stone's throw distance from my office. It is looking more and more like my time alone in my office is coming to an end. Eventually I will be sharing, but damn if I don't have a good space, and a good view, so really, sharing it won't be so bad.

I've read some great books, we moved my gran to a "care campus" (WTF - I really hate politically correct language, lets try to hide what is really happening in pretty words. Straight up can be really brutal, but at least you know where you stand), and Brandon has taken his first true steps, he is on his way, and he is learning all about balance. Hey, aren't we all?

At times, this last month has been overwhelming, and not neccessarily in a negative way, just a lot to take in and process, and grow from, and be honest about, and soul search about, and just be about. I know I am being vague, but it is getting close to my bedtime and I just wanted to throw some words out there, just to be here, say I haven't forgotten about this place to shout out from, and perhaps connect with my friends who don't live so close to the coast.

I am here! There just aren't enough hours in the day.

I am playing some hockey again, and it is great.

We are doing the Terry Fox run/walk tomorrow, and I think that's cool too.

Brandon is almost through the next round of teething, and it is cool he's been in bed a few hours and hasn't woken up.

I love having my wedding rings back and on my finger, looking good.

Going to the gym hasn't happened at all this week, but I am letting it go. Hell, I am just happy to eat lunch let alone get out for a lunch this week. Some weeks things come together, and other weeks, well, it is a struggle to keep everything rolling along as it should.

Lots of hockey.

Hockey, hockey, hockey.

That would describe my past weekend. And it was great! We played in a 4 on 4, coed tourney which involved 2 games Saturday, then party Saturday night, and then back at'er for another 2 games on Sunday. Then picking back up with life again and catching up on shopping, laundry, and some cleaning, while rediscovering muscles that you haven't used in a while because they are a little tender...

I haven't really played a lot since I stopped playing when I was about 10 weeks preggers, and I played a few times last year... but I think I played more this weekend than I have since fall 2005! I could still play - I don't feel like I was obviously the weakest link, my cardio wasn't too bad, and it was fun to be out there. I love playing. It is easy to not remember when you are caught up in life, but it is great getting out there and hitting the ice. We play with a cool group of peeps, and it is interesting, a lot of us are having kids later in life, so where there were no kids at our parties before... now there are many.

Now playing one a week in the fall will be a breeze. I think we have it somewhat organized between some nieces and nephews, maybe some friends that we can make it work for me playing... I committed to our team with a big "life happens" attitude, and that works, so it is all good.

Today I am stiff and achy, and I will be doing a yoga tape tonight. I have also been doing more records management AGAIN so I have been moving lots of boxes around and I am more tired than I was first thing this morning... at least I am starting to see the end of it, or at least we are getting to a manageable place. So close to having what I need in my office, and not just all this crap I really don't want to deal with (but am piece by piece this week in what will hopefully be the tail end of it all).

Big fuzzy moment

As crazy as life seems to get sometimes, life is rolling along pretty decent.

I got my rings back, and they are gorgeous. I love them. I keep looking at them, and they are everything I wanted them to be. How Ken gave them (back) to me was sweetly romantic and I had no idea how much of an impact it would be for me to be able to look down at my wedding rings, have them fit as they should, be totally unique, and be well, mine.

I like my job. We are still reinventing the wheel a fair bit, and catching up on reports that are years old, and finding records that are even decades old, but I am content here.

It makes such a difference to have a room with a view, and to have peers who are about your age and space in life (whether or not they have kids), being able to swap stories, and laughs, and be in a space where there is a gym that you can use for free at lunch, and a decent library, and lots of green spaces. Yes, I know like I am sounding like I am geeking out... but it's huge the difference a year makes. Last year I was just returning to work after my mat leave, back to a place where my office was literally a box within a box within a box, and I never saw daylight. The gym there sucked, and frankly... I was close a few people at work, but not all of them were in the same location as me (or any where close to my age with few exceptions), and well, where I worked was pretty isolated so you never really got a chance to chat, except those chance meetings in the hall going to the can. It has been different here for me - it's been unreal the records management, and learning new systems, and creating new systems, but now that things are evening out a lot more, and I am getting a real feel for working in my new digs, I am a lot happier, this place suits me.

How many places can you go to work, open your window, see the clouds cling to the trees and hear a piper playing?

Lament for a shoe

I was walking in from the parking lots this morning when I launched my sandal.

At least there aren't any students kicking around, otherwise I am sure that I would have pegged someone in the back of the head... I am sure that I had a dumb look on my face, as my shoe landed about 6 feet in front of me, with the buckle behind me.

I am now wearing my runners, and wondering whether or not I should try to fix my sandals.. they are docs, but they were cheap and I bought them online...then again, I think they may still have some life in them, if they had a new buckle. Then again, they were cheap and maybe this is a sign to jettison them.

It's strange wearing running shoes at work. I kind of feel like a dork.

Ever vigilant.

How to articulate this? I find it so frustrating that I have to be a careful watchdog and go over forms and papers with a fine tooth comb. That even when I do, and I pepper people with questions, things still don't work out the way they should. I hate having to be that anal retentive and to double check other peoples work.

Like here at work, I ask one coworker to do stuff, and her time line for gettin'er'done is not anywhere close to what I would consider reasonable. Her concept of alphabetical order also leaves something to be desired. The whinging about her workload is getting old, if you want to see workload, come sit in my office for a few days...

Then there is a claim that I may be able to make through my bank for when my DH was off with his concussion. There is now questions about how the paperwork was originally completed and I have to follow up with my bank to find out who made what mistake.

Last week I called up my extended health folks to make a claim for Brandon, and was told I wasn't the primary health care person. Excuse me? Oh yeah, they had Ken's birthday wrong, so I had to follow up and get that fixed too.

If it just happened here and there it wouldn't be so bad, but where the hell is the accountability?

I've always gone by the "execute as you want things executed for yourself" motto, but man, so many people drop the ball out there.

So, I will remain ever vigilant, picking over papers and asking lots of questions (cumulative knowledge has got to help out somewhere along the line). Given to random rants.

Books, books, and more books.

Ahhhhhhhhh. Summer reading. Almost as good as fall reading, lol.

I have been reading a hodge-podge of books in the last few weeks. I was eagerly awaiting the next Slade book, and it didn't disappoint. Crucified - a great title. I just wish the book was a little longer.. the last 2 Slade books have been action packed, great thrillers, but just not nearly as long as some of their predecessors and since I really like their writing, I find the last few pages almost sad since I am already finding my way to the end of the book.

I also read my first book by Gerritsen, and I really enjoyed it. In fact, it was one of those books that you pick up and then all of a sudden, a day later, you realize you need to find the next book you can by this author. I like her writing style, and I really enjoyed the story.

Yes, I really enjoy the forensic type novels.

Then there are the Rankin books I am working my way through. I like them, but I find that the reading for me doesn't flow as easily as some other authors, although I do enjoy them overall. I finished one called Mortal Causes and now I am working on the Ressurection Men. I have been damn tired when I have been falling in to bed lately, so that may be why I am having such a hard time finishing the second book... I like the characters, I just find that this current one is a little more convoluted so I guess I am spending more time thinking about it?! I don't know...

Soon I will start back on my slightly more academic books.

Ah yes, I am also working on a copy of Freakonomics... now this is an interesting read! A whole different look at economics and how the world works. Well worth a browse through, especially the chapter on why drug dealers live with their parents and what sump wrestlers and teachers have in common... you don't even need to be a rocket scientist to appreciate this one!

August.

The month of crazy breaks and get aways has finally drawn to a close.

It has been an helluva month - from San Diego to small town Alberta, and camping down south in an amazing State Park, we have seen and done some really cool stuff. Hopefully soon I will update with some pictures, but no promises.

I finally went back to the gym. I figured I was getting really good at procrastinating, and finding other reasons not to go and work out, that it was time. I think in my head I had an idea that once July had come and gone, I would get serious about it again. Or as serious as I get about working out - I am going to aim for either 4 days of cardio or 2 days on the elliptical and 2 swimming. We'll see how well I am able to stick to that. I was feeling so much better that I really noticed not getting out and adding that little bit to my day.

Work isn't quite so crazy, either that or I am getting used to it all.

And the weather is amazing again, really warm and clear. It's great to kill my appetite..

I'm getting my rings fixed. A friend of the family is doing the work, and we are getting it done right. I can't believe how aware I was of my rings, and how strange my fingers feel without them. I was definitely channeling my more feminine side when we were talking about what I wanted to have done, and the style, and how I felt about my rings. I can't wait.

RELIEF

Super Hubby found my ring!!!!

I am ***so*** relieved. I have a call in to the fellow who will be doing the repairs and I have learned the lesson. I won't wear them until they are fixed and won't shift on my fingers.

Speaking of which, TGIF. I am tired. Getting away the last two weekends has been great, but a weekend of being almost normal is a thing of beauty. Quiet night tonight, and then we'll see how the rest of the weekend unfolds.