A moment to remember

Well, situation puts it mildly. My dad isn't always great with words... but I guess when you are searching for the right word situation will do.

I sit here and write because it seems to be the thing to do in this moment - staring at the white screen. My gran passed away tonight. Startlingly quickly. My cousin and her husband where there, and I am grateful that my gran was not alone.

96 years, that is a pretty damn good life. A husband that loved her, kids, travels, grand kids, dogs and birds, great grand kids, a nice place to hang your hat in the later years, and a love of life, and curiosity, and a smile. Much of me is because of my gran - and I am missing her as I write these words. I think of so many things, beach combing together, a love of the sea, a love of picking up rocks. Her poodle Mokey, whom I really despised... Her love of turquoise, and little bits and bobs and interesting things. Her plants, the cigarettes she used to sneak when no one was watching, the happy hours, the woman who loved the attention of a man...I think of her ugly feet, and beakish nose, and kind brown eyes, and her delicate skin. Everything perfectly came together creating my gran - in all the juxtapositions that create a dynamic self. I think of her books, and the clutter, and the papers... I think of Charley the cockatoo eating everything he could and crapping all over the place. I remember Sunday breakfasts when we were all younger, and I remember every time I had to say good bye in the last few years - holding hands and looking at each other. I knew you, and you only knew you loved me and were loved at that point. You loved each of the boys when they came to visit, and reveled in their youthful enthusiasm. You would always look at me, and tell me how much it meant that we had our special connection, and you always wish for more time, and it would never be enough.

Adieu, but not goodbye Gran, you are already missed and it is a crazy thing to imagine the world without you.