May it not come to this.

Politically Correct Seasonal Song

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

and...

ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa Oh, heck! Happy Solstice!!!!
(unless otherwise prohibited by law) **Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a suggestion that your have a thoroughly adequate day.

>That said all in good fun, I think being PC is a bit of a joke, all things considered. Calling a spade a spade is a lot more respectful than using flowery and pretty language to try to disguise the truth. I can't believe Santa's have been sacked for saying "Ho, Ho, Ho"... unreal. This happens while so many other atrocities are so much more important??? Bizarre. Ok, enough of my rant already.

Happy Solstice! Let the celebrations begin...

Kids.

With the holiday season, and a few social events happening (including an early hockey game so we could actually watch Ken play)... we have been around a few more kids than normal. Kids are starting to appear in our circles, and since I haven't been around for a lot of it, I don't always get to see what other folks' kids are up to. Normal is what normal does in our house (as it is everywhere else...)

I don't know why it surprises me, but the range of behaviour you see starts unbelievably early. Brandon is definitely tall for his age, and has lots of words, and the walking is oh-so-close. Watching him interact with kids about his age, you can see all those things. Talking to other moms, they more or less agree with the early walkers aren't really early talkers and vice versa. What has surprised me is being more aware of the different parenting styles out there and the impact it has on their kids overall beings.

There are the obvious rights and wrongs, and the whole wide and wonderful range of normal. But Brandon is just about 17 months, is doing the home daycare thing, and is pretty content most of the time. I try to plan outings when he is not tired, and that he has a full belly. We watched him interact with a group of "new to him" kids on the weekend, and it was amazing what little turds they could be to him, and how he really didn't care. When the other kids would take his toys, he would kind of shrug, and find something else. When chaos and meltdowns happened around him, he just sought us out. You could see the other kids doing things like this to him to see if he would react, and he didn't. Ken and I were both so proud of him, it was pretty humbling. Gave us a different kind of appreciation of what you really focus on teaching your kids early - social interaction, how to share, how to be content in your own skin. It starts so bloody early. I don't know if it was mob behaviour and he was the youngest, and I know he has been the one to grab toys from other kids on occasion, but I was pretty proud of how he handled himself, and kind of a little dismayed at how some of the other kids behaved. It was an eye opener... especially when they are so young - you want to protect, but you can't fight every battle and we were glad to see Brandon just let this shit behaviour from the other kids roll off of his back!

Damn violas.

Those damn violas show up everywhere. You think you have an epiphany, and well, viola. Tee hee. Betty, you are a rock star, even if you have the blahs. You too Nej. Maybe some of my extra cheer will go and bite you in the ass. Who knows, stranger things have been known to happen???!!! You movers to a new host site. Perhaps one day I too will take that leap.

I bake. Therefore I am.

Kazzicus Domesticus seems to be striking with a vengeance this year. I am even somewhat coping with the interruptions as it seems that once I am up to here in flour, that is when Brandon decides to prematurely wake up from his nap... got some shortbread done, shit droppings (err, oatmeal delights, they just don't look nearly as good as they taste, also called haystacks), a chocolate/peanut butter/marshmellow square (really easy, as easy as rice crispy squares and as addictive)... tonight I am making the dough to chill for ginger bread cookies (for the daycare party) and then sugar cookies too. My butter tarts were almost a bust (fit for hubby but not for guests, a little well done), and the mincemeat tarts are in the freezer. All in all, my manic burst of baking activity for the year is almost done.

I have the urge to buy peppermint schnapps.

The lights on our tree randomly flash. It is mesmerizing. I could lose days with a slack jaw, staring at my tree. Wait, I think I did that earlier...

I broke our vacuum cleaner, so there are needles everywhere. Tomorrow I use our old shop vac and make it right again.

Damn popcorn makers

I lurve popcorn.

In our old house, we have some electrical issues. About a year ago, my old popcorn maker seemed to be on the fritz and just wasn't popping the corn like it should.

Then I got a new one for a pressie (I think Ken was tired of my whining and came off as a superstar since popcorn should be its own food group as far as I am concerned).

Well, the new one has never been perfect. Some days it pops like it should. Other days, it takes about 10 minutes to make a bowl. Saturday night I was ready to finally watch the latest HP, plugged in the maker in a different outlet (to see if that made a difference to its popping abilities) and let'er rip.

About 2 minutes in it made a horrendous screech and sounded like popcorn was banging around inside the motor.

The maker is in recycling. I have no idea if they will take the damn thing. I am done with it.

I went old school. Oil in the pot, a little shaking, a little butter, and viola. Best bowl of popcorn I have had in a long time. Screw hot air popcorn, and the microwave kind?? Not happening. I am going to kick it old school and stick to the stove top version. It isn't like I am eating it every second night.

So much for my lunch

Ever have one of those days that you pack what looks like a good, robust lunch and it is gone before 11am?

That would pretty much be me today. I also forgot my purse, so once my food supply is gone, I will have to resort to tea. For some reason I am starving. Must be the rain. Or the clouds. Or my body warming up to the idea of Christmas baking. And Grazing. Or something.

Been a week where things are slowly coming together for the holidays, but I still haven't really been bitten by the Christmas spirit. It seems like it should be weeks away, rather than just around the corner. I am attempting to coordinate more of an effort to keep the house a little tidier (did some more organizing and cleaning out, to keep with the theme of this year) during the week so it doesn't look like the kitchen and closets exploded on Saturday morning. It's hard. Being neat and tidy just isn't always a priority for me, sometimes it is more like controlled chaos. Although after tearing apart the bedrooms over the weekend (much to Ken's dismay, he held it together pretty good and didn't give loud voice to what the hell was I doing??!!) to get some needed reorganizing done, things feel a little more even keeled.

I learned a few things about myself through the process. I don't need to have rooms so crammed full of furniture. I think I am finally letting go of some (read, only some) stuff. In the past, quite a few purchases at the Swedish store were total impulse buys. Now, a few years later, that is painfully obvious. Ah well, life comes with experience eh?

The weaning process has begun. As sad as I am to see this time in our life with Brandon draw to a close, I am also relieved. It is time. I think he would go on forever, and it is much of a comfort thing at this point (and pretty much only happening at night). No matter how hard it was to find our b'feeding groove, it was totally worth it and I am so glad to have given him (and me) such a good start.

Purls

I am starting to get the urge to take up knitting again.

I was at a Christmas shindig (it was billed as a party, but it didn't quite fit the party bill to my way of thinking) tonight, and got to speak to someone who works in a yarn shop. We talked textures, projects, and colours, and she showed me this beautiful shawl she had knitted over several years. I divulged that there is one sweater that I truly covet, and that eventually I will break and pay a lot of money for 100% wool to make the sweater right, since it will be a work of art (IMHO), take a long time to knit up, and I will own the rest of my life (if my wool sweaters I bought in Ireland in 1995 are any measure of just how long a well made wool sweater will last).

In the meantime, I am getting back to hats, and scarves, and I see a new baby blanket in my future as a dear friend announced a new bubs for next spring. I am halfway through a smaller project, and it has been great to just kick back and watch something take shape beneath my hands. I find it amazing what a long piece of string can become! Of course, nothing more colourful than a string of curses after you make (and find) a mistake.. or something just doesn't look right.

Aside from my knitting urge, got the lights up today. We have pretty much switched to LEDs (I think it will take years to actually accumulate a decent amount of lights, those damn lights are expensive!!!!). They look cool. I am glad that they are done. I came to realize that I just want things to be a lot more normal this year for Christmas than they were last year. Last year was crazy and so unexpected how things worked out (all for the best, but still scary as hell to go through, especially with the unknowns) and I just want to be able to do my baking, and my shopping, and put up my tree and enjoy it for a few days rather than wonder how can the days pass by so fast and hoping that my little guy was okay.

Looking at him now, you would never know what we went through. He is amazing. We are incredibly lucky in so many ways. I guess that is yet another reason why I think I seem to peer out from my rose tinted glasses... even when life is really shitty, you take a moment to consider it from another pov and you realize that things aren't so bad and you have what counts (your health, a roof over your heads, some food in the cupboards, and you are loved).

A new month

After being bloggerific last month and religiously posting every day, I have already slipped back in to my bad habits of posting once a week. Ah well, some weeks are interesting, some not so much.

TGIF. Every week in my new job has been a good week, but it doesn't mean that they aren't long weeks. This week I am redesigning and updating one of our major publications so I have been learning on the fly and making a series of new contacts as a result. I am fumbling around in the dark a bit, and will have my firs official training session this afternoon about this project. Somewhat amusing I must say, what if I wasn't a self starter??? But they knew that when they hired me...

On a different note, this working out at lunch has been going well - I am actually looking forward to my 1/2 hour on the elliptical trainer with my book. Who knew?? I have also been fighting crankiness at times this last week, so it has helped to burn off some angst at lunch.

I certainly don't have the stamina to stay up as late as I used to. Granted, I wasn't getting up before 6am in those days, but I am just about done by 11am now. There have been a few nights where I know I could be doing some tidying up, and I have zilch desire to do so, and will wait for the weekend to do my clean up blitz. I can't believe Christmas is just over 2 weeks away. It seems like a foreign concept right now. I am somewhat organized, but I don't feel it. It feels like a bunch of ideas and plans floating around in my head and I need to get them articulated in to lists, and just get it done. I need a plan.

Another extra one.

What have I started??? An endless stream of posts??? Not likely. But the ride has been great.

We were all set to go and watch Ken play tonight.. it was an early game... got home early, dinner done, in jammies and an snuggly outfit to be warm in, got our gear packed and out to the truck... can you feel the but coming in yet? Brandon was a little fussy tonight.. not bad, but considering he has cut 2 teeth this week, he has done really well. Ran an errand to the bank, started driving down our hill to the gas station, and I hear a large belch, a rushing liquid sound, and then the smell hit me.

Instantly I had a happier kid, and denial attempted to kick in, and finally I gave in and turned down our road to head for home.

I carried him in, pulled off all his clothes, cleaned up him up, created a whole load of laundry, I am not sure what I am going to do about my wool coat with puke all over it, and then I thought maybe - just maybe - there was so much puke on the blanket, clothes, etc that perhaps most of it was caught and the car seat wouldn't be so bad.

Yeah. Not so much. Now that Brandon is asleep I have to haul the chair out and pull off the fabric parts and straight in to the wash. You need an engineering degree to take it apart and get back together again (sometimes a stretch for an arts student, but I am crafty so I pull through.. LOL) and my truck has that funky smell happening in it. I am sure tomorrow morning he is going to be staving, just everything evacuated his stomach!

That was my Friday night - lofty plans, gone. I feel bad - Ken has no idea what has happened to us. I left him a text and a message, but he is on the ice. I hope he isn't too worried... at least I have a good book. No, wait. I am doing laundry first. Letting it sit just isn't worth it.

That was a month?

In the last 30 days I have posted more than I did for 3 months...

It's been ... something. Some days I am right on it, and have stuff to say, and other days I am staring at a blank canvas wondering what direction I should travel in.

I am glad it is Friday. I haven't slept great all week (lots of wake ups) and my mood has been a bit funky at times. I love my new job, but it has been a strange training period. I haven't really had much. A lot of my training has come through questions, and me just going through files, and indoctrinating myself in to this new world. I think the small niche I have found myself in is like that, you slowly immerse yourself in to the details with pockets of absolute chaos. I figure I am doing at least well, nothing has really been said so I must be at least flying under the radar. I am still getting to the gym most days at lunch, and I am enjoying the walk to and from the car... it is great to not be stuck in my office all day, not aware of the time or even what it is doing outside. The views from here are amazing, especially now that there is snow on the mountains.

Tomorrow night I have my last function from my previous job - I am attending a board recognition event at the presidents place... sounds hoity toity and I am still not sure what I am going to wear. Not my usual cup of tea - it will be interesting to see how the other half lives!

So this is it - I will see if I can post a little more than what I was prior to all this Woo Haa Bla HAa Haa... although it is time to pay some attention to Brandon's neglected rambles. When the chips are down, October was a much more interesting month (event and picture wise) than November was. This was a month of a great shopping trip, and then our first major cold for the season. Now it is time to gear up for the big wave of holiday festivities. I am aiming high - cards out by next weekend, and lights up this weekend... and shopping.. well, that will be last minute as ever....but shooting for the 21st....I am sure that the reality will look a lot different than my lofty goals.

An extra one?

It happened years ago when I discovered that while I really enjoy a good pint, I am quite particular about what beers I am going to order.. it has become the same with coffee.

I rarely (if ever) buy drip coffee, and will either go for an americano, a latte, or a mocha.. depending on how rich I am feeling. Or how many calories I want... it seems that a lot of coffee shops aren't doing such a great job at providing a really good coffee anymore. Either that, or I am a lot pickier about what I get for my hard earned bucks.

So, yesterday, in the midst of my shitty morning... I decided to spring and get a mocha on the way to that training session. Usually the folks are great here about making them just right (read hot enough). I asked for a skim milk mocha.. and the guy totally went to town on the chocolate syrup. And it wasn't really that hot either. I don't want to scarf back my $4 dollar drink (sans alcohol) in less than 5 minutes.. please and thanks. I ended up chucking the last 1/3rd because it was like syrup at the bottom and was too sweet to drink. Just because I ordered skim milk with whipping cream doesn't mean you add an extra five billion calories to my coffee by adding the whole container of chocolate.. or wait.. did I look like I was stressing that badly... no... I think I don't wear all of my emotions on my sleeve that badly.

Figures. I was on a roll yesterday. Nothing was working out how I expected it to.

This afternoon when I slump, I am reaching for a tea!

Speaking of going for a coffee, here is a shameless plug for the best show to hit the airwaves in a long time. Season Two has started.. check it out if you get the chance.. this show ROCKS. It is called Rent-a-Goalie... and I can even forgive it taking place in TO because this is a damn funny show.

So close....

This morning I just wanted to crawl back under my covers and hide.

Yesterday had it's moments, but it certainly wasn't one of my stellar days. Although today looks better, I am having a hard time shrugging off my pissy pants. I guess you can't be a ray of sunshine all the time.

I made chicken pot pie last night for the first time... it was good, but not the meal you want to make while trying to feed and entertain a toddler. I created my typical chaos in the kitchen. It's hard when you don't have a lot of space to work in... although I wonder if that will truly make a difference when (one day I hope...) to have a larger kitchen. I have never been a clean and tidy baker. My wonderful things seem to like to emerge from chaos.

I have been on a reading blitz since I finished my last, more literary book. I plowed my way through the Blue Zone, which was a fairly average read. It wasn't a bad book, it just could have been more, especially with the complicated plot twists that were woven in to this read. This could have been fleshed out more, not quite so rushed. I think then I would have enjoyed it more.. this was like a 2 hour movie that got edited down to just under 90 minutes IMHO. I am also double-fisting... I am reading a Deaver book at work (The Cold Moon, it has all the attention to detail I wanted from BZ) and a Reichs one at home (Break no Bones) which is also a real page turner. The nice part is that I went on a real Reichs bender last year after I discovered her and read all the books she had already published so picking this one up is like revisiting an old friend. I find my reading habits amusing. It is smells like a literary book, I take more time, take it in more, less of a pleasure read (in the escapist sense) and more of a thoughtful and introspective read.. and then there are the other books, which are the romps through the literary landscape that really don't seem to take so long to devour.

the home stretch...

Today is going south.. fast.

Started with a total brush off from a coworker from another department. I have no idea what I said, but I don't think I have ever had a brush off like that. I didn't know how to respond. I don't know if my face turned red or not. All I know is that I felt like crap after, and, so much for being a nice guy in the future. Wanker.

Then it took me about 8 tries to get some labels printed out the right way. My relationship with our printer seems to have also suffered.

It also seems I have had a financial misunderstanding that will be interesting to unravel and a car dealership has really gone down in my estimates by a significant degree.

I am heading out for lunch, and am doing a training workshop this afternoon learning about the latest version of my word processing program. I have no idea what to expect... lets hope I learn a few new tricks.

I feel like I should run for the hills, make some comfort food, and perhaps a spiked hot chocolate.

How many more days?

Ah, the lament of many a na-blo-what-did-you-sign-up-for would be ... what now??

I just dropped a lot of money at the evil empire grocery shack. I also saved $80 in coupons! It truly does pay to be a savvy shopper. It seems every year, about this time, I go "crazy" and do a really big shop and load up on stuff so I really only need to stop in and get the necessities for the next few weeks. I was stuck in the time tunnel for almost 2 hours.. but it is done! Of course, there nearly had to call in help for the heart attack I nearly had when the bill was totaled up...I still have more stuff to put away, but the meat has been repackaged and the fridge stuff put away. The rest can wait.

Apparently we may get more of a dusty of that white stuff tomorrow. Which means chaos here on the coast, since we rarely get it and so many people panic and can't drive in the damn stuff.

I normally don't like to vent but... my brother irks me at times. He finagled a deal for a big tv and therefore needed us to move our cars from the back so he could grab my dad's truck and then back it in for an easy exit (he lives in our suite next door). Well, I went out for the shopping, and Ken went out for hockey... and the little wanker decided he was too tired to move the truck back around the house and give us back our convenient parking spots because he was tired.... he just doesn't get it. We all put in long days... It isn't that we can't walk around the house to get in our cars tomorrow.. it is that it will be damn cold, Ken will be carting Brandon and it makes our life easier to use our parking spot. Needless to say, the truck has been moved, but it was my effort to get it done, not his. I guess it's easy to be truly a selfish twit at times if you are flying solo. Ah hell, he has always been like that, perhaps because he was really catered to by my parents growing up... man, do I sound like an older sibling??? It pisses me off that he just doesn't get that little courtesies could go a long way, especially when we have lent many a helping hand. Whatever. I am just whining. Sometimes he can be a little shit. He is my brother, so of course it is a written rule that I can call him that... you can.. but only when it is truly justified.. LOL

What to say?

Clean up day - general clean up and shake out the dust from edges day. It is amazing how things move during the week and so many clothes can get dirty in the space of 7-10 days.

Load after load of laundry... and I spent what felt like hours cleaning up the kitchen. I am a great cook but a shitty clean-up-as-I-go person... should be a resolution.. but I try to get better at it.. I do for a while, and then I fall off of the wagon.

It's nice.. I can most of the floor again, and most things are put away. I think I may end up with a quiet moment or two for myself. Of course, once I sit down... one or both of the cats jump on me, starved for attention. Poor buggers.

With Christmas around the corner, I feel the urge to make some lists...and I am contemplating the wisdom of doing a big shop this week rather than next. It all comes down to coupons.. and checking that list and what I have tucked away in my coupon envelope. I do watch prices, and try to buy in bulk when I can - it half pisses me off how much you can save if you can afford to buy in bulk - I started buying the boxes of chicken breasts because you can usually get 4kg for about $27.. which is a helluva better than buying enough for 1 dinner for $7 bucks... It's just shelling out the initial bucks.. like buying good shoes.. they cost but they save you a mitt load in the long run. I love coupons.

Our first family skate...

Ken's work held a fund raiser last night in support of the food bank, etc. It started with a family skate, and then a hockey game. Since Ken was running in between hockey games, I grabbed Brandon and took him for his first skate!! I pushed him around in his stroller, and was in my glory. I wasn't conscious of it, but I guess I was going "wheeeeee" around the corners because all of a sudden I heard this little voice doing the same thing!! It was cool - skating around in circles with my boy - I called Nej from the ice, I had to share this quintessential Canadian moment with someone dear, especially since Ken was en route. When he got to the rink, he joined for a few minutes, and then played in his second game (I remember those days well). At the end, he took Ken for his own skate... after winning the challenge game, it was like a victorious skate with your kid with the cup.. LOL

Brandon also had his first picture taken with Santa.. he truly does not look all that thrilled.. but he wasn't screaming and crying like some kids do the first time they see the guy in red! In fact, he looks quite blase about the whole thing...

Tagged.

Ah Nej. I have flown under the radar for a while.. and I guess my number was up...and ya tagged me for a meme. Which in a way, I can almost be thankful for... because as she so succinctly put it... it is getting close to a month of continual posting and sometimes the topics are getting a little... not quite so lively, let us say.

So, without further delay:

(x) Been to Canada - Lived here all my life. Unlike many, I was actually born on the coast..

(x) Been to Mexico - A few times.

( ) Been to Florida - No.

(x) Been on a plane - Many times, and I love flying. I hope to fly somewhere warm next year. I see us all on a beach with palm trees and free time.

(x) Been lost - Yeah. Embarrassingly enough.

( ) Been on the opposite side of the country - does crossing the Rockies in Canada count?

(x) Swam in the ocean - Yep.

(x) Cried yourself to sleep - On rare occasions

(x)Played cops and robbers - Yep. Been a few years though.

(x) Played with a Tonka Truck - Yup, although we are in little kid friendly mode around our house....

(x) Recently colored with crayons - Does chalk count?

(x) Sang karaoke - poorly. once. only once.

(x) Paid for a meal with only coins - Erm. I was a university student for a long, long time so I am going to plead the fifth on this one.

(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? - Absolutely.

(x) Made prank phone calls - Oh yeah. We thought we were the height of hilarity.

(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue - yes.

(x) Danced in the rain - I grew up in Vancouver. I think it might be the law.

(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus - Hundreds. I didn’t want to take any chances.

(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe - Yep

(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about - Yes

(x) Blown bubbles - Yes! So much fun, especially with babies!

(x) Made a bonfire on the beach - yes.

(x) Crashed a party - yes.

( ) Crashed a wedding

( ) Crashed a funeral - (Clearly I don’t go where I’m not wanted- ditto)

(x)Gone ice-skating - yes, in school. In fact.. I am taking Brandon for his First Ice Skating session tonight... although I am going to push his ass around in a stroller...

1. Any nicknames? Kazzy, variations on my last name(s), Trouble, Special K

2. Mother’s name? Winnie

3. Favorite drink? Mochas that are the right temperature

4. Any tattoos? one - on my lower back

5 Body piercing? only my ears. (3 holes)

6. How much do you love your job? I love it my new job, it has changed my life.

7. Favorite vacation spot? Anywhere near water, the less people around the better.

8. Ever been to Africa? Yes, and I want to go back. I only saw one very small corner of it.

9. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? Yes

10. Ever been on TV? I am not sure, so probably not.

11. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yes. In fact, one of them still hangs in my backyard. Interesting to note, it was one I stole with Nej about 15 years ago.. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

12. Ever been in a car accident? yes but only small ones (2)

13. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? Yes.

14. Favorite pie? Apple. Hands down.

15. Favorite Number? 55 (ok I have a few fav numbers)

16. Favorite movie? Changes all the time. Today: Toy Story. This is harder to question to answer as I have less time to actually watch whole movies right now...

17. Favorite holiday? a toss up between Halloween and Christmas and St. Paddy's Day

18. Favorite dessert? creme brule

19. Favorite food? tex mex

20. Favorite day of the week? Saturdays.....

21. Favorite brand of body wash? Water

22. Favorite toothpaste? Colgate Total

23. Favorite smell? smell of the ocean

24. What do you do to relax? Read, go for a massage, head to the beach or the woods

25. Do you have a message to your friends reading this? Howzit hanging?

26. How do you see yourself in 10 years? More education, higher up the food chain at work, maybe have 2 kids (decides what loops fate throws us for) celebrating our 16th anniversary together.. Brandon will be 11!!!

27. Furthest place you will send this message? Depends on who stops by for a spell.

28. Who will respond the fastest? Not a clue. Tag! To my blogger friends reading this.. if you follow through with it... lemme know... or wait.. I probably am lurking on your website so I may even figure it out!!!

Honk...

I drove really shitty cars for a lot of years. Cars that rusted apart, sputtered, and died. The cars and trucks I have owned have had gas leaks, blown tires, rads explode in a bust of steam and water, thrown rods through the engine block, had tail pipes fall off, the ceiling fabric fall down like a giant marshmallow, clutches go, brakes fall of the moving vehicle going down the steepest hill you could possibly imagine, and just about everything else you can imagine.

We also went with one vehicle for the longest time, and this year, we finally have reached the plateau of not only having two cars, but we have two newer cars which means that it has almost been a year of not worrying whether or not your car is going to get you where you need to go.

Why the long preamble for todays post? Well, it is Friday, and I am waxing poetic apparently. This morning I pulled in for my usual frantic spot so I could run out of my truck and get my freezing ass in to covered buildings, I stood and did the fob press to lock the doors, and just before I hit it the second time to make it honk.... someone else did theirs... so it was a smaller honk, and then my more robust honk!

We both looked at each other as we made it to the sidewalk and laughed.. she said "I know it's annoying.. but.." and I agreed with her, both laughing because for some stupid reason it is assuring to hear that stupid honk because then you know your vehicle is actually locked up.

So speaketh the girl who made a career out of locking her keys in the car when she was young. In fact, not only locking the keys in the car... but locking the keys in the car with the engine running and lights on. Nothing like calling BCAA to come and jump start your car... bring you some gas... and fish your keys out. Makes you feel like a total tool. I think I only did the hat-trick once... or once is all that I am willing to admit to!

flush... please

I would in a public environment. Which means that the bathrooms are open to the public. Some bathrooms are heavily trafficked, some, not so much (which are the ones I tend to gravitate towards because they are a little cleaner).

Why do so many people not flush?

How hard is it to pull that lever, especially when you should be heading over to wash your hands right away anyways???

It isn't so bad in the mornings, but in the afternoon, you kick open a stall door, and it is like winning the lottery, it is either a terrible mess or somewhat passable. It's not like I work in a mall, I am in a place where folks are striving to make more of themselves, yet you would never make this connection from the state of the can. It is gross. I don't need to see your mess. Or your pubic hairs left behind on the seat. Flush that mess away. Pay it forward.

Nothing like papering everything in sight, doing your best hovercraft impersonation, and reciting the alphabet when you wash your hands....

Getting smarter at this

It seems that as the month goes on, the posts get smaller, more succinct and to the point.

I have also learned, especially after having been called out, it is easier to post in the morning.. and if I can fill it out later on in the day, great.. if not.. no worries.

I have totally let Brandon's site slide this month... and haven't downloaded any pics for weeks. October was a crazy month - we were busy all the time, and lots of events... and this is a quieter month... and already gone at that... Brandon slept in today... and it was glorious after his 4am wake up call yesterday!

These girlie boots I bought... I guess cheaper isn't always better because it hasn't been an hour and my feet hurt already. This is the first time I am wearing the taller black ones - it is so different looking down and seeing a flashy boot instead of a square toe... I know this is somewhat geeky, but after unisex boots for so many years, it is strange to have a more feminine pair on, and then to also remember why all those unisex boots were a better quality - sore feet suck. Eventually I will have to invest in a slightly not so high heeled and better quality black leather (not pleather) pair of boots.

back at 'er

Back at work, and all is well.

I think I made a damn good choice coming here. Feels good in my bones. Always scary missing almost a week of work when you have only been at a new job for a month.... been slightly freaking, but my boss was awesome about it - you don't plan to be sick (unless mental health days count when your job is really going down the toilet).....

I've been up since just after 4am.

Apparently the little guy is feeling much better and is quite hyper. Hopefully he goes down for a really good nap today... I wish I could...

how many more days?

The thing I like about NaBloPoMo is being able to see more comments from the daring friend that actually also agreed to doing this (independently of course). Some days, it is a real struggle trying to remember to sit down and do the daily post, or to come up with some catchy little snapshot of my day.

The cold is on its way out, and it was a crappy one. Even with all the extra sleep (from not working while I have been home with Brandon) I have run the gauntlet of the runny nose, sore throat, cough, chesty bits, and all the lovely accoutrements that go along with it. 6 am is going to come around damn early again tomorrow.

Went grocery shopping today and got trapped in the time vortex that seems to happen in one of those big box grocery stores - I lost 2 hours!!!! And it seems like I am spending more on groceries these days then ever before. Then again - we really don't eat out much anymore... but still. On the other hand, spending more money has meant that we aren't always running out of things either... which is nice.

Ya, I know, a boring post.

My nails...

I took my mom to the spa to get our nails done today in celebration of her birthday, and me needing to use up a gift certificate that I got last Christmas. It took this long to finally get in... since I really don't splurge all that often, I really wanted to make sure that I did it at a time that I would get max value out of the GC.

My toes are "russian blue" and Ken figures that they are black... I guess they are really dark.. and he teased me about reverting back to my goth days... which is funny, because I never did go in for the dark polish or bleached white face and black hair (although I did really like industrial music there for a phase)....

I also sprung and got a manicure.. which will probably be my last. Yah, it looks nice.. but really, not so practical. And really, not all that better than what I can myself (for free). A pedicure feels like a real treat, a manicure.. not so much for me. Pedicures and back massages.. woo woo!!

For a family dinner we got volunteering to bring some beer - O M G ! !! ! it's been a long time since I was doing the buying because beer ain't CHEAP anymore!! It was $28 bucks for a case (being 12 lonely beers, not a 2-4)!!!!!!!! I sound like a geezer, but man, price of beer has skyrocketed next to our gas prices!

A greek hermaphrodite you say?

One of the unexpected pleasures of hooking up with my small and wonderful group of ladies for book club is the joy of discovering books that I may not have otherwise.

I felt slightly guilty this morning, finishing Middlesex furtively while Brandon played quietly beside me (which was quite endearing, we were both flipping through books, and at one point he climbed up on my lap and I swooned with a wonder that perhaps my boy will come to love books nearly as much as I do)... I finally finished this great novel, and when I flipped over that last page, I actually caught myself flipping through the last few that were blank, checking to make sure that this book was actually done!!

What a read!!!! For me, one of the best books I have read all year, hands down. I never would have imagined a story told through the eyes of a second generation Greek-American hermaphrodite would capture my imagination, but have me turning page after page, waiting to see what juicy tidbit would be revealed next! I thoroughly recommend this book (even if it became a selection of the month by a certain famous lady) and was sad to have turned that last page.

A few one liners that really stuck out, such as when "confronted with the impossible, there was no option but to treat it {Cal's hermaphroditism} as normal." Which is a page from the book "it's amazing what you can get used to"and come to call normal. I think this describes my life - normal is what normal does... in your life... there are many gems of insight in this novel, and it is a journey of a book that doesn't look at life freakishly, rather it embraces people, warts and all, offering no excuses, just the way it could be. This is a refreshing work, enlightening at times, other times a bit melancholic, but a worthwhile story indeed. I am sad that I have already put this book behind me, but I really enjoyed the trip.

Now I am diving in to familiar territory before I head back for another somewhat literary read. Back to Agent Pendergast, the uncanny agent penned by Lincoln and Child.

That is one of the things I love about reading - it never has to be the same. You can read a Pulitzer prize winner and then follow it up with a suspenseful thriller that could keep you up at night, and then delve in to the autobiography of a Canadian wrestler. If I am addicted to anything, it is reading.

hair wall

It looks like I am finally going to take the plunge and try out a new hairdresser. Frank pretty much only cuts hair twice a week (yup... that would translate to two lucky, long term clients that know when he is around and when he in the mood to cut hair.. I guess when you have been at it a long time, and have a lot of other irons in the fire beyond cutting hair, you can call your own hours... plus he apparently now suffers from arthritis in his hands.. truth is... he enjoys the business end of the hair biz a lot more than the cutting.. fair enough... I guess I have had enough warning..) and I thought maybe, just maybe, he may be cutting hair at a time I may be able to get in to see him... but alas. Say it isn't so. He only cuts wed-thur-fri mornings (which I will always be working now.. my day off is monday not friday in the NWO)... if he is the mood and his hands don't hurt.

So, there it is.

I guess I take that leap of faith and try out the new dude. I was thinking of going to a guy in the city... but that makes a new hair dresser just as inconvenient to get to as Frank is... which really isn't a help. So I know of a guy (one of Frank's proteges, surprise surprise) at one of Frank's local shops (Frank and his best friend Carm have created a small conglomerate of salons all over the valley) which means it isn't a "big deal" to get in for a cut when the mood strikes.

Like now. It is time. I need a cut. Hell, I needed a cut a few months ago, and the last time I trimmed my bangs I don't think I did such a great job. Perhaps by this time tomorrow, I may be sporting a slightly new and improved "do". Stranger things have been known to happen.

Another chapter in a familiar vent

Is there no accountability anymore???

I am way too lazy to pull up previous examples of where I have to call and bitch because things that were supposed to be done, weren't. Whether it be half full containers of formula, or mistakes on cell phone bills, or banking errors not in my favour, it is unreal how vigilant individuals have to be with just about everything.

It is so bloody frustrating. I was really proud we enrolled Brandon up for a RESP, which would qualify him for a CESG. Because our income is at a certain level, we should qualify to get as much grant money we can from the government at a slightly faster rate than the higher income folks do. Right from the get go back in July, I have been asking about the additional amounts. I haven't really been given a clear answer. Until today, when I finally had a response to an email question from a few weeks ago (nothing like prompt service). I was told to come up and fill out another form, and that my adviser had some information for me to look at. The information, totally not relevant as we are above that income cut off. The answer to my question, she couldn't answer and referred me to the investing company. So after talking to them, I was told I needed a specific box checked off on a form. Back to my adviser. Then I was told they would look in to it, and call me back. I did the math. It would only make a $40 difference, but 40 bucks is still 40 bucks, especially when that is money that is actually ending up in savings (which our money rarely does!!!!!). On the call back, apparently their person caught the original mistake in which the box wasn't checked (I have a photocopy of that original) but that it didn't scan over properly (bullshit) but that with the form I signed today, they would make sure that the extra dosh would kick in for this months contribution, etc. It can't be backdated. This isn't my mistake and it is something I have been harping on for months.

We now won't be paying bank fees for the next 5 months.

That is great, but not the point. I should not have to be my adviser's watchdog. Isn't that why she is the adviser and me the lowly client???

Back to my original point. I keep everything now. I check statements, I call when things aren't working right. You have to, otherwise all you do is lose money. Bloody hell.

A bunch of sickies

The year's first really big cold is upon us, and I taking a few days off of work. Which is mildly stressful, considering that I have barely been at my new job a month. A little stressful, but the wee guy comes first. He has had a cold that has been clinging on, and has gone in to his chest a bit. The doc listening, and poked and prodded, doing his thing, and said that I have a "Happy Wheezer" and that he was sick, but not as bad as some of the kids that get it. He has a cold that has turned into an upper-respiratory virus so he has puffers to help him out, and antibiotics as an insurance policy. *SIGH*. Poor guy.

I think my eyes almost popped out of my head when the doc said to keep him out of daycare the rest of the week!! I felt half guilty as I filled his prescription, and half relieved just to get a handle on his cold. It's so much harder when it isn't you that is sick, and it is your kids or hubby, when you try to heal, but it is out of your control.

Last night he was up a lot, coughing, and just not happy. I am overtired, and catching the same cold. And worried about work. I did get an email back from my boss, and she was really cool about it all, but still frustrating that it is out of my hands, and ultimately, I am making the right decision making sure our guy gets well. I guess it goes with the territory of having a toddler. They get sick. Considering every thing new that he has experienced in the last while, it is no wonder.

Girlie Boots

I lurve the boots I bought Saturday.

The stretchy brown ones that come just above my ankles are pretty sweet, and easier to walk in than the almost to the knee stretchy black ones that I bought.

They both have a bit of a pointy toe (which is a good way to elongate the length of your leg, apparently) and a pretty sturdy heel.

Well, I don't seem to have (much) walking issues in the lower brown ones... but the black ones... well that was sheer entertainment value when I wore them on Sunday. I was wobbly. I wasn't graceful. It has been a long time since I have worn heels, and the black ones need inserts so my foot doesn't move around so much - I went a 1/2 size up since they didn't have my true size (and they were a smoking deal) but they are still a decent fit.

It will take time to master the fine art of the girlie boot.

The day that goes....

Crazy cool day.

After many moons of knowing we would connect in person, I got to meet 2 cool chicks that Nej has talked about for a while (to put it mildly). It was a hilarious meeting, and one of those times when you finally meet someone you have heard a bit about and you meet, you feel like you must have already met because you already start out laughing, nice to meet the you in person Betty. It was cool. In fact, it was really cool.

Got some grocery shopping done, managed to get some laundry done, although it is scattered through the house in piles. Got some housework done, I spent hours working on the kitchen although you can't really tell....too many distractions today...

More stormy weather, but the reward came in the form of some sunny patches. There are leaves and branches strewn throughout the yard.

The best part... I got to play hockey!!!! It was a friend's 40th and the surprise party was a game of shinny followed by time upstairs with some beers and grub. First couple of shifts I was feeling a lot rusty, then I hit my groove. I can still play!!! I wasn't the weak link... and it was great for my soul. I wasn't that winded, Brandon did well hanging with a few friends, and my legs don't feel like jello!!! The only downside was that I wasn't on Ken's team.. but that means I got in a few shots from the point... almost scored... but he rocked out in net. Yup. I love to play. When it works out that I can get out there too, I am like a giddy kid.

GoldStream

Today was a long, but really great day. We caught the 7:45 ferry to Vancouver Island and even though it is a 3 hour tour with a few stops in the San Juans, it didn't feel like a 3 hour ferry ride. It was a beautiful, scenic trip through the many islands of every size. Some were barely big enough to dock a boat at, and others were larger, inhabited islands where you could hang your hat for a few days and stay a while. The rains held off, and it wasn't stormy (yet). We had to reserve to do the Anacortes-Sidney run, but the deposit actually came off of our fare, unlike when you reserve with BC Ferries. There is a huge gap between how the 2 ferry systems seem to be run - WSF seems to the "get'er done" cousin, offering simple service often. The ferries are older and serviceable, and not all that swank. What BCF seems to offer is more of an "experience" on really nice ferries with good (read overpriced) eating, up to date everything, and just not as convenient. Unless you travel to the island once a year... who needs all the frills?? Give me more ferries, a little cheaper, and cheap eats.

Doing the run between Sidney and Nanny-Mo for my Gran's 93rd birthday party we noticed a lot of seagulls in the Malahat area. The Malahat is stunning, most times that we have driven through here there are tendrils of mists and rain cloaking its' peaks, and you can't help but look in wonder at the moss dropping from the old growth cedars. It is a place that screams out temperate rainforest, and come take a walk in my trees and streams (yes, I am waxing a little poetic today). The posted provincial park signs (how is that for a little alliteration) proclaimed that it was salmon run time, so we stopped at Goldstream to watch the majestic run of the salmon. I had heard that this was one of the best places to watch the beginning of the spawn, and the rumors are true. You could see hundreds of salmon any where you looked at the river, and seagulls were perched on the rocks - a bit macabre - waiting for the fish (and not always) to do their duty.. you could smell the fecundity since there were corpses along the sides of the river of salmon that had already completed their life cycle. It was truly a sight to see, and I was really glad that we stopped. The parking lots were full and it was a bit of a trek down to the river, but it is humbling to watch.

We continued our blitz up island, had a great afternoon with the family, and then it was almost time to head home. The storm that was called for was rolling in with a lot of wind and rain... which made for an interesting ferry ride back to the coast. It was a wild ride - Ken stayed in the car with Brandon (who was asleep as soon as we were out my aunt's driveway) and my brother and I went topside - the wind and rain lashed us, and we couldn't really make it to the front of the boat it was blowing that hard - you could stand, leaning forward, and the wind filled your clothes and whipped the rain in your face like sharp needles. It was a thrill - there were whitecaps, and rollers, and you just knew that the next ferry (if there was one) would be canceled. Several banks of seats were roped off, and sick bags were left in different areas of the passenger decks (which made me laugh, I guess I should be thankful I don't get seasick).

It was a whirlwind trip, we shopped 'till we dropped, got to see some new sights, and it was great to get away. Now it's hard the last stretch of the year....

Time to shop

It was a helluva shopping day at the outlets down south. We shopped, and shopped, and then shopped a little more. I also had both printed coupons, and a coupon booklet.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of an "aware" shopper you need to be in order to get the best deal, even if you aren't a negotiator for your price. It was absolute chaos. I am glad we got there early, and glad that Brandon was sleeping when we arrived because I got a little bit of solo time to run around and try on some boots, and clothes, and put a big scorch streak on my credit card. It was a day where we found most of the things that we wanted... I can't get over the difference in selection, and at times, the price difference too. Brandon also scored - got him a bunch of new PJ sleepers - seems up here they don't make them in his size as a one piece affair, and down south we can find them!

A kick ass friday

I called and whined to the maker of the wipes and being sent some reimbursement.

I also called and did some finangeling to our cell phone provider, which was also successful, and the new plan should mean our bill is cut in half. Which is awesome, because I have had a bit of conflicting information and finally got a "live one" on the other end that was helpful and knew what he was talking about - a combination that doesn't seem that happen every time.

Work was good - even better because it was friday. I am sure that it helped that I had a tea in the morning and a coffee in the afternoon. We all get on pretty well - the vibe in the office is a nice difference to what I had been used to - although it is chaos, there isn't that manic edge of stress.

It's also pay day - which means today is a big bank transaction day - it goes in and out way too fast. *SIGH*.

Well, we head out in a few hours, so I am running around trying to feed the fish, pack our bags, figure out how little I can get away with since we plan to do some shopping, and hope that the border line up isn't complete hell when we get there.

I plan to shop for some girlie shoes. A year off on maternity leave, and a dressier office means that Docs aren't always the most flattering option to go with. For some reason big clunky boots don't look so good (or professional) with dress pants. So I guess Kazzy is growing up and I need some funky grown up shoes to go with the new job, attitude, and all that other crap. In other words, after watching WNTW, I have learned that I should indulge my feminine side a little and get some kick ass shoes! Although, I have always had some great funky shoes, they just need to shift from looking great with jeans to great with pants. It has also been a few years since I have done some serious shoe shopping... almost sounds like I am trying to justify a shoe indulgence. Well, we will have to see what the selection is like...

Just bits and pieces of rants.

I can't say that I have been all that thrilled with our ADSL. Some days it really sucks and I am either resetting the damn router or we are rebooting, or we are "repairing our network connections." Pisses me off something fierce. You call and bitch, and well, you don't always get the most helpful staff. I am also not so thrilled with their cell rate plans for existing customers right now... seems like the plan that we want to switch too (one of the 5 friends plans) we can't because we already have a contract, therefore, no joy. Needless to say, I see one of those phone calls on the horizon about the service we are getting because I am not thrilled.

I also need to call and bitch to the makers of the last box wipes I bought. I buy bulk to save some cash, and 2 out 3 big bags weren't properly sealed. Being somewhat thrifty, I dug out a few huge freezer bags, but when you shell out close to $20 for the wipes, and you don't go no name, you expect a little more. That is another one of those calls that is on my list.

Those are the calls you make when you are completely bitchy, can be assertive, and are willing to go to bat for yourself on an inane issue you kind of have to stand up for yourself about or stop whining about it.

I also got to spend an hour learning about our new call retrieval system at work today. What really means, an hour learning about voice mail. Give me the book and I will figure it out myself thanks... although it was well presented... B--o--r---i---n---g and yet seen as a necessary evil. Can't say that was meaningful organizational development for me!

On a total aside, we had a great steak for dinner (one of the key reasons I would not make it as a veg) and well made tiramisu. The night finished off well, although it took a while to get Brandon down... now I am making lists and making sure I have printed out all my coupons for this weekends' shopping trip!

records management.

It felt like a bit of a chaotic day today.

I got to host a meeting of 4 people in my not-so-big-office today and learn all about how we manage our records. And FOIPOP (for those not in the know, the Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act in Canada). And how to store our transitional files off site, and then have them ordered destroyed. At least there is a systematic approach to everything... although that isn't obvious because there is a fair bit of clutter that still needs to be culled.

I have another title to add to the pile, Records Custodian. I get to be the Grand Pooba of records in my office. There are binders I have inherited. Really dry stuff, kind of like that last Kubrick movie - Eyes Wide Shut... Sorry if you enjoyed that one, but I would rather have watched paint dry.

4th week at work, and so far, so good. I was reflecting a bit, and I do miss a few folks from the old digs, the old familiar routines, but you keep moving forward and there isn't a lot of time to glance back and dwell. Every morning I walk in from the parking lot, I am glad for the changes. I have finally gotten smart - I have brought in some tea for my afternoon lull.

Will miracles never cease, I actually made it back to the gym today, and listened to my friend and actually lifted up my heels on the elliptical machine and therefore don't have angry calves tonight. That felt good too - to be doing something that I have had the intent to do for so long I really didn't bring it up anymore because it was too much like crying wolf.

The soaring loonie

Squeaking in... last minutes... that is me.

Our soaring loonie is a bit unreal. From my banking friends, I know that this isn't exactly the best thing for Canada's economy... but I love seeing our dollar's strength. The buying power, and cheaper holidays in warmer climes. I don't understand why for some items there is such a price discrepancy... I know that down south they have a larger population which equals more buying power... but since when does a pair of baby's Stride Right shoes go for $20 and here go for $60? Why does a tire cost $98 bucks down there, and the same one is $200 here??? I don't mind the couple of bucks difference on books and magazines (and that gap is closing now or retailers are going with the southern price)... or even on items that were bought when the dollar was at a lower rate but those kind of differences blow my mind. It makes shopping excursions down south really make sense. You can save a lot of money!

I think back 5 years when we headed to San Diego for a dear friend's wedding... A dollar got us about 62 cents down south... over the summer... a buck netted us about 90 cents... right now... we get close to $1.09!!!!!!! Wow. It makes me somewhat giddy in a way because we are heading down south for the weekend and are getting tires. It is 1/2 the price it would be here, for better tires. On the other hand, I am proud of how Canada's economy is rolling to have such a strong dollar but filled with mixed feelings when I think of the American economy and how much things have changed in 5 short years for the dollar to do that kind of swing, or when you hear about what is happening in escrow and the sub-prime market - that is some scary stuff!

And I like mondays?

I love having a 3 day weekend... after years of having every other Friday off, I think that Mondays are the better deal. Sunday goes by way too fast, but wait, you have an extra day to get everything done!! Woo woo!! Which in reality means that Monday becomes the day with a big to do list, and time to get'er done before the week really starts up.

Had a decent appointment this morning with Brandon's pediatrician. He has a great manner, really gentle, and so obviously loves kids. It is a joy to have a doctor that truly loves his job, is compassionate, and takes the time to actually talk to you. In a few words, he actually summarized many of my feelings over the last year - the process that resembles grief more than a little bit as your realize that your baby isn't quite perfect, but they are who they are and do find their way and truly, they are perfect, just not that ideal that you envisioned without a fully formed vision. But hell, aren't kids like that, it just depends when, to what degree, just like us, they/ we are perfect in our imperfections and stories. Somewhat like feeling that you don't look so shit hot at some point in your life and going back and looking at pictures, and realizing you didn't look so bad, why was my perception so warped at the time? I can feel my rose coloured glasses slip sometimes, but you have to push em back up again and keep on grabbing life by the horns.

Of course, moments before we left for the appointment Brandon filled his drawers and I ended up deciding to get my carpets cleaned since they were upstairs and the guy was willing to cut me a last minute deal. So race around, vacuum, change a really stinky diaper, get the bottle, grab our coats, and roll. Everything came together beautifully, and traffic was not hell. My carpets look fantastic. From what my mom has to say, the guy was a little surprised at the different the cleaning made. Well, our carpets are well trafficked and it was a job that really needed to be done. The money was well worth not having to rent the machine and spend the hours doing it. $60 bucks when it was said and done... and worth every penny!!!!!

Then grocery shopping in the afternoon (gotta love a 15% coupon off the first $100 first monday and tuesday of the month!!!!) and a trip to our favorite fish store - the fish were out of food and I felt the urge to buy a few new friends... Brandon picked out his first fish (as well as he could) since the tank was at his level, and he hung on to the side for dear life - it was awesome, he had a big smile on his face and he babbled away. Perhaps a lifelong affair with aquariums is in his future too??

For a day off, it feels like work is easier. But I got a lot done.

Wanna bet that at the end of the month I will post mere words and call it a day?

The laundry is done... for the moment...

Nothing like a blank canvas to fill and a bunch of words in your head that decide to log jam before they hits your fingers so you can type them out.

Its been a quiet weekend and my boys are both asleep. This time change has been odd - I don't think that it worked as well as folks anticipated for Halloween, for starters. Although it was nice not driving home in the dark, being dark an hour later meant that the kids just waited until it was dark. Hallowe'ening when it is still light out isn't all that appealing to any kid over 3 or 4, IMHO. Every day this week as I walked to my truck after I work, I was aware that a week from now it would be dark when I went home. I couldn't help but think, is it so bad that it is still light out and I am walking to my car, I am not leaving in the dark??? Regardless, I can't help but think about the solstice, and when the days finally start to stretch out longer again. It would be so different living closer to the equator and not having the defined seasons, and the stretched out days, and then nights. Or having a climate that never really changed much. Sure we have the rain, and the drizzle, and the mist, and the grey days, but it just isn't the same as those sunny climes.

The laundry is done. It is such a relief - last week I spent my Monday off trying to get it all done, only to have it still sitting around in varying piles around the house pretty much until yesterday, only to start the process again. Some weeks I am a rockstar with keeping the house tidy, other weeks, I just wish it was more of a priority so it wasn't so messy. I'm not saying that my house becomes a complete disaster, just needing that hour or so of undistracted tidying up and putting things back to their proper places, putting shoes away, and hanging hats back up, that mundane stuff that for me seems to start to slip in priority sequence by Wednesday. When the chips are down, I figure that must mean my priorities aren't that off, because it is family first, and then rest will figure itself out at the end of the day.

So, that's about it. My calves still hurt from Friday. Apparently I probably should have lifted my heels up more on that damn elliptical machine. I am reading a great book with a totally unorthodox narrator, which I am just about to get back to.

The art of the 'stache

You know it is fall in Canada when the Grey Cup run starts. The slightly less ostentatious cousin of the Superbowl down south.

Well, our local Lions are sporting their 'staches. I think this is awesome. No playoff beards for these guys - the all the bit the shavers and trimmed up the goatees and soul tabs, and are all sporting the mustache for their playoff run. That is right up there with the gals of hockey ceasing to shave their legs on their playoff run. I wish we could fill the stands like they do for the games down south, it is an amazing experience when you are in a crowd of close to a 100,000 people cheering on your team...but for what we have, we can play a damn good game of football and we have crammed the folks in to the dome on more than one occasion.

It's been a quiet day - I really needed the nap I ended up having in the afternoon with Brandon - you know when your mood is flat, and you really aren't that exciting of a person, and you know that coffee isn't going to help you any? Give up the fight, and just catch some Zzzzzzs. Sleep is not over rated. The last week has been full of interruptions because of Brandon's cough and him waking himself up and crying, and hopefully we are at the tail end of it now. I have felt it in my mood, and at times, my lack of my usual patience and nauseating levels of cheeriness. I was just flat today, up until that nap. We even slept in a little!! Funny how you can rob the sleep bank only for so long and then you need to replenish it.

My body doth protest.

Lesson in Life #4682

It is not always wise to buy shoes on ebay, no matter how attractive the price may be.

A 10, is not always a 10 in the world of shoes as I have come to appreciate.

See, I finally got off my ass today and went to the gym here at work on my lunch hour. I have been saying this for years, and well, it has been years since my shade graced the halls of a gym. My goal is to do 25 minutes on the elliptical trainer, the 4 days a week I work. The last 3 weeks I wake up at the godforsaken hour that I do, and well, choose not to grab a bag of workout gear.

However, I figure that after the chocolate binge the other day, I should at least attempt some kind of exercise.

Ironically enough, it wasn't the exercise that was the killer. It was my shoes. I had pins and needles happening down there, and my big toes hurt, pressed up at the end of my shoes.

I went for the good deal and bought my last cross trainers on ebay. Such a great deal I now need a new pair that doesn't deter me from exercise, because frankly, I don't need the help. I guess I will bite the bullet and *gulp* buy the damn things in person and actually try them on before I buy them! Who knew?

When I got off the machine, I nearly fell forward between the hurting feet and just that odd feeling of getting off one of those machines and the world just isn't right for a few steps. I hope I can keep this up - in a few months, it may help to trim off a little extra me. Or, just mean that I am better at keeping up with Junior!

I will give it a shot.

After watching Nej post. And Post. And post. And post last year, I wondered, what would it be like to watch my voice evolve over a month of posting and take part in the NaBloPoMo challenge.

So, here it is. After fighting with that badge to make it link back to their website, I am rolling over and have decided to let it stand as is - a badge.

Last night was cool - Brandon was an elephant and we did the big family tour instead of the hallowe'ening around the 'hood. Out net connection at home is on the fritz, so I haven't been able to upload any recent pics, or ones of the cool pumpkins we did the other night. I love the great pumpkin holiday - the different smells in the air, people out and about in costume, the fireworks (the loot in a few years), and in a quiet moment after everything is said and done, remembering our dead but not forgotten on this eve where they say the veil between the worlds is the thinnest. I think it sucks that so many municipalities have banned the sale of fireworks, yes, I know it gets out of hand sometimes, but come'on. There are so many other ways to hurt ourselves, why don't you give most of us the agency to continue to make that choice for ourselves. Oh yes. Big Brother is watching. Must protect the masses from themselves. Insert an eye roll here.

It was a quiet night around our place - a few bursts of sound, a few kids, but all in all, we have an older neighborhood. Then again, if Brandon was a little older, I may be tempted to take him in to one of those new neighborhoods of condos - I bet that is where a lot of the kids end up! Why spend an hour walking around a big neighborhood to hit 50 houses when you can hit 50 houses in 5 minutes???? Or even the mall??? Honestly, both these options seem wrong to me (for different reasons, see below) especially going to the mall. Perhaps that is my own bias because I am not a mall rat and don't really want to go there unless I absolutely have to.

*PS* I should qualify here - I guess I find the mall wrong, well, just because it is a little too much of a sterile environment and the commercial aspects of it all (plus, apparently their candy sucks)... and about taking your kids to a neighborhood with lots of houses, I am all for that, what gets me here on the west coast is how all of the new development that is happening is blocks of condos, and really dense housing with very little space between folks, very little green space, and so uniform I can't help but react to it. Even though our space isn't that big, we have green space around us, we can't see our neighbors, and we have privacy, things I really value. We are close enough to everything without being in people's pockets. I was a city kid in my early 20s when I wanted to party and be where the action was, now, I would rather be halfway out and in the burbs.

*PSS* I talked to my mom and they only got 12 kids... I think it is more fun on Halloween to go where the crowds are, feel the vibe, check out every one else's costumes.. etc. It is a great night for every sized kid

Postcard day.

Getting in my car this morning I couldn't believe that I am actually getting used to being in the car at 7am and not in between the covers, pretending I didn't have to get up soon.

It helps that we don't play snooze tag. That was a horrible habit to break, but looking back, it seems so senseless to torture yourself with the snooze tag game, bribing yourself for 9 more minutes of sleep, and altering the time so you weren't quite sure how fast your clock was to help motivate you out of bed. I guess when you realize that if you don't get in to work you don't get paid, it becomes enough motivation that you get your ass out of bed and shimmy up to the coffee gods to help pry those eyes open and make sure that you are alert enough for the ride in.

So, about the postcard moment. Today dawned crisp and clear with a full harvest moon slowly sinking in the midnight blue sky. It was a beautiful morning, with the painted skies of the east, and my breath hanging in the air. I love fall - the changing colours, the crispness (when we actually dry out some), and the unexpected warmth when the sun comes out. My new work place has so many more outside spaces, and windows, and better places for cheaper coffee (for that 3pm pick me up to get me through the day). I am getting out for more walks, and my legs warm up by the time I am halfway to my office from the walk in from the car. Quite a novel concept - I actually am aware of passing time...it is kind of hard not to be when you get in to your car and it is still dark out!!!!

T G I F. And I know I am in the honeymoon period of getting to know new people at work, but I am with a good crew. We have a good vibe going on, and some laughs. I think we are pulling together as a team, and I have a new friend in the deal. Much more and better than I expected. Plus I got paid today, and the increase is nice. Of course, this coincides with the need for minor car repairs and tires. Funny how that works out.

Tonight Ken went to hockey and Brandon and I hooked up with some old friends at The Grill. Not nearly as good as our dinner at the Cannery a few weeks ago (how do you compare an Italian meal (I do pasta well, so does Ken) to a romantic gourmet seafood dinner, the view, and the food we enjoyed over the several hours we feasted) but the ambiance was good and they were well geared towards kids. I have forgotten what it is like to drive downtown - the traffic, the bloody construction, and the thinking that you found a shortcut which really takes you in and out through the west end in a damned Gordian knot. I also pulled off a parking stunt - I hate how little street parking there is (or any kind of parking) in the city, and being someone who hates to pay to park, and never has cash on them for a valet, I scored a sweet spot about a block away from the restaurant. Of course it was permit only. Which I have never had. I did however cross my fingers and hope that the parking gestapo had far better things to do than to ticket a car on a side ride, a little off the beaten track on a friday night in the city. Nothing like that big sigh of relief when you check the dash and you have gotten away with your parking job!!! And free parking to boot!!!

Traffic sucked coming home. A few events going on, and traffic was almost like rush hour. At 10:30 pm!!!! WTF??

I was also relieved that today is Friday. Brandon has not been sleeping well this week and it has made it a really long. long, long week for me. Tuesday night he was up so much I felt like a mack truck had plowed through me. I had a full on nap that day. I was knackered. I have been starting to put him down just after 8, you know, that process of a bath and bottle and rock and b'feed (although that is just about done now, sigh), and comfort, and books... and close to 10 is when he nods off. Then the wake ups with the teething, etc. And our colds (yes, I am going on a good whinge) but the nice spin off about going out tonight - he was asleep in the truck within 5 minutes of pulling away from the curb, and when I got home, it was about 2 minutes to sleep after I pulled off his pants and pulled up the covers.

Brilliant. The quiet time is glorious. I am going to go and dive in to my book. Tomorrow I am going to try to update Brandon's blog after we go out searching for the great pumpkin.

Autumn.

It's been damn hard to sit down and compose a few thoughts. Just been too damn busy.

It has been pouring. Literally buckets full of rain. Yesterday when the rains stopped and we had a clear, sunny day... it is hard to describe how it smelled - of course everything had that fresh smell after a rain, but there was something else - the ground was sodden, and almost a rich, fertile smell. Wet ground. Fallen leaves. Humidity. An expected day where the mercury goes up over 20 Celsius. And the incredibly short days of Autumn. The trees are beautiful - a symphony of colours and potentially striking pictures to take, if those rains hold off and the sun comes out.

Hopefully this weekend we will make it out to an old fashioned pumpkin patch - we made it to a smaller version of one a few weeks back and took Brandon on his first train ride, but now I want to go and get our feet dirty and wander around the great orange squashes.

I love this time of the year, and I guess I see it through slightly different eyes. Ever since my friend Kelz came over and spent time here (she is originally from Oz) and seeing the changing seasons through her eyes (there not being much changes down south where she is from) and watching the wonder as she gathered and then sent home different shapes and colours... I make sure I take the time to enjoy the fleeting splashes of colour, different than spring, no less lovely.

I like my new job. It is a breath of fresh air. I can't believe just how stressful my last job was - and not because my job was rocket science, but what it had become. Change is supposed to be as good as a vacation some times, and this job change has done wonders for my soul. I like the new environment, my broom closet office is more than adequate, and I have been left alone to slowly take in my new job, get the lay of the land, and feel good about where I am at before their version of chaos starts. Although after talking to my coworker (whom ironically enough came from a similar situation and had to take the same kind of leap of faith coming off of a maternity leave), I think that their version of chaos, and what I have gone through in the past are vastly different and this job will continue to be a cake walk compared to the shit I used to deal with.

Strange Books.

I felt mildly guilty for not getting to the book I was supposed to read for my book club this month. I got over it, with everything else that has been going on.

I have picked up a few interesting reads of note in the last while. I am trying to read more Canadian lit in an attempt to balance off some of the more grisly titles that I have been going for.

I find it interesting what is considered to be "literature" and what is "mainstream" and what is considered to be "pocketbooks". I guess the thing about books is that there are always a range of opinions out there - I like looking at some of the big booksellers websites and seeing what other folks have to say about what I am reading - I generally tend to do this after I finish, or if I am having a particularly hard time getting through the book in front of me to see if it is worth the time to finish. Generally I do finish what I start so I can have a full and vocal opinion about the work, but if it is that bad or just not my thing, I let it go. Kind of like Lamb's She's Come Undone. Very popular. As far as I am concerned, complete shit and not my cup of tea. I don't think I got through more than 40 pages of that one. And the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, I have tried this one a few times, only to fall off the wagon about 100 pages in. I can't see a third or fourth attempt being tried.

I read the Summer of my Amazing Luck by Toews. It is a quirky, somewhat funny, look in to single parent life in the wilds of Winnipeg. I had no idea of what to expect from this book, but it was a good read, and a pretty fast one at that. This book gives voice to a story you don't often hear, it is a story of survival, and it draws you in.

I also just finishing reading Fall on your Knees by MacDonald. What a strange book. What an incredibly fucked up book at times. There were times I wondered if I could make it through the 700 odd pages of this tome, and times I raced through the pages, wondering what could possibly happen next. Was it as good as some of the critics would have you believe? I don't think so. Is it a complete write-off and waste of time like others suggest?? Nope. It lies somewhere in the middle. There are parts of this book that are beautifully written, and the characters are remarkable, even if they aren't always likable. This is a dark, sad novel at times. It deals with really dark topics - like incest, and rape, and death, sexuality, twisted familial relationships, but it is also about survival, and hope and multiculturalism, and growing up resilient on the east coast of Canada. At times I was shocked and appalled by this book, there were a few things that really didn't need to be written about, but I guess that is the sign of (at the very least) a provocative book. I reacted strongly at times, I was pissed off and frustrated, and I also felt sympathy and sadness, and I think I even laughed a few times. I was relieved when this book was done, to get away from some of the images, and to wonder about why so much Canadian literature is so sad, or deals with such fucked up themes. I couldn't help but recall this one wrong scene of a boy and a cow in another book (Cure for Death by Lightning, a disappointingly weird BC book) and question this twisted thread that seems to run through some so'called big L literary books. I can't come out and say that this is a good or great book, but it is well crafted, it definitely has a story to tell, it is an interesting read, it is hard to stay neutral about this book, and it isn't bad. You could definitely spark off a good conversation about this read, and perhaps at the end of the day, that makes this a worthy read.

A cold.

Last night I felt truly pathetic. I got hammered by the first cold I have had in ages. My head was pounding, I had the attention span of gnat, I couldn't breath, I had a lovely red (and somewhat tender) nose like Rudolf, and I felt overall lousy.

I felt like a pathetic whiner with a mere cold, and frankly, I half enjoyed that awareness - only as much as I hoped like hell that the cold wasn't about to take a turn for the worse.

I was even in bed by 9'o'clock. Apparently I needed a really good sleep because I woke up this morning feeling at least marginally better, and when I got home tonight, I felt like I was a little more on the ball to interact with Brandon.

The new job is going well - a lot less stressful than what I have been dealing with, and although it is completely different (while having similar undercurrents to what I was doing) there is a big learning curve to learn what my institution is all about. I am getting there - the big picture is starting to make sense, and come next week, I will more than likely be diving in to my training feet first. I am even working with people my own age!!!!! It is a very quiet office, so me and the woman I will be working closely with have already bonded because we are about the same age, with toddlers, and booming voices. Plus we both took a leap of faith and made the jump right after a mat leave to come to this new place of employment. Nice to work with someone who truly gets where you are coming from - a bit of a novel feeling when your next closest coworker is about 20 years older than you.... and we both shared a laugh because we have both been told we are "too loud"... which is a genetic gift and one you can try to tone down, but seems to break free and loose every now and then... It is nice to not have as much customer contact and hide out and take the time to learn my job - my daycare lady made a comment that I am already looking less stressed - she had no idea this morning what was running through my head, but I guess she is right. I am not running myself ragged at work, and even though I am the newbie, I think I am relaxing in to my new role... although there have been a few moments where I feel like a lost child looking for a parent, or like a deer in the headlights.

Testing something out.

So, on a whim, I am making this my avatar here. Just cause.

Turkey.

It's been a strange holiday of sorts. Watched the coed game friday night, did some stuff around the house saturday, and then we went to Ken's men's hockey game, and then to his side's family dinner for dessert - they didn't do a turkey - they ordered in chinese food??!!! So it was a strange evening in a way, it didn't feel like a special "holiday", more like a social family gathering. Today I was up to my ears in laundry (now that I wear more than plaid pants around the house it seems like I go through my entire wardrobe on a weekly basis) and food shopping, and making apple pies. My side family dinner was actually better than they have been - more laughter, more relaxed, and Brandon is a great distraction and a lot of fun. Plus we get to talk about the upcoming wedding, and that is always interesting too.

Been odd times with my ma (again). Some of the things that come out of her mouth, or the thing she says and/or does without thinking through floor me. Today, I was cleaning in the kitchen after dinner and overheard snippets of a conversation she was having with my Aunt and Ken's mom, and she was talking about my gran, and how she is doing since her hip replacement. Well, these were updates I haven't even heard yet (not that I even caught everything)- it really pissed me off. Why do I have to beg my mom for information about my gran?? I am just going to say fuck it, and get the info for myself. It bugs me that she doesn't call me (within reason) after she talks to my Aunt on the island to fill me in - the thought doesn't even seem to cross her mind - yup, thanks mom. Grrrrrr. As you can tell, that just pisses me off. I guess ultimately, I am an adult and have to take charge of what matters to me, and if I don't like how things are being handled, so it is time to do something about it.

It bothers me that I haven't been feeling all that close to my mom. Brandon has done amazing things for my relationship with my dad, but not with my mom. It has driven us further apart at times over the last 2 years. I have talked to a few friends, and this doesn't seem to be all that unique of a phenomena, but it isn't easy. I guess your mom has ideas on how to raise kids, and well, you are just figuring out your own, and then there is all the rest of the baggage you have too from growing up together and being moms and daughters. Not easy relationships all the time. I'm not quite sure how to make it better, or how to ride it out, or how to bridge the gap at times. I know I am telling half stories here, but there have been a bunch of little things - like my mom asked me to come up the other day (we co-own the house together with separate spaces) and talk about some financial stuff, I sit down on the couch next to my dad to say hey, I am here for the talk and he looks at me and asks me, "what talk." Then I look like an ass when I ask him if he has talked to mom about it yet.. and then the financial stuff, well, my stuff was done 3 weeks ago and their part is in limbo - it'll get done tomorrow (heard that a few times). Well we need that stuff done to get a few other projects done. It is hard not being in control and waiting on other folks to do their part, especially when it is your folks!

Then there was a late invitation for Ken's mom to come to dinner. It became a bit of a "big deal", which is so strange, and ended up so wonderfully in the end. It was a bit of a trauma during the week, but I am glad that things worked out because she does fit in with our crew, and as far as I am concerned, we are all family, so the more the merrier. I look forward to the days when we have a bigger place and we can really entertain, even if it is just dinner parties. 6 people here in the living room and you have a crowd and not everyone has a seat. It was weird how long it took to get something happening with Ken's side of the family too, anticlimactic in a sense. So I took the bull by the horns to at least settle on the time and place for their side Christmas dinner since my side gets Christmas this year (ah yes, that Christmas dance of splitting time between families... I wonder how long that will work for us until we just say, hey, we are doing our thing, come to us...or who knows..)

I think I am just babbling at this point. Typing to see myself think on paper. It must be some kind of post-turkey-something-or-other.

Phew.

It's been a damn long week.

So much to say, so little time to sit and just hammer away the keyboard and post some meaning(ful) bits on the old blog.

4 more days of the old job after tomorrow's holiday, and then in for a whole new cup of tea. Well, not so new, but new location, new employer, some new responsibilities, and perhaps that chance for much, much more. It will be interesting to see what a year will do and where I/we are at a year from now.

It was good, got to catch up with a few g'friends on the phone this week - and I am trying to catch up with the rest and not doing so well. The "old" job is getting marginally better - I am getting more of a chance to get caught up, and this week I will wrap up my job and attempt to leave it "in good standing". I don't believe in burning any bridges. I think it will be a few lunches, and on Friday they are going to do a bit of an open house so people can swing by and see me off. 10 years!!! I can't believe it was 10 years ago, as a wet behind the ears kid I started out in my present career.

Now that is a real wake up call that a) I need some new clothes because I know some of the clothes I used to wear 10 years ago are still in my closet and b) Change is not such a bad thing, apparently it is also linked to growth c) with new clothes, comes new shoes! YAY! Hell, I am even considering a jacket - the leather jacket I have is a hand me down from my grandpa... perhaps now we can swing it and get me one that fits me... and no matter how cool that jacket is, it has never been a perfect fit....

Man, sometimes it just smacks you in the face that you make do with what you have, make some shopping excursions, but with an eye on the price tag and the coupons, and the sales to make every dollar stretch to its limit. I think I will try to cut loose a bit in the next few weeks up and pick up some current items - like funky shoes that fit and don't make my feet hurt like hell by the end of the day, that I didn't buy on ebay (that almost fit but you can't really take back).

This whole week feels like a blur of extra hours (trying to not feel the pinch of paying back the overtaken vacation as much) and my last night shifts, and trying to keep our house together, and god only knows what else.

The rains are back

Storm #1 of the season is strolling on through and dumping copious amounts of rain on us. I knew that fall had officially started when that event coincided with that funky smell your house gets the first time you turn your heat on again after the summer months.

With an older furnace like ours, you breath a sigh of relief when it does kick on!! What a low key, house keeping driven weekend it has been. I was completely done on Friday night. When I put Brandon to bed, I ended up putting myself to bed too!! I barely remember waking up at some point to haul my ass out of bed to take my contacts out. Regardless of the fact that I am leaving my job - this is an incredibly stressful time at work. It is chaos. We are short staffed, and from what I can tell - we don't really have a real plan in place for training. We went out for lunch on Friday afternoon and my beer tasted like more - but I held back since I didn't want to get started..

I am most of the way through laundry, got the fish tank cleaned out and the fishes are swimming around gleefully - happy that their water isn't heavy with their excrement anymore! The filter is good, but no filter is that damn good over a few months. I am sure that if I spent more time at it getting it done every couple of months instead of every few months, it wouldn't be so bad, but it isn't one of those jobs that you jump up and down volunteering for. Did the vacuuming, cleaned out part of my closet - let go of a few more items of clothing that I really don't see myself wearing in the future, regardless of fit. I am sure I could bore you with the litany of household tasks I have attempted this weekend, but my weekend probably would sound like your weekend. This working monday to friday, somewhat 9-5 means that the weekends are catch up time, and if you are really lucky, time to get out and do something fun. The fun part will be postponed because this is a catch up weekend. The thing about this weekend, I don't think I could have slept enough. Definitely feeling greedy when it comes to sleep.

My gram is back in the hospital. Aging sucks. So is talking to my mom about it - I find that her way of telling me how things is going with her doesn't really work for me. I guess because it is my dad's mom, or who knows. Maybe part of it is her convoluted thinking and way of putting things out there. I still worry, and that she is on the island makes it that much more difficult to "pop over" for a visit.

I quit.

Amazing the power of those 2 little words.

I can't believe that I am really jumping ship and going to a different institution. It feels great - especially when I have had a taste of the training that is going to be happening around here, especially with 4 new staff!! RUN AWAY!

It is a step up, more or less a promotion, more dollars attached to it, and a slightly different learning curve. Saying good bye is strange, it isn't like I am leaving on bad terms, I have made many friendships over the years, but I am leaving nonetheless.

I see fellow coworkers and clients, and there is no really easy way to say "I quit". Ok, maybe I am saying it like that for the dramatic effect, but the result is the same. I am taking a leap of faith and hoping that those greener fields do work out for me. I have had a few emotional moments, realizing that many work relationships will end now (face it, who has time to maintain some of the casual friends you make because you work in the same place, life moves on and your point of contact has too) and I will learn new routines, and have a bunch of new habits.

I haven't really had a chance to personally tell a lot of people, with our staff shortage my days are going far quicker than I imagined - wrapping things up and jumping in where needed. I have also overhauled part of our office, leaving a definite mark that I was here. Then I have been exhausted the last few nights, I think this has been a bit of ride, and well, I can't wait for the weekend and I am so glad that we have not been planned up the ying yang because the down time is really needed. Last weekend I had a chance to putter in the garden, and we got our for a great family walk. The break between the chaos is needed.

Only 10 more days here! It feels different than when I went away on my maternity leave.. this is for real, I am not coming back - my supervisor is even going to move in to my office when I leave! As you can tell, I am a little excited. I have tried to make this change a few times and been blocked, it is nice that the barriers have been removed and I am moving on up.