There are a few times in my life where I really figured that I had a handle on things, and then it seems that the rug shifted beneath my feet, and nothing was as I thought it was, and somewhere along the line, lo and behold, there I went changing again.
In this particular moment, I feel like a work in progress. So aware of some things - I definitely can feel that nesting need coming on (nicely identified Candy) and then that is coupled with the "urge to purge" and the ability to actually let go of things that I have held on to for so many years I have forgotten why it was so important to hold on to those things. Or ideas. Or so unsure of others, where does that momentary insecurity come from? Need to feel like you are on the right track? That rush of emotions that just makes you wonder, and go, WTF??!! Then I distract myself with the cleaning tactic. I feel like I am back in university and avoiding studying or writing an exam - must clean instead!! My room used to never be as clean as the day before a big essay was due. Such a funny thing procrastination.
Clarity in communication seems to be coming up these days. More so with my online class, and then a few issues cropping up around the place of employment. I find that I am sifting through my repsonses, and taking my time more than usual before I respond to things. I feel more protective of myself, my position, and not willing to jeopardize my integrity or position.
And now I also realize it isn't about just me about more. I really have the makings of a family happening here. It is really cool. I have to watch my stress, not over-extending myself, not saying yes to too many things and finding myself fried and crispy at the end of the day, or the week. I thought I was mature before, but now it is a different kind of maturity. It helps refocus some of the other stuff, and be glad for the simpler things too - being loved, being healthy, moving in to the future instead of languishing in the past.
1 comment:
I know that feeling of cleaning the house to avoid doing something else. But hey, at least it's better than not getting something done while I avoid something else, right? In the end, it's a Good Thing. :)
As for feeling like a work in progress, I like to think we're always a Work in Progress.
If we're lucky, we'll never come to the end of our To Do list. We just have to make sure we keep adding worthwhile things to the list, while not being frustrated that the annoying things are not always getting crossed off.
Hey, at least our house will be clean.
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