Yikes!

I think I am really looking forward to playing hockey tonight. My mood has done a weird funky chicken today, at some points I have felt great, other times lazy as hell, at other times just blah. It will be nice to leave it all on the ice. I need to get better at incorporating exercise in to my daily regime. I feel so much better when it is there, seems like my schedule has been wonky enough that it just hasn't happened yet on a consistent basis. It is like I have weekly "resolutions" of what I should be doing and I think I half sabotage myself. I should be trying to get out and at least walk every day, I should be making sure the house doesn't fly to pieces by thursday night (ok, it is just that things are out of place and need to be put to rights) , I should be eating better all the time. Ah, the tyranny of the shoulds. All you can do is try, and when you stumble, wallow for just that second, dust yourself off, and get right back up again.

Then there is the human factor, and shit happens. You have a bad day at work, you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, you miss your bus, you end up not being in the mood to eat the lunch you packed. These things happen and you have to be flexible enough to be able to roll with it. Some days it is harder to shake.

Like yesterday, I got lots done but at times it felt really uphill. Picked up something from Puro-later and then went to drop off our empties and got stopped by a train, for almost 20 minutes, which was my second train of the day! Nothing like sitting in the car stewing over something you can't control, especially when the train stops and starts moving backwards, only to resume forward motion again and you wonder whether or not you are foolish to fit in another errand before you head to the doctors! Or going to Cosstco and getting a script filled, only to have them be able to fill about a 1/3 of what you were picking up but they did fix my glasses for free and I got out of their cheaply. Or getting to your mechanic, and getting a really big problem fixed, two actually, only to have another one crop up. It felt like one of those days where something would come together as something didn't. I hate that I end up feeling like I am whining when I go off about stuff like this - ultimately I am healthy, secure in who I am, in my relationship, but there are these little hurdles that you just deal with. It is what we all do - because I think life is a series of checks and balances, some good and some bad, and there are indeed moments when life does take your breathe away, usually when you least expect it.

Most of today was really nice - slept in, went out for lunch with Ken's mom and then to the casino for a bit, read my book, lazed around. Funnily enough, even just venting about this here has helped put things a little bit more in perspective again - a little moment before I work my way back in to optimism!