Old, new, and renewed.

Today has been a funny day.

Started with a bang at aircare, and now I am pretty much packed to head out for a weekend trip to a small lake in the interior for some fishing! I am looking forward to it, but this week off has gone by way too quickly and it feels like a headlong rush in to the weekend.

I hooked up with an old girlfriend this morning and it was like a piece of the puzzle coming back in to place.

I like where I am at now, and in some moments, it is so crystal clear that no matter what seems to be hurdles in the road, I have what counts. I have my partner, whom I really love and has brought so many positive changes in my life, by being him and his loving me for me, by being supportive, and being partners together, facing all that comes at us with a united front. I have a few dear, close friends that I really appreciate, and the clutter of acquaintances have been trimmed down. I love our place, our cats, our backyard, I love what the future holds. I am very grateful. It sounds like gushing, but this thing called life isn't always easy, and sometimes it is hard to see the wood through the trees, but you gotta embrace the good bits.

It is bizarre that this real clarity sometimes hits me when I have had glimpses of the past, and where I have come from, and whether or not those pieces are going to come in to the future with me. Aging is funny, because you see the past with 20/20 vision and you realize that there were times of your life that ring less true or more true than others. And this is where seeing C. this morning was so wonderful. We have always gotten on well, and spoken the same language (when it really came down to it). C. found an amazing man several years ago and has built an amazing family around her. It took me a longer to find that man for me, and I think to go through several versions of myself until I am where I am today, feet more solidly on the ground. There was time for us both to grow, and grow more solidly in to who we are. I still had to go through some hurts, and I think learn how to slow right down and enjoy the present moment more, I guess strip things down to the basics, and focus more on the people and things I wanted to count, rather than bits of everything because it was shiny and different and filled up the spaces in my life that I used to have. This morning was a relief, because I have hooked up with a few "old" friends in the last while, and it hasn't been that great of an experience the last few times (will avoid unnecessary whining here) and this time it was really positive, a breath of fresh air, and I was even on TIME!!!

I have to come to realize that you can reach a crossroads in any friendship in which you go in one direction, and the other went in another and the parts in common are moving further and further away in to the past. That has happened a bit in the last few years and it has nothing to do with physical distance, it is emotional distance.

Nothing like visiting some really fun past experiences, and the not so good experiences, the trials, the tribulations, the knowing that there were times where you left some of your friends behind because they weren't at that place, only to discover that you have caught up with each other again without it being an effort. The last year or so has been marked by the old and new, and me reinventing myself to a degree, and renewing some of the old but in different terms.

When you get excited about your family together (no matter how big and small), and crafts, and books, and music, and life, and the moments that take your breath away and they are pretty similar, you know you are back on track again in a friendship. Somewhere when you weren't looking you were already growing back to the same path.

I love that email that goes around about a "reason, season, and a lifetime" and how it describes people who enter (and sometimes leave) your life. That things do happen for a reason. It is hard letting go of those "season" people, but it frees you to enjoy the lifetime friends/relationships more, and I guess figure out the growing you did from the reason/season types.

This is another aspect of time, you realize that there are so many hours in the day and that the people you contact/stay in touch with are the people that count, because sharing that time is valuable.